Chapter 1

I seriously can't wait for Valentine's day to be over. Normally, I am all about people sharing their love and grand, romantic gestures, but this year it's a no from me. It isn't because I feel bitter about being alone, I'm just not in the mood. I've watched flowers and candies be delivered all morning and my sour mood makes me roll my eyes at them. Even my best friend has been telling people about his date and his big plans for her. 'Lucky woman' I say inside my head. My Hot Stuff is a catch, but I knew a long time ago that I would never be the one to catch him. Though, the other day, I was rudely reminded.

"Baby Girl, we still on for our movie night?" I hear Derek call out to me.

With a smile, I turn around to greet him, "Oh of course, Hot Stuff! I'll bring the wine if you provide the chocolate." Throwing a wink at him.

He laughs, "Why but of course. See you later, Sweetness."

I watch him walk away. Just because he wouldn't cross a crowded room for me, doesn't mean I can't enjoy the view. Shaking my head, I start to walk back to my office. Then I hear it... The snickers.

"It's been how long and she still doesn't realize that she doesn't have a chance with him? I mean look at him and then look at her, not even if he wanted to 'slum' it, would she ever get her night with Derek Morgan." One of the techs says.

Another one laughs, "He probably just pities her. The chubby girl who can't find love. He probably has to force himself just to maintain their so called friendship."

With my heart clenching, I walk away before I could hear any more of their mean comments. Insecurities flood me and I have to fight back tears. I pull out one of my phones, sending a text to Derek saying something came up and I couldn't do movie night. There was no way I could be around him right now.

A knock at my door brings me back to the present. Bringing up my hand, I wipe away the tears that started to form as I thought about what those techs said.

"Enter mere mortal and seek knowledge from your oracle." I say, even though my voice cracked during the first few words.

"Baby Girl." I hear his raspy voice and my heart almost leeps out of my chest.

I don't turn around. I've been avoiding him and only talking to him if there was a case involved since I canceled movie night. Footsteps come closer to my chair and I feel myself starting to spin around. When my eyes land on him, I notice that he is kneeling so that he can look at me face to face.

"Hey, Hot Stuff, ya need a search?" I try to play off that there isn't anything going on or that I haven't been avoiding him.

"Baby Girl, what's going on with you?" He asks, taking one of my hands into his.

"Nothing." I have to look away. Those big, beautiful brown eyes are my weakness and if I stare at them long enough, I'll word vomit.

"Why are you lying to me?" He places his free hand on my cheek, turning me until I am looking at him.

"It's nothing, my sculpted Chocolate God of Thunder. I'm just tired." I offer a soft smile, hoping that he will just drop it. The day is almost over and all I'm looking forward to is slipping underneath my covers and not coming out for awhile.

He sticks his tongue in the side of his cheek and makes a 'mhmm' does he have to be a profiler? Most men would just leave it at that, but not Derek.

"So when do you ever ignore me because you're tired?" He asks.

Emotions course through me, all at once. I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. The words of the techs echo in my head and I swear I see pity in his eyes. My heart sinks and I have to tear my gaze away from him.

"Derek, I really just want to be left alone. Plus don't you have this big date to prepare for?" My words come off harsher than I mean them to because his eyes widen at my tone.

"Alright, Penelope." He says my name with annoyance.

He stands up and walks away. As soon as he shuts the door to my office, tears fall. There is no stopping them. How could I be so stupid? A man like that wanting to be friends with me. He once told me I was his God Given Solace, but now I'm not even sure if he meant it. My stomach twists into knots and I feel myself break out in a cold sweat. I looked down at myself, now feeling stupid and more ashamed of my body than ever. Gathering as much strength as I can muster, I wipe away my tears and go to find Hotch, wondering if he will let me leave early since we aren't on any major case.

When I get back to my office, I notice a single long stemmed rose on my keyboard. Confusion sets in. Who in the heck would send me just one rose? There's a card with it that says, "See you at 8." It isn't signed, which leads me to think this is someone's idea of a cruel joke, trying to get me to feel like Carrie at the prom. I just leave it there, not wanting to dwell on it and make myself more upset than I already am. Grabbing my purse, I power down my babies and leave for the night. I don't even say goodbye to my team of superheroes. I just want to be left alone to cry.

Climbing into Esther, I start the drive to my apartment. I manage to keep my tears in check long enough to drive. The word stupid keeps echoing in my head. Him and I have been friends for so long and in the beginning, I used to doubt it all the time. Then when I got shot, the insecure voices went away a bit. Now, with just a few comments from people who don't know us, have them back in full form. I shouldn't let them get to me and I know that, but there is some truth to what they said. I'll never get my night with Derek Morgan and I thought I had gotten over that fact years ago, but I realized that he holds such a special part of my heart. Nobody has ever made me feel like he has. He makes me feel safe and loved, but I know once he finds the woman that steals his heart, that will all disappear. She'll make him choose like Kevin tried, but unlike me, he'll make his choice and I will be left standing alone.

I lock myself in my apartment and just let my emotions free. Maybe all I need is a good cry, though I've cried so much in the past week, I'm not sure how I have anymore tears left. Going into my kitchen, I grab my emergency stash of chocolate and make my way to my bed. Throwing off my blouse and skirt, I don on one of my nightshirts and crawl under my blankets. Their warmth surrounds me and I start to sob. I was rude to Derek for no reason and I probably messed everything up. It isn't like I can tell him why I've been so distant, then I would lose my best friend, if I hadn't already. With all of the feelings that are going on, exhaustion pulls me into a slumber, my chocolate forgotten about on my nightstand.

A loud, persistent knocking wakes me up. I groan. Can't a woman sleep away her feelings without being interrupted? Tossing my blankets off me, I walk over to the door, opening it without even looking to see who it is. My eyes go wide as I am met with a suit clad Derek Morgan, his hands holding a bouquet of roses and chocolates. When I see his eyes traveling down, I realize what I am wearing. My nipples harden under my shirt and I'm not wearing pants. Quickly, I hide behind the door, just sticking my head around to see him.

"Hot Stuff, you didn't have to check on me before your date. I'm sorry about earlier." I talk really fast, hoping to end this embarrassing moment. I know my cheeks are red.

"I told you I'd see you at eight." He flashes me his signature smile.

Everything connects in my head. The rose on my desk wasn't some cruel joke and now thoughts are racing in my head.

"Baby Girl, are you okay?" He asks, genuinely concerned with my silence.

I can't form words to answer him. When I try, my mouth just opens up and then closes like a fish.

"Can I come in?"

I gesture him inside, moving around him so that I can go change. He's here as a friend and there is no need to object him to my lack of clothing. Before I can reach my bedroom, he reaches out and grabs my arm. It isn't rough or hurtful, just a way to get my attention.

"Baby Girl, will you calm your fine self for one second?" His voice is a bit commanding and it sends a shiver down my spine.

I can't look at him. "Derek, you didn't have to do this. You're supposed to be out wining and dining a beautiful woman." My voice is barely above a whisper, but he still hears me.

"I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

"The chubby girl doesn't need your pity." I spit out as tears start to collect in the corner of my eyes.

He lets out a long, frustrated sigh. I wish I was still asleep, instead of standing in front of the sculpted chocolate God of Thunder that is Derek Morgan while not wearing pants. His body moves towards mine, turning me to face him. He lifts my chin up, my tear filled eyes meeting his.

"Don't ever call yourself 'the cubby girl' again, Angel." His voice is so soft and caring that it almost makes me wonder if it hurts him when I talk down about myself.

"Why not? It's true." I whisper.

"Because if I remember correctly, if you looked up the words sexy and brilliant in that computer of yours, a picture of you would come up." He smiles at me.

"You just said that because I got you the information you needed that day." I'm so confused about why all of this is happening and why he is acting this way.

"I said it because you're a Goddess..." He pauses, "You are my Goddess."

His lips descend onto mine and when they touch, it is like fireworks are going off. I feel his kiss throughout my whole body. I can't help but bring my arms to wrap around his neck as his strong arms pull me until I am flush against him. A moan escapses my lips when I feel his hard body against mine. His tongue comes out and makes a pass over my bottom lip, asking for access. There is no fight for dominance, I let him take the reigns because I am practically puddy in his hands, hands that are grabbing my ass and thrusting me into his body. Derek walks me backwards until I am up against a wall. Only once has a man pushed me up against a wall and because of my size it was a humiliating experience. The memory makes the insecurities rise again, though I let out a moan when he pushes his strong thigh in between mine. With another rough grab of my ass, my core rocks against him. It's downright embarrassing how wet I am. The nagging in my head won't go away, so I bring down my hands and push his back slightly, disconnecting our lips. Before I can question him, he breaks the silence.

"You'll get your night with Derek Morgan, you'll get every night for the rest of my life. This isn't me pitting you because you can't find love or whatever the hell slumming it means." He pauses, to catch his breath before placing a soft kiss on my lips. "This is me realizing that I can't let fear stop me from loving you anymore."

I gasp. He heard what the techs said. "But I'm not your usual type." I can't help but say this. His past girlfriends have been model worthy.

"There's only one you, Baby Girl, and you're the only one I want."

I stare up at him in disbelief. Things like this never happen to me. It doesn't feel real, just like one of my fantasies.

"I love you, Penelope Garcia, in a way I have never ever loved a woman before. So, will you be mine?"

My eyes widen at his words. Here I am, being pinned up against my living room wall by Derek Morgan, my Hot Stuff, and he is telling me he loves me in a way I never thought he would return. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.

"It's always been you." Is all I can say.

Our lips connect in a renewed frenzy. One of his hands comes up to cup my breasts over my shirt, tweaking a nipple. They feel so wonderful in his capable hands. He growls at the feeling and it sends a jolt of confidence through me. His hand leaves my breast, going back down to cup my ass. I let out a squeal when I feel myself being lifted. My legs wrap around his waist,

"Be careful, you'll hurt yourself. I'm too heavy." I gasp out.

His hips are still pressed against mine and I feel his hard arousal pushed up against my core.

"You're perfect." He whispers against my lips before moving to my neck to suck on my pulse point. I crane my neck in response to give him more access.

"But other's before..." He bites my neck and it makes me stop speaking.

He doesn't respond, but he stops feasting on my neck. When his eyes look at me, I turn away, embarrassed. Soon, I am no longer pinned against the wall, but he starts to move to my bedroom. Never in my life have I ever been carried by a lover before.

Derek lays me on the bed. My eyes watch him as he removes his jacket and starts to unbutton his shirt. I think I might die, my heart is pounding. I'm probably drooling but I can't help it. He is the sexiest thing I have ever laid eyes on. Derek kicks off his shoes and crawls on to the bed with me. He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it off of me before I can protest. My arms come up to cover myself from him. I feel inadequate next to his muscled body, next to all the other woman he has ever slept with.

"Don't hide yourself from me. You're so beautiful, Baby Girl. I can't even believe you are all mine."

His voice is so full of love that I can't help but uncross my arms. He pushes me back onto the bed while at the same time spreading my legs so he can settle in between them. His soft lips soon find mine as I feel his body against mine. Fingers ghost over my sides, until they come up to palm my sensitive nipples. A loud moan comes from me and I buck my hips up. He chuckles into my skin, his mouth leaving wet kiss as he makes his way down my body.

"You're tits are perfect." Derek mumbles before he takes a nipple into his hot mouth.

If you would have told me last week that Derek Morgan would be in my bed, sucking on my nipples, I would have thought you were crazy. When his tongue swirls and he starts to suck harder, I can't control the moans coming from me. My nails dig into his shoulders. His hand messages my other full breast, rolling the nipple in between his fingers and pulling slightly. Never has a new lover played my body like a violin. Normally, they would have already pulled their trigger and I would be left to finish myself off. When I feel Derek's free hand sliding down my body, I buck my hips, hoping to get some of the friction I desire. Fingers dip below the waistband of my panties.

"Shit, you're so wet." He says as he drags his fingers through my folds.

"Derek, please." I grasp out, thrusting my hips into his fingers.

"Please what, Baby?" He teases.

"Just make me cum." I tell him.

When he withdraws his hand from my panties, I let out a frustrated sound. His mouth leaves my breasts and starts to move downwards. I tense up, knowing what was about to happen.

"You don't..." I can't even look at him.

"What's wrong?" He asks, his head between my thighs.

"I haven't had.." A blush arises in my cheeks and on my chest.

He takes a deep breath in, moaning slightly. "I want to."

I almost die when I see him take my panties in between his teeth and drag them down my legs, not once did his eyes leave mine. He throws them off to the side. Hands push my thighs wider and he nips at the skin there. I wish I didn't have thunder thighs. When I am about to apologize, his tongue drags though my sopping wet folds and all words are dead on my lips. His moan vibrates against my core which in turn causes me to moan. I can count on one hand how many times a man has went down on me and none of them had taken their time like Derek is doing now.

"I've dreamed of this and, Baby Girl, let me tell you, you taste better than I ever imagined."

His mouth closes around my clit and he sucks it, flicking his tongue around it. I'm so wet that I can hear it, but he doesn't seem to mind. One of the hands that was holding my thigh open is moving down, filling two fingers entering me.

"Derek!" I moan his name, loudly.

Unlike my past lovers, it doesn't take him long to find my g-spot when he curls his fingers inside of me. His thrusts are steady, curling each time. His tongue is flicking my clit in perfect time. My thighs start to shake and I reach my hands down to cradle his head, pushing him into me. With one final curl, I cum, barely able to scream anything other than his name. My back arches off the bed, my eyes rolling in the back of my head. Even as I clench around him, my inner muscles drawing him in as deep as they can, his pace doesn't falter until another orgasm crashes into me, this time he slips his fingers from me and replaces them with his tongue, drinking up all of my juices that I can give him. I whisper out the word "sensitive" as he goes to clean me up and he is gentle about it. My breathing is still erratic as I come down from the high I just experienced. Derek rests his head on my pudgy stomach, with a smug grin on his face.

"I've never." I try to explain, but I can't.

Derek crawls up my body, capturing my lips in a hot kiss. When we seperate, I feel boneless. He leans his forehead on mine,

"You deserve to be worshiped like the true Goddess that you are." He tells me and it makes me want cry.

Soon, I realize that he still has his pants and his hard on looks like it about to break his zipper. I trail my hand down his sculpted chest and rub the palm of hand over him. His hips thrust into my hand. When his weight shifts off of me and off the bed, I begin to worry. Then I see him, open the button on his dress pants and ease down his zipper. In one swoop, his pants and his boxers are off and I am left staring. I don't even notice that he has started to move until I feel that delicious body move on top of me again. My thighs cradle him and I feel his erection thick and heavy against my belly. I reach down and grasp him. I've dreamed about this exact moment. Before I can think, Derek rolls us over until I am straddling him.

"If you knew how many nights I dreamed of you riding me, your tits bouncing." He sits up, taking a nipple in his mouth.

God this man and his mouth. I push him back and the grin on his face widden. Steading myself on my knees, I reach between us, stroking him a few times. He's large and everything that I had imagined.

"Condom?" He asks.

I don't answer him, but instead sink down on him. I throw my head back as I feel him inch by inch fill me, stretching me more than any have ever before. I let out a long moan, when he is fully inside me, I steady myself on his chest.

"Shit, Baby Girl, you're so tight." He husks out, I can tell that he is trying not to thrust in me, giving me time to adjust to his I start to move, up and down on top of him. He matches me thrust for thrust. I've never felt as good as I do to have him so deep inside me. Derek doesn't let me run the show for long before he flips us over and slams into me. My nails scratch his back as I scream his name.

"Harder." I beg.

The sound of skin slapping fills my room and our moans mingle together. He holds himself up with one hand, sliding the other down my body to hitch my leg over his hips then to grasp my ass to pull me harder against him. His angle changes and hits a place inside of me nobody before him has. I bring my hand in between us and circle my clit. My walls clamp down around him as my orgasm hits. I scream a mixture of his name and God's, cumming harder than I ever have. He moans my name as his climax hits. His thrusts slow until he has emptied himself inside of me. Our chests are heaving, but he still captures my lips in a heated kiss. When he eases himself out of me and rolls to his side, worry and insecurities fill me. Tears start to form and I have to turn away from him so he doesn't notice, but he still does.

"Baby Girl?" He reaches and pulls me so that I snuggled into his chest and wrapped in a blanket, "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"

My heart drops and I don't know how to face him. What was mind blowing for me probably wasn't the same for him. I probably wasn't even a blip on his lowest expectations.

"Penelope?" He says as he holds my head in his hands.

"Was it good for you?" Is all that comes out of my mouth and I can't even look at him while I say it.

He moves me until I am sitting on top of him again, but I still can't meet his gaze. The blanket pools around our hips.

"Look at me, please."

I glance up at him and he brings up a hand to wipe away my tears.

"I knew we'd burn the sheets." He says with a smile.

Derek pulls me down into a kiss, this one slow and sensual. I roll myself off of him, taking back my place of being snuggled into his side. His fingers ghost up and down my arm, a calming feeling wash over me. I feel him give me a kiss on my hairline and before I drift into a peaceful slumber I hear him tell me,

"I love you, Baby Girl."

When I wake up, I half expect last night to have been a dream. It wouldn't be the first time I had a vivid sexual dream about my best friend only to wake up to an empty bed. Part of me is afraid to roll over. Last night was so real and my heart won't be able to take it if it isn't true or if it was, for him to regret it. When I go to move out of my bed, a pair of strong arms pull me into a hard chest.

"Good morning, Baby Girl." A raspy voice comes from behind me.

A smile graces my lips, it wasn't a dream. "I'll show you a good morning, Hot Stuff."

He grinds his hard on against my ass, "I'm counting on it, Sweetness."

I turn myself in his arms and give him a gentle kiss on the lips, "You're still here." He has a shocked look on his face and I quickly apologize.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Pen. I meant what I said yesterday, you'll have your night with me and the rest of them for as long as you'll have me."

"Let's start with forever."