Like a Big Pizza Pie

A Gunslinger Girl and Harvest Moon cross-over fan fiction by:

Section 2

Chapter 1 by: Sintendo

Day 1

Note: Here's a fun little diddy I wrote, just because Neo-byzantium (Over at the GSG boards) was wondering what kind of cross-overs we could come up with. Being the jack-ass that I am, I suggested 8 stupid ones and two that were rather feasible (the two that I considered feasible were a Haibane Renmei or a Monster Hunter Cross-over). Little did I know that the second to last suggestion I made (Harvest Moon) would go over so well with everyone at the boards.

If you haven't played any Harvest Moon games, basically it's a farm simulator… yeah…

Anyways, this story is dedicated to everyone at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" forums, especially Sheo Darren (For the hilarious Farmer-Claes fic "A Picture Is Worth Your Life" that pushed me to do this). It's primarily a rant on the game itself (even though I love it to death) and it's neat little quirks that everyone else in the virtual town seem to ignore.

And one last thing: everyone in this story WILL be out of character…

I had no idea who this man and what his connection to my father was, yet I was compelled to follow his every move. As he led me past the interiors of what appeared to be a dormitory, the feeling of nostalgia welled from within. I know this place, but from where? These walls were a portrait of something that I cherished long ago; something that was supposed to be important.

He spoke to me as we walked, telling me things I should have known…

"Your father," he began, "You could say he was a good friend of mine."

Not that I cared.

"Oh, by the way, my name is Lorenzo," he tipped his hat – an odd mixture of top hat and derby – and continued escorting me, eventually leading me outside, "As you already know, he was a man of peace and relaxation. However, such tranquility cannot be gained without hard work. During your father's younger years, he and I worked this land; tilling the fields, tending to the crops, etcetera. He was very specific on what he wanted me to do."

"And that is?" I finally spoke.

He pointed to an empty field before me, "This is yours."

I glanced at the field; nothing but tall grass, weeds, and – for some reason – logs. It was almost as if they were placed there by the hands of some god.

"I'm sorry if it seems a little dilapidated," Lorenzo said, "But it's been a long while since your father left this place."

"Ok…," I wondered, "Is this one of those 'If you build it, they will come' sort of things? 'Cuz ya know… apparently we're in a top secret government institution and if I do build 'it', 'they' will not come."

"Don't be a smartass, young lady." He sighed.

"You're the one who dragged me from my perch in the library, telling me something important has come up. What is it that my 'father' wants? Where is he, anyways?"

For as long as I can remember, I've spent my entire life in this institution – The Social Welfare Agency, they call it – being myself: the natural bookworm, even thought it feels as though I did something else more gratuitous and violent just the day before. My father was never around. Any personnel I asked would often sway the topic in another direction, or say that he was extremely busy. What kind of a bastard would never visit their own child?

No matter; I was happy with my current life – however short that may be or have been…

"I'm very sorry, but he passed away a few days ago." Lorenzo was solemn while I was not. How could I feel sorry for a man I never knew?

"And he left me this? Instead of money?"

"Yes," Lorenzo instantly perked up, standing on his heels as a physical gesture of giddyness, "Though there are some requirements…"

"Such as?"

"Ahem," He retrieved a small scrap of paper from his shirt pocket and said, "This is the requirements that your father laid upon you in order for you to legally own this land. 1) Care for, and maintain the land, 2) Grow at least 20 units of 20 different crops, 3) Raise at least 4 animals, 4) Upgrade your room to at least a 2 bedroom living quarters—"

"Hold on a minute," I interjected, "That sounds suspiciously like a game…"

Lorenzo began to sweat ice cubes; not like a pig, because they don't sweat, but more like a Poison Dart frog.

I think I was on to something…

"Ahem," he nervously cleared his throat, "If I may finish…. The final requirement; number 5) Get married."

"Excuse me? I'm only 13 years old! I doubt that's legal, you pervert."

"Ahem," Lorenzo cleared his throat once again, "Follow me and I'll show you the tool shed."

The tool shed was exactly that: a wooden shed made to store tools, nothing special. But this man, this weird looking and foul smelling man, was apparently into the entire tool "thing". He went into a lecture for every single tool.

"This is your standard tool, a hoe, though this one is kind of rusty and a bit used…," he picked up to tool (I was surprised I wasn't on the floor and laughing my ass off at the barrage of innuendo right now…), "You use this to break up caked dirt so that air can be mixed into—"

"—into the soil so it can be suitable for raising plants, yada, yada, yada," I yawned, "A child knows what a hoe is for, what a shovel is for, what a rake is for, what a—" I picked up an odd device that resembled a rubber and steel squid, "…what the hell is this?"

"That?" Lorenzo smiled, "That is a cow milker."

I tossed the disgusting machine onto the floor, "Ew. Ew. Ew. Can we leave now?"

"If you wish," he motioned for me to follow, "This way to your new room."

"New room? What's wrong with the library?"

"You can't sleep in the library floor forever. Besides, you'll have a new roommate as well."

"Greeeat," I thought, "Just wonderful."

He led me back into the building that was located right before the field. Inside, we passed a few doors before he eventually presented to me my new room. Inside was rather plain and lacking in the decorations department – save for a half dozen stuffed bears on a shelf. Also accenting the neutral room was a plain bunk bed, a coffee table, a tv, a pair of dressers and matching drawers, a pair of (rather comfortable looking) chairs, and even a kitchen (Fridge and sink included)! Just one question lingered in the back of my head: Where the hell is the bathroom?

"You'll be sharing this room with a girl named Triela." Lorenzo told me.

"She sounds like a hag," I noted to myself, then, "Well, is there anything else you need to tell me? Like, you know… where my dad is buried so I can, at least, visit his grave and mourn for his passing and other such 'daughterly' business?"

Lorenzo was quick to answer, "He was cremated."

"Where's his ashes?"

"In the middle of the Mediterranean."

"How did he die?"

"He drowned."

"In the Mediterranean?"

"No, in his bathtub."

Well this was getting me nowhere fast…

"Well, I have to go now," Lorenzo said after an odd moment's silence, "Feel free to explore the entire campus from now on," he turned to leave, but spun around again and said, "By the way; you should name your farm."

"No thanks." I said.

"Please give your farm a name."

"I said I don't want to."

"Please give your farm a name."

"No."

"Please give your farm a name." He was like a robot!

"Fine!" I gave up, "Green. The farm's name is 'Green Farm'."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"What was your name again?"

I couldn't believe how stupid this man was, "Claes" I responded.

"Are you sure?"

"What the hell do you mean, 'Am I sure'? Of course I'm sure!"

"Well then, I'll be off. If you ever need help, don't ask me because I don't know a thing when it comes to farming."

So here's a wrap-up of what has happened so far: I was pulled away from my snug life as a dedicated reader, I was given a farm by my recently deceased father (who drowned), I was given a new room with a roommate who seems to be the furry type, and I have a hoe in my hands.

Awesome.

Seeing as how I had nothing else to do today, I began to start work on clearing the god-forsaken mess of a land that my father left me. Now this may seem wired to you, but for some weird reason, I am only allowed to carry two items. Try as I might, whenever I try to pick up a third item, one of my currently held tools disappear! It's like magic, only less magical and more annoying.

"Why, oh why can't I just be left alone and die reading in peace?"

I started off by clearing the rocks and boulders that littered the field. It's amazing what a few hits of a hammer can do to rocks; but the work was tiring and by mid-afternoon, I was exhausted with only half the field cleared of rocks and whatever weeds I happened to pass by.

"Jesus Christ, it's like a football field!" Soccer, to you Americans out there.

I decided to call it a day; it was already dark, I was tired, and the wolves were out… howling… from somewhere… in Rome?

Back in my room, I found that a dark girl was already inside, assembling what appeared to be a meal.

"Howdy," she said to me, "You must be the new girl." It sounded as though she were reading from a script.

"Excuse me?" It felt as thought I've known this girl for nearly my entire life, but I couldn't quite figure out from when and where.

"I'm Triela, your roommate." She seemed unimpressed at my appearance.

"Well, my name's Claes." I tried to be kind.

"Not gonna even bother trying to remember that." She began grazing on her meal.

"Is that dinner?" I asked. I hadn't even noticed how hungry I was until I smelled how wonderful the slop she was forcing down her throat smelled, as awful as it appeared.

"Yeah, my dinner."

"May I have some?"

"Ha!" she nearly snorted, "'Round here, you have to work to live, and I haven't seen you work one bit."

"I was out in the fields!"

"I didn't see you."

Triela was the very definition of the word "Bitch", but I couldn't bring myself to argue back, or even attack her and steal her food. To do so would be barbaric and not lady-like. It's just like that squid I threw earlier said, "Violence does not solve everything. It only solves some things."

Then again a gaggle of rusty hoes suggested that I beat the living crap out of the darkie, saying things like, "That bitch ain't got what it takes to fight back!" and "Slap da hoe!" and other such nonsensical jargon.

As reasonable as their suggestions sounded, I decided to go with my better judgment and side with the squid and the rocks – who were of the same opinion – so I let the girl live. I couldn't go to sleep, though, because I was always interrupted by the sounds of a gurgling man…

Weird things happen when you go to bed on an empty stomach.

Day 2

The sounds of birds chirping forced me awake. Not only that, but the scent of unidentifiable food rushed into my nostrils (I didn't care what kind of food it was). At first, I thought Triela must have been cooking, but when I sat up from the top bunk (which was assigned to me by Triela) she was nowhere to be found. Instead, there on the coffee table was a bowl of the same slop that she was eating last night, freshly re-heated, with a cup for milk to boot.

Maybe she wasn't as mean as I made her out to be.

After I calmly finished my breakfast (read: eating like a duck), a sudden knocking came from the door. Upon answering, I found a trio of "oh-so-cute-and-annoyingly-adorable" girls. Atop each of their their marshmallowy, rosy cheeked faces was a colorful pointed hat, topped with a fuzzy cotton ball.

I was compelled to ask the nearest adult, "Can I keep them?", but, alas, no adults were around…

"Good morning!" The one squeaked – brown hair peeking from underneath her blue cap, "We heard that you were new around here, so we came by to say hello!"

She was so sugary-sweet that I felt my teeth rotting away, "Um… hello."

"My name is Henrietta!" the same girl said.

"I'm Rico!" Another girl said.

"And I'm Angelica!"

"If you need any help at all, just ask us!" Henrietta exclaimed, "We love to work!"

"You love to work, eh?" If I could take advantage of these little sprites, then maybe working on my farm wouldn't be so bad…

Well, there you have it.

If you have an idea for what Claes will do for the next day or two or, if you want to write the next chapter, just sign up in the "Farmer-Claes" topic located at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" Forum and Sintendo will send you all the info you need.