Harry Potter was not a happy boy. You'd think defeating the most feared wizard since Morgana Le Fay herself roamed the Earth would grant him some positive advantages. He sighed for the umpteenth time as Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley continued on with their obviously practiced speech.
"Times have changed, Harry. You have nothing to fear." Hermione said, widening her eyes just a fraction to make them look like giant pools of melted chocolate. Harry resisted the urge to bash his head against the nearest solid surface. Ever since he became the Master of Death, he began to pick up small habits of those who were close to him that had passed away. He seemed to have become the conduct to all those small quirks the dead had and now he had no way to get rid of them. One of those quirks just so happened to be Remus John Lupin's obsessive love for anything chocolate. Having figured this out, Hermione had taken it to her advantage and had began to make her eyes resemble pools of chocolate whenever she wanted something.
"Hermione, you've got everything wrong. There is nothing to fear because I'm not what you think I am. Besides, I'm dating Ginny!"
Hermione shot him a pitying look, her hand twitched as she resisted the urge to pet him like some type of idiotic dog.
"Harry, mate, she's right you know. Ginny may be my sister and all but even I can tell that she freakishly looks like a shorter version of Bill."
Harry flushed, but refused to duck his head. Sure, he held some sort of fascination for the eldest Weasley but who wouldn't? Bill was the epitome of coolness.
"Not to mention the fact that last week I caught you staring at George's arse," Ron continued, his freckled nose scrunched up slightly. Harry glared at him, he wasn't staring, it just happened to cross his line of sight. His best friends were being utterly ridiculous. Harry Potter was every bit manly and in no way sought for any man to be at his side. Just as Harry set his jaw, the way his mother would whenever an epic Evans and Potter showdown happened, a light melody flooded the room.
"What the-" began Ron as the lights began to dim.
The large cupboard at the other side of the room rattle slightly causing the trio to pull out their wands. A stream of colorful lights began to pour out from the cracks in the wood before the door burst open.
"It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay waaaaaaay!"
The Golden Trio could only stare open mouth as a stream of shirtless boys spilled out of the now flashing cupboard. They were being led by Draco Malfoy who winked saucily at them (or specifically Harry) before he launched into his next line.
"Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay waaaaaaaay!"
Blaise Zabini repeated the line, as he fluttered around the room in his sparkling silver trousers. Harry tried his hardest to keep his eyes shoulder level but the traitorous green orbs kept gravitating south. A gasp from his left made him turn to see what had grabbed Hermione's attention. He felt his jaw drop and a slight dribble of drool began to leak from the corner of his mouth.
Right before them was a very fit Neville Longbottom who looked quite dashing in his gardening gloves and short shorts. His hazel eyes were sparkling merrily as he stalked his way towards Harry. The other boys took Neville's lead and began to surround Harry. Harry was very much aware of the non-feminine bodies plastered around him, his mind fought furiously at the thought of being in such position but his body had other ideas. With a horrified realization he noticed that his body wasn't protesting at all but in fact rejoicing that so many male bodies were around him.
"Hey man! Gay man! Pick up the soap, get on your knees and praaaaaay! Hey man! Gay man! Release your load, you've got to cease to delaaaay. The Gay Way!"
As his body began to succumb further into the situation his mind could only string together one thought, "DAMN YOU SIRIUS BLACK!"
Up in the wizard's afterlife a very gay Sirius Black cackled in a way rather reminiscent to Bellatrix.
"Look at him go Prongs!"
"That's my boy!" James Potter said with a rather cheesy grin on his face as he practically glowed with pride.
"Hey! He got that move from me! Look Lily! Look at Harrykins, he is doing that thing I did when I got you pregnant! Lily! Why are you hiding your face? Lily? Lils?"