It's been a long time. I wonder if he's thought about me at all…I've thought about him far too often.
"Lee," I hear Neji say, breaking me out of my thoughts. I turn to him, realizing I had been staring motionless into the beginning sunrise.
"Sorry!" I apologize, unable to give an explanation for my distant state. I don't even understand it myself.
"We need to get moving. We're almost there, and it would be troublesome to keep the…Kazekage waiting." He warns, taking off ahead of me. Tenten nods wordlesssly, and I follow behind them, finding myself slightly troubled by the tone in which Neji said "Kazekage." I'm no stranger to the fact that Neji dislikes most people, but I'm still bothered by his aversion to the Kazekage.
However, I am thrilled to be traveling on a mission again with my old team. I look ahead at the two of them and can't help but grin to myself. This is what I wanted, isn't it? A chance to spend time with my friends, two of the most important people in my life, second always to Gai Sensei. Also, serving the Leaf Village by going on an important mission is something I always enjoy. Any chance to prove my worth while also protecting those dear to me makes me giddy with excitement. Still very much in the heart of my youth, I must take advantage of every opportunity to put it to the test.
The three of us have been assigned to take an important scroll to the Sand Village, so important that we've been encountered by quite a few enemies on our journey here. Of course, the three of us fight together like clockwork, and since my recovery I've trained harder than ever and become much stronger. Nobody that challenged us for the scroll was a problem for us. With Neji and Tenten by my side, I feel unstoppable, even more so than usual.
Yet why am I unable to keep my head straight? The closer we get to the Sand Village, the harder it is for me to concentrate on the matters at hand. I look up from the sand we're speeding through and stare at the distant buildings ahead, made of sand, sitting atop of sand, and surrounded by a wind fueled haze of sand. I look back down, looking at the grains of sand stuck between my toes, flinging from my sandals with each bound. Every single grain reminds me of him.
Gaara.
I shake my head slightly, telling myself not to think about him. But it's no use. Even before I was assigned this mission he's been on my mind more than he should be. Even when I train, which is when my mind goes mostly blank and I focus solely on bettering my body and mind, he pops into my head. I haven't been able to pinpoint why I'm unable to stop my thoughts about him.
As if on cue, a strong wind blows, and sand particles sting my face slightly. Immediately my mind flashes back to my fight with Gaara.
I'm painfully trying to stand or at least sit up, my confusion and panic fusing into a fearful cocktail. How could he still be conscious after my Hidden Lotus Technique? I thought for sure I'd have him beat once I broke through his armor. Yet there he is, lying in his protective cushion of sand, his arm outstretched to me in a strangely threatening manner.
Then I see it, the massive hand of sand hurdling towards me. The look in his eyes, a knowing look of hatred, tells me that this hand could very easily end this, and me. I try to crawl away, but my forceful opening of my chakra gates has torn my muscles, and the hidden lotus depleted every useable ounce of chakra in my body. I've nothing left up my sleeve, and I'm terrified.
The sand begins to wrap its tendrils around my left leg and arm, and I struggle futilely against its immovable hold. My weak body has nothing left. I can feel my heart pounding furiously, trying to give my muscles the nutrients they need to fight, and I wonder if these next few moments will be my last. Blood is roaring through my ears, yet nothing can drown out Gaara's voice, however smooth and quiet it is.
"Sand coffin."
"Lee, stop trailing behind. If anything, you should be moving faster than we are, Mr. Taijutsu!" Tenten scolds me, and I tense up. I look ahead at her, and soften under her good-natured grin. Forcing the dark thoughts out of my head, I catch up to my friends, determined to keep pace with them. Yet, my mind soon falls back into the memory as we get even closer.
One thing that I can't seem to push from my mind is those eyes. While his eyes showed knowledge of my soon-to-be defeat, I can't help but wonder if I imagined the sadness I saw within them as well. Even while angry, in pain, and determined to kill me, what shown through more than anything was the sadness. Or maybe it was loneliness?
I'm not scared of Gaara. No, quite the opposite. I'm curious about him.
The sun is rising, and I silently thank whoever created this building for making my bedroom window facing East. With this view, I can tell the exact moment when the night is over, and I can postpone my endless struggle against Shukaku until the next night. There have been times when I've been able to get a few minutes of light sleep, maybe an hour. However, I wake up whenever his power stirs and must push him back into submission.
At least during the day he lies remotely dormant, and I can pretend if only for a moment that I have any semblance of normality. Of course, this is also futile, considering the looks of fear I receive from everyone I come into contact with.
Contact…What I'd give for the touch of a hand for a moment, or the hold of someone close. I grimace, unable to think of a single person I consider close. Besides, if anyone were to touch me, I'd probably kill them, knowing me.
A sigh rises from my lungs, and I get off of my bed, still made from the night before. Time to start my day, however uneventful it may be. I get dressed and throw my gourd over my shoulder, its familiar weight about the only comforting thing in my life. Protecting myself is all I have, and even now that seems nearly impossible. With every shinobi in the village dedicating their lives to my protection, despite their fear and hatred for me, it's been quite a while since I've gotten into a fight.
I know I should look at that as a good thing, so that I will not fall back into old habits, but part of me still wants to just…Kill. But I have responsibilities now, and such is not the behavior of a Kazekage. My days mostly consist of paperwork, mission assignments, and meetings with people that I can't stand. It's not their faults, because I can't stand anyone. However, those meetings grate on my nerves more than anything else.
We all sit in a room, some of the feudal lords, the top shinobi of the village, and me. We discuss whatever matters are at hand at the time. The feudal lords mostly concern themselves with money and politics, while the shinobi are consumed with the need for power. I'm left with the responsibility of making decisions that actually protect and benefit the people of the Sand Village, a tiresome job considering I hate everyone here.
The citizens bow to me now, and they address me by Lord Kazekage. Yet before I was in this position, I was merely a danger to them, a parasite embedded in the population. No measures of respect can make me care for them. My ability to keep myself from killing them is concern enough from me.
"Go home, monster!" the girl cries out, slamming her door. I stand there holding the paper bag of ointment, unable to respond. How, when I went out of my way to apologize and make up for my mistake, could she refuse to even hear me out? How, when everyone around me hates me for reasons unknown to me, am I supposed to find love to heal the wounds in my heart? Yashamaru's words, the words that had built me up and gave me courage to come here, quickly fade to the back of my mind…I feel like I could kill right now.
The faint shifting sound of small grains breaks through my thoughts, and I find myself surrounded by a haze of sand, growing thicker by the moment. I let my anger get the best of me again. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and slowly force the sand back inside the gourd. This happens a lot when I remember my past, but I've gotten better at controlling myself. It usually only happens when I'm alone, which is good because when people see my sand they are filled with terror. I mustn't let it show in public, not anymore.
Now it is time to start my day. The sun is fully raised now, and I have a morning meeting to attend, missions to assign to the lower level ninjas, and lots and lot of paperwork. There's no time to waste.
The meeting passes without any major problems, if being stuck in a room of people you loath for multiple hours isn't considered a problem. Then I oversee the assignment of low-level missions to bright-eyed Genin squads who don't know a thing about what it means to be strong. They are clueless to ideas such as pain and true loneliness, and I can only hope that as they get older they experience a small fraction of what I have.
Now I'm in my private office going through papers. It's tedious work, but I prefer it to being around others. Every time I get away from everyone, I feel like I need to recuperate. My frustration takes a while to settle, and I need the time alone to keep myself from going insane.
Insane? You already are; haven't you always been?
Suddenly, the door to my office opens, causing a small prickle of annoyance to twinge in my temples. It's one of my assistants, and she stares down at the floor, unable to look me in the eye.
"Lord Kazekage," she says loudly with a bow, her voice shaking almost imperceptibly. "I apologize for interrupting your work, but there are three Leaf Village Shinobi here to see you. They claim to have important information for you directly from the Hokage." She informs me. While I usually don't like being around people, the sudden arrival of Shinobi from the Leaf Village gains my interest. Anything that breaks up my repetitive days is welcomed.
"Send them in." I command, standing up from my chair. I walk around my desk, standing in front of it in wait of my visitors. Their footsteps can be heard down the hallway. Part of me wonders if I will know any of them from my time in the Leaf Village. My question is answered as they enter my office.
The first one that enters is a boy with long brown hair, and the tell tale pale eyes of the Hyuga clan. I vaguely recognize him from the Chunin exam, but cannot remember his first name. The next ninja to enter is a girl with her hair in two buns. I recognize her as the Genin that Temari defeated during the exam, quite easily if I remember correctly. After an extra moment of thought, her name pops into my head. Tenten.
The last one to come into view is a person I remember instantly. He walks into my office with a huge and bright smile on his face, completely contrasting the other two solemn looking Shinobi. A strong tension takes over my body, and I can't explain why. He stands there in his green jumpsuit and orange legwarmers, looking like the least threatening man in the world, yet I know his power. I'm not afraid of him, nor do I want to kill him. I don't know what it is that I'm feeling, but I know exactly who he is.
Rock Lee.