The Dominator: This may be my first posted story. All I did was put a bunch of cool wrestlers in matches against characters I hate from Harry Potter.
It was a capacity crowd in Miami, Florida on Monday night. All the superstars were in the back, getting ready for the matches. Big Show (7 ft 500lbs.) was on his 15th burrito. Triple H was rubbing his hammer. "I love you hammer. Yes, I do. Yeeessss, I do." It was as if the hammer responded, "Who loves his hammer? Do you? Do you?"
Rey Mysterio realized he grew half an inch and began to cry. John Cena was spinning his title belt. Shawn Michaels walked by and said, "Do you ever stop spinning that belt? You've been spinning it for four straight hours." John Cena responded, "Nah, it never gets old." As Michaels leaves the back room listening to Cena go "Weeeeeeeeeeeee!" as he spins the title, Michaels encountered some stupid kids. One tall one with red hair said, "Hey, look. It's some American chap from across the pond-" At this point Michaels couldn't take the horrible British accent and proceeded to land Sweet Chin Music on Ron, giving him multiple concussions and head trauma. Some dumb old lady known as McGonagall said "Therotichijuiceappleduck" but it didn't do anything.
Later that night Vince McMann decided that stupid British children weren't allowed in the back. Thus began WWE vs. Dumb British Kids (and some adults).
Round 1 was a huge contest between the 7 foot tall five hundred pound Big Show and Hagrid, the bearded giant. The match started off pretty even with Big Show and Hagrid trading blows. However, Hagrid had to stop for tea, at which point Big Show Choke Slammed Hagrid and covered him for the one, two, and three.
Match 2 was a total blow out. Neville Longbottom vs. Kane was the match. Neville threw his frog at Kane (which he realized he lost after he recovered from his coma) and Kane bit off one of the frog's legs. Then Neville cried and wet himself, which was followed by a Choke Slam from Kane. After Kane recorded the victory, he smashed a chair over the skull of Neville. Both the chair and Neville's skull broke. Poor chair… sniff… what did it ever do to anybody?
Round three was a no disqualification match between Professor Flitwik and the Undertaker. Two words: Multiple Concussions. First a choke slam. Then a tomb stone pile driver. Next, two shots from a chair. After that, a choke slam through an announcer's table. Then Triple H and the hammer joined the fun. A total of 27 hammer shots, each ending in its own individual concussion were landed A total of 437 concussions weren't enough to keep Flitwik down. He kicked out twice. Then Undertaker hit him with a ladder. Three more concussions were made. Finally a pin ended the match. Undertaker than rolled around on the floor singing "I've Been Working on the Rail Road".
After a commercial, Voldemort was holding an open- ended 5 on one handicap match. Rey Mysterio, Mark Henry, Kurt Angle, and Shawn Michaels responded. Randy Orton couldn't decide whether or not to be a pan-z or to fight Voldemort. For the time being, he was a pan-z. The match started, Voldemort magically threw Henry at the other three, and then he blasted and burnt them as he pleased. As he laughed, he turned around to meet… an RKO! Orton chose not to be a pan-z and in his own way he killed the legend of Voldemort. You see, Mysterio set up and landed a 619, breaking the nose, Kurt Angle hit the angle slam, breaking the back, and then an Angle Lock breaking the ankle, then Shawn Michaels hit Sweet Chin Music, breaking the jaw, and Mark Henry did a World's Strongest Slam, breaking more back, and then he stepped on Voldemort ,breaking the person. That's how RKO saved the day from a retard in a robe!
The second to last match was Triple H versus Malfoy and it was a ladder match. Malfoy started the match by throwing the ladder magically at Triple H. However, he realized he wasn't greasy enough and he called his dad on a cell phone and asked for some grease. When the Malfoy dad dude appeared, Bobby Lashley, 250Lbs, quickly broke Malfoy Sr.'s spine. Bobby Lashley enjoyed himself very much. Later on WWE.thiswebsitedoesn'texist, Bobby Lashley explained spine breaking was a pastime of his, and he loved the crunch of a good spine- breaking. But anyway, back to the match. After Malfoy realized his father was paraplegic, Triple H destroyed the face of Malfoy Jr. with the hammer. "You don't like Mr. Hammer? What's your problem? I love my hammer. Yes I do. Yeeesssss I do." said Triple H Mr. Hammer then proceeded to break every bone, organ, and life inside Malfoy. Triple H then climbed the ladder and got a contract for… oysters. Lots of oysters.
Next up, the main event!
John Cena vs. Harold Something Potter for the WWE title was the main event. Harry decided to try and embarrass the champ. He started by making Cena dance. He got mad. Then Harry hit Cena with a white stag. Cena was really mad. Harry began to say some gibberish crap, but an extremely ticked off Cena leveled him. Then Cena did a spin- out power bomb. Cena yelled, "You wanna go to war? I will take you to war, bit!" Cena then did a 5- knuckle shuffle while the crowd screamed "You can't see me!" After that, Cena hit the F-U. "What now? What now?" Cena locked in the STFU (a hold made to hurt the knee and neck of an opponent to cause a submission). Harry tapped out and Cena successfully retained his title.
The rest of the pigwarts people were outraged and charged the ring. But so did the WWE superstars. So much happened in the next 43.37 seconds that it would be nearly impossible to put in writing, but I'll do it anyway. Fred Weasley was broken in half by a Chris Benoit sharp shooter. George was double chokeslamed by Kane and Big Show. Cena F-U ed Hermione through the other announce table. Professor Snape met Professor Hammer. Chris Masters did a master lock on Sirius Black, who never really was dead, he just got lost in a convenience store. (Who gets lost in a convenience store?) Carlito spat all his apples (and some bananas because he ran out of apples) in the faces of any non-WWE person on the ground. Dumbledore (who also got lost in some random place) got destroyed by the juniors (juniors are midget wrestlers. Seriously, they are. They're all like 4 feet tall). But most impressive was the Undertaker, who hit a Tombstone Piledriver on Harry. Then, Undertaker proceeded to chokeslam Harry into a flaming casket, sealing the fate of Harry Potter. John Cena's music hit, and he celebrated by spinning his title. WEEEEEEEEEEE!
Note:
The Dominator: That was the most fun thing to write, like, ever. Moral of the story: Screw you, Harry Potter! What are you gonna do?
(WWE belongs to Linda McMann and Harry Potter to J.K. Rowling, not me. Also, I don't actually hate British people; it's just fun to make fun of Harry Potter)
Maybe Love (but probably not),
The Dominator