Hey guy's so I am not very good at this but this came to me a yearor so ago and ive been writing it ever since. Figured it needed to finally come out of my notebook and be shared. Let me know what you think.
Ten hours.
Ten long hours to get me where I am right now. 6 hour plane ride and 4 hour by bus to be standing in front of this church, about to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Face them. Face all of them.
I look around to see if anyone was watching, I begin to admire my surroundings and have to admit to myself that it felt strange to actually be standing in front of a church. THE church she used to attend every Sunday in a small town she once called her home.
Well here goes nothing I thought to myself. I felt the soft summer breeze blow past me as I entered the church. As I entered I could help but admire the huge stain glass windows. Each held a saint, and it occurred to me that it was here she found her love for God. Looking at the stain glass windows I saw the beauty and betrayal in each one, saints always seemed to hold compassion in their eyes but looking closer I saw a sort of hatred. Like there was nothing any of us could do to be like them. Maybe it was just my eyes playing tricks on me.
As I was looking at the stain glass and listening to the peacefulness of the church it occurred to me that she loved going to church because it was so quiet and serene unlike her everyday life. Then something caught my eye. I got closer and a poster board came into focus. My eyes fell on pictures and I couldn't help but smile at the people smiling back at me. There were pictures of her family I am assuming it was her mom and dad, everyone looked so young including her. There was one of her in Ohio playing in the snow, cheeks rosy red and eyes sparkling in the sun. Pure childhood delight filled every premise of that picture.
My eyes scanned the plasterboard some more, remembering everything about the woman before me. I couldn't believe she was really gone. I was still looking when the doors to the church flew open. I didn't look back as I ran to a seat, realizing for the first time that I was the only one here. I chose a seat in the far back because I wasn't ready yet. Wasn't ready to be 17 again, and approach all those feelings that I had left buried in my brain. I chose instead to think of other things, my husband that I had left at home and our beautiful twin girls. But even then her face creped into my mind.
People filed into the church, and the music began to play, it was everything that I had imagined it would be. She always talked about her funeral, preparing us for the time it would come. But back then we had years to worry about that stuff, and a lot more memories to make. I never once brought my eyes away from the floor, feeling like a stranger amoung a group of people who had once been my entire world. Then the casket was brought in and I had to raise my eyes, it was my only chace to say goodbye to a woman who had help so much promise in my life. It had been 10 years since my whole world turned to shit, and I never got to ay goodbye. I wasn't letting this time go. I kyla Woods was for once going to face all the people who slowly helped me find myself. And it all started by saying good bye to one of the most dominant figured in my teenage years. Paula carlin.