A/N: I have always admired authors who have the guts to make angst-y stories.
This is one of my attempts on making an angst story, and yeah, I had an excellent time conveying Annabeth's struggles. I even laughed out loud while typing this down because of all the angst. Surely you wouldn't report me for lunacy, right? Great.
Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Dedicated to:
storyteller1425 – for her story Why Me? The ninth chapter made me unreasonably sad. It was a happy chap of a happy story, but it got me sad and I didn't know why. It got me inspired to write this oneshot. So thanks storyteller1425 for the lovely read!
Enjoy!
Percy Jackson and The Olympians
Title: My December
Summary: Post TLH. How Annabeth spent her Christmas, struggling to fight the feeling of despair when Percy disappeared. PercyxAnnabeth.
Song Prompt: Christmas When You Were Mine by Taylor Swift
(He's gone)
Annabeth tossed and turned at the bed, ignoring the cheerful caroling at the eave of the front door. She gazed at the alarm clock sitting innocently on the nightstand, the numbers 8:47 blinking in red.
(He's gone)
She pictured out Chiron's sympathetic expression when he announced the search party to be recalled. All campers should return to their homes immediately on Christmas season since neither Chiron nor Mr. D would be able to supervise due to the fracas in Olympus.
And so here she was, back at home in San Francisco with her prim stepmother and stepbrothers, his father off to Germany on some expedition. Duty calls.
The Chases ate their Christmas Dinner a little bit early than necessary as Annabeth requested. She wanted to be alone for a while, bidding them to open their gifts without her.
She wondered if Bobby and Matthew would like that new set of LEGO blocks she bought on her last-minute gift shopping.
He's gone…
The words echoed in her mind soundly, a blade ready to rip her in shreds. It hurt to say his name even in her thoughts. He, him, best friend, boyfriend… anything except his name. It was a taboo to her, continuously threatening to destroy. He wasn't entirely gone. He just doesn't remember anything. But that was enough for Annabeth's world to crack.
Percy's gone.
8:48. To Annabeth, the clock ticked in a snail-like pace. She tossed away the sheets, letting the cold air envelope her. The past, present and future didn't matter to her anymore. It shouldn't matter. Annabeth continued to drown out the merry tunes that escaped in the crevices of the window sill.
Tick.
She stood up and took the box-shaped present wrapped in crisp, blue paper. Percy's present. She balanced it in her hands.
Tock.
She slowly crept to her closet and opened the door. She laid the present neatly on top of her folded denim jeans and flannel pajamas. The door closed with a clunk. She would be keeping it there. Until next time.
She flopped back on the bed, frustration bottled inside her along with the other unknown emotions that whirled in her chagrin. The other wall clock ticked and tocked, mixing along with the fluttering beats of her battered heart. Was it even beating? Or were those just illusions, sounds of what was and what could've been?
Tick.
She was just a frightened daughter of Athena, scared out of her wits, fighting the unknown when a part of her was taken away.
Tock.
When was the last time she cried? It seemed like a long time ago. She did not cry when her worst fears were confirmed. She wanted to be strong. Frightened, maybe. But strong. She owed him that. She promised him that she'd be strong no matter what. And he promised her that nothing bad would happen between them.
It wasn't fair.
8:49.
It didn't matter now. Nothing can be undone. Her body craved for anything, any emotion to be released. But nothing was left.
8:50.
The intensity of it all was unbearable, but she would try. She would always try. For him.
She rolled out of bed and slid down the floor. Her hand flew to her hair, struggling to remove the tangles that rebelled against her. Her eyes goaded the mirror. The reflection. It was her and at the same time… it wasn't. The image was far too pale, too scrawny, too haggard. Her hair, losing its luster, was tattered and tousled. Her eyes were now dark and sinister, the light that had once been there was gone. Annabeth, breathing heavily and still watching the sullen girl in front of her, now knew why everyone was horrified whenever they looked at her.
She was different now. How much of her had changed?
"Annabeth?"
There were four loud knocks on the door. It was her stepmother, obviously worried. Annabetth wasn't actually clandestine of her predicament that even Matt and Bobby knew. She uttered none, but they knew. One can hide nothing from a Chase. She knew they didn't deserve what she was putting them through, and if she had any strength to stop it, she would.
She just didn't know how.
"Annabeth?" the door swung open. Annabeth eyed Mrs. Chase without a flicker of emotion. She remained passive as her stepmother handed her a rectangular-shaped box – Annabeth's present. She pushed down her worries for a moment to open her present.
After all, it was Christmas day.
Mrs. Chase furtively glanced at her as Annabeth pulled the ribbon. She opened the lid of the box casing, revealing a navy-blue winter jacket. It was beautiful.
"It's been cold, Annabeth," Mrs. Chase said, and Annabeth knew she had not meant it to be literal entirely.
Annabeth wove her hands inside the holes and pulled down the jacket. Incapable of saying a proper thank you, Annabeth wrapped her arms around her stepmother. Mrs. Chase stiffened, startled, but then she started patting Annabeth's head. Neither of them knew what to do. The gesture was unusual and awkward. But Annabeth knew that her stepmother was happy and content to offer this littlest amount of comfort, this littlest amount of peace.
"Your father wanted to give this to you," she said, handing Annabeth a small package wrapped around in a humble piece of cloth. She took it wordlessly.
"Merry Christmas," was all she managed to say. Mrs. Chase nodded. "Thank you. Merry Christmas, dear."
At that, Annabeth felt horrible. All the past pieces of resentment and anger were gone in wisps. Staring at the lady in front of her, her eyes billowing with concern… She needed to get out.
"Can I drive the car?"
Mrs. Chase was surprised. "Why? Where are you going?" she inquired.
Not waiting for any permission, Annabeth took her father's car keys that were hanging idly at the front door peg. "Out."
She stumbled out of the door, preventing anyone from saying the last word but her. Her hands then latched at the car door, set aside her father's Christmas gift in impulse and threw the car on reverse. Annabeth advertently backed out and started across the road. Hitting the gas pedal, braking and taking random turns, Annabeth drove westbound.
More winding roads. More bright lights. More carolers singing on each doorstep. The soft purr of the car mingled with the whooshing of the night wind. Slowly, Annabeth parked on the deserted beach area.
She opened the door. How long had she been driving? It felt like hours, days, weeks, months, years, an eternity. The lights of the beach were dim and frosted in snow. The wind was glassy and frigid. She slid her father's present in her pocket as she took those painful steps towards the surf. She was at the sea, unconsciously pulling her towards Percy's element. At the darkest of days, the sea always found its way on soothing her, whispering to her in the icy waves that everything would be okay. The sea was comfort, in a way.
Annabeth smiled.
She curled inside the jacket that her stepmother gave her, finding warmth there at least for tonight. It was the first time she had ever felt warmth since Percy disappeared.
Feeling the bump in her jacket, she took out her last remaining present and studied it between her fingers. Hands trembling partly at the cold, she lifted the cloth. Her breathing hitched when she saw a silver-chain necklace with an owl pendant, its sapphire eyes brimming to her soul. She fingered the owls that were clasped on her ears. A match. Annabeth slowly opened a note that came along with it.
I miss my brave, little girl.
Merry Christmas.
~ Dad
Annabeth fought a sob that threatened to surface. She shoved the note in her pocket and clasped the chain, fiddling with the lock. She looped it around her, feeling the light weight on the crook of her neck. She fastened the hook. Two necklaces weaved around her: her father's gift and her camp's bead necklace. Both of them hung and nestled close to her heart.
Why did it have to end this way?
She tried to name all the emotions that swirled around her: sadness, agony, pain, pity, hopelessness, anger, love. All of it. She held all of it back. But not anymore. She fixed her face towards the sky, her blonde hair thrown back, her gray eyes shining. She let it all out. Loudly.
Annabeth screamed.
It was a piercing, bloodcurdling, heartbreaking scream. She never wanted to stop. She refused to stop.
Annabeth screamed louder.
All her fears and doubts flooded back. The voices rushed in her, taunting her.
He's not coming back. He's gone. He's forgotten you. He's probably found someone else. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't want you. Stop hoping. He doesn't love you. Give up. He never loved you.
It's over.
She screamed louder, feeling her heart being ripped apart. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. Her throat ached. Her insides throbbed. Her mind blank. Her heart dead. She threw her arms open, not caring at the slightest bit of monsters that would come scrambling towards her from Mount Tam. Every voice, every emotion, she let it all out now.
How did the Fates let this happen? What had she done to deserve this? Why is she destined to be alone again?
Finally, she stopped. Letting precious oxygen in her system, she inhaled, exhaled, her face devoid of any emotion. She gazed at the open sea, listening.
Annabeth broke down and sobbed.
And nothing. This time, Percy Jackson would not be running to the sound of her voice, her scream.
(Because he's gone)
She closed her eyes.