"Shut up, you dumbass!" Kageyama screamed loudly. "Just shut up! I'm sick and tired of hearing about how your dad is so awesome, he gets you stuff all the time and plays with you, and how your mom makes the best cookies, and how your little sister is so, so cute! I've had enough of it!"
Hinata froze in rage.
What right does this bastard have to say that? If he doesn't want to listen, he doesn't have to! Just because he doesn't have a sister!
"What did you just say, Kageyama?" asked Daichi in a dangerous voice.
Colour rushed to Kageyama's cheeks. "Oh my God, I – I am so sorry," his eyes widened in fear. "I didn't mean that, I swear I didn't-"
"But you said it!" cut in Yamaguchi angrily. "You said it!"
"That's it, Kageyama," Daichi frowned at him sternly. "Your moods have been getting worse and worse. We don't want a player like that on the team, you get it? You're officially off until you can find a way to make it up to Hinata!"
Kageyama stared at Daichi for a second before whipping around, grabbing his bag and practically flying out of the gym, leaving the rest of the Karasuno team standing there in utter shock.
"I didn't know Kageyama could get this nasty," said Sugawara eventually. "Daichi… for once, I think he actually deserved the punishment you gave him."
Daichi nodded grimly. "That was unacceptable, Suga," he said. "Hinata," and here he turned to the short middle blocker, "I'm sorry he said that to you,"
Hinata, red in the face, nodded. "It's fine, Daichi-san," he said. "He doesn't get off saying that to anyone!"
They had a good long bitching session after that about Kageyama, with even Sugawara joining in, all of them throwing in spiteful comments and words about his rude, reckless behaviour.
"I don't care!" Hinata had roared. "I don't care about him!"
Somehow, Hinata didn't feel lighter after it – in fact, his heart felt heavy and burdened – but shook it off as anger from what the setter had said to him.
Kageyama felt a strange satisfaction as he stood on the cliff edge, arms spread-eagled.
He was ready. He knew it.
Ready to die. Ready to leave this earth forever.
And yet… doubts crept in.
What of my mother? Will she miss me?
He scoffed at that one. The woman who had beaten him bloody every day for the past five years, miss him? Hah, nice idea.
What about the others on the team?
He again scoffed at his deluded thoughts. Nobody cared. He had snapped. He was vile, foul and disgusting. Wasn't that why all his teammates at Kitagawa Daiichi had hated him so much? He was a human being not fit to live in the same timeline, on the same earth as people like them.
Hinata? Will he miss me?
Oh, that was laughable. Hadn't he heard Hinata yell how he didn't care about him at all?
Kageyama should have known. He wasn't fit to even look at a beautiful ray of sunshine like Shoyo Hinata was. And yet, he had. He had committed a sin by simply being in the life of the one he loved most. And now he had hurt him.
He didn't deserve to live.
And so, he jumped.
Kageyama felt the cool breeze on his cheeks one last time, felt the rush of air around him one last time, and didn't even notice when he crashed headfirst into the rocks.
His vision went black instantly. He knew nothing more.
Tobio Kageyama would never wake again.
The next week
Hinata, despite himself, was worried.
Kageyama hadn't shown up to school an entire week. And Hinata being Hinata couldn't take it. His anger seemed inconsequential compared to what could have happened to the dark-haired setter.
Hinata fretted at his lower lip.
"Uh, Daichi-san?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah, Hinata?" Daichi replied with a kind smile.
"Um, Kageyama hasn't shown up to school for a whole week. Even though I'm pissed at him, I don't want something serious to have happened!" Hinata exclaimed fretfully.
Daichi's face was set.
"All right," he said eventually. "Why don't we go to Kageyama's house after school and find out?"
"Yeah," agreed the rest of the team.
"Even though he's an idiot," began Tanaka.
"And a rude, self-centred dumbass," piped up Ennoshita.
"We should still check on him," finished Nishinoya.
The team made their way slowly to Kageyama's house, and Hinata rang the bell.
Ding-dong!
Ding-dong!
Ding-dong!
He rang three times, but there was no answer.
Frowning, Hinata quickly located the spare key and opened the door.
He was met by a layer of dust covering everything in the house.
Sugawara frowned worriedly.
"Isn't Kageyama a neat freak?" he asked. "Why would he keep his house this way?"
"I don't know, but something's not right," said Hinata warily. "Be alert, guys."
They slowly made their way upstairs, into Kageyama's room.
Hinata sat down on the musty bed, and his eyes widened when he felt a thin rustling of paper where he sat down.
He ripped back the covers to find a cleanly printed letter, in beautiful kanji calligraphy, obviously Kageyama's.
The letter's flap read – To Hinata.
Hinata's heart stopped, and he flipped the letter open.
Dear Hinata – no, dear Shoyo,
I am so sorry. I never meant to say that to you. Natsu, your sister, is a lovely young girl, and you're so lucky to have her. Your parents are really nice too. I just lost it because – and I get that this is no fair reason, but still – you see, I had a sister. A half-sister. She was only six, and she died in an accident last week. And I – I couldn't cope with it. I'm already depressed, and you were the only thing that kept me going.
And, I hurt you. So Shoyo, I'm sorry. I never meant any of the horrid things I ever said to you. I never did, I swear! I – I guess I'll never get a chance to tell you this face to face, so I'll do it here.
I love you. I love you more than the stars and the sun and the moon. I can't say I love you more than life itself because my life has never been worthy enough of any love. I know, I'm an ungrateful brat, and Shoyo… I won't come back to school. I won't ever come anywhere again.
If you're reading this…
Shoyo, I'll have killed myself by the time you're reading this. I've left some letters for you and everybody to read. It's my story – why I wanted to die. If you don't read them, I understand. I'm just worthless, anyway. Why would you want to know more about me?
But if you do – if, and only if – the first one is hidden in my favourite place in my house. You'll know – you always do.
If this means anything to you, you were the only thing tethering me to this earth. You and Aiko, my little sister. Otherwise I would've been gone a long time ago. You probably never would have met me. So much the better for you and your life. I'm glad that that day, you said you didn't care about me. I was afraid you did. You'll only lose by caring for a thing like me.
Shoyo, I love you more than anything I've ever loved with my stupid, worthless heart. I am a waste of space, and I'm glad I'm freeing this world from me. It – and you – don't deserve me; you deserve much, much better.
Please forget me. I don't deserve to be remembered.
Love,
Tobio Kageyama,
12 July 2015
Hinata's heart stopped.
"Hinata?" Sugawara asked concernedly. "What happened?"
Hot tears began to stream down Hinata's face as he flung himself forward and clung to Sugawara's jacket.
He began to wail. "Suga-senpai, oh, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, please, I'm sorry, he's gone, he's gone and he's never coming back-"
"Hinata, you're not making any sense," said Daichi soothingly. "Calm down a little and then talk, okay?"
Hinata removed his teary face from Suga's jacket and roared at Daichi, "How can I be calm when Kageyama killed himself because of me?!"