Chapter One: Out of the Dark They Carry My Heart (Weeping for Honey and Milk)
Lily knew right then and there that she had lost him for good, her best friend would never speak to her again and as the thunder cracked above her head and the rain began to fall she didn't deign to move. The cold penetrating feeling that was filling her with sorrow had nothing to do with the dreadful weather she was dealing with today, no, it only had to deal with the fact that he had called her such dreadful things for so long and she had never stood up for herself. Suddenly, she had realized that she had treated herself like a second rate citizen in her own life - what would she have done if it were different, if he were some knife wielding psychopath that was bent on nothing but killing her? Would she have stood there, not saying anything because she was too afraid to loose something that once was good, that once was filled with laughter, happiness, dancing in the rain which normally she loved the rain but not today. Today each drop of rain felt like shards of ice ripping at ever inch of her sole, her entire being was torn.
As she watched him storm off his black cape billowing behind him she slowly dropped to her knees, the feeling of wet mud on her knees. Her heart was breaking and she didn't know why - it wasn't that she had loved him, no, that was him. He loved her, and himself far too much to realize that he had been slowly driving a little wedge through their friendship for so long breaking them in two.
She sat there for a few minutes, tears pouring down her cheeks as she realized the weight of what had happened. She had told him to never even think of her again to never even breath her name.
"Why did you do that to me?" She cried, tucking her head down as the rain began to fall even harder - her hair caking to the back of her neck, her cheeks, and to every exposed bit of skin that her hair could find. I must look like a drowned sewer rat, or like a drowned Pettigrew - stop it don't be mean! She thought fighting with herself mentally, her whole entire being was at war. It felt to her, like her world had cracked at the seam - and why did it feel this bad to leave someone who made her feel worse than horrible?
Because now she knew that she was truly and utterly alone. Who did she have as friends? Remus was the only person who gave her the time of day since she'd failed at not talking to Severus it was like she was a social leaper. Everyone ignored her, everyone seemed to hate her, even Potter he was indifferent like he had given up and he probably had. It had been years of her saying no how could she expect him to run over and give her a hug, and still she thought he would like some dog he would come and beg for attention.
Slowly she stood up, brushing her hair out of her face - the mud that was on her fingers tracing a line on her cheek and her forehead she looked and felt like a disaster as always. Slowly she walked forward her head to the ground - she was still crying but how could anyone tell that the girl was crying? There wasn't even a sole to find out after all she was here on the grounds of her beloved school alone, as every other sole was at the quidditch game watching Slytherin and Gryffindor fight it out - no doubt he went there after she'd broke off their friendship once more. Its what she did best, break things off with people that is after all that was what she had done with Charles - the nobody boy from London she'd met that summer. Charles looked like Paul Newman - and well, who couldn't resist someone who had soft features, dark hair, and soft blue eyes that made you feel like you were swimming in them? Of course, Lily resisted them - well for the most part. She'd snogged him a few times that summer and when he asked her to go steady with him she told him she couldn't because of school and two days later she was safe at school, and happy, unlike today.
Looking up after walking for a while she sighed, she was at the far-side of the lake the rain still falling quite hard and she knew she could head inside or cast a warming charm on her cold body but she didn't see the need for it. All she could tell right now was that she knew she didn't want to be near anyone, not at the moment, it wasn't like anyone would want to be around her.
Walking closer to the lake she moved to sit - the loose rock her foot had been on didn't hold. The scream was loud as she slipped falling landing not safely on the ground as she would have hoped - no, she landed in the cold water her wand still strapped to her arm under her sweater. I am going to die. she thought as she saw the small bit of blood that was now near her head - the water slowly dying red. Closing her eyes in fear as she saw something swim past her - she couldn't move, her body in too much pain, too much shock to move.
She was in too much shock to notice the splash that had come after her, or the warm body that had pulled her to safety. All she knew was that the water that had been in her lungs was no longer there. Everything went black as she closed her eyes - seeing the world move around her was too much whoever was carrying her was running quickly.
"Tsk tsk you must be more careful" she heard being muttered as warmth seemed to penetrate her entire body. "Thank you for bringing the head girl here, but don't you have a game to win?"
"B-but" was all Lily heard the person who had saved her say before he was told to leave so she could sleep. Madame Pomfrey could be heard applying a salve to her forehead.
"You need to stop crying dear, otherwise I can't check to see if you hurt your eyes..." Madame Pomfrey spoke her words soft, caressing even.
Lily slowly opened her eyes, it was bright, almost too bright in the white light of the hospital wing. "Thank you, Madame Pomfrey" Lily muttered, whipping at her face the tears no longer falling.
"Dear, dear, you need some of this - it may burn a bit going down but you will feel right as rain in no time" Poppy Pomfrey smiled handing Lily a vile of a red swirling liquid.
"Thank you" Lily was able to murmur once more, as she slowly tipping her head back the disgusting pepper flavor of whatever it was she had drunk filled her mouth and throat making her want to do nothing more than spit it up.
Still, she knew it was to make her feel 'better'. The minute she swallowed it she felt her temperature rise, she began to sweat, and sneeze and suddenly after five minutes of sneezing she felt normal.
"What was that?" She asked kindly.
"Just something to make the cold you'd gotten being in the rain for three hours go away." Poppy smiled to her. "Now tell me child, what happened?" She asked, kindly, sitting on the edge of her bed.
"I-I broke off a friendship" Lily answered her tone firm. "Who was it that brought me here?" She asked confused, wanting to understand who to thank.
"Oh I can't say dear, he asked me to keep it a secret said his girlfriend wouldn't like it" Madame Pomfrey chuckled, "now you can stay here the night or do you feel good enough to make it to the dorms?"
"I'll be fine" Lily smiled as she pushed up, her legs feeling stronger than before, she slowly walked to the mirror and noticed that there was a small bit of blood on her forehead right before her hair line, and mud on her chin. She would definitely be using the prefects bathroom tonight she thought - looking down at the floor she sighed not feeling like she was all that brilliant of a girl for getting into such a predicament in the first place.
Slowly she made her way to the pink lady's portrait - the instant the pink lady saw her she tutted - something she wasn't normally known to do...well at least to Lily that is.
"Now, now I don't want any of my charges to go off and hurt them -"
"Fizzlesticks" Lily said the password, the portrait frowned at her as it opened and Lily jumped through the portrait hole before the portrait could say another thing to her. The sounds of cheering jarring her as she slowly stepped into the common room. It was almost funny how quickly the room went quiet as she came into the room.
"Lily you are alright?" Remus said as he walked over, putting a loose arm over her shoulder, "if you need any help let me know alright?" He spoke his tone soft, and kind, like milk and honey.
"Th-thanks Remus," Lily stuttered, hugging her arms around her body as she was made completely aware that she most likely looked like she had just climbed out of a blender with holes in her clothes, dirt, and spots of blood.
"Hey Evans I'm glad you are okay," James Potter walked over - giving her a pat on the back as he walked over. The look he gave Remus seemed off? She had no idea what was going on - all she could see was that James was very wet - most likely from the Quidditch match. And the mud on his clothes was probably from the same thing, but she highly doubted still that he would after being rejected so many times try and save her especially when he was mid game. Unless the game had ended early - she had no idea she hadn't been paying attention at all.
"Thanks" she mumbled as she slowly slipped past him climbing up the stairs to her dorm she sighed as she grabbed her bath caddy, her pajamas which she threw on - with a nice warm robe over them. Slipping her slippers on she slipped down the stairs once more the room not going silent as she walked in - it wasn't like before, now Lily like usual was invisible. It wasn't like she enjoyed it but it was pleasant now seeing she was far too scantily clad for being the center of attention.
She pulled her robe closer to her body as she walked down the two flights of stairs to the fifth floor. Slowly she walked to the fourth door to the left of the Boris the Bewildered statue and sighing she tried to remember the password. "Abraxan" she whispered, she could hear the door unlock, slowly she pushed it open. Finding the bathroom empty was a relief - after all she walked into the girls side.
Dropping her robe to the ground and slipping out of her pajamas she lowered herself into the warm water, feeling every bit of stress and trouble wash away was worth it. Slowly, she let her body be enveloped in the honey and milk scented bubbles, her troubles seeming to wash away with the warmth of the water. She didn't know how she was going to get by for the rest of the year but now, at least she knew there was a secret-someone who had her back, who had saved her life. She knew the minute she found who it was she would wrap her little arms around him and give whoever it was a nice hug - or a nice kiss depending on who it was.
Song:: Warm Whispers :: Missy Higgins