Animaniacs is owned by Warner Bros., I don't claim any of them as mine, same as with any other franchise I use in here, they're not mine either.
This is a one-shot. This is not related to my "A Dare Gone Zany" story.
Also, happy 23rd anniversary to Animaniacs!
Varied theme song line of the day: Wakko and Dot are on their hands and knees, while Yakko did a handstand on their backs.
All 3: "Very entertain-ey!"
Tower Escape of the day: It was a cloudy and slightly overcast day in the Warner Lot. The tower started whirring like it was an elevator, then a door at the very bottom opened up with a "ding". Out popped the Warner Brothers and Sister, with a dog sled and a snow machine on it. Wakko was the one leading the sled as a dog while Dot was on the snow machine and Yakko was in the back with the reins. The snow machine was working overtime with making a path for them, swerving and making slaloms around until they reached the gate, heading out of the lot.
1 PM, Wednesday, in the library
As we gaze over the town of toons, we stop at the nearby library, with a sign outside for it saying "Larry Panner and the Enchanted Rash, now hlaf off", with the typo included and everything. The inside was full of bookworms and students of all kinds. The books ranged from little fairy tales to grand epics, and some slight educational stuff thrown in. It was two stories of a reading paradise, with lots of room to walk around, lots of tables and lots of bookshelves full of these many stories.
While they were reading, some kids were trying to return their books that were overdue. "Oh come on lady, it's only been two weeks!" One of them said with a frown at returning their book.
"Yeah, and it's only been 1 and a half for mine!" Said another as they brought up a rather tall book with a massive amount of pages, which was angled to the side when it was put on the desk, titled "History of the Leaning Tower of Pisa".
The librarian behind the desk just shushed them. She looked rather middle aged, human, and with graying hair from working for so long, and the attitude showed too. "Doesn't matter, still late, you still got to pay!" She said sternly, rubbing her nose.
"But a hundred bucks just cause it's two weeks over?" The first kid said, raising his arms in the air out of anger. "Come on, we're outta here." He added as he left, the second following suit.
"Ahh you'll be back. Remember that learning's what makes the world go 'round!" She said with a smug smile. The kids threw their library cards at the librarian before one left through the door, landing in her mouth and making it look like she had buckteeth. She spat them out and grumbled a bit as the other kid took the leaning book and tossed it right into her arms, making her let out an "oof" as her legs wobbled from carrying the weight. Darn kids, no respect for reading and the cost of learning, she thought before she put the big book away.
A few minutes later, just outside, the Warners were humming a little tune to themselves, smiling and walking a little goofily like they always do.
"So what made ya decide for us to go to the library, Yakko?" Dot asked her older brother while Wakko walked on his hands.
"Well my sibs, what better way to experiment having fun than in the most quiet and droll place man had created with his own two hands!" Yakko said all dramatically. "A place of both wonder and boredom, of excitement and snores, of whether or not the next thing you get is a good time or just a way to forget that awkward conversation with your parents about your friends."
"We could just say aliens made it." Wakko suggested, smiling his goofy smile after doing a cartwheel.
"Save that for our History Channel cameo." Yakko responded to him. "Besides, if that were true, we wouldn't have a story right now." He added with a smirk.
"If that were true, it'd explain why Wakko actually wants to read something now." Dot said.
"That wouldn't be too far off actually." Yakko responded.
Back in the library, the librarian decided to head outside for a break with a book called "King of the Bling". Before she reached the doorknob though, a hole suddenly appeared in the door, smashed through with a mallet before Wakko looked in, not unlike something from "The Shining" movie. As a result, the librarian screamed and fell back, dropping the book she had. Her eyes were wide and she couldn't move thanks to that surprise.
"Heeeeeere's Wakko!" The middle brother said with that goofy smile and his tongue out, starting to crawl in before Yakko cleared his throat a little sternly, making Wakko stop.
"Oh right." Wakko said with a little chuckle before crawling back out the hole in the door and opening it, heading inside the normal way with the other two Warners following him.
"Forgive him, he knows not what he does." Yakko said to the stunned librarian, shaking her head and recovering as the other Warners looked around, taking in the size of the place.
"Oooh, it looks just like 'The Pagemaster'!" Dot said with interest.
"You mean insomnia-curing with evil Reading Rainbow paintings?" Yakko responded.
"And no DeLorean either. What a rip!" Wakko said with a frown, crossing his arms.
Once the librarian figured out what just happened, she got up and stomped over to the Warners angrily. "Hey, aren't you going to fix my door that you wrecked?!" She exclaimed sternly, pointing to the broken door. "I don't want to have the biggest peephole in town!"
"Not with that mouth, you won't." Yakko said, wagging his finger.
The librarian growled a little. "I said fix it now! Fix that peephole you made!" She said more aggravated.
"Keep saying that and we'll have to push this story to a T rating." Yakko said a smirk and with arms crossed.
"Sounds like you you need a doctor for fixing something like that." Wakko said, finger to his chin.
"Oh, I know how to fix it!" Dot said jumping with a smile as she got an idea. She and Wakko went to the door with the book the librarian dropped nearby along with some glue. Both of them had painters robes on now as Dot put the glue on first, then Wakko slammed the book onto the hole, covering it. Then Dot finished by getting paint to cover it up, along with adding a simple smiley face on the book cover facing them. "Done!" Dot said with a proud smile, both siblings involved brushing their hands, a job well done.
The librarian stood dumbfounded at that. "My 'King of the Bling'..." She said to herself in shock, wondering how they were so casual with damaging one of her precious books. After that, Wakko went off into the library to look for what he wanted.
Yakko then walked over to her, now with a suit on. "Uhhh, that'll be $80.50, ma'am." Yakko said all professional-like and with a slight southern accent.
"Why should I pay you, you destroyed one of my books!" She said a bit angrily, arms crossed. She turned to shout more at the older Warner, but he wasn't there anymore.
"Destroyed or repurposed? I always get those confused myself." Yakko said as she popped out from behind her back, back in his normal attire before he retreated back to his siblings. "Try arguing THAT with your parents." He added to the readers.
The librarian sighed and went back to her desk. "Anyways..." She said with clenched teeth briefly, but relaxed a little. She still had a job to do after all, helping kids learn the fine activity of reading. "Can I help you?" She asked as calmly as she could.
"Well there's a lot of things you can help us with. Our tower could use a spring cleaning, and Dot could use someone to pick out her new star crush." Yakko stated. At that, Dot hopped on the librarian's head, making her yelp in surprise as the sister had two stars' headshots in her hands. She pressed the pictures right into the librarian's face.
"Who do you think, Chris Pratt or George Clooney?" Dot asked as the librarian tried shaking her off.
"Get off of me, ruffian!" She shouted after soon tossing Dot off of her head, then Yakko shushed her loudly himself.
"Shhh! This is a library, you know." Yakko stated with arms crossed.
The librarian grumbled and turned her voice back down with a sigh. "Do you want to get a book or not?" She said through clenched teeth and a slightly forced smile again. She didn't want to set a bad example after all.
"This one!" Wakko said as he suddenly popped back up at the desk with the others, slamming the book he picked down on it.
The librarian read out the title as she fixed her glasses. "Hmm... 'Pitcher in the Pie'?" She asked curiously.
"Yeah, yeah!" Wakko said excitedly, nodding eagerly.
"Ooh, I know that one!" Dot said as she raised her hand, hopping onto the table to the other woman's annoyance. "It's the tale and life of a tried and true MLB baseball pitcher, who retires to try out to be on the Iron Chef competition!"
"Well it'll either make him good at sports or he'll finally be able to make what he eats." Yakko said with a smile. "You can always teach an old Warner new tricks." He added to his sibs.
The librarian huffed and shooed Dot off the desk and back to her siblings. "Well you're going to need a library card if you want to check them out." The librarian said.
"What, our eyes aren't good enough to check things out? For shame!" Yakko said in fake offence, doing the shaming gesture with his fingers.
"No no no, I mean if you want to check it out outside of the library!" The librarian said a bit more sternly.
"No problem!" Wakko said as he ran outside, running to the other side of the road and got out binoculars. He looked in while Yakko and Dot held the book open for him. "A-hahaha, oh that pitcher! That's not how you use the relish!" Wakko said with a laugh.
"Give me that!" The librarian said as she snatched the book away. Wakko zipped back inside to join his siblings. "Do you want the book or not?!" She shouted before she was shushed again, this time by the group of people reading in her own library. She huffed and was getting more mad.
"You're gonna give it to us without that pesky card?" Dot said with a smile. "Oh, you're so nice! I knew my cute charm would win the day again!" She added happily.
"If only that worked to get into One Direction's after-party." Yakko whispered over to Wakko("I heard that!" Dot shouted).
"Wha- I- No! I meant do you want the card or don't you?" The librarian asked.
"My head hurts, what was she offering again?" Wakko said, rubbing his head.
"Don't worry Wakko, I'm sure she'll make sense eventually." Yakko said reassuringly, patting his back.
The librarian was getting angrier fast, balling her hands into shaky fists, her smile more forced. "You know what, forget the card..." She started through clenched teeth, tossing the card away. It flew so fast it ended up embedding itself into a bookshelf, right in front of a reader's face as they walked through who stopped in time. "How about you do a little work for me around this place, and you can check that book out without that silly card, okay?" She explained, feeling like she was gonna lose it.
"Well, we do like free stuff, but we also like collecting stuff too..." Yakko started. "Is there any sorta way where we get everything anyway?"
"Grr... Do you or do you not want that book?" The librarian said with a more authoritative tone.
"Aww, but the card looks so shiny too... I want it, I want it!" Wakko said as he jumped up and down, acting like a bratty child.
The librarian lets out a scream and grabs the 3 siblings. "I can't have you in this place, destroying my books and my silence! Out out out!" She shouted as she was about to toss the Warners back outside. But right before then, she actually ended up getting tossed outside, landing with an "oof!". She was left incredibly confused as she got back up, stomping to the door and trying to open it. The door however, was locked.
"Grr, you better not mess up my hardcover collection of Mary Shelley!" The librarian shouted before she kicked the door open. She then saw the Warners on the front desk with several more books, analyzing them.
"Hmmm, the use of verbiage in these hardcovers are very superfluous to the Nth degree." Dot said, sounding smart with a British accent.
"Yes quite, and the amount of text that spills out to the reader is much too small in font size and too abundantly-lettered to extract any sort of joy." Yakko added, also sounding smart in his own accent.
"Hm..." Wakko thought a moment, fingers on his chin as he was reading one of the books sideways. "Needs more drawings?"
"Needs more drawings." Yakko and Dot responded at the same time, holding some crayons.
"I'm thinking enough dinosaurs to make it look like 'The Land Before Time 28'." Yakko said.
"They made that many?" Wakko said curiously at that, tilting his head.
"You think they won't?" Yakko responded.
The librarian ran over towards them. "Wait, stop!" The librarian said with fear, making the Warners stop before their crayons hit the page. She needed to say something, anything to save her books.
"How about this then... If you can help me out around the library, you'll get your book AND your card. What do you say to that offer?"
The Warners talked it over and muttered in their group huddle, then broke up and nodded. "We'd say don't include this in our resumes and you got a deal." Yakko said as the other sibs smiled, now that they knew they'd be getting everything.
The librarian sighed in relief now that that part was over. Now she had to think about what to make them do...
1:15 PM
The librarian leads the Warners to several bookshelves with lots of books both on the floor and out of order on the shelves. "Let's see you accomplish this." She said. "Your task is to arrange these books in order alphabetically. Without order being maintained like this, mess and confusion abounds." She added. She sounded a bit calmer than last time too.
"Sounds like the perfect spokeswoman for Marc Summers." Yakko said to his sibs.
"Now now, don't complain. Do this and you'll get your book and card." The librarian said, soon leaving towards her desk. It didn't even take the time to get back to it before she was called back over with a "Done!" She returned to the Warners to see what happened. "Well that was qui- Huh?!"
She saw a huge row of books arranged alright, but stacked to resemble letters of the alphabet. It spanned several more different shelves and some of those arranged books were stacked on top of each other. "What's this?!"
"Well, what do ya think? Good arranging, huh?" Yakko said proudly.
"I told you to arrange those books in order!" The librarian said angrily.
"We already did, don't you see? All the way from 'A' to 'Z'!" Wakko rhymed, hopping from the books assembled to make the "A" all the way to the "Z" to the very top. "Hey, I can see our tower from here!" Wakko shouted from the top of the shelf before joining his sibs.
"Now you know your ABCs, next time be as good as me!" The Warners sang happily to the librarian who was fuming again, hopping back up the shelves using her head as a booster now.
"Grr, that's not how you're supposed to alphabetize!" She said angrily and grabbed one of the arranged books, making the structure of letters wobble and collapse in a chain reaction. They all fell on the librarian and she yelped as she got buried in them. The Warners fell more gently to the ground with umbrellas, putting them away once they were safe.
Wakko clapped at that and brightly grinned. "Do it again, do it again!"
"You may get your wish, that one book didn't fall." Dot said as she pointed it out to him.
The librarian stuggled out of the mess of books, groaning. But Yakko made a transition via page turn and that made her flip around and fall back on her front with an "oof!"
"Take two!" Dot shouted, as if the last minute was reset. "And action!" She added. The librarian looked up and the avalanche happened all over again. She was covered in books once again, looking worse than before as the Warner siblings once again descended with umbrellas. The remaining book did fall this time, right on her head as she popped out the pile, making her see more books flying around her noggin.
"Don't ya love it when things don't go with the plan?" Yakko said to the readers with a smirk.
The librarian screamed and burst out of the books this time, seething with anger. Yakko shushed her again. "This is a library, you'd be setting a bad example here." He said with a softer tone.
The librarian held her head and gripped her hair tightly, looking more unhinged before sighing shakily. "Maybe we have something else for you to do instead..." She said with a forced smile again.
1:30 PM
"Your new task is simpler, you three are to take in overdue books and let out ones customers want to check out, okay?" The librarian said.
The Warners all gave a salute. "Yes ma'am!" They said, except Wakko who said "Yes sir", to the librarian's slight anger again.
"We got plenty of ones to give away anyway!" Dot said as she dug out several big "1" props and threw several into the librarian's arms. The weight and suddenness of them made her grunt and legs wobble before she threw them away.
"We'd give away the 2s, but people take too many of them anyway." Yakko said.
"Ugh, I meant the books. Now I have to go fix up my hair..." She whined as she patted it down. The stress was making many strands of it stick straight up.
"Oh, I know how!" Wakko said as he hopped onto her shoulders and took the hair off with a pop. "No more bedhead!"
The librarian shrieked at that, taking the hair back. "That wasn't supposed to be a wig!"
"Lucky, I always have to fix up mine." Dot said as she brought out a brush to fix her own hair.
The librarian put her now-wig back on her head and ran off grumbling. "Next time I'm applying to be a librarian on Recess."
Soon after, one of the people reading from before came up and wanted to check the book out for later. "Hey, I'd like to check out this book please." He said, looking like a college student with blonde hair.
"Yoink! One second please!" Dot said as she hopped and snatched away the book, passing it to the other brothers, who gave it a sort of "test". Yakko used it as a paddleball paddle after attaching the ball on a string to it for a few seconds, then passed to it to Wakko who ate and chewed it up before spitting it out onto the desk. It still looked like a book, but it also looked all ripped up and shredded. "Yup, one book, tested and ready to head out the door!" Dot said after inspecting it.
"Eew! What kind of library are you running here?" The student said with disgust.
"Hey, it's harder to walk a library than to run it. It'd just get a participation award in a 4K." Yakko said to him. The student just left his "tested" book on the desk and walked away with a grossed out expression.
Another student, about the same age as the last person but a brunette girl, came in to check out a book too. "Hello, I'd like to check this book out...?" She started, then looked at the three cartoon things in the place of the normal librarian, looking confused at them. The brothers however, looked love-struck with their hearts beating out of their chests already, to Dot's own annoyance.
"Helloooooooooo, college Nurse!" Both brothers shouted happily.
Yakko hopped onto the table to give her a little smirk. "What a coincidence, I just found something nice to check out too." He said, being his charmer self now. "As long as you don't need a card either."
Wakko hopped into the air instead, his ears letting out steam like a train, including the relevant sound effect. Dot however, just crossed her arms. "You'd think in a library, there'd be a book on the right way to talk to a girl." She said to the readers with a frown.
"We're offering a good deal right now actually! We'll let you take that book if you get to take lil ol' me with ya!" Yakko said as he leapt into her arms. "As long as you're good on shipping and handling." He added with a smirk and raised eyebrow while the student girl looked a bit more freaked out.
"I'm like an open book myself!" Wakko said with a bright goofy smile. Soon both brothers gave her an over the top smooch right on her face, making her scream and drop the brothers to run away, not bothering to take the book with her as it fell to the ground and she ran out the door.
Yakko clicked a stopwatch he now had, looking at it. "Wow, pretty good time, not even three seconds."
"Usually it takes 5 seconds for girls to run from you." Dot said to her older brother.
"And even longer to pry you off of Mel Gibson in the past." Yakko responded right back with a sly smile, to Dot's chagrin.
"I can't help it if he used to be my dreamboat..." Dot said with a happy sigh, holding Gibson's old headshot picture. "Oh well, I still got options." She added after tossing it away.
1:45 PM
As the job went on, it got more weird as more people wanted the Warners' help, thinking they actually worked there. One of the people there wanted a book at the top shelf and the siblings put on mountain climbing gear to get it. They even simulated snow flurries with shredded up pages and bookmarks as their climbing gear punctured holes in the books and shelves before getting the right book for the one needing it, ending up getting page shreds in their face. More and more people there were gradually getting more angry as the siblings helped them in those unexpected ways.
As more people still needed help however, the Warners had their fun, but ended up damaging the place more and more with no librarian in sight. Whether it was from shredded books to literally shredding and hanging ten on books, they did whatever they could regardless of what got damaged. The last request that tipped the scale was someone that wanted to get a huge and thick book from a bottom shelf that said "DO NOT REMOVE".
"Why do you think it says that, Yakko?" Wakko said curiously.
"Oh a myriad of things, my middle sib. Maybe it contains secrets to some ancient world, or the right set up for a perfect Thanksgiving dinner." Yakko explained, trying to sound mysterious.
"Or the perfect hairstyle when meeting your mother in law!" Dot added.
"Or maybe how to make one chicken sandwich taste like a thousand, or the right way to say someone's fat!" Wakko suggested with an eager smile.
"Or maybe all of them?" The person said curiously, raising a hand.
That really caught the kids' interest. "Well now we REALLY have to remove and read it. A sign like that means it's literally asking for it." Yakko said in response, all three siblings now starting to pull the book out of its place. A creaking could be heard once the book was removed, and the bookshelf it was on started to wobble and slowly fall.
The person fled as the shelf started falling to the next one, then to the next one and the next, over and over. "Haha, they're like giant dominoes!" Wakko said amused, the shelves falling in a pattern that indeed wouldn't be unlike a domino course. Books flew out everywhere and other fled from their tables to get out of the way.
The ground shook with each shelf falling as the librarian just came out. "Okay, hair's put back and got a new copy of my wrecked book, now let's see how those kids are..." She started before the last shelf was falling towards her. "Doing?..." She managed to say with wide eyes before it landed on her with a big "CRASH".
The Warners jumped up and down happily once it was over. "Yay, do it again, do it again!" They all said at the same time with big smiles.
The librarian popped out looking all dizzy and worn out. "Ugghh, two orders of hardcovers, please..." She said before fainting. Yakko snapped his fingers a bit, but she was out cold.
"Huh, whaddaya know, you don't need hypnosis. Books do just as good putting ya to sleep after all!" Yakko said.
"Let's see what's in the big book now!" Dot suggested as they nodded and went over to it. They opened it and a bright light flashed in their eyes, looking rather surprised as an orchestra seemed to swell.
"Whooooa, what do you think it says?" Wakko asked his older brother with curious interest.
"Well how should I know, it's in Pig Latin." Yakko said as the light from the book faded and the music soured and stopped, tossing it away with it making a big "crash" too. Guess they'll never know those secrets after all.
"Well, I got my book!" Wakko said as he held up his "Pitchers in the Pie" book with a big smile. By now, the librarian was waking up a little bit, groaning as the Warners walked over to her.
"Excuse me, we'd like to check this book out, please." Wakko said, in a rare spasm of acting polite as he held the book he wanted out to her. The librarian ended up screaming and jumping out of the pile of books, losing her hair again and fleeing the building while she shrieked.
Yakko shrugged a little at that and sighed. "Some people just can't stay quiet in a library." He said to his little brother and sister. The other two shook their heads sadly before fading to black.
Wheel of Morality
The Warners were running through the park trying to flee from Ralph again before screeching to a halt.
"It's that time again!" Yakko said.
"To audition to be on the new truTV show of the month?" Wakko asked.
"To stock up on soda and hard candies for the next visit from the retirement center?" Dot said.
"Nope! It's time to learn today's lesson!" Yakko said. "And to find out what it is, we turn to the Wheel of Morality!" He added as the wheel slid into view and as he gave it a big spin.
"Wheel of Morality turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn."
The wheel stopped on "bankrupt" with a "wah wah wahhhh" noise.
"Aww!" Wakko said with a frown.
"I know that's supposed to mean something, but I dunno what." Dot said with a shrug.
"I know what it means!" Yakko said, raising a hand.
Ralph then ran in right behind the Warners, net high in the air to catch them with an "Aha!", but then a big anvil fell right down on his head, knocking him out as he fell back with a big and dull "thud".
"Anvils for everyone!" Yakko said happily.
"Good thing we have our anti-anvil cards!" Dot said as she held out 3 cards with an anvil printed on it, under the traditional "not allowed" symbol.
"Ha, you can never have enough heavy falling objects in your cartoons." Yakko responded.
While Ralph was knocked out, the Warners sped off, leaving the guard there.
Ending line of the day from the Tower: Dot: "Remember that it would take three Kardashian surgeons to get to my level of beauty." / Yakko: "And five to look like Barbie."
Author's note: Sorry for the big delay, had distractions and more life handed to me. XD
I'm honestly hoping my next story won't take nearly as long to do, haha. And yes, the typo on the library sign at the beginning was intentional.