She never wanted any part of this. Never.
By no means had she wished for this. She'd only wished for her friends' happiness. That was a good thing, a pleasant and giving thing to do. She'd sacrifice all her wishes for them. And more. Much more. She'd love them and care for them and do whatever they told her to do. She'd nurture and protect them. Leave her home, her new and accepting home, to kill for them.
She always knew it would turn out this way, too. Always.
After all, Mai had had a crush on Zuko since she was a child. Since they were all children. And when she saw Mai again, after all those years, she saw the same little girl she had always played with. And so she knew that Mai still cared for him. Mai never changed. She never let anything go without being touched by her. Azula was the exact same. All of them were.
And when Azula had asked her to leave the circus, she was reluctant to go. The circus was her home and she was normal there, for once, she fit in. She wasn't picked on; she was respected. She blended in with the other circus freaks. But when they performed, when she danced on the high wire, people would look up and they were amazed. She was relieved to be home and her heart beat quickly.
When she was hunting the Avatar, she tried not to think too hard, about anything. She concentrated on her job and ignored the fear in the back of her mind. It was hard when Mai's face showed the same thing, the same terror, as they trailed behind Azula.
Azula's face was menacing and always, always laughing.
When Zuko had joined them, they were all three relieved. She didn't know how Zuko felt. She wanted to, though. When Azula hugged him, Mai hugged him. Both girls smiled and Zuko's face stayed the same. He never changed. She was sort of comforted by that idea. She thought that maybe they'd all go back to the way they were, as children. Since they never changed. Why would this be any different?
Despite wearing the same pink clothes and the same braided hair, she wasn't the same as her childhood counterpart. She had matured and saw the world for what it was. The others had too, yet, they still acted the same. It was because of Azula and because they were afraid.
Zuko challenged this, yet he never did anything out of the ordinary. He began dating Mai. They would kiss in front of her. It was painful to watch and it was then that she realized what her feelings were. For him, for her, for all three of them. She was in love and it was so painful. Worse than being beaten in battle. Worse than having that Water Tribe boy tell her he was with another. And now she was afraid of two things.
Of death, of being betrayed in her sleep. Murdered.
Of never being able to be with the one she loved. Of never telling that person how she felt.
She came close when she told Azula she was beautiful. When she told Mai how much she enjoyed their time together. When she told Zuko she knew him.
Yet she never felt like it sunk in. None of them understood what she was really trying to say. None of them understood what she meant when she hugged them or told them encouraging words. But she kept on doing these things, hoping that someday, they might.
And when they sat around the campfire and screamed at one another, she couldn't help but cry. Were they finally breaking apart? Her heart trembled. She noticed how much she appreciated how they never changed. She wanted them to stay this way forever. Azula and Zuko and Mai would rule the Fire Nation and she would watch them. She would smile and be so proud.
She never wanted power and never craved anything like it. Death didn't bother her; as long as it happened to someone she didn't know or care about. She tried awfully hard not to think about it. But in their line of business, death was usually right on their heels. She had nightmares about this sometimes and it always troubled her.
She wanted to give up the hunt, to leave the Avatar alone and wish for his disappearance. Let somebody else deal with it. She wanted to tell her friends this and wanted them to understand wholly but she knew they wouldn't. She worried about them and really wanted them to stay together.
When she saw that note Zuko had left. The one he'd written to Mai, the one that told how he was leaving and not to follow, she was devastated. Now they'd be separated; Zuko physically and Azula and Mai emotionally. Zuko had betrayed them, yet, she didn't feel like it was his fault. He had changed, just like she had. When she saw Mai start to cry, she knew Mai had changed. And when she heard Azula order a bounty on Zuko's head, she knew Azula had changed.
She still felt connected to them, but just barely. She still felt a loyalty and a need to cary out their commands. Except now she felt fear and terror when she looked into any one of their faces. But mostly, she felt her love slipping away and that was what really scared her.
I've totally fallen for Ty Lee and wanted to write something emotional about her and how difficult everything is for her... You know, something sappy like that.
Characters belong to Mike and Bryan.