Loving You: MisakiXUsagi

Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romantica

It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. I go through this every day with Usagi-san. I know deep down that I love him, but the rational part of me tells me it's wrong. It says my parents wouldn't be proud. Sometimes it's enough to make me doubt in my love. Even though Usagi is my first love I think I know I am really in love.

I flip over the omelet I'm making. Usagi has some late meeting so I'm making him a bento in case he gets hungry. He's still asleep. I've been living with him for almost five years now. I'm done college and have a steady office job. I feel no older than when I first arrived here though, because I'm still childish. I still can't admit my feelings.

A love that is denied only goes stronger. Aikawa told me that. She's known for a while now about my relationship with Usagi. She was happier than ever. The stress of not telling anyone had been wearing me out lately. I wanted so badly to just tell my brother I'd chosen who I'd be with for the rest of my life, but he wouldn't accept it. His brother and his best friend being together.

I packed the lunch and stuck it in the fridge. Then I went about making breakfast. Sometimes it really hurt me though to think of these things. I felt my eyes stinging before the tears fell over. I let them. I heard Usagi making his way down the stairs, but I knew I couldn't stop in time.

I dropped the knife I'd been using. My eyes were all blurry. "Good morning Misaki." I couldn't answer though. I was holding Usagi's coffee cup and just looking ahead. I couldn't do this anymore. The cup slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor. Usagi dropped Suzuki and walked in.

Our families would never accept us being together. I pressed my face in Usagi's chest when he wrapped his arms around me. He already knew what was wrong. I'd been thinking about this a lot lately. I pressed my ear to his chest. His heartbeat along with mine always calmed me down.

Usagi and I had recently broken up. He let me go when I told him I couldn't deal with the stress of keeping all of this secret. It was for him. For his career. I'd been away for a couple months when I realized trying to forget someone you loved was like trying to remember someone you'd never met. It was impossible.

So one day I ran to his house. I knocked on the door and when he answered I jumped into his arms. The whole time I was gone I just wanted him. Nothing worked out the way I thought it would. I just felt lonelier than I have ever felt.

"I'm sorry Usagi-san." When he kissed me I knew I was being stupid. I knew it didn't matter what anyone else thought of us. "I love you."

"I've been waiting for you to tell me. I love you too, silly boy." He held me close like always. Now I knew this was all that mattered. So I let Usagi cover me in kisses like he wanted to. I didn't have work so I didn't mind, but he was going to be late to his meeting. Today I'd be selfish though. I'd keep him here as long as I could.

Once again I was tossed onto the bed in Usagi's toy land of a room. I hope he knew that wasn't fun. It was a trampoline. It was a bed. It hurt getting tossed onto it like that almost every day. But this bed is where he stole everything from me. My first time, first kisses with someone I loved, and my first I love you.

"Kiss me Misaki." Huh? That was new. "Please." I closed my eyes tightly as I pressed my lips to his. I made sure I put everything into this kiss because he needed it. I lay out of breath with my arms around Usagi tight. I like to feel his weight on top of me like that though. I felt alive.

His hands were everywhere. He wasn't taking anything off me. He was just touching and exploring. Usagi always seemed so excited to be here with me. I wasn't anything special though. I treated him like a normal human being though. We were equals when we were together. Not like the screaming girls who depicted him as some God.

When I first moved in I think he even thought of himself that way. He started to become what others thought of him. My ability to put him in his place changed everything though. He'd never been yelled at or put down by anyone in his life. Everyone has to pay for their mistakes though.

I grabbed his hands and entwined my fingers with his. The resulting kiss I got was enough to kill me. Usagi stole my breath and my heart whenever he looked at me. Everything else was just an added bonus. "You have that meeting."

"Doesn't matter." He moved his lips down my jaw.

"It's work though." I didn't want him neglecting his job because of me. Even though I wanted him here with me. I tightened my grip on his hands.

"You don't even want me to go anyway." I knew that.

"I know." I closed my eyes. "But someone will probably come barging in for you anyway."

"You're 'll just let them." I groaned but I was relieved a little. Usagi already had his shirt off. He froze though when I touch his stomach. I wonder how he was so fit when he never went to the gym or anything. He had like a six pack.

"What?" I looked at Usagi who was intently staring at me. "Usagi…you in there?" I moved my hand away. "What I can't touch you now?"

"You never really have like that." Oh. Well now I felt stupid. "It wasn't bad or anything Misaki." He smiled that smile. It was just for me.

Isaka walked in and completely ruined the moment though. And this time I was the one glaring. Usagi was so shocked he started laughing. "This must be how you feel all the time! It's horrible!" Aikawa appeared behind him and just stared.

"I know he has work sorry I kept him here. Come on Usagi-san get dressed. I'll go get the lunch I made for you." I squirmed out from underneath him and walked passed Isaka and Aikawa. Man that sucked. A completely good mood ruined.

Isaka walked downstairs and stared at me open mouthed for a minute or two. "So you are together?"

And for once I answered with a confident, "Yes."

I stared after Usagi as he left. I'd have to call Aikawa later to talk. All this confessing made me tired though, so first I need a well-earned nap. For the first time in five years I changed. And I was happy.