(A/N: I wouldn't expect anything completely serious out of this story. I hope you enjoy it.)
Don't own a thing.
Haar'chak
Boba Fett couldn't feel anything. He didn't even know if he was breathing. Surely he was, because if his mind was still working well enough to know he couldn't feel anything, then surely he was getting oxygen.
It would be nice if I could see, he thought as he struggled to open his eyes. After a minute or so he gave up. How did this happen?
Oh, yeah. And suddenly Boba Fett remembered how he had ended up in his current situation.
It had all started with that damned Han Solo. Of course, Fett realized with amazement, he himself hadn't exactly acted in his usual manner. Which, dammit, was why he couldn't feel anything. The usual Boba Fett would have made the time to find out what sort of inhabitants or climate the planet had that Solo was crash landing on. The rational, smart – both qualities that came with the usual Boba Fett – would have not acted so…irrational and stupid.
But he hadn't. And he had no idea why.
Han Solo was a man Fett had wanted to take in for a while. He had somehow evaded him before, and that was something few ever did. Well, few ever did and lived through the experience anyway. So when Fett had found Solo's ship crashing into a planet – a planet Fett had never seen or heard of before, not that he checked to see what planet it was – it seemed like the perfect opportunity to take him in. He would surely be caught off guard!
Oh, he was caught off guard all right. As was Fett.
Boba Fett had landed his ship far enough away so that his soon to be prisoner – or, he thought soon to be prisoner, but this stupid Boba Fett was not thinking, therefore he was…just stupid to be assuming anything – could not hear him. Then the bounty hunter – if he could call himself that anymore after this – proceeded to the Millennium Falcon.
He should have stayed in the Slave and left.
But nooo.
This stupid, new Boba Fett, without scanning his surroundings, stepped out of his ship and into a world infested with hundreds upon thousands of…
…insects. It was honestly the most disturbing thing the bounty hunter had ever laid eyes upon. He was surprised there was still vegetation left. The creatures covered the ground, their brightly colored wings shining in the light. Fett almost lost it and yelped in surprise, giving away his location.
But he, what was left of the smart Boba Fett that is, stopped himself and quietly continued forward. He tried not to look at the ground, though. Something about the bugs made his skin crawl.
When he finally made it to the Falcon, he saw Solo's legs sticking out from under the ship. Shortly after, a few choice words were heard. Fett was about three feet away when he heard a noise that he had come to despise –
"Hey!" It was Solo's damned Wookie partner! The large creature had been on the other side of the ship.
Han Solo emerged from under the ship and instantly held up his blaster. Fett sighed, but luckily he was the only one who could hear it due to his helmet.
"Boba Fett?" Solo yelled as he aimed his blaster.
Even with a blaster aimed at his head, Fett – the stupid one, remember? – wondered where the bugs had gone off to. There wasn't a trace of them…
Just as he had finished the thought, he heard Solo screech in horror.
"What the hell? Bugs? Really?" Boba Fett saw the smuggler almost drop his blaster as he began swatting the insects off his clothes. He looked up at his partner, a snarl on his face. "Chewie, get me the – "
A growl interrupted his command, "We don't have that anymore, remember? You used it on – "
Solo began stomping his feet, and Fett was honestly amused. "Oh, dammit!" The continuous line of curse words made it even better, he decided.
Then Fett began feeling a crawling sensation on his back…
Unlike Solo, Boba Fett didn't make any noise as he calmly began checking for insects.
Also unlike Solo, Boba Fett had bigger problems. He felt a small pinch on his back, then another, then a few on his legs…
The next thing he knew he couldn't feel anything.
The bugs had some sort of poison that numbed their prey. Or, that's what Fett surmised. But Fett wasn't all too ready to trust himself so soon again, because he was still stupid Boba Fett, not the one that knew what the hell he was doing.
"Chewie, come help me lift him onto the ship!"
Boba Fett would have been shocked that Solo was helping him if the rest of the day hadn't of gone so strangely.
"Really, Han? You think that's a good idea?" The Wookie was right. Boba Fett was not one to be trusted. Even the stupid one.
The smuggler growled and the sound of his hand sliding across his clothes could be heard – he must have swatted more bugs off his shoulder. "Yes! C'mon!"
And so began the process of hauling the bounty hunter into the Millennium Falcon. Not that he could feel it or anything…
"Here, you take the top half, I've got the – " Solo paused, and Fett's mind began to race. "Second thought, I've got the top, you get the bottom."
"His armor?"
Boba Fett really wished he could move at that moment.
"Yeah," Solo answered.
Can I speak? Fett tried forming words, but the only sound coming out was a soft moan. He quickly stopped trying to form words…
"Is he coming to? Or was he even out to begin with?" Solo's voice was starting to grate on Fett's nerves.
"Hell if I'd know!" The Wookie's voice had always been annoying.
Damn it! Boba Fett didn't know if they had already taken off his helmet –
"He's…human."
Never mind. Now they knew what he looked like, and that was just…annoying. More than that actually but he wasn't going there. He had bigger things to worry about at the moment.
Before anything else could be heard, Fett suddenly began losing consciousness – or, whatever control over his body he had left. He also, so un-Fettly like, began panicking.
No! NO –
And he was out.
Thankfully though, he woke up. With his sight and touch no less! He instantly sat up, regretting it as soon as his head began to spin. After letting himself recover, he took a look around the room. He was still on the Falcon.
Without his armor on.
Great. Solo was nowhere in sight, and that worried him. He began to stand, but a large furry paw stopped him. Fett looked up and saw the Wookie, glared down on his sitting form.
"Where's my armor?" He asked, not scared in the slightest of the seven-foot-tall-rip-your-arms-out-of-sockets-creature. When he didn't answer, Boba Fett started to stand again.
"I'll get it. Lay back down or you'll pass out again."
Fett felt confused. Again?
The tall creature handed him his armor and he began putting it back on. Why did they have to remove all of it? Unless –
Unless they stole something from him. Fett instantly began checking his armor to see if anything was missing. There wasn't, and he was thankful.
"Need help putting it back on?" Boba Fett hoped the Wookie was making a joke.
"Hey, I've got it put back together, so – " Solo had walked through the door, but stopped dead when he saw Fett awake. "Oh. You're awake."
Duh. "What…happened?" He felt groggy, like he had been given some sort of medicine. So they had treated him somehow, and apparently he had been awake at one time. Strange. He remembered nothing…
Solo sighed, sliding a hand through his hair. "Those bugs are apparently venomous…"
"…and they bit me." Fett wanted to leave at that moment, but couldn't because he didn't have his armor on completely. Why was he stupid Fett? Where was the usual Fett?
"Yup," the smuggler replied as he sat in the pilot's chair. Moments later ship had started. Apparently the crash landing wasn't so much of a crash. "Yes!"
Boba Fett quickly finished putting on his armor and stood, ignoring how the room spun. He contemplated on what to do – did he try to take Solo? Or was it even worth it now that he was physically impaired? Stupid Fett would try to take him…
…But Boba Fett was not stupid. "I'll let you go this time," he paused, knowing what he was about to say was going to sound ridiculous.
"As long as you don't tell anyone about what happened here."
Fett didn't even care if they saw his face. It didn't matter. It wasn't as if they knew who he really was anyway. If it became a problem, though, he knew how to deal with it. Or, smart Fett did. Not stupid Fett.
From that day onward, Fett thought everything through, no matter how small the task – not that he hadn't before. It worked out pretty good for a time –
That is until he found himself screaming as he plummeted into a Sarlaac's gaping mouth…
End.
(A/N: Yep. Nothing much here, just me being retarded.)