Well, I'm back, and hopefully with a bit more of a "serious" tone than usual. As we all know, I own nothing.
It was a fairly standard summer day in Danville. The birds were tweeting, the sun was shining…
"Phineas! Ferb! What are you two doing?"
And Candace was busting.
Flipping up his welding mask, Phineas waved to her. "Hey Candace. We're building a medical scanner! You see, we realized that so many people around the world need medical help, but hate checkups. So we made a machine that with one scan does the work of a half hour appointment."
"That looks an awful lot like a movie projector," Candace remarked.
"Just wait until you see it in action," her brother replied. Walking out in front of it, he gave Ferb a thumbs up. Ferb returned it, then flicked a switch.
A greenish light came out of the machine, scanning Phineas. After a few seconds, a paper printed out of the device. Candace could see an X ray on the top of the page, then a brief description of Phineas such as his age and height, then a long line of text she couldn't understand.
"Isn't it amazing? Blood type, a check for cancer, and white blood cell count, all finished in thirty seconds!" Phineas proclaimed.
"Hey, Dinner Bell!" Buford walked into the yard, Baljeet in tow. "Whatcha doi-Ow!"
He rubbed his head as Isabella walked into the yard, a slingshot in hand. "Sharpshooter Badge acquired!" she said, smiling. Then turning to Buford with a less than pleased expression, she hissed "Remember what I said about stealing my catchphrase?"
"Sorry, sorry."
"So, Phineas," she said, batting her eyelashes. "What are you doing?"
"Revolutionizing the medical field," he responded. "In a single scan, it'll tell you more than you could find in a half an hour medical appointment."
"Huh," Buford grunted. "Well, we all know what Nerd Boy over here is suffering." He then grabbed the diminutive Indian's underpants, hefting him a good two feet off the ground. "A severe case of Wedgyitis!"
Baljeet crossed his arms. "That is not a real condition, Buford."
The bully shrugged, then dropped his victim to the ground. "Now how bout you give me a shot? I hate the doctor's office. They never have the new issue of Aquarium Monthly."
"Sure thing." The light came out again, this time scanning over Buford. The paper printed out, and Phineas tore it off. "Looks like you're in perfect health, Buford. But it does say you have some small back issues. You may want to start using your knees more when you lift Baljeet."
"Wow. That machine sure is neat." He then hefted Baljeet into the air (bending his knees this time), then commenced to give him a noogie.
"My turn!" Isabella piped up. The machine scanned her, and Phineas checked the printout. "Perfect health again. Hey Candace, you want a shot?"
She contemplated this a second, then grudgingly nodded. "Fine. But then you are so busted!"
Phineas shrugged. "Fair enough." The invention came on again, and Candace felt a brief tingling. Then, the paper came out and Phineas looked at it. "Huh. That's weird."
"What? What's weird? Do I have cancer? Oh my god, I have cancer!"
"No, no, it's not that. Just…just give us a second." He then called over Ferb. The two of them poured over the printout for a couple of minutes as Candace nervously bit her nails. Then, they walked back over to her.
"You see Candace, there seems to be a lot of this hormone here in your system. It must be a glitch, because otherwise, it would mean-"
"What? It would mean what?" she practically shrieked.
"It would mean that if we didn't know better, we'd say you were pregnant Candace," Ferb calmly put in.
Candace was absolutely silent for a few seconds. Then, she shot towards the driveway. "You two stay here. I…I gotta get Mom!"
"Isn't that her right in the kitchen?" Isabella asked.
"Um…well…just stay here! I'll bust you later!"
With that, she ran into the driveway and to the car she'd gotten for her sixteenth birthday. It was only a Camry, but she drove it like an Indy car to the drugstore.
After screeching to a halt in the parking lot, the distraught teen leapt out of it and ran into the store and up to the pregnancy test section. Grabbing the first test she could find, she ran up to the counter.
"That'll be three ninety-five," the woman at the front desk drawled.
Slamming down a five, Candace ran out the door. "Keep the change!" she yelled over her shoulder.
Racing back home (and probably racking up more than e few traffic violations on the way), Candace parked in the driveway and ran upstairs to the bathroom.
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"What do you guys think got Candace so upset?" Phineas asked as thy finished their snacks.
"It was right after that scan said she was pregnant," Isabella recalled.
"Well, yeah, but that was just a glitch…right?" Phineas asked.
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Candace stared down at the test strips. Three of them…and each one positive. Moaning, she slumped to the floor.
How could this have happened? After all, she was on the pill, and it had only happened once. Maybe this was some kind of nightmare. Yeah, that was it. It was all a bad dream, and she would wake up.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knocking on the door. "Candace, are you going to be long?" her stepfather asked. "I got in a bit of a mess at the shop, and I need to shower up."
"Uh, yeah, just, just a second," she stammered. Grabbing the test strips, she shoved them in her pockets. The box she crumpled up and shoved into the toilet, then flushed it.
Opening the door, she walked out and was greeted by the sight of her stepfather covered head to toe in soot.
"What happened to you?" she asked.
"Oh, let's just say I may have forgotten to check if an old cannon was loaded," he replied cheerfully. "Nothing a little water and soap won't handle."
Nodding, she numbly walked back to her room, where she closed the door and lay down on the bed. How on earth was she going to handle this?
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And here we are. Bit of a dramatic opening, if I do say so myself. Now just go to the little review box at the bottom and tell me what you think.