Treacherous

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, any lyrics to any of Taylor Swift's songs, or anything else copyrighted.

A/N: Hello, everyone! While I've been a pretty avid fanfic reader over the years, I've had some ideas in my head that I really wanted to get out recently, so this is my first (!) published story, a series of one-shots/off-camera events that happened between Duncan and Courtney that hopefully explain some of her behavior and their relationship a bit better. A lot of the events/emotions are inspired by T-Swizzle, but if you aren't a fan/are unaware, it shouldn't be a problem. Since this is my first story, you have been warned - it could be really great or pretty terrible, criticism is fine as long as it's kind/constructive :) Thanks!

Prologue

"I've been thinking about it again," I said, turning away from the woman in the comfy lounge chair facing me.

"Thinking about what?"

A twinge of annoyance took hold of me as I realized I would have to say it aloud.

"My time on the show."

Silence fell as she waited for me to say something else. I looked idly around the room, taking in its serene sky-blue walls, the small desk in the corner, and the couch I was sitting on, which took up most of the room. I looked to the clock on the wall opposite me and listened to the second's hand tick ominously, filling up the soundlessness in the space between the two of us.

"It's not like I think about it all the time, every day. And I don't always resent it – I mean, I do, but I remind myself constantly that if . . . those things . . . didn't happen, I wouldn't have half the life I do now. And I wouldn't trade anything for it, I just . . . wish I hadn't lost so much along the way."

She nodded, sensing that I had more to say.

"I mean, other people survived the show without making complete fools or bigots of themselves. And other people in real life find happiness and success and fall in love without having to go through one tenth of what I did." I sighed, realizing I was working myself up over something that I promised I would let go of. "And I get by okay. I'm happy now, elated, really, but I can't stop thinking that if I could do it all again, I would do everything differently. And the remorse is such a sickening feeling. So I find myself pushing it to the back of my mind, focusing on the present and the future. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm being haunted by my past."

She paused for a moment, making sure I was finished, before she replied casually. "We've hardly spoken about your time on Total Drama. That was close to five years of your life. All of your late teenage years, which can oftentimes be some of the most resonant, and at the same time, destructive years. Add in fame, and that impact increases tenfold."

I nodded, waiting to make sure the next words that escaped my lips were one hundred percent the truth, before I spoke. "I- I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what?" She asked, but by the look on her face, I deduced that she already knew what I was talking about.

"Ready to talk about it."

I met her eyes for one of the first times that morning. They were blue, matching the paint on the walls, and while not piercing, they were kind and encouraging. It was one of the reasons I kept coming back to see her every week in the beginning, and why I trusted her so much now. There was a soft spot in my heart for blue eyes.

I took a deep breath, closed my own deep brown eyes, so dark they were almost black, and did the thing I had been trying so persistently not to do for the past eight years.

I remembered.