-1AN: Ok bear with me, this is my first fan fiction. I would really appreciate any advice or criticism so please read and review. I hope you like it. OH…and if the flashback seems familiar it's because it's the actual conversation from the book when he leaves her. Anyways, hope you enjoy the story! This was originally going to be a one-shot but, thanks to one of my reviews, my sub conscious sort of took it as a personal challenge to see just where I could go from there with it, so I will be updating as much as life allows.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon or any of their Characters, All of these are the property of the wonderful Stephenie Meyers.
"After Midnight"

Bella's POV
The wind blew cold against me as I walked slowly down the darkened streets of Chicago and I shivered. I walked in silence, enjoying the quiet of another crisp autumn night, the only light coming from the sparsely placed street lamps along the deserted path through the city park; a path I knew well even in the dark. I had been walking it for years now, just as I had walked every night in Forks after he had left me. It reminded me of the old Patsy Cline song, "Walking After Midnight". I suppose this really was my way of searching for him, though I had no hope anymore of ever finding him. He didn't want to be found, and I honestly had no idea where to look. Still, I would walk, wandering aimlessly after dark, hoping in vain that just maybe, one time I would find him.

After he had left me, I would sneak out sometime after midnight and walk the rainy streets of Forks until nearly dawn. I was always exhausted at school the next day, but no one noticed, or if they did, they didn't comment on it. I had lost interest in being friends with anyone anyways. I rarely ate and I couldn't sleep properly without his strong cold arms around me and his velvet voice softly humming my lullaby. And so, time passed me by, days, weeks, months,…years. Long, lonely years. I'd long ceased to have any type of friends, and my family also was long gone. And so all I had left now of my routine was the walking, the hoping that one day….I would find him again, and even just seeing his face again for a second…I could die happy. . I was after all dying; I had been slowly dying since my 20th birthday. It had turned out it wasn't just my depression that eliminated my appetite and caused me not to sleep well. No…..of course not, I'm me remember….Bella "nothing can ever go right" Swan… the danger magnet. I had cancer. I had taken treatment after treatment and fought it into remission….but it always came back and each time it spread farther into me. This time, however, there would be no treatments. I no longer had it in me to fight, not even for a promise made so long ago. For me, death was inevitable, and this time…I was ready to die.

The sky tonight was a deep black and the stars burned brightly in its depths, but there was no moon. A new moon. It reminded me, painfully, of another night in the woods so long ago, of another new moon, of the night that he'd left me. A new wave of hopelessness washed over me as I, again, relived the memory, feeling every bit of the pain as if it were happening in the present.

(Begin flashback: "Bella we're leaving"

"Why now? Another year-"
"Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless"

"When you say WE-"

"I mean my family and myself."

"Ok… I'll come with you."

"You can't Bella. Where we're going…It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous! You're the very best part of my life!"

"My world is not for you."

"What happened with Jasper--- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!

"You're right; it was exactly what was to be expected"

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay…"

"As long as that was best for you."

"No! This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you…it's yours already!"

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

"You…don't…want me?"

"No."

"Well, that changes things."

"Of course I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…TIRED of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't. Don't do this."

"You're not good for me Bella."

"If…that's what you want." He nodded once

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

"Anything."

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid; do you understand what I'm saying? I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself…for him."

"I will."

"I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed. Don't worry. You're human…your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind"

"And your memories?"

"Well,…I won't forget. But MY kind…we're very easily distracted. That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back."

"No. They're all gone, I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?"

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you… Goodbye, Bella"

"Wait!"

"Take care of yourself." And then he was gone. End Flashback)

The raw emotions the memory invoked in me were too much and I felt my knees begin to weaken beneath me. I stumbled to the nearest bench to the side of the path and sank onto it clutching my chest as I tried to get control of my breathing, tears silently streaming down my face. "Edward." his name a choked whisper on my lips as I began sobbing uncontrollably.

Edward POV:

It was a clear night, and cool. There was a slight breeze rustling through the dying leaves of the few trees that remained in this area of the park. It was nice to be back in Chicago again, even if only briefly. I would have to thank Alice again for recommending I come here. It was always nice to revisit the city of my human birth and life. Surprisingly, Erica, the newest edition to our family, had wanted to come with me on this little trip. Well, perhaps not so surprising. We were quickly becoming much more than friends of late. Carlisle had found her while he was out hunting a few decades ago. She was newly turned and wandering alone and wild. He brought her home and she's been with us ever since.

I couldn't blame her really, for wanting to come with me. She hadn't been allowed to get out much over the years. She usually didn't do so well in crowded places, and wasn't always successful at sticking to our diet. She had recently gotten very good at keeping control and wanted to test out her strength in the city. It was for this purpose that we had refrained from hunting since we'd gotten here a week ago. We would have to hunt soon though; even my self control had its limits when in so crowded a city.

We had been walking around town for a number of hours enjoying the day and the scenery. It was her first trip to Chicago and she had spent most of the day listening to me recount what I remembered of my human life here. Since she had joined our family we had become fast friends, being the only two single members of the family, and, as time went on we slowly began to evolve into something more. It was as we were walking through the slightly wooded area of the city park, our hands clasped and her head resting on my shoulder, that I heard a faint crying sound. I stiffened…surely if anyone were here I would be able to hear their thoughts. "What is it Edward?"

"I just thought I heard crying, it couldn't have been a human though, I would have been able to hear their thoughts. Probably just some animals. Come, let's continue our walk."

No sooner had I spoken and began to take a step, than the wind shifted suddenly, blowing my hair softly, and carrying with it the most heavenly scent I'd ever smelled in my existence. It smelled of freesia and something else and immediately the venom began to pool in my mouth as my breath caught in my throat. It couldn't be…could it? Yes, there was no mistake about it. It was definitely Bella's scent. It was more intoxicating than I'd remembered, and I found myself drawn towards it seemingly against my will. I couldn't stop myself. It had been so long since I'd laid eyes on her, felt her warm touch, kissed her….Smelled her, and it was driving me insane.

I took off in an instant towards that heavenly scent, a shocked, frightened, and completely forgotten Erica following behind. It didn't matter, the only thing that mattered right then was getting to Bella. GOD how I had missed her, how I still loved her. I had to at least catch a glimpse of her. I had no intention of revealing myself though, I had promised she would never see me again, and I wasn't about to break that promise anytime soon.

As I came closer I realized that I had been hearing someone crying. It was Bella. She looked so different, old and worn, and so very sad, as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders and she had no hope of a reprieve. I stood watching her, torn between my desire to rush forward and comfort her and the desire to keep my promise to her. Erica stood a few feet behind me a look of utter confusion on her face as she took in my expression, my captivated study of this human woman.

She knew nothing about Bella. The topic was a rather painful one for the family to discuss, so we hadn't mentioned it. She grabbed my hand and tugged backwards, signaling that we should leave, not understanding my desire to stay. Just when I began to turn towards her, deciding to keep my promise and not interfere in Bella's life, I heard something I never thought to hear again in my existence. Amidst her heart wrenching sobs and tears, I heard it clearly. One word, over and over again, repeated as if in prayer. My name.

I froze instantly. Had she seen me? No, she … she was crying over me… over ME. It had been fifty agonizing years since I had left her for her own safety…and still, she cried for meI began to walk back towards her when a tug on my arm stopped me. I had forgotten once again about Erica, and I stumbled a bit when her hand jerked me back, snapping a fallen tree branch underfoot. We heard a faint gasp, followed shortly by a soft shocked whisper. "E… Ed … Edward!?"

Bella POV:
I don't know how long I had been sitting there crying uncontrollably; time didn't really seem to mean much to me anymore. Truthfully, nothing did or had since he'd left me, alone and broken, all those years ago. I held my arms tightly across my chest trying in vain to clutch the edges of the hole in my chest to keep it from ripping me apart completely. Suddenly I heard the sound of snapping twigs and looked up startled to my left and gasped at what I saw. Standing there, just at the edge of the trees, was Edward. He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as I'd remembered. "E …Ed…Edward!? "

He was with another vampire, a girl with light blond hair and straight angular features. She stood there eyeing me with confusion and a hint of disdain. Even through her sour expression, she was clearly beautiful, nearly as beautiful as Rosalie had been. Edward stood frozen looking between the two of us briefly before turning toward me.

"Bella" his velvet voice whispered my name almost inaudibly, as if he were afraid to say it out loud. I studied his face, recommitting it to memory, afraid at any moment I would wake from my obvious dream to find myself alone again. It was the same beautifully pale complexion I remembered, the bruise like shadows under his eyes were slightly darkened, and his eyes were a dark honey color rimmed with black indicating that it had been a while since he last fed. He was thirsty.

"Edward." my voice cracked over his name and I inwardly cursed myself for being so weak. "Hello Edward." I tried again, with more success.
"Hello Bella." He stared at me with an unreadable expression for a few moments and the silence seemed to stretch between us. The girl he was with began to fidget nervously in the intense atmosphere. I wasn't holding up too well with it myself; it was becoming uncomfortable and awkward. I decided he wasn't going to say anything more, so I said the first thing that came to mind.

"How is everyone? It's been a long time." It had been a long time, fifty years to be exact, and I had missed them all terribly.

"They're all doing well." His face showed confusion at my question, and I glanced briefly at his companion. He seemed to have forgotten that she was there and immediately turned towards her. "Erica, this is Bella. Turning back to me he said "Bella, this is Erica. She's -" He paused then, uncertain of what he should say.

"His girlfriend" she said, the warning in her voice clear as she glared at me. At the word girlfriend I visibly flinched, the pain tearing through my chest and I shuddered. He had moved on. I had always known he would, after all, he didn't love me, but it still hurt having the evidence of it right in front of me. Edward shot her a pointed look and quickly looked back to me. He could clearly see the pain written across my face. He let out a sigh and turned back to her. "Erica could you give us a few moments please?"

Reluctantly, she nodded her head once and retreated back into the tree-line staying within earshot. He closed his eyes for a few moments, taking a deep unnecessary breath, and then began to speak. "It's so good to see you again. Everyone has missed you terribly. Alice especially. I shall have to tell her about seeing you." he smiled nervously silently gauging my reaction. I closed my eyes and forced a small smile. "I've missed you all so much. Tell Alice…" I faltered, there were too many words, yet none seemed to express the emotions correctly.

"I'll tell her." I opened my eyes to see him smiling my favorite crooked smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. I couldn't stop the next words out of my mouth; they tumbled out before I even knew what I was saying. "It's good to see you found someone who's good for you. It must make things so much easier for you." The pain and accusation in that statement were poorly hidden, and he immediately understood its meaning. A look of pain flashed across his beautiful face but was quickly hidden. I guess he thought I wouldn't remember his words. How little did he know, I remembered every word he'd ever said to me, vividly.

"Bella, I…I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. That's why I left; I wanted you to be safe and happy, to have a normal human life. You could never have had that with me in the picture, you would have always been in danger."

I looked at him then, a resigned sadness clearly visible in my eyes. "I would have been with you, that was all that ever mattered to me, but you don't need to apologize for not loving me. It never really made sense to me for you to love me. I guess in a way, I always knew it was just a dream, and I forgave you a long time ago. I'm sorry I said that to you. It was your every right to find someone, and I really am glad that you have. At least one of us was able to be happy." As I spoke, tears welled in my eyes and fell unbidden down my face, but my voice remained steady.

"What about you?" He asked. Memories of another conversation flashed into my mind, our first real conversation all those years ago, when he'd asked about why I'd come to Forks to begin with.

"Didn't I already tell you? Life isn't fair." The same answer I'd given him then. I let out a humorless laugh "especially to me." he looked at me, troubled. "What were you doing out here so late? Shouldn't you be home…with your family?"

"Charlie's been dead a long time Edward, so has Renee." Surely he would have realized that. Unless he thought… yes, his next words confirmed it. "Your husband? Children?"

"I suppose had either ever existed for me that yes, I would be home with them."

His face was pained as he processed my words. "You… never married?"

"No, there was never room for anyone in my heart, but you. I would think you would've known that. You can't marry someone when you're in love with someone else, even if it's someone you can never have. I could never have lived that lie."

"You were happy though, weren't you? You had friends, your parents, you were safe." His face was desperate now, filled with regret and a small amount of hope that my answer would be a yes.

"I had a friend… for a while. After you left me,… I spent months not doing anything or talking to anyone. I went to school, to work, and home. I did what I was supposed to do, went through the motions of the day, but I didn't talk to anyone. I was a zombie. All of my friends pretty much gave up on me eventually. They got tired of my single word answers to their questions, if I answered at all that is. I couldn't listen to music anymore either, it just tore the wound open wider. For the longest time I couldn't even stand to hear or say your name, any of your names, or I would break down. Charlie tried sending me to Jacksonville to live with mom and Phil, but I wouldn't go. I couldn't. Forks was all I had left of you, you had taken my pictures, everything. I couldn't leave, I couldn't lose you completely.

I started making more of an effort after that to keep up appearances. I tried renewing my friendship with Jess. We went to a movie in Port Angeles but, she wasn't really into it. I saw some guys coming out of a club and I thought maybe they were the same guys you had saved me from that night. I started walking over to them, thinking that since your promise of never existing to me wasn't kept, why should I keep my promise to stay safe. I think a part of me just wanted you to show up and save me again. As I walked I could hear your voice in my head, telling me not to be stupid, that I promised, pleading with me to turn away. But I kept going, I knew if I stopped, so would your voice, and it had been so long since I'd heard it. It wasn't them though and Jess was really mad at me for scaring her like that."

He stared at me wide eyed as I told him about my escapades to put myself in as much danger as possible just to hear his voice. As I told him about Jacob, and his fixing the motorcycles for us to ride, looking for the meadow, Jake becoming a werewolf, the pack saving me from Laurent in the meadow, Victoria hunting me, my cliff diving near death experience, and finally, of Jacob's growing feelings for me and how I could never bring myself to return them.

"He finally got tired of it, he asked me to marry him over and over and I always refused him. He couldn't stand the thought that I loved you. It made him angry, and the last time I refused him….he lost control. He attacked me. He felt terrible about it, and of course I forgave him, it was my fault after all.

He stopped coming to see me after that, afraid he would hurt me, and unable to bear the hurt of my rejections any longer. He was my only friend, and I had finally managed to drive him away. He was all I'd had left by then. Charlie and Renee were both gone. Renee in a plane crash with Phil on the way to one of his games, and Charlie, killed by Victoria when she came looking for me one night. And then one night, she found me.

I was out walking, like I was tonight and she was there. She was gloating over killing my father and how she was going to kill me as well. I told her go ahead and get it over with, I didn't want to live anymore anyways, she'd be doing me a favor. I guess that got to her and she decided that letting me live and continue suffering would be more a satisfying revenge than killing me, so she left, and then I really was alone.

I had graduated and gotten a job, gotten myself an apartment, went through the motions of life, but I wasn't living. I was dead inside, and then I found out I was dying. I had cancer. I wanted to give up, but something wouldn't let me. I was still hoping you would change your mind, that you would come back and save me, so I fought it. I went through the treatments and I beat it, and it came back, and still I fought and beat it, determined to keep my promise to you of staying alive. I found out a month ago that it's back again, and I just didn't have the strength to fight anymore. I refused the treatments, they won't help, I'm supposed to die. I was supposed to die a long time ago. I should've died that first day in Forks. I've often wished you had followed me home that day." I looked down at the ground as I finished talking, afraid of what I would see in his eyes.

Edward POV:
I sat quietly listening as she told me about her life after I left her. My heart broke more with every word she uttered and I knew that if I was able, I would be crying right now. My leaving hadn't benefited her at all. In fact, it had put her in even more danger. I had broken her so completely. She hadn't moved on as I'd intended her to, she'd held on to her love for me like a lifeline. I had underestimated her love for me.
I stared at her in wide eyed shock as she told me about her run in with Laurent, and Victoria hunting her, her close friendship with an adolescent werewolf and his pack, the loss of her parents, and finally, the loss of her werewolf best friend when she couldn't bring herself to return his affections. It was all I could do not to pull her into my arms and comfort her as she told me how she had begged Victoria to kill her, how she hadn't wanted to live without me, and of how she had battled her disease solely for the sake of her promise to me. If I thought my heart had broken before, it was definitely shattered when she uttered the last few sentences in her story

", I'm supposed to die. I was supposed to die a long time ago. I should've died that first day in Forks. I've often wished you had followed me home that day." She looked down as she uttered those words, avoiding my eyes and what she would see in them.

We both sat there staring at the ground beneath our feet in total silence, both of us equally broken and in pain. Her heart wrenching sobs coinciding with my own tearless ones. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I turned to look at her. Her eyes were still on the ground and I placed my finger beneath her chin to lift her face to look into mine. We stared, lost into each others eyes for an immeasurable amount of time before I finally broke the silence. "Bella," my voice strained with sadness and regret "Bella, I'm so sorry. There aren't words enough to make up for what I've done to you, to us both. I should never have left you, I loved you so much, and I still do. I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving, that you would be better off without me. I couldn't have been more wrong. I--" she interrupted then cutting my words short.

"Don't, Edward, please. Don't apologize anymore. I already told you I forgive you; you didn't want to be with me, that's nothing to apologize for. Don't tell me you loved me just to make me feel better, I can't take it."

I was suddenly angry that she could even think that. "I wasn't saying it to make you feel better; I was saying it because it was the truth. I did love you, I still do."

"It's too late for that now Edward, even if you did mean it, it's been too long. We were never meant to be." her voice cracked as she said this and her tears started falling fresh down her streaked face again. "Not in that way anyways." I didn't understand, what could she mean by that?

"What do you mean, not in that way? In what way do you think we were meant to be?"

As she looked up into my eyes I suddenly knew what she was getting at and, had my heart been beating it would have stopped right then. "No." I shook my head in disbelief "No, you can't think that."

"I don't think it, I know it. You were supposed to kill me that day. I was supposed to be with you forever, be a part of you forever, my blood called to you for that very reason. I was right, you were fighting fate"

This was quickly turning into one of our famous arguments. "NO!, Don't you dare say that. Damn it, I loved you. I NEVER wanted to hurt you like that!"

"But you did, Edward. You did want to hurt me like that; you wanted to kill me, to taste me. Just like you want to right now, I can see it in your eyes! Don't fight it anymore Edward! I'm ready now, it's what I want. Take away my pain, and yours. Kill me. Go on…do it. At least I'll get to be with you forever in some way. We both know that's the only way you ever really wanted me to begin with."

I stopped breathing, it was as if she'd reached into my chest and ripped my non-beating heart out. "That's not true." my voice a choked whisper. I couldn't believe she actually thought that.

"If it wasn't, you would have changed me so I could be with you instead of leaving me human. It was my blood that attracted you to me, not me. It was never ME you loved. Please Edward, just take me. I know you want to; I can see it in your eyes. It's all you can do not to sink your teeth into my throat right now. I can tell by your eyes that you haven't fed enough, I know you're thirsty. Go ahead, do it. Satisfy your craving Edward."

"How… how can you think that? I can't do that to you, never to you. Damn it I LOVE YOU! I love you." the last came out in a whisper. "Whether or not you believe it, I love you."

"You moved on Edward, and she's waiting for you. Put me in the past, permanently. End this, please. I couldn't bear to see you walk away from me again. It would kill me anyways, Edward, I'm DYING anyways! Make my death mean something! Please, it's all I have left to give to you, take it. You already took my soul Edward, my life means nothing anymore."

"I…I can't, I won't. I'm sorry" I whispered and turned to walk towards where I had seen Erica disappear into the trees as she crumpled to the ground screaming out her sobs. I should never have stayed, I should have left the second I smelled her. I've only hurt her worse, and myself as well.

I had begun to walk away, when it hit me like a sweet siren song calling me to my doom. Blood, her blood. A small amount but enough to keep me rooted to the spot for fear I would lose control. I turned and found her inspecting a small cut on her hand that had a shard of glass protruding from it that she'd gained as she'd collapsed to the ground. Her sobs had quieted and she looked up at me expectantly as she removed the glass from her hand.

I was tensed, coiled instinctively to spring but I was fighting it. I stared at her my eyes black with thirst, the monster in me fighting to come out, but I wouldn't, couldn't allow it. She closed her eyes then as she brought the glass up to the side of her throat. I was paralyzed….I couldn't move. I needed to leave before I did something I would regret, but there I stood rooted to the spot, watching her.

I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life. She was there, on her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks caught in the moonlight, her long hair haphazardly framing her upturned face. Her eyes squeezed shut and she struggled to control her breathing as she pressed the point of the glass to the main artery in her throat. Slowly, she opened her eyes and stared directly into mine as she began to slice into her skin with the glass.

The smell overtook me all at once, and I couldn't fight it any longer. I had to have her, the monster in me was winning, her scent leaving me completely intoxicated, and I was lost. I was on her before the blood had even begun to drip from the wound, sinking my teeth into her flesh as I wrapped her in my embrace. I groaned in pleasure at the first taste of her. She tasted so much sweeter than I remembered; this time there was no venom to mix with the intoxicating flavor of her blood.

Never had anything tasted so divine, so satisfying, and I wanted more. I tightened my arms around her, my mind screaming at me to stop, that this was wrong, but the monster in me wouldn't be deterred, and it was too late now to stop anyways. Her arms shot around me clinging to me as she practically melted into my arms. She didn't fight me; she made no move to even try. Just as I heard her heart begin to slow I felt her lips pressed against my neck in a kiss and I heard her sigh my name, and as her eyes began to close for the final time, she whispered "I love you, and I forgive you" and then she was gone.

I staggered back in shock at what I had just done. I had killed her, I had killed my angel, the one being on this earth I had sworn never to harm, and she had begged me, practically forced me to do it. I truly was a monster. I couldn't move from that spot. I knelt there, holding her lifeless body in my arms sobbing. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. Erica, I had forgotten all about her. I looked up into her troubled face with dead eyes. "Edward, we should go"

"No." I choked out between sobs. "I won't leave her again"

"We have to go NOW!"

I lifted her lifeless body into my arms, staring down at her face, her peaceful expression, her closed eyes, and I knew I had to fulfill my promise. That I wouldn't live in a world where she didn't exist.

"No, tell my family what happened, and that I love them, but I won't be coming home. I have a promise to fulfill. Alice will understand what you mean. Please, don't try to follow me. You won't find me."

"Edward wait, please! " And with that I ran as fast as I could, carrying her with me, leaving a terrified Erica staring after me still not understanding what had happened. I wouldn't leave Bella, ever again. I would follow her in death as I'd sworn to so long ago. I ran for what seemed like days, in truth it probably was, until I reached Forks and the meadow. I laid her body down in the sunlight among what was left of this years wildflowers and stretched myself out next to her.

We would rest together forever here in our special place. I knew it wouldn't be long now; the place absolutely reeked of werewolf. They were near by, I knew if I could smell them so strongly then surely they had smelled me. I lay there with my eyes closed waiting, and then I heard it. A low menacing growl coming closer and closer. I kept my eyes closed even as I felt its claws tearing into my flesh, and made no sound as it began to rip me to pieces. "I'll be with you soon my angel" was the last thing I whispered before the world went forever dark.