*My take on how 3x18 should have ended. One side-note though, the scene with the necklace never happened, instead, in that moment Blair told him what she told him after, that they were over and that she didn't like who she'd become when she was with him, so where this takes up, that has already been said between C/B*
Chuck watched as Blair halted the wedding, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"I can't do this," she sniffled as she looked at Dorota miserably.
"Miss Blair?"
"I can't keep pretending and I can't lie to you, Dorota. Chuck and I aren't happy, at all," she said as her voice broke, more tears seeping from her sorrow filled eyes, "And if we walk you in, your marriage will be jinxed. I'm—I'm sorry, I can't—"
He looked down, his throat closing in on him, he did this to her, how could he have done that to her?
Blair rushed out and a pain so great engulfed him that his knees almost gave out.
"Charles, are you alright?" asked Cyrus as the man put a hand on his arm in support.
He did this, he had been denying it all this time, talking himself into believing it was the only way. He had become exactly what his father had wanted him to become, no worse.
"Charles?"
"I—I don't know what I am anymore," he said hoarsely as he walked out, passed the wide-eyed guests, passed everyone, needing distance, needing—needing something he knew he would never receive, something he didn't deserve, would never deserve.
Atonement.
—
"Are you alright? Where's Charles?"
Blair gave her mother a half smile, but even that was painful, "I'm, I'm going to be fine… eventually," she said as she looked down, "Chuck is gone, it's over," she said as fresh tears filled her eyes.
Eleanor engulfed her in a tight hug as they stood in front of the buffet table in the middle of a sea of celebrating people, "You are going to be fine, I promise you that. Waldorf women are resilient and just look at where we are—," she said pulling back and motioning towards their surroundings, "Weddings are…new beginnings, Blair, let's start yours right now too," she said as she took her daughter's face in her hands.
Blair swallowed hard and nodded with a smile, "You're right," she said as she took two champagne glasses from a waiter as he passed, then handed one to her mother, "To the new me, or the old one, as it were," she said with a halfhearted shrug as she clinked glasses with her mother.
—
Blair sat on her vanity putting the finishing touches on her make-up. It had been a week, a week since Dorota's wedding, a week since they were over, a week since she'd seen him, and it hurt. It hurt to sleep, it hurt to wake, it heart to function, every day the pain deepened instead of alleviating.
But she had to keep firm for herself, for her own sanity, for what self-respect she still had left.
She sighed as she stood up abruptly, bumping into her vanity, making it shake so much one of the drawers opened slightly.
She sat back down and pulled it open completely, finding a few of her headbands that she hadn't worn in, she wasn't quite sure how long.
She picked one up and slowly put it on, glancing back at herself in the mirror.
"You're still in there somewhere," she whispered, feeling more like herself than she had in a long time.
"Miss Waldorf?" came a knock on her door.
"Yes, Louise?" said Blair as she turned towards her door.
"This just came for you," she said as she handed her a small box.
Blair's hands shook as she took it, knowing exactly who it was from, she shouldn't receive it, she should refuse, but she simply nodded and dismissed her maid as she gripped the box in her hand tightly and walked towards her bed, sitting down.
She lifted the lid slowly, telling herself that nothing was going to change, no piece of jewelry would mend what was irreparably broken.
But there was no jewelry inside, just two envelopes. She lifted the one that had her name written in his handwriting on the front and opened it.
Blair,
There are no words to express how very much I regret all of the many things I ever did to hurt you, but I'm going to try.
You told me last week, that you didn't like who you'd become when you were with me, and at the time, I hadn't grasped the severity of those words, I hadn't grasped the severity of what I had done to you, but I have now, too late, much too late to do anything to stop the pain I've inflicted.
I don't have an answer for what I did, or why I did it, I'm just utterly and perpetually screwed up and I made you the same way, which is not what I wanted at all.
I wanted you to be happy, I want you to be happy, which is why I'm putting distance between us, well the literal kind anyway, since I know there's a distance between us already in which I don't know if we'll ever be able to meet in halfway again.
I want you to be you, Waldorf, the amazing, incredible woman you were before you had the misfortune of falling in love with me.
I'm truly sorry.
Be happy and love purely.
Always,
Chuck
Her face was wet with tears, her artfully done make-up, a waste.
She opened the other envelope and a sob escaped from her lips.
It was a copy of a contract. He had signed the The Empire back over to Jack at a loss, for a fraction of what it was worth. The only clause was that he stayed far away from her.
She hiccupped as she frantically searched for her cell, finding it under her blanket, speed-dialing Chuck's number, but it went straight to voicemail.
She cursed then dialed another number, and thankfully, this time, it was picked up.
"Arthur, please tell me you're driving Chuck somewhere," she implored as her knuckles whitened with the amount of force with which she was gripping her phone.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, M—"
"Don't say my name, just tell me where you're taking him."
"Teterboro Airport."
"Thank you," she said gratefully as she ended the call then rushed towards her door.
—
"Chuck!" Blair shouted as she ran towards him, spotting him as he was slowly making his way towards a door which would lead him to his private plane.
"Ma'am, you can't pass, you're not authori—"
"I'm Blair Waldorf," she retorted angrily as she pushed past the man, as he began to yell for security.
Chuck turned around and his weary eyes widened as he waved the man into silence as Blair came to a stop in front of him.
"What—what are you doing here, Blair?"
"Where are you going?" she asked, her breath coming in short gasps.
"I'm going to do the same as you, I'm going to find myself, if that's possible."
"You can't leave, you gave up The Empire—"
"I did," he said dejectedly, "I realized too late that you were more important to me than a pile of bricks and concrete," he said as he looked into her tear filled eyes, he couldn't comprehend how he hadn't realized that before.
"It's not too late, we can figure it out, I l—"
"Stop," he said as he grabbed her shoulders, his lips thinned and his eyes burned as he halted her from saying the three words he was no longer worthy of.
"I have to leave—"
"No—" she said as she choked on the word and shook her head furiously.
"Yes," he said with a stiff nod, "Deep down you know that as well as I do," he said gasping for his own breath as he watched her tears spill onto her cheeks.
"I need you, Chuck—"
"And I need you to be happy. That won't be achieved if I stay. Nothing will be solved, we would just be playing another game of feigning perfection for the outside world, yet still between us the resentment would remain, it would be constant, and it would only fester and embitter us both in the end."
"No, that's not true," she said as she took in a shuddered breath, "I've forgiven you—"
"No, you haven't, not truly, and I need you to, but it'll take time, time that we both need."
"No," Blair sobbed as buried her face in his chest, "Please just hold me," she whimpered.
Chuck swallowed the lump in his throat and held her tightly to him, inhaling her unique scent, committing it to memory, even though he knew there wasn't any chance he would forget a single thing about her.
"Blair," he said in a shuddered whisper, "Let me go."
She pulled back, her eyes bloodshot and defeated, "I can't."
"Please, Blair," he repeated as he broke and tears made their way down his own cheek, "Let me go."
She sobbed as she pulled away and nodded, finally in acceptance.
His eyes closed and he exhaled deeply and nodded, turning then walking slowly towards the door. He stopped when he had reached it and turned around, "I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach, fluttering."
Her bottom lip trembled, "Butterflies?"
He nodded, "And they're not going anywhere, ever."
"Good," she replied as she watched him walk out, marking a new beginning for them both.
A/N: This is my first one-shot. I feel like I had to. I was just an angry mess with how the episode ended, I had to rewrite it, until I could get all my heartbreak out of the travesty the writers have done to the Chuck and Blair that I love. I hope you all liked it and didn't think it was melodramatic, but I was just really sad and this was the outcome. Please review and tell me your thoughts!
XoXo Chrys