Mousefur.
She was so beautiful. Even now, I can see her in her youth – bright green eyes that sparked with irritation or sudden spunk, her sleek, lovely brown fur, always washed, never dull…
Mousefur.
I couldn't be with her now, obviously. I could never be with her. She was the love of my life, ever since she was Mousepaw. We would always go on patrols together, her pelt brushing against mine as we pursued a rabbit, or a finch, or sometimes even a ShadowClan cat. Those moonlit nights we sat next to each other, sharing tongues.
That was, at least, until Tigerstar came along.
He was so grand in my eyes. I could picture his view of the forest: with all the Clans working together as one, sharing and caring for one another. With one big, strong Clan, we would be powerful. We would be undefeatable.
But Mousefur didn't agree. She said it was a load of foxdung, and, perhaps it was. But I clung to Tigerstar, because I thought he would protect me from a lowly fate.
But it only led me to worse. I didn't think when I fed Sorrelkit those deathberries – I was only thinking about what Tigerstar might think if ThunderClan found out about his plans. So when I was banished, my first glance was to Mousefur. There was disbelief in her eyes, and anger, frustration, hurt.. and something else. Something I couldn't name.
I bet that was in my eyes, too.
My mind told me to move on, to follow strictly to Tigerstars' plans. But my heart ached.. it ached for those lovely green eyes, that soft, dusky brown pelt…
I was lost in my own mind. When Tigerstar died, I felt nothing. No pain, no hurt. Just… nothing. All was lost, and I missed it all too. And Mousefur. Oh, especially Mousefur.
When the battle between BloodClan and the other Clans came, I knew it was time to avenge my leader. Not Bluestar, nor Firestar, but Tigerstar – I knew he was always my true leader. But I also knew that Firestar or Bluestar could have been my leaders as well.
He ruined my life. As I was about to sink my teeth into Firestar's neck, I heard a cry of pain and sorrow.
It was Mousefur. She was telling me not to kill him, telling me not to become a monster.
But it was too late. I was already a monster. Even so, I hesitated, wondering if I should strike anyway.
That lump of fur, Graystripe, knocked me off my feet and delivered a blow to my head. Before I faded into my death, I glared at Firestar in hatred. Hatred for being a stupid kittypet. Hatred for becoming deputy. Hatred for almost killing Tigerstar. Hatred… or jealousy?
Before I died, I swore I could hear Mousefur wailing in grief.
I… loved her.
So, as I, Darkstripe, former warrior of ThunderClan and traitor to all that I had depended on, watch my true love Mousefur grow old and weary, I know that we can never be. She was a strong and loyal warrior, and she will still be when she takes her final breath on that foul ground. But I swear, one day, that we will find each other. No matter what the boundaries, true love always finds a way.
Because, on the border between the Place of No Stars and StarClan, true love can always find a way.
Traitor or not.