Usagi Youkai peeks into the room, scanning it for any sign of anyone. She sees no one and grins, walking in and shutting the door behind her, a small stack of papers under her arm.
"And the fourth wall is now breached." She says, flopping down in a comfy chair, in front of the reader's computer screen. She's crooked on the screen and she quickly adjusts the lens with both hands, then breaths on it, cleaning it with her long green sleeve; everything straight and clear now. She grins into the screen, having long brown hair in a sloppy clip and greenish blue eyes and freckled skin; not perfectly slim, having an even layer of baby fat. "Hello! Welcome to a very rare, very random fic. I usually don't breach the forth wall, except in author notes," Taps papers on her knees to straighten them, wearing baggy blue pants, "And I know that you don't really give a damn about me or my" -Quote, unquote fingers- "'Special, wonderful, perfect, beautiful author self', because lets face it, none of these authors and Mary Sues are perfect, no matter how conceded they are."
She clears her throat, "Well enough about my hateful side towards Mary Sues," Whispers behind her hand, "Even though they are annoying, jading, self-centered beings; I stand behind my words fully," Out loud again, "I am here to talk about some of Sokka's very gay moments, because there are a lot and I wanted to share them with people," She grins, "It just shows how much of an uke he is, I can never see him as anything but an uke."
Sighs, "But I suppose I should give some proper warnings. I shall be mentioning yaoi, and men in romantic relationships. I will be picking on characters, in a loving way mind you. Well, unless I go on a rampage about how I hate someone..."
A picture of Azula on a bull's-eye board with darts in her head mostly and also around her and in random places where Usagi has missed.
Usagi thinks a minute, "Well... Yeah, lets not talk about the evil bitches. Though I must say I do love the girl power of her team, but I have an obligation to protect Sokka's seme."
Big red blinking arrows point at Zuko, who is currently playing cards with Aang in another room. He waves the arrows away and draws a card from the deck, continuing to play as if the arrows had never been there.
Usagi grins, "Anyway, there will be no real story with this, just some rare, random, not-perfect-ness. Maybe I'll do more of it even if this is done, but I don't know yet, I'm just starting it." She clears her throat. "Ok, Sokka's Gay Moments. They might not all be gay, necessarily, but they might be unbearably cute." Flashes a large fan girl grin, then shakes her head, getting a hold of herself, "Sorry, I love this show so much, Nickelodeon has created this beautiful show, I love it so much and I can honestly say, no other show has captured my heart like this one, not even Yu Yu Hakusho, Yu-Gi-Oh, or even Naruto. That's saying a lot if you know me." ... "I may rant a bit during these, bare with me or leave, your choice."
She clears her throat, picking up the first paper, "Ok, so Sokka, while he is permanently uke in my mind now, was not labeled until episode 4," turns around paper to readers, where 'Warriors of Kyoshi' is panted on with green paint, and a few splotches where she dripped, "Obviously, this is very popular everywhere. Sokka's sexist ways were challenged when a bunch of girls beat him, both in ambush, and in a training gym." Grins, "Hell, he crossed dressed in that episode and I know Suki knew it was a dress. She was just trying to make Sokka feel comfortable in telling him it was a warrior's uniform. I do believe the significances of the gold and what-not are real traditions, but lets face it, it's a dress." Tosses that one away and holds up a picture of Sokka in his dress, "This is Sokka's dress, I think he just wants to look pretty in it. You know, he flew away with it at the end of the episode, I bet he has it stashed somewhere, maybe somewhere in Appa's massive coat." Gently puts that picture aside with care since she loves it so much.
"Aang saw it for what it was and Zuko couldn't tell Sokka from the girls. It's also the second time where Sokka has worn make up," Coughs forcefully, "Sorry," -Quotey fingers- "'Warrior face paint'. This is the first time Sokka gets captured, along with Aang and Katara."
Holds up next paper, which has 'King of Omashu' written in purple paint this time, "It's a very brief moment, but after seeing it the second time after my yaoi instincts pin pointed the moment, Bumi noticed Sokka's gayness right away," Clears throat, "I quote, "How about you, I bet you like meat", and then he promptly shoves a chicken leg into Sokka's mouth. I'm sorry, but HELLO! Bumi knows all!" Throws hands into the air, "Bumi rocks!" Calms down, "I'm sorry, but I love Bumi, I love the mad geniuses. Its also the second time the group gets captured." Tosses paper away.
Pulls out a picture of the spirit panda from episode 'Winter Solstice: part 1' in its fuzzy form eating bamboo, "Not must in episode 7, but Sokka was kidnapped by this guy, and I must say, Sokka plays the part of damsel of distress quite well." Puts down picture, "There's not a lot going on in episode 8 either, though Sokka and Katara get caught for some of the episode. So that makes capture total come to 2 for Aang: 3 for Katara: And 4 for Sokka. This has to be saying something."
She holds up a paper with 'Waterbending scroll' painted in blue, "This is not one of my personal favorites, because it spawned the Zuko/Katara, which makes me gag by just by reading the summaries. I absolutely hate it. They all get captured again, though Sokka almost didn't get captured, that is, until he opened his mouth. You know, one of those pirates, maybe two of them were wearing lips stick, and it was cute when that one slung his arm around Sokka's shoulders and he whimpered..." Grins, "It was cute and I'm not taking it back."
She tosses the last paper and pulls out Jet's name on a piece of paper, painted in red. "While I think Jet is a psychopath with a pinch of insanity and cruelty, I can't say I hate him, not really. Sokka gets captured again in this episode all by his lonesome, and you know, if Jet had had the time and if his men weren't around, he would have so raped Sokka." Crickets chirp at her, "What! I know I should have something against it," She pokes her index fingers together, head down in slight shame, "I like hurting ukes or having them injured or emo so the seme can help."
Clears throat, "Anyway, Sokka really doesn't get a break, and Katara is actually the one who stops Jet. I can't believe she fell for his rogue charm. Sokka was even more focused as uke in Jet's seme shadow, and it showed that Sokka at least has some sense. He was merciful to the old man, so he's not crazy racist like Jet."
She peeks around, giggling, "Sokka turmoil... I love it so much."
"Anyway, there's not much in 'Blue spirit'," holds up a picture of Zuko in his Blue Spirit outfit, "But there was a lot of Zuko, and in 'The Storm' also. Though there was Sokka saying some very fun stuff; like talking to Momo and Appa. Aang does get captured, though he wasn't that uke with it, I mean, he bounds away a lot at puts up a better fight than Sokka."
She holds up a picture of Aunt Wu, "Sokka is picked on a lot on this one. If she had REALLY told Sokka his fortune, I'm sure it would have been with something with Zuko, I'm sure of it. It just had a good amount of Sokka in it that I loved. Struggle and anguish was her first impression of Sokka... that is uke to me."
Presses a picture of Bato to the screen, "Can you tell I got tired of painting those signs? It was Sokka centered, and though it did not make Sokka very uke, it showed his intelligence and Sokka's dad had a close friend," taps fingers together, "Yeah, I can see Sokka's dad and Bato, just because of this episode. And then there was the small Zuko and Sokka interaction; bitter, funny and I'll take what ever I can get. Sokka and Katara get captured in the episode."
She checks her tally board, "So that's Aang 4 captures, Katara 5 and Sokka was kidnapped 7 times. Sokka is still our top damsel in distress."
She holds up a picture of Teo, the boy in the wheel chair, "This episode is just cute because it shows how nerdy Sokka can be, and nerds are on my uke list."
Usagi plays with a picture of Princess Yue, flopping it back and forth, unintrested, "I must say I'm disappointed with the amount of Sokka in the last three episodes, so I was not impressed with them. Princes Yue... It's not just because Sokka loved her, it's really not, but she was so... so..." Picture is tossed carelessly, "So dainty and so dramatic when she didn't have to be. It does give away the fact that Sokka likes royalty though. I will let the belief of Sokka loving her slide, though I think he was only infatuated and they could become friends." Slings legs over the arm of the chair, back against the other arm, out of papers, getting comfy, "And that was season one. Season two, Sokka is even more uke, which almost overloads my yaoi senses at times"
"And Aang was captured too, I almost forgot about that. And Sokka is still our damsel in distress for season one. Now, to review..."
---
Sokka walks into the room where everyone is lounging, off set from the show. He looks around briefly.
"Hey, were did the crazy girl go?" he asks no one un particular. Zuko shrugs, still playing cards with Aang, and has a loosing hand.
"She ran off." He replied and draws more cards from the deck. Aang is air bending his cards in the air, though not showing the cards to Zuko.
"She said something about a camera and... and... What else did she say?" Aang said, not having been fully paying attention. Katara is in the kitchenette, the room they're in being a small apartment.
"She was collecting pictures for something." Katara said absently, mixing a bowl of ingredients. Toph and Iroh are playing Paisho in the corner, Iroh's usual pot of tea beside them.
"She sure was in a hurry." Toph supplied and moved a piece on the board.
"She didn't even stop for tea." Iroh said and shook his head, "Very unlike her."
Sokka held his chin in his hand, pondering, "Crazy avid yaoi fan with a camera, pictures, in a hurry, and not stalking us." He also took in account that she bypassed Iroh's offer on tea, which was not heard of because Usagi is a very avid fan of Iroh and would sit for days on end without moving, hearing his stories and laughing at his jokes... "The only thing that would pull her away from Iroh is..." He stopped, eyes widening, "Crap!" He zips out the door, slamming it behind him. Zuko frowns and get up, putting his cards down, sighing.
"I'll get him," he says, following Sokka out the door, "He's just going to hurt himself..."
Aang peaks under Zuko's cards, pouting, "Aw, I was about to win that hand too..."
---
Usagi is holding up an obscene picture of Sokka and Zuko as stick figures since she can't draw that good, "And this would be them on their honeymoon, and their wedding night, and probably any other night..."
Sokka kicks open the door, making Usagi look up, Sokka pointing at Usagi looking angry, "YOU!"
Usagi laughs uneasily and looks at the camera, an anime sweat drop running down her temple, "Um, I think that's all the time I got. If I survive this you might get more, if I'm feeling random again..." Grabs camera as Sokka starts chasing her.
"How many time have I told you not to tell people that stuff!" Sokka yells, screen being jumbled horribly, circling around the room.
"Sokka! You're too uke for people not to know this stuff! Hell! You're uke with your hair down!"
"That's only in your sick mind!"
Usagi pouts behind the camera, "I like my mind..."
She throws open the door and runs smack into Zuko, then promptly falls on her butt; Zuko is still standing, though surprised. Sokka isn't able to stop in time and he trips over Usagi, slamming into Zuko, knocking them over.
Usagi takes the moment to blink at the scene, then grins, holding up the camera so the readers can see. Sokka has ends up straddling Zuko's waist and both are blinking at each other, confused and Sokka soon enough has very red cheeks. Usagi grins like a maniac, watching through the lens, breaking the golden silence after about a minute.
"Do you two know what is going through my mind right now?" She giggles and Sokka turns to her, eyebrow twitching, glaring at her. Usagi's is suddenly filled with dread and she scrambles out into the hall past them, before they can regain full bodily functions.
"USAGI!"