"I still miss him sometimes. More than sometimes."
She can still remember the moment she had said those words, can still feel the ache in her heart, even after so long. People say you can never forget your first love, but apparently you never stop loving them either. At least, that's how she will always feel.
She misses the way he looked at her, the way he would blush when she caught him staring. Her fingers sort through the papers on her bed, her dark blue eyes catching glimpses of notes he wrote and pictures of them together. Her heart tugs, filling her with more pain as she examined his boyish scrawl. Her eyes skim the paper, coming to rest upon the last five words he had written. I will love you forever.
The first time he sees her, he's rescuing her again. To be honest, he's not surprised. He's heard rumors that she returned to her cold exterior, the girl he hadn't fallen for. He saves her because h knows that somewhere, deep down, is the girl he fell in love with. He drops her off and watches as she sneaks back in her house. He shakes his head at himself as he accelerates, wondering how long he can keep this up.
He catches up with her the next day, positive that he's going to tell her he won't be around to save her again. But he can't. One look into her eyes and he's mesmerized all over again. She glares at him and in that moment, he swears he has never felt more hated. "I wanted to see if you were okay," he tells her. She tells him she's fine and he can tell she's getting more impatient. So he continues. "Stop pushing me away, okay? I might not come back next time." With that, he walks away, hoping she'll come to her senses.
His words play over and over again in her mind. It's been so long, but with just those ten words, she's missing him more than she's ever had before. Because now, she can't afford to lose him. He's the one that always saves her from herself, from what she could do, and she always counts on him to come back. Because that's how it is. They fight, she makes a mistake and he comes back. Its happened more times than she can count, but its different this time. She can tell from the look in his eyes that he's tiring of putting in the effort that was never returned. She's losing him, she realizes, and that alone shatters her heart.
So she reverts to being childish. She targets him in physics class, knowing that the class bored him to no end. She slips an artfully folded note to him, retreating quickly to the other side of the room. Moments later, the note ends up being handed back to her and she has to restrain herself from opening it too quickly. Her eyes scan the note, an exasperated sigh leaving her lips. Talk to me in person.
He doesn't play nice when she talks to him. Partly because he knows she can play him like a harp. He puts on a bemused face as she fidgets in front of him. He's not listening because honestly, she says more when she's not talking. He interrupters her mid-sentence, his voice as smooth as velvet. "I meant what I said. I'm not going to save you anymore. You've hurt me too many times and— I don't even know anymore."
His facade slips and he sighs, running his fingers through his messy hair. She stays silent, her cast away from him. He knows that look; she's on the verge of crying. Finally she says something. He can barely hear her, but it still means something to him. "I'm scared of hurting you again." And with that, she's gone again.
Its funny, she thinks as she blinks back tears. She's always the one crying over him, but she always manages to hurt him more. She can't stand it anymore— she's reached the point where even conversation with him is excruciatingly difficult. Every little thing he does, each word that flows from his lips, she's reminded of their relationship. By now, every memory she's locked away is rushing out of the damn, enveloping her. She needs him back, she wants him back more than anything else.
Thing is— she doesn't know what else she can do. It'll hurt him if things end badly and it'll destroy her altogether. Like he said, he won't ever go back to her if she crushes his heart again. She hates the risk, but all she wants, all she can think of is him.
She's driving him insane. Ever since their last encounter, everything reminds him of her. So far he's called three girls by her name and he isn't able to do anything without a memory of her popping in his head. Whether it be playing hide and seek with his little brother, or simply fixing his hair, she's there. Forever embedded into his life. He wants her back— this much he knows. But if he finds out she's not worth it, then he's not sure he'll be able to go on. For so long, she's been the center of his universe. She's the earth to his moon, without her, he'd be lost, sucked into the black hole that is the remnants of his former life.
He's standing in the rain and he swears he can feel each individual droplet hitting his head, but he's not leaving. He can't. He's been through far too much and he'll be damned if he leaves without fixing it, without fixing them.
Unknown to him, she's on the other side of the door, the jacket she had stolen from him wrapped tight around her form. She's tired of all the games, she's done playing; all she really wants is him. She's gone through all his notes, the letters she wrote him, but never sent because that would've meant that she was giving in. She braces herself, car keys in hand, and opens the door, only to find herself face to face with him.
They stare at each other, both too stunned to say anything. He runs a hand through his soaked hair, and it stands up, ruffled. "Hey," he offers, cursing at himself a second later. "Headed out?"
She sighs, leaning against the doorway. Suddenly, her courage seems to have vanished. "Why are you here?"
"I miss you." He answers truthfully, his bright blue eyes boring into her. He knows by the look in her eyes that its not enough, she needs him to swallow his pride, because that's what it'll take for her to do the same. "I can't get you out of my head," he pauses and he grins in that oh so familiar way. "I don't want you out of my head."
She stares at him, like she doesn't believe him. Maybe she's too scared to. She steps toward him, hesitant. "I miss you too," she murmurs, her cheeks reddening furthering her beauty.
He steps forward, taking her hand. "You have to say it, you know."
"Why don't you say it first?" She smiles at him, head cocked to one side.
"You know why," he murmurs, his other hand on her cheek. "Three words, that's all. You already have me, you know that."
"I love you," she whispers, shifting closer to him.
"And I love you." She barely has time to register the words because she's back in his arms and he's kissing her. And for the first time in months, they're both finally where they're supposed to be.