JEM: The Misfits' List of Tabletop Rules
Jem and related characters are property of Hasbro.
1. When Pizzazz says that it's a "beer and pretzels" night, you have to bring your own pretzels. We've got a microbrewery in the backyard.- Stormer
1a. On that note, you're not allowed to bring one of those big bread pretzels, Jetta.- Pizzazz
2. While it brings great pleasure to see what critical hit has befallen Clash's character in Dark Heresy this time, rigging the dice so that they score ten hits each time is cheating. Knock it off, Pizzazz.- Stormer
3. Not allowed to model an adversary in any tabletop game off the following: Jem or any of the Holograms, Jessica Benton, Eric Raymond, the Baroness, or any of the Misfits.- Stormer
3a. Exsept Jetta- Roxy.
3b. Wanker!- Jetta
4. In 40k, Ork medesin dosent work on non-Orks. Anyone who tries autoXXXautomaXXX fails their dice roll.- Roxy
4a. (Translation: Ork medicine doesn't work on non-Orks. Anyone who tries automatically fails their dice roll)- Stormer
5. Not allowed to feed Jetta to Lofwyr in Shadowrun again.- Clash
5a. Nor Pizzazz.- Clash
6. When playing Shadowrun, not allowed to throw another PC into Dunkelzahn's rift. Even if it's Clash.- Jetta
7. The following weapons in any RPG are not to be used by Roxy ever again: flamethrowers or other weapons with incendiary capability, Gatling guns, spells involving fire or electricity, staves, staffs, wands, etc. that discharge fire or electricity, rocket launchers, grenade launchers, hand grenades, incendiary ammunition for any projectile weapon (this includes arrows), energy weapons of any kind, bolters, siege weaponry, NBC weaponry, telekinesis abilities of any sort, and elephants.- Pizzazz and Stormer
8. Jetta is not allowed to become a cyberzombie in Shadowrun. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.- Stormer.
9. Not allowed to learn blood magic in Shadowrun. Instead of turning your character into an NPC, your character will instead: explode as if they were made of dynamite, be eaten by a dragon, or have a communications satellite fall on their heads.- Pizzazz.
9a. Or get shot.- Roxy
9b. Or set on fire.- Jetta
10. If Roxy's character sees anything in Call of Cthulhu, she has to make a SAN check. It doesn't matter how low her INT stat is set.- Stormer
11. Not allowed to force Clash to play a mage in Shadowrun.- Pizzazz
12. Not allowed to force Roxy to play a hacker in Shadowrun.- Pizzazz
13. Not allowed to have transforming drones in Shadowrun.- Stormer
14. Any character sufficiently like Batman will die of a fatal heart attack before the campaign begins.- Stormer.
14a. See above, except for any character out of Metal Gear Solid.- Pizzazz
15. Not allowed to make a magical initiation consist of a pilgrimage to Cleveland.- Clash
15a. Or Swindon.- Jetta
15b. Or Tomorrow, Ohio.- Pizzazz (yes, it's a real place, Roxy. Stop laughing)
16. Not allowed to use small children as bait for Cthulhu.- Jetta
16a. Or old women.- Jetta
17. In Star Wars D20, stormtrooper armor Jedi robes.- Stormer.
18. Never name the pirate submarine Nautilus ever again.- Pizzazz.
18a. Or Seaview.- Stormer
19. Any monster that resembles an Inhumanoid is verboten.- Pizzazz
20. "Napalm sticks to Jem" is neither clever nor pleasant to hear. Even if you did break rule 3 and defeated the adversary with a flamethrower.- Pizzazz