Title: Perverted Bud
Author: Vid Z.
Category: Humour, Romance
Season: 9th
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: about the title: With the title I didn't mean to imply Bud is perverted. Perverted was an amazing series done by various authors for the Star Trek Voyager Kim/Torres shipper fiction. The point was to have someone overhear the two main characters, suspicious sounds and assuming they are having sex. The fic's title would have the listener's name placed next to the name of the series.
Dedication: This is dedicated to every reader, fan and writer of the Kim/Torres shipper pairing and to those who started and participated in the writing of the Perverted series. Guys you are great! Too bad TPTB of Voyager decided to completely ruin the show and forcefully shove B'Elanna together with Paris (when they had NOTHING in common and were not good together), when it was clear that she and Harry were made for each other and the writers wrote the show with so much chemistry between them for the first 3 or more seasons.
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2459 ZULU
JAG HQ
Falls Church, Virginia
It was way after hours and Bud was walking down the corridor where Commander Harmon Rabb's office was located. The small former supply closet was formerly his own office, he remembered with a grimace.
It was smaller than an average prison cell and while he felt sympathy for the Commander, one of his closer friends, after thinking of the horrible smell coming from the wall, he thougt 'Better him than me.'
When he was right at the door he heard suspicious sounds.
He stopped to listen. 'Yep', he thought, 'there is something going on in there.'
Next thing he heard was a familiar female voice through the door: »It won't go in Harm, it's too big.«
The voice, in which he recognised the afore-mentioned Commander, replied: »Don't worry, it'll fit. We'll just have to manouever with precision and go slowly at first.«
But started to feel warm under his collar. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but he couldn't help himself.
For the next few minutes there was a lot of moaning, groaning and heavy breathing coming through the thin door.
After awhile the woman said again: »See, I told you it's too big.«
Harm could be heard: »What? It did go in.«
But couldn't believe that such a workout was needed just to get it in. 'They are sure gonna be sore tomorrow,' he thought. 'The woman especially.'
A warm, husky chuckle which made Bud even hotter, accompanied the reply: »Yeah, but it's very snug. It was a problem getting it in.«
Harm sounded thoughtful: »You know, Jen, you're right.«
'Jen?' thought Bud alarmed 'Cmdr. Rabb and Petty Officer Coates?' He knew there was some major chemistry between those two and Harriet insisted that they are in love. 'But I just can't imagine the Cmdr. breaking the regs that way. And what about the him. and Colonel MacKenzie? Well, it's her own fault for letting such a great guy slip through her fingers by getting involved with that jackass Webb.' Bud was starting to get worried and looked around the corridor, hoping no-one would come and hear the amorous couple. It could lead to a world of trouble for them.
Jen was sounding irritated: »Well don't just stand there, do something! Get it out! Do I have to do all the work?«
After a lot more moaning and groaning and heavy breathing which made Bud think longingly of Harriet and that new red see-through teddy she bought last week, a triumphant shout could be heard.
»See, what did I tell you, Jen? With this new cabinet we've just put in place I will have more room for files in here. All that hard work definitely paid off.«
A grin could definitely be heard in Jen's voice: »Okay, I give up Harm, you were right. This time.«
Bud was completely mortified over being so wrong and making such bad assumptions. Turning around he headed back to the bullpen chastising himself the whole way for jumping to conclusions so badly.
If he had stayed 10 more seconds, he would've heard Harm say: »Well, honey, what do you say: do we christen the cabinet now or later?«
The sounds of buttons and zippers being undone was the only answer Jen gave him, but he understood it perfectly clearly.
»Just remember we have to take off our wedding rings after that, until we get off the perimeter. Later we are going for a nice fancy dinner, it's our 5th wedding anniversary after all.« The rest of what he wanted to say was intercepted by Jen's eager mouth over his.
And a lot more muffled moaning, sounds of ecstasy and heavy breathing could be heard again...
THE END