"She's going to be amazing," the Doctor tells Amy and Rory as they leave Sisters of the Infinite Schism. Glancing back at the exhausted body of his future wife, he realizes something else: She's going to live.
He should have thought of it the moment that he realized that River was part Time Lord. River of course had known instantly what needed to be done, had reminded him that Time Lords can regenerate each other, can bring each other back from the dead.
The Doctor spends a week planning, and then he goes to the Library.
He watches River say her final goodbye: words that had terrified him at the time. The idea that he would ever love someone how he obviously would come to love River, and then that he would lose her. They aren't normally an overly sentimental couple, but the Doctor loves River more than he thinks his hearts can bear sometimes. This is one of those times. He hasn't been a perfect husband, but River wouldn't change a single moment of it.
A blinding light fills the room and the Doctor watches his younger self turn away from River. That's the Doctor's cue. Before younger him can notice, just after the light fades, and River has accomplished her goal, the Doctor drags River's body away.
The last thing that River sees is the Doctor's face, and even if it's not the same face that she's spent a lifetime loving, it's still him. His face disappears, the blinding light disappears, and there is darkness. And then another blinding light fills her vision. And a face. The Doctor. Her Doctor.
His hands glow and warmth spreads out from where his skin touches hers.
"No, no. Stop it." He's bringing her back, and there isn't a single moment in time when River would accept the trade her husband is making right now. But she's too weak to do anything to stop him, and she can feel the life returning to her body. "Doctor no," she repeats, stronger now, panicked, because she knows that this cannot be undone.
He smiles at her like a fool, so indescribably happy, and whispers, "Hello sweetie" before kissing her.
It's Berlin all over again. Except this time – this one time – River isn't saving the Doctor; he's saving her. It feels so very good.
And then River regains her strength. "You bloody idiot!" she screams pushing him away.
"Now dear. You hardly need to be that upset about me stealing your line," the Doctor quips.
"How many of your regenerations did you use?"
The Doctor giggles, and River is caught between finding it endearing and slapping him. "About half I'd say. They're yours now by the way."
"Why would you do that?" River asks, her voice shaking slightly.
"It's called marriage honey. What's mine is yours."
"No! You do not get to make these decisions on your own."
"Actually I do. You gave me your regenerations – without consulting me I might add- and that makes them mine. And I decided that I want you to have half back." River opens her mouth to argue, but the Doctor cuts her off. "We are not having this argument River."
"Is that so?"
"At the very least I am not having this argument. Take it up with me in the future. The one from your own time who is waiting rather impatiently for you to get home."
River feels the anger fade away as the thinks of the Doctor at Darillium last night, sitting besides her crying and looking so heartbroken. Her hearts feel so full of love for this man.
"You have to go now," the Doctor tells River, studying her face, reassuring himself that he had actually succeeded, that he will have lifetimes with his wife. "Younger me can't see you. It's too early for him to know. Too much could change."
"This argument isn't over," River insists as she sets her vortex manipulator.
"I look forward to continuing it in the future." The Doctor tries to joke, but his voice shakes with fear at the idea of parting from River.
River sees her husband's eyes shining, so she pulls him to her for a kiss full of promises that she will be there when he gets to the Singing Towers and beyond. She will be waiting for him. Always. The Doctor exhales a shaky breath and stands back. "See you soon Professor River Song."
"Very soon sweetie."
The Doctor is the last thing River sees before she disappears and the first thing she sees when she reappears. She's in her bedroom and the Doctor is there. In an instant he is running at her and pulling her into a hug so strong that River can barely breathe.
"Have you done the library?" the Doctor asks desperately into River's shoulder.
"Shh sweetie. I've just come from the library, where your stupid younger self gave up half of his regenerations to save me."
"Please River," the Doctor says with a sob, "You can yell at me or slap me later. Just let me hold you now, please."
"Ok my love," River says, cradling the Doctor to her. "I'm here. It's ok. You saved me."
"Not as much you you've saved me, River Song. I don't know how I could have gone on if you didn't come back."
"Why didn't you know that I would be ok? Past you saved me. Why can't you remember?"
"He rewrote history. I still have it all in my head. I couldn't say what was real or if I would ever see you again."
"Hush Doctor," River says, pressing her lips to his temple. "I'm alive, and it seems that you will have lifetimes of seeing me."
The Doctor lifts his head from River's shoulder, giggling at his wife as tears slide down his cheeks. "I do hope that your next body has as nice of a backside as this one."
River shakes her head. "I promised not to slap you just yet, and if you want me to keep that promise, it would be wise not to joke about this."
"Who said that was a joke?"
River can't hold back the anger that floods her body again at her husband's stupid sacrifice. "You've shortened your life," she reminds him through gritted teeth.
"But now I'll live it all with you. As long as you'll have me that is."
"Don't be daft. I'm your wife."
"Yes you are Professor."
"You rewrote time," River whispers into the Doctor's neck before pressing a soft kiss to his skin.
"Anything for you dear."
River holds the Doctor tighter and rests her head on his shoulder. So much could have gone wrong. He could have rewritten their whole lives. Torn apart the fabric of time. But she can't bring herself to chide him for his recklessness. Not when she had once torn time apart for him. Not when she would do it again in an instant.
The Doctor has been the model husband since River returned from the library. He's spent the last week in her home in the London suburbs cooking and cleaning while River was at university teaching her classes.
"Hello dear," the Doctor says, popping his head out of the kitchen as River walks down the hallway. He's wearing her polka dot cooking apron and a goofy smile.
"Hi sweetie. How was your day?" River asks, feeling ridiculously domestic.
"I made quiche. You?"
"I taught a class on you actually," River replies as she follows the Doctor into her kitchen.
"Is that so?" he asks, as he pulls ingredients for a salad from the refrigerator.
"Yes it is. You are a topic of much interest all across the universe. Even on Earth." River washes her hands and retrieves a knife from her silverware drawer so that she can help slice tomatoes. There was a time once when her conditioning would have driven her to plunge the knife into one of his hearts. She fought so long and hard to erase that programming from her mind, to have the freedom to choose to love this man.
"And what did you tell them about me?" the Doctor asks, sliding an arm around River's waist and pulling her flush against his side. The feel of her is still – always, he is sure – intoxicating.
River leans up for a kiss causing the Doctor to moan contentedly and melt against her body. "I told them that you were rubbish at driving, but an awfully good kisser."
"I am not rubbish at driving," the Doctor insists, doing his best to look cross.
"If you say so dear."
River gives her husband another quick peck before returning to salad preparations. They work in silence, hips and arms touching, never losing contact with each other. Once the salad is completed and placed in one of River's favorite bowls - an ancient piece that she had obtained while doing research on Reja Magnum -River pours herself a glass of wine. With an affectionate smile at her husband she pours a glass of grape juice and places it in his hands. "Salute," she says, clinking their glasses together.
They lean against the kitchen counter sipping their drinks as they wait for the quiche to finish cooking. "You're done so much good," River whispers into the comfortable silence, "saved so many lives."
The Doctor frowns and turns at the sound of his wife's melancholy voice. "River?"
"Why would you give up half of your regenerations?"
"Why did you give up all of yours?"
"It's not the same," River tells her husband with a steely gaze. "I was the one who killed you; it's only fair that I was the one to save you too."
The Doctor reaches out to cup his wife's cheek. "I never have and never will blame you for that River."
River watches the Doctor's face as guilt overtakes him. She shakes her head at him. "And I have never blamed you for my childhood. But my point, Doctor, is that you should have thousands of years ahead of you."
"I still do. It's a small matter if I have 2000 years instead of 4000 if I can spend those years with you." The Doctor sees the doubt in River's face and knows that she doesn't think his sacrifice was worth it. She simply doesn't understand that there was no sacrifice. "I'm selfish River. I need you."
"You have me sweetie," River reassures the Doctor, taking his hand in both of hers. "Always."
The Doctor has come and gone from River's life since the day she was born, and though she has always known her would return to her, his next departure had been equally certain. Until now. A month after the library and he is still there when River returns home from university each evening. He's in her kitchen cooking dinner. He's tinkering with her radio. He's curled on her couch reading her diary that had once contained spoilers, and now contains his very favorite story.
"I think the TARDIS is getting lonely out there," River tells the Doctor one evening over another elaborate meal he's prepared.
"Shall we take her somewhere then? We could pack up the dessert and have a picnic at Asgard." The world feels so very full of possibilities now, so very unendingly full of possibilities. He looks at River- finally in the same timeline as him - and no longer feels like running.
He's misunderstood the question, and though the picnic sounds lovely, River needs to hear the answer to her real question. "How long do you plan to stay?"
The Doctor is instantly flustered by the question. "I, well, I can go if you want me to."
"Don't be an idiot."
"I don't think I made an unreasonable assumption," the Doctor tells River, feeling increasingly confused. "When a woman asks how long you plan to stay in her home you tend think that she would like you to leave."
"It is unreasonable when that woman is your wife."
The Doctor sighs and scrubs his hand over his face. "I'm sorry River. I'm rubbish at this. I've never been a proper husband before."
"What's the fun of proper? I like that you're naughty."
"River Song," the Doctor whispers, an endearment falling from his lips. Her name. The one she chose to embrace. The one she was strong enough to take on after surviving a childhood that would have destroyed so many. He loves her name.
"Do you think that we could manage it?" River asks, feeling almost shy for the first time in years. "Being a proper married couple."
Tears fill the Doctor's eyes as he stares at his wife. "I can still remember a timeline where I lost you. I don't think that I can bear to be apart from you now. Please don't ask that of me."
River's hearts break for her husband. She reaches forward and takes his hand. "Of course you can stay as long as you want. I'm used to you now, aren't I? It would be so dull if you left."
"You didn't want to travel with me before," the Doctor whispers.
River takes a long sip from her wine glass before responding. "I thought you were only asking because you had just lost my parents." She looks down at their joined hands before adding, "And I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to cope with losing me eventually."
"River, I'm so sorry," The Doctor says feeling like such a failure. "I want every moment with you no matter how it ends. I watched you die the day I met you, and I still chose to marry you."
"Oh sweetie." River brings her free hand to her husband's cheek. She never knew the pain he had carried all these years. "We can travel together now. At least for a while, and see if it works."
"Of course it'll work River! You and me, time and space. What could be better?" The Doctor laughs joyfully.
"I'm not like anyone you've traveled with before. I'm not some sweet, innocent schoolgirl who can make you believe in the good in the universe."
"No, you certainly are not. You are so much more to me. You are my wife. You are my equal, River Song." He smiles at that. She had been the first person in centuries to challenge him, to treat him like an equal and not like a god or a monster. "My better half, even. You know the very worst and best of me, and you love me anyway. Not to mention that you're hot. What more could any man want?" The Doctor loves that he's made River smile- that genuine, sweet, adoring smile that she reserves for him. "It's settled then? We'll travel together."
River struggles to swallow around the lump in her throat. "I still have classes to teach."
"Part time time traveling then. I think I could get used to this," the Doctor says, motioning around him at the homey kitchen. But he could get used to so much more than this cozy little house.
"Me too sweetie," River tells him, her stomach flipping nervously and hopefully.
The Doctor rarely sleeps, but when he does, he resists sleeping next to River. He still has violent nightmares, and he never wishes to hurt her. But this night he's fallen asleep beside River. This night when they returned from traveling back to 1990s Leadworth, and he hadn't been able to resist a visit to Amy (heartbreaking) and then to Mels (somehow even worse). He had watched his wife being trained as a soldier in a battle against him – trained with Silence induced hypnosis and with beatings that left her barely able to move.
It had been his fault that River suffered like that, and though she never stops assuring him that she doesn't blamed him and that she would never wish to change anything because it would mean giving up the life she has now, the Doctor is certain that he will never forgive himself. He had only meant to hold her until she was asleep, but he had been exhausted and once they had lain down it had taken only seconds for the Doctor to fall asleep.
The Doctor dreams of bloodied bodies, of the wars that he's fought, and the lives he's ruined – the many things that caused the Silence and Madam Kovarian to kidnap River as a weapon against him. He dreams of Amy and Rory, devastated at Demon's Run. He dreams of their gravestone. He dreams of River terrified of a spacesuit swallowing her up. River alone and dying in an alley in New York. River in Leadworth, once again the Silence's prisoner. He dreams of River dying in the library for him.
He wakes up screaming. Anger flows through him like a wave. He's failed the people he loves. He's failed River. Hurt River so badly. His arm reaches out, striking at the nearest object he can touch, a glass vase that shatters the instant it reaches the floor.
"Doctor!" River says, sitting up and switching on her bedside light. She has seen him angry before, understands his need to rage and destroy. More of her antiques are smashed to pieces. "Doctor, talk to me." She slides her feet into slippers before walking over to the Doctor, glass crunching beneath her. "Doctor!" she repeats, grabbing his hands and stilling his frantic movement.
"Calm down," River tells him firmly. He looks at her finally, tries to take a few deep breaths. "Good. Good." River inches closer, pulling his hands against her chest. Slowly, the Doctor's breathing returns to normal. "I know you hate archeology, but there's no reason to smash all my antiques."
"I'm sorry," the Doctor whispers, embarrassed by his outburst.
"I'll just have to take you on a few digs with me to replace everything," says lightly. "Come now, you're going to hurt yourself with all this glass." River lets go of the Doctor's hands slowly, thankful when he doesn't pick up anything else to throw. River retrieves the Doctor's slippers, placing them before him, so that he can walk back to the bed safely.
"There we go," River soothes as she and the Doctor settle back into bed.
River's the only one, the Doctor thinks as she rests a calming hand on his knee, who can take his rage, the only one that he allows to see it. He wonders how she is so calm, how she doesn't rage for all the injustices done to her.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor tells River again.
"Shh," she says, her thumb soothingly rubbing his knee. "Talk to me, my love."
"I'm sorry for waking you. I shouldn't have been so careless as to fall asleep with you."
"I'm glad that you were. Now tell me."
The Doctor looks at his wife's patient face, no trace of resentment at all. "I don't understand how you forgive me."
"The same way you forgive me: always and completely."
"You've suffered for three lifetimes because me River."
"I hardly think that I'm suffering now," River tells the Doctor lightly, but he still looks so somber and guilty.
The Doctor shakes his head sadly. "But what was done to you-"
"Is in the past. I see no reason to dwell on it. I don't know who Melody Pond would have turned out to be, but I quite like River Song."
"Me too," the Doctor says, smiling at River and shaking his head in amazement.
"Oh I know you do," River replies, pressing her hand to her husband's chest. "I know that you think you were the cause of what happened to me as a child, and perhaps you will never believe otherwise. But I need you to remember that what matters to me is that you showed me what it is like to feel something other than hate, and you, my Doctor, you helped me to find River."
"You would have found River on your own."
"Perhaps," River muses. "But I could never have loved anyone else as I love you. What did I tell you in the library? Not a line, Doctor. Not a single line. Not of our past and not of our future."
The Doctor swallows back the guilt as best he can. "Oh River, my beautiful River."
"Yes my husband," River replies with a smile and a kiss to the Doctor's jaw.
"You are magnificent, River Song. Absolutely magnificent."
"You're not too bad yourself," River teases, continuing to press light kisses to her husband's face, pleased when she can feel his muscles relax and a soft smile grace his lips.
The Doctor throws his arms around River, dragging her onto his lap and pulling her to him for a kiss. "Magnificent," the Doctor repeats before nipping at River's neck, tickling her and causing her to throw her head back in a deep, rich laugh.
The Doctor watches the happiness on his wife's face, and he knows that he is finally done running.