Its not good, but this is the first attempt of doing a fic i have done (pls let me know what you think)
JAKE ANGST FIC
DESTROYED IN LOVE
Jake Dean sat at his workplace, in the allotment all alone, thinking and more thinking that is what he has been doing for the last two weeks, He'd been working solid for two weeks, taking up more overtime even weekends so he could keep busy, it helped but it didn't stop the memories and the hurt being there.
It was dark and late and all the staff had gone home, only he was there, he should have gone home ages ago but suddenly laughed and said 'what home!' one place where he had called a home, a life, a joy, a paradise wasn't his anymore, was it ever his he thought, feeling the hurt as pain struck through him, sure he had his mum's place/home but he felt that he was intruding, but Jack made him feel welcome and assured him he wasn't intruding and said that family never intrude, which made Jake respect Jack even more, Jack was a good man, I am glad mum found him and is happy even Craig and Steph are, which is the main thing.
I should go now, he thought, but he couldn't go, he just didn't feel like seeing anyone, right now he was happy being alone, felt secure being alone, he can let his feelings come out when alone, even cry but the last two weeks felt like I had cried till no tears were left like not even one tear could fall, every night since that day he would purposely go to the village and stare at the flat window which he shared with Becca, its like time froze when he stared, until some sound or the loft music distract me and makes me see sense, and telling me that I should go now, Its hard going back to the dog or the village where ppl are talking about you but he didn't care, coz he knew he couldnt feel worse then he already does and ppl asking you how you are? and you have to answer with a smile 'fine' but deep down you are broken, feeling useless and worthless, he hoped to god no one would ever feel what he is feeling .
As he stared at the beautiful sky, all he can think of was Becca, even after two weeks she was still in his mind, heart, soul, he should hate her, he tried but he just couldn't, obviously he told Becca what he thought of her and that he hates her and what she has done but deep down, he just couldn't, he loved her too much to ever hate her, he thought about her when he didn't want to, she was just there, never going away.
He asked himself what will Becca be doing right now, but all he could think about is Becca with Justin, Justin Burton the guy he despised so much, he had gotten to know Justin, as he worked here for a few weeks, deep down he got to know that he isn't a bad lad, just wanting to keep his family save and help them, he become quite fond of Justin as it reminded him of himself when his family were in trouble with the mortgage and his dad leaving, but now with everything which had happened, he hates him, for what he has done, what he took away and how he and Becca have made me feel., with all the lies and betrayal, Becca told him everything about how it all happened, he just stood there and listened to it, taking it all in, he was disgusted to hear it that it had been going on for 6 months, it was like his life had been a lie and he has been living a lie, all his hopes and dreams for future came crashing down while listening to her, Listening to Becca talk about Justin was surprising, he knew by the way she talked about him and how her eyes lit up just mentioning his name, he knew then and there that she loved him, that was the final straw for him, he couldn't take it anymore, that day he left, he had to leave, he had to go, he couldn't be anywhere near her anymore, he took everything of his even the wedding photos, which were no use and meaning to Becca anymore , he thought of the words he said to her when he took the photos and left '6 months ago a lifetime of commitment you destroyed in just moments', as far as he was concerned Becca didn't give a damn about him or the marriage. And all he did was give love to her, be the loving husband, be there for better and worse, make her feel secure, thats all he ever wanted to do is be the loving and devoted husband to her, to his Becca, but she isn't his anymore, he needed to accept that.
All my anger and hate goes towards Justin, when I see him and Becca in the village, while doing some work at the Jubilee Gardens, all i want to do is beat him up, and make him feel the hurt, but he knew after awhile he will still feel the same, was beating up Justin worth it? He asked himself, he didnt want to rise to the challenge as I cant ever let anybody know how I am feeling, its easier to put on a brave face and just smile, but he knew his smile didn't match what his eyes were saying or what I was feeling inside.
I sometimes wonder if this is payback for my affair I had with Lisa, but I know deep down it isn't, coz I know Becca wouldn't do that, he just isn't that sort of a person and also I have seen the way she talks about Justin and saying it just happened but what hurts his that its been going on for 6 months, how could i been so blind, he so wished Becca told him a long time ago, he might have accepted it, sure he would be hurt and angry but all he wanted was her to be happy but the lies and betrayal of 6 months are haunting me, teasing me, provoking me.
Shall I continue? or just finish it off there? - should i add anymore to the fic?