FIRST YOU SAVE YOURSELF AND THEN YOU SAVE THE WORLD.
AUTHORS NOTE: I've been umming and ahhing over this story for a while now. It was one of those things that woke me stupidly early in the morning and I couldn't sleep again until pen met paper. And yes this was written by hand before I put it on the screen in front of me. I'm very picky about what pieces of my work I actually post so that's the main reason I'm so unreliable what it comes to regular posts. Once again no beta, my partner of five years read through it before posting, not that he understood a damn thing I was going on about. He hates Sailor Moon, it drives him nuts weather I watch it myself in Japanese or with my nieces and nephews in English. Sailor Moon was a love of mine since I was a child so I hope I'm at least doing a small justice to the characters I grew up adoring. I'll try to respond to any reviews I get but I've been quite sick lately and the morphine I'm on for my pain receptor hyperactivity is not working as well as it should do and I've become quite well known in the emergency room for the first time since year eleven complements of my epilepsy playing up again. Please let me know what you think of what I do, university applications are taking up all my time at the moment and a review every now and again brightens up my e-mail inbox and the endless list of doctors appointments I have to attend each week. Good or bad I don't mind as long as it helps me improve my writing. I think I've blabbered on for long enough now so please read on and tell me what you think. Thankyou all. R.P.
P.S. - Searching for beta readers. Let me know in your review if you're willing to help me out on occasion. Also please be aware that I do not in any way condone underage smoking or drinking but until I got sick it was a coping mechanism I used myself so it is something I understand.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sailor Moon and I'm glad I don't. For all my imagination comes up with there is no way I could ever do it justice. The title for this story is a line from a song I heard once though I cannot remember the name but I just thought I'd mention it here just so you all know. And if you think you know the name of the song please review me and tell me what it is so I can download it. R.P.
Haruka stood in Makoto's darkened living room staring out at the balcony at her friends hunched form. Makoto sat up briefly pouring herself another glass of wine and
lighting her fifth cigarette for the half hour that Haruka had been watching her.
Turning quickly at the sound of the hall door opening Haruka found Michiru standing in the doorway with an empty glass.
"Is everything okay love? It's late, I thought you'd be in bed by now." Michiru's soft voice barely reached Haruka's ears.
Haruka looked over at the love of her life, appreciating the tussled aqua locks and bare legs snaking out from underneath the oversized t-shirt that she'd worn to bed.
"You should be asleep love. What are you doing up?" Haruka replied, ignoring Michiru's initial question.
"I was thirsty. Besides it's kinda lonely in bed by myself. But don't change the subject Haruka, you're avoiding my question. What's wrong love?"
Haruka turned back to the balcony window and nodded her head in Makoto's direction as the brunette downed the last of her wine and poured herself another.
"I'm worried love. Something isn't right. I'm just not sure if I can do anything. Or if she even wants my help."
Michiru put her glass down on the table and walked over to Haruka.
"You've really come to care for her, haven't you love."
Haruka nodded, "Yeah, I think I have. She's like the little sister I never had.
She's so alone Michi. She hides it so well that I don't think that the others can see it, but I can."
Michiru tucked a stray lock of hair behind Haruka's ear and stared into her eyes.
"You're relating to her?" Michiru said, making it a question.
Haruka's head dropped and her response was a soft, mumbled "Yeah."
The blonde returned her gaze to her lovers eyes.
"I can't even begin to understand what her life's been like, she's lost more than anyone should ever have to.
But Michiru, despite my family, before I met you I was alone.
I had nothing really to make me want to get up in the morning. The only thing I knew how to do was run from my problems.
Then I met you.
You gave me a mission, a purpose… someone to love and who loved me in return in spite of what I was.
Makoto's been hurt so many times in her life.
Did you know that she's the youngest, other than Hotaru?
She's so angry and she doesn't know why and at times she hates us all for what she can never have again.
A little bit of her dies every day and she's grasping at whatever she can to keep feeling, anything but the pain and loneliness that residing in her heart.
I just wish there was something I could do to show her that being a Senshi isn't the only reason that we're all together.
Maybe teach her to trust again, to help her remember what it's like to have a family, to be loved by that family and how to love those people in return.
Prove to her that she's not destined to be alone for all eternity."
Michiru reached up and wiped away the single tear that ran down Haruka's cheek.
"I'm going to get a glass of water and go back to bed.
Go and talk to her Haruka, tell her what you just told me. I think she'll listen.
And baby, she's not alone, she has us.
I've always known that Makoto was more like us than the others.
In so many ways she's a lot like Setsuna, and just maybe we can do for Makoto what we're doing for Setsuna. Give her a home, a new family, people who though we may not understand her we will accept her just as she is now.
Just open up baby, don't push her, don't judge her and don't get angry at her.
Just be there and let her know that you can see her pain and most importantly that you care.
Love her, respect her and trust her, then maybe you'll get the same in return."
Haruka cocked her head to the side "Sounds like words of experience love."
Michiru smiled "Well it worked for you, it worked for Hotaru and slowly it's starting to work for Setsuna as well.
But for tonight just listen, I think that's what she needs more than anything else right now.
Someone to listen to what she really needs to say, weather that's good or bad.
She's angry at the world right now, so just help her try and fix her small part of it because right now that's where she's trapped.
Don't make her feel that our duty should come before everything else because sometimes we need to put ourselves before others, even though that may sound selfish.
We can worry about the rest of the world another day.
Goodnight love and good luck, I love you."
Michiru pulled on Haruka's shirt and their lips met. Drawing back from the kiss Haruka smiled.
"Goodnight love. And thankyou. Sometimes I think you see more in that mirror than you tell us."
Michiru simply nodded and fetched her glass of water before heading back to bed.
Haruka steeled herself and walked towards the balcony door and towards Makoto beyond.
ONE LAST THING: Remember guys reviews are greatly desired, the more I get the more likely I am to keep writing. R.P.