Introduce My Personal Thoughts;;
It's hard seeing him again, isn't it? I mean sure you have smiled at new guys, made new friends, had a new life, but without him… that was the hard part. Leaving someone you felt entirely connected to. Some one that knew your soul more then you even had to explain to them. They know you inside and out. Well, I guess charm did rub me in the way I never wanted to get rid of. It was only a month… I felt like it was less. It was when you meet that stranger that indents in your life… for a while.
It was that smile that caught my stupid eyes. It's weird falling in love. So many feelings enter your thought with that person, that it's hard taking the moment. Saying things that you wish you should've said. Hoping to see that relationship take off any second. But, as if I was lost in my own predicaments. For a second I remember how much time was important. That's why, you see, I couldn't have my soul mate.
Soul mate? I'm some girl right? Throwing that word as if I really know what love is. trust me, the feelings haven't rub off for a while... not even less.
He knew. He knew the first time we talked, that amazement it was just talking to him. That mark my memory of thinking of him. The time we stared at each other as people wouldn't look at the moment. He made me feel safe, warm… his smile just made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have that perfect smile, smiling at me.
Now I can say I'm in love.. but, is the feeling mutual? I feel like I'm trying to plead my case for this. You see the worst part aside from all of this… I'm in love with my best friends boyfriend…
Courtney Anna Fairbanks. My best friend. She… was a character. She didn't give me the butterflies that he assume. But she was perfectly in a good form for being my best friend. We fought, about pointless things. She feels as if she's always right as I'm just being stupid and pitiful. Now you think this decision would be wise of me to bring up to her that I'm in love with her boyfriend?
She knew we had something the first night. See both met him the same night so the whole dibs thing was off, fair game was open. Though, he gave me his number at the end of the night. I wish I could go back, back to the moment leaving his party and texting him around four in the morning… he made me feel… nourish.
See, I had a point where I met mister perfect, only knew him less than a couple of weeks… Why was he affecting me this way? Never have I felt this structure. It's like the more we spoke, it didn't feel awkward. Just natural thoughts that came in to spoken sentences that we shared with one another... I felt a tad star struck, as if I'm way to over my head because this guy that contains being nineteen, wouldn't want nothing to do with a sixteen girl at the time. I blushed in embarrassment.
Those thoughts faintish as I began to look on a different aspect. As my life changed so much. Laughing and thinking back as to being sixteen. Here I am now eighteen, still have my mind on this guy who I know I greatly admire for.
Those two years flew by as I started my new life in another state. The move was easy, the part living alone… took more time than I thought. I had a new life, everything was new. As if I always wanted deep down, a new change. As growing up as a teenager was hard dealing with a simple parents' divorce. I guess you can say I knew not to believe in pity love. I really thought I had the mind of a 30 year old. Though, I was young, my brain was still fresh. I was yet alone curious about guys and relationship containing them into my life. I knew I couldn't let my guard down. It was too risky, too risky to ruin my life just by a blink of a eye with a heartbreak.
I guess you can say I can over react. I do again and I can overly dramatic things at times. But you see, I just knew not to fall for the first guy I liked so soon. I had no idea who was this guy. Last time I decided to take a chance. Well, that's say my heart got the shit knock out of it. I knew not to mess up again. Once I show my sin of weakness, those apes come hurting me at the most. Sure, I have been thru some shit that made me this way. I just knew not to set my heart with high hopes.
It was my first semester in college. Working on the clock at seven, heading to work at noon. It was worth the money and education. As if the months hasn't gone by so dawdling, I finally shook as hearing that word in someone's mouth that was spoken out of context of me over hearing things.
"Oh spring is the perfect time, once March hits, we'll be going to my cousins wedding."
March. Why does that word have such an impact on me? As if so many things were bottle up for that one month that hurt my head and rethinking of childish things. March is my revolution month. It's the month that I finally go back to my old town, my home, the other part of my life.
Re-visiting the sights I once used to witness every day. The cold wind brisking in my face as I love the feel of cold air. Then, later on being wrap up with the warm touch of strong … blankets. The view of the gorgeous light lavender mountains, covers in the sparkly frosty cream snow. The view of the lit up city at night over the top of the mountains of the perfect spot made me miss also the times witnessing such beauty.
Compare to looking out the tall glass windows, as the sun beams downs if winter couldn't stand a chance in this spot of the world. It tricked me to believe March was so soon.
A part of me loved this state, don't get me wrong. I love not worrying about the hectic crazy drive in the snow. The times warming up your car for about twenty minutes before even leaving your house, but other in that I never really could complain about that weather. It was my favorite time of the whole year to having snow as a blanket of your view outside. To have endless clothes jump onto you. Scarf's, hats, jeans, furry boots and miss match socks countless times on. It was my favorite time. I sometimes huff in annoyance of it not having the perfect view of the mountains and the icy chill of snow. I was nothing more but a pit in direction.
Suddenly hearing that Charm that every now and then scares me when it rings. I lift it up seeing a text from no other then Courtney.
Courtney Fairbank:
Can't wait to see you Sissy! Ahh Miss your face! Hurry and get your ass over back in Denver! Love yea, Have a great day! :)
I miss Courtney. Truly do, but with all kindness, am I even a good friend not telling her this dirty secret I knew about my feelings for her boyfriend? It was bad enough to taste that thought that I knew I couldn't get away from since two years ago setting them up in the first place. I didn't think it was going to make something that was going to be a wrecking ball in my life now. Who knew I could such the match maker before leaving that state?
Going back in a March is a must. I can't hide hear anymore, and trust me hiding is what I like doing best but Since this was going to be Courtney's eighteen birthday bash I had to go. Last time I even went was last March… So a official year. I'll get out school soon and have vacation days that haven't been touched at all. I couldn't hide of this problem if it kicked me in the ass.
Aside from all that, I am happy to go. See my best friends again. Catch up and remamist about our dream with each other. As if I made it sound like a simple task revisiting my old town it was going to one of the hardest missions so far for me to handle.
I don't know how to react seeing that smile again. Seeing no other then the guy I deeply love. That so happens to be my best friend's boyfriend. This was going to a trip in a direct I choose to pick. It's rather or not I can tame myself. I can be control, learn to be around the bush, small words and not much eye contact at his face. The way he casually has that greeting voice that makes my face just liight right up. How his left eyebrow tends to crock up slightly when he's nervous. The smell of his peppermint gum he only likes to chew. How his voice dramatically get whinny while he's drunk that just makes me laugh. The way he would softly rub his foot on my leg when he wanted me to sleep over his apartment. And just that simple blank stare that you can tell something's on his mind, only problem is actually finding out what that is. It was going to be hard re-seeing him.
It wasn't a lie that I wasn't over him, I'll tell you that as a fact. It's hard trying to explain this feeling without sound like as if I'm the one that's crazy, maybe I am.
By for now Amarillo Texas, I guess I'll see how Denver Colorado goes.
A/N: So... should I continued this story? Comments means alot. Thanks for reading . ~ TwistedXmo