Albus let out a sigh. "Severus, we've all done it, you need to as well."
"I don't see the point—"
"The point is so that we, the Order, will know your worst fear. We have a right to know, just as you know all ours." Albus explained for the tenth time. "We've all taken our turns." He gestured around the room to those around them – Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Alastor Moody, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Ron Weasley, Fred and George Weasley, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minerva McGonagall, Rubeus Hagrid, Nymphadora Tonks, Bill Weasley and his Wife: Fleur Weasley, Charlie Weasley who had flown in from Romania, Mundungus Fletcher, Ginny Weasley, Percy Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Filius Flitwick, and Pomona Sprout – each had taken their turn facing the boggart which was now slamming into the closed and locked door of the dresser.
"I refuse to do this nonsense." Severus spat, turning on his heel and walking out of the room.
"Sir, if you don't mind me asking, why is it so important for Severus to do this?" Remus asked.
"I have no doubts in his loyalty." Albus quickly said, he knew what most of them were thinking, Severus' boggart would be Albus finding out he was actually on Voldemort's side, or the opposite of that scenario.
"Then why?" Remus repeated.
Albus let out a sigh. "The reasons we did this in the beginning, we must all know each other's weaknesses, as well as our strengths. This will help us all." He explained. "I'll go get him." Albus said before crossing the room and stepping out through the door, walking down the small hall of Grimmauld to the sitting room where Severus stood staring at the fire.
"My boy?"
"I can't, Albus…" Severus whispered.
Albus' eyes stopped twinkling and filled with sadness at how broken the man looked – no, his facial expression was the same as it always was, impassive and showing no emotion, but Albus could tell by the way he stared at the fire that the man was… sad. "We're all here for support." He said, frowning a bit.
"I can't!" Severus near shouted, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I can't…" He whispered once again.
"It's very important for you to do this, Severus. We all must face our fears."
Severus glanced over his shoulder at Albus, he took a moment to think things over before giving a curt nod and turning on his heel to follow Albus back to the room where the Order and Boggart awaited. "Alright, my boy, wand at the ready." Albus said with a sad smile as he crossed the room to the side.
Severus stepped inside, the door closing behind him; he stared down the dresser as it swayed from side to side as the Boggart hit itself against the walls. Remus waved his wand and the dresser unlocked. The room fell completely silent; the only thing Severus could hear was the beating of his heart quickening and his own breathing. He wanted to close his eyes, he wanted to turn away and walk out not dealing with this, he wanted to do so many things but he stayed frozen. He knew what was going to step out of the dresser, the others in the room had no idea, and he figured they all would think Voldemort would step out – but what was to come was nothing close to Voldemort. He took a calming breath as the door to the dresser slowly opened.
Out of the dresser came a woman's hand gripping the door to push it open, Severus' breathing halted the moment the door was swung opened – and out stepped Lily Evans, dressed like the day she died. Everyone in the room gasped except Albus and Severus – he figured the old man knew exactly what would step out of this dresser. She stared in silence for what seemed like the longest time to Severus, he knew it was a boggart, that's all it was: A boggart, yet he couldn't gather the strength to pull his wand hand up and say the spell to banish it. Just for this silent moment what came next he figured was worth it – oh how wrong he was.
Lily gave a soft smile at Severus before that smile dropped to a frown, her face then distorted into anger as her emerald eyes began to glisten with unfallen tears. "You…" She hissed, the tears finally falling down her porcelain cheeks. Everyone watched in surprise, all curious as to why she was crying, oh how Severus wanted to run but his feet wouldn't move, nor would his wand hand. "You /killed/ me." Lily whispered and everyone's eyes widened.
"N—no." Severus stammered, his chest heaving, his head shaking in disbelief.
"YOU DARE STAND THERE AND TELL ME NO?" Lily shouted at the top of her lungs, her fists clenched eyes bloodshot from the tears. "You told /him/ the prophecy! You turned into a filthy disgusted Death Eater! You think joining our side now repents for what you've done? It doesn't. Nothing – I repeat /NOTHING/ can repent for what you've done! For what you do when you go to those meetings! You're filth! Scum! Hell awaits you-" Lily spat before the boggart was hit and pushed back into the dresser.
The Order stared in silence at the dresser before all at once turning their gaze towards Albus whom had his wand up and was standing in front of Severus – Severus was staring at the ground, his body shaking, tears falling down his cheek and onto the floor. "Severu—" Albus began to call as he turned on his heel and watched Severus rush out of the room, his cloak bellowing.
Severus rushed towards the sitting room, he needed to get away, and he couldn't be here. He thought just seeing her would make hearing the truth easier, but he was sorely mistaken. He finally stepped inside, disappearing in a crack of apparition to anywhere he could feel safe, feel something except the numbness running through his veins, the guilt resting in a knot in his stomach, the disgust – a lump in his throat, the remorse descending from his cheeks.
Severus apparated into his living room at Spinner's End, quickly rushing over to his Father's – or now his as his Father had passed with his Mother – liquor cabinet. He pulled out a rather large bottle of Firewhiskey and drowned down a few gulps, wincing at the burn in his throat. He wiped the tears from his cheeks onto his sleeve and turned to gaze around the Cimmerian room; he let out a sigh and crossed over to take a seat in his arm chair, sinking into it.
He sat there for hours, drinking his sorrows away as he replied what Lily – or the boggart had said to him. It was true – with the information given he did technically kill Lily as well as Potter and almost killing Harry. It was also true that he was a disgusting Death Eater, something he was ashamed of and hated admitting, he hated the stares he got in public, the complaints yearly he got about the school hiring 'Death Eater scum'.
Nothing could repent for what he had done in his lifetime – he had killed innocent people – both muggle and wizard/witch. He had tortured into insanity, he had done even more unspeakable things. Now thoroughly drunk and accepting of what was said, he pushed out of his chair and traveled down the hallway towards his potions laboratory. Upon entering he crossed to the cabinet he kept completed potions in, opening it and pulling out the small vial of clear liquid.
He accio'd a glass from the kitchen and poured the liquid into the cup, plucking a leaf from a plant and dropping it into the liquid, the leaf dissolving into smoke. He knew it was brewed perfectly, Severus brewed everything perfectly, and there were no mistakes. He held the cup up to his lips and slowly sipped away, it tasted god awful but he had expected that. Upon finishing the glass, a few Order members barged in, all staring at Severus who was leaning against a desk, the cup slipping onto the desk and rolling away as he fell back into his chair.
The glass accio'd into Albus' hand; he sniffed it and stared at Severus, his eyes showing sadness. "What have you done, my boy?"
Severus looked up at Albus, his vision becoming blurred; he couldn't help but chuckle sadly. "What should've been done… long ago…"
Albus dropped the cup and crossed the room to the cabinet, shuffling through the vials. It was Hermione who picked up the cup and took a sniff, frowning. "Draught of the Living Death…" She whispered, glancing at her Professor, whose hand was now shaking and his eyes drooping as the potion ran its course.
"Severus, where is the antidote?" Albus bellowed as he continued searching. Severus just gave a goofy grin in response. "Keep him awake, I'll need to apparate to Hogwarts." Albus stated as he pulled away and disappeared in a crack of apparition.
Everyone stood in silence as they watched Severus' head droop down every so often, his eyes shutting but then he forcing them open. Hermione bit the bottom of her lip, leaning over to hide her face in Harry's shoulder who was staring with wide green eyes. It was Sirius who took action. "Remus, conjure up a bucket of water." Sirius ordered as he crossed the room and shook Severus' shoulder. "Keep your eyes open, Snape."
"Fuck off, Bla—" Severus began but was pulled roughly out of the chair and slammed into the wall.
"You're /not/ going to die, do you understand me!" Sirius shouted, taking hold of the glass of water Remus handed him and splashing it on Severus' face.
Severus coughed. "Get your… get… hands off!" Severus slurred as he slid down the wall to the ground. Sirius fell down to his knees with Severus, holding him up to sit against the wall.
"You fucking idiot…" Sirius growled.
Severus snorted. "You're… getting what you want – I'm dying. Mission success."
"What're you talking about?" Sirius sighed.
"Sixteen… shrieking shack." Severus whispered, closing his eyes.
Sirius shook him to make his eyes fly open. "I did /not/ try to kill you then, but now, I do, so stay alive so I can!" Sirius shouted. Severus gave a goofy grin, shaking his head no and closing his eyes. "Damn it, Snape!" Sirius yelled as he continued to shake Severus' shoulders, Severus' eyes stayed shut and his body and facial expression relaxed as he began to go towards the light.
Albus apparated back in and handed Sirius the antidote, Sirius grabbing hold of Severus' jaw and popping his mouth open to pour the potion down, rubbing his throat to force him to swallow. He then pulled away and stood up, waiting for the potion to take effect, everyone in the room hoping it wasn't too late. Severus' eyes fluttered open and he glanced up, laughing in a demented way. His eyes then rolled into the back of his head and he fell to his side, his body slumping as he fell into the dark abyss that was death.
Hermione widened her eyes. "No. That isn't possible! The antidote should've taken automatic effect!" She gasped.
Harry frowned. "He stirred it counter-clockwise seven times and clockwise once…"
"What?" Hermione asked, looking over at Harry.
"The Half-Blood Prince wrote that if you do that, the potion has a much stronger effect. He was the Half-Blood Prince; of course he is going to use his notes. The antidote had to be given mere minutes after the potion was consumed…" Harry explained.
Sirius leaned his hand down and placed two fingers against Severus' neck, letting out a sigh. "He's gone." He said as he pulled back and crossed his arms over his chest.
"We'll inform the Order." Remus said, tugging on Sirius to follow him out.
"I'm sorry, sir." Hermione said as he looked at Albus who was staring at Severus' lifeless body, his eyes glistening.
"As am I, Hermione, as am I." Albus whispered.