Hotto Doggu no Hi
By Kamehameha
Disclaimer: Azumanga Daioh is respectfully owned by Kiyohiko Azuma.
Author Notes: Haha, another contribution to the Azumanga Daioh category. Getting tired of my works yet? I'm not getting tired of Azumanga Daioh, which is a good sign I suppose. This time I'm writing a comedy fanfiction instead of a comedy romance one. Sometimes I wonder what they put in hotdogs anyway… But no matter, the title is translated as "Hotdog Day", considering "Hotto Doggu" is Romanji for hotdog and "Hi" (pronounced as 'he') is translated as Day which means that "no" is a possessive form of 'is', so therefore, literally translated, it would be Hotdog's day… But in actually English, it's Hotdog Day! I apologize for my mindless babbling… So enjoy!
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Summary: Ever wonder what hotdogs really are? Ever wonder what Osaka starts when she wonders what she thinks they really are?
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"Hey, Osaka! Guess what day it is today?" Tomo asked excitedly.
Osaka blinked and answered, "Thursday."
"No! It's hot dog day!"
The Osakan looked shocked. "Hotdog day? What happened to Thursday? Did it disappear?" She asked as she looked under the desk. "Chaunen [1], no Thursday."
Yomi gave her a puzzled look. "Technically, it is Thursday, but it's also hot dog day."
"We get free hotdogs! We get free hotdogs!" Tomo chanted excitedly.
"I see no reason to get so excited over a hotdog."
"My dear Koyomi, you just don't understand the wonders of hotdogs. I said it's FREE!"
Yomi sweatdropped. "Okay…"
It was Osaka's turn to give everyone a puzzled look. "Why are hotdogs called hotdogs?"
"…No clue…"
There was an awkward silence between the three of them before Tomo spoke up.
"Maybe they put real dogs in it! 'Doggu [2]' in English is dog!" Her eyes widened as she spoke those words. "Oh my god... Kuro [3] might be next!" She screeched as she took deep breaths and dramatically fainted.
"That's a pathetic way to waste time and energy." Yomi commented.
Osaka stared intensely to nothing in particular and asked, "What do they put in hotdogs anyway?"
"Well, I don't know…" The taller girl thought. She never really thought about that before, nor did she even think about why they called it hotdogs.
Breaking the peace, Tomo jumped up and yelled. "Real dogs! There are a lot of places that eat them."
"Ewww…" The other bonkura looked disgusted. "I propose that we should find out what kind of dog they put in… Because I don't think Kuro is the type to get made into a hotdog."
"Yeah…" Tomo placed a finger on her chin, indicating thinking mode. "That dog must be very long to look like and be made into that…"
Yomi sweatdropped. "Knock yourselves out…"
Osaka looked at Yomi and then glanced at Tomo. Tomo grinned. "I'll be glad to!" As she said that, she pushed Osaka into Yomi and crashed into a couple of desks.
"Not literally!" Yomi yelled, trying to restrain herself from strangling the two teenagers.
"Sir yes sir!" Tomo screeched.
"It's Ma'am…" Yomi shot a glare at her.
"Whatever… It's not like you can tell that you are a 'Ma'am' anyway…" Yomi tackled Tomo to the ground, strangling and choking the smaller girl.
"Yay… Go whoever…" Osaka cheered. She blinked and turned her head. "I'm going to ask Chiyo about hotdogs…"
Tomo freed herself from her best friend's grasp. "I'm coming too!"
Chiyo was reading a book when the two teenagers walked up to her. Her pigtails waved as she turned around to glance at Tomo and Osaka. "Can I help you?"
"Chiyo-suke, what kind of dog is long and they look like hotdogs?" Tomo asked.
"Long?" Chiyo paused for a moment and asked, "Wiener dogs I guess…"
A long "Oh…." came out from Tomo and Osaka as they huddled together and whispered.
"Hear that? Weiner is the meat on the hotdog!" Tomo stated. "They must be in trouble, hotdogs are going to be eaten today, and we must not let everyone eat those wiener dogs! SAVE THE DOGS!"
"Save the dogs!" Osaka repeated. They ran out the door before Chiyo could ask what they were up to.
"Something gives me a bad feeling about those two that I must have said…" The child prodigy went back to reading her book.
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Tomo and Osaka strolled down the hall. It was nearly empty because everyone else had already run outside to get free hotdogs.
"By the way, I wonder why Koora [4] is called Koora."
Tomo stopped for a bit and guessed, "Maybe they put real Koalas in there!"
"You mean… they made them into a drink?" Osaka gasped.
"Americans are evil… [5]"
"Indeed they are…"
An awkward silence took place.
"We should tell Yukari-chan shouldn't we?" Tomo asked. The Osakan nodded in agreement and headed towards the staff lounge.
Yukari's desk was no different that the one in her classroom. It was piled with textbooks, loose papers and many other items scattered around her. It was more like a mountain of messiness than an actual desk itself.
Yukari was sitting in her chair and spun around to see her two students gaping at her. In her hand was a hotdog and her face was covered in a yellow paste.
"Ahhh! Yukari-chan ate it!" Osaka stated the obvious.
"What's wrong you two?" The English teacher asked.
"You ate a hotdog! You ate those poor wiener dogs!" Tomo gasped.
"What?!?" Yukari spit out the remains and wiped her mouth with a tissue.
Osaka gazed at the yellow substance. "Yukari-chan, what's that?"
"Oh, well it's mustard."
She gasped. "Mustard? I used to have a yellow canary bird that I named General Mustard. But it flew away one day when I was giving him a bath and he must have got killed."
"You can bathe a bird?" Yukari looked at them strangely.
Both Osaka and Tomo stared at Yukari, eyes widened. "You killed General Mustard didn't you? You kill him and ate him!"
Yukari moved her chair on wheels slowly back. "What?"
"You kill him and ate him!" The two chanted. By the looks of it, they looked as if they were zombies and trying to scare their homeroom teacher.
Yukari was freaking out. "N-No! I didn't kill! I was tricked too! It was the Americans, I swear!"
"Fine, then join us and we'll let you off this time." Tomo grinned "We need to recruit more members to get rid of those hotdog eating maniacs!"
"Uh… Okay! But can I be your boss?" Yukari pleaded.
"Sure!"
Yukari stood up and kicked the chair which crashed into Nyamo's desk, knocking over everything. "Alright soldiers! It's 5 minutes into lunch. The lunch lady might have already served the hotdogs, so it's up to us to stop them! The cafeteria is under construction so if we're lucky, we'll find every one in the school somewhere. Let's spilt up! Remember, we don't have time to tell them our reasons. They might wonder what we're up to and try to stop us. Just save the dogs and hope those American foods will not possess us too! Save the dogs!"
"Sir yes sir!" Tomo and Osaka chanted.
"It's Ma'am…"
Just then, Kagura entered and asked, "Have you seen Sakaki? I need her notes for-"
The three brainless people suspiciously glared at her. "Join us or else!"
"Uhh… okay…" Kagura agreed, not knowing what she would get herself into.
Tomo cheered, "Yay! The bonkurazu unite!"
Yukari whacked her over the head. "Who are you calling a bonkurazu? You can't call me that!" She glanced over to the other morons and asked, "Why don't you guys say something?"
"You were the one that was called the bonkura. Not us…"Kagura replied.
"She said bonkurazu with a 'zu'!!!" Yukari yelled.
It took a second for the word to click in. "Huh? Oh, right… WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BONKURA?" Osaka and Kagura yelled.
Tomo pouted, "Fine, we're the bonkurazu and the stupid sensei [6]!!"
Everyone cheered.
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"Alright! Tomo, you take these students, Osaka deals with the ones over here, Kagura you get those kids and I'll deal with the rest. Everyone, let's set off!"
"Sir yes sir!"
"It's Ma'am…"-----
"Yosha! I get to mess with Yomi!" Tomo cheered quietly to herself. "Okay, this is what I would tell her. The hotdog is loaded with so much FAT that it'll make her as big as a balloon and explode! That way, she can't eat it!"
She walked into her homeroom class and found Yomi sitting by herself, with a hotdog in hand. She was about to take a bite out of the hotdog when Tomo sprinted forward, leapt over several desks and kicked the food out her of hands. Not to mention she accidentally kicked Yomi in the face as well. When Tomo landed, she kneeled in front of the hotdog. "Thought you could possess my friend and get away with it eh? Well, not anymore! My mission here is complete!"
Yomi's glasses gleamed maniacally, "How dare you! You kicked me and dropped my hotdog! I demand an explanation Takino-kun!"
"Hey! That's the first time you called me that…" Tomo smiled.
"What the hell are you doing!?!?" The taller girl demanded.
Tomo stood up with a grin plastered on her face. "Well, it's better this way, it's better for me and you!"
"How is it better for me?" Her voice sounding extremely angry.
"Well my dear Koyomi-kun…" Tomo's voice trailed off, trying to remember the explanation. 'Crap, I forgot what I was supposed to say… wait… I remember one part and that is'
"Fat. Yomi, you've gained so much weight, you're really fat!" 'Shit! That's not what I was supposed to say!'
Yomi lunged forward and tackled Tomo to the ground.
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"Chiyo-chan… [7]" Osaka chanted as she strolled towards her. "Whatcha up to?"
Chiyo turned around, with a hot dog in her hand. "Osaka-san! I'm just about to eat this hot dog. It looks delicious, did you eat yours already?"
Osaka gazed at the colorful substance on the hotdog. "What's with the green and red stuff?"
"Oh, it's ketchup and relish. They're condiments and they go well with a hotdog." Chiyo replied.
"Ketchup… Relish… I used to have a red lizard that I called King Ketchup, and I used to have a frog that I called Rear Admiral Relish…" Osaka said before the evidence clicked in her head. "You killed them." She stated as she pointed to Chiyo.
"Umm… No…"
"Then why did they disappear? They left me to serve under you and you killed mercifully."
"Umm… What?"
"You killed them, killed them because they weren't good enough for you. They weren't good enough for you so you killed them, with a dagger. You killed them with a dagger because they weren't good enough for you and you sliced them open. You sliced them open because they weren't good enough for you so you killed them with a dagger in which you sliced them open so their guts will squirt out. You sliced them open so their guts will squirt out because you killed them with a dagger because they weren't good enough for you-"
"Yamettekudasai [8]! Osaka-san! I can't take it anymore! No more! Please stop!" Chiyo cried and ran outside, leaving the hotdog on the desk. Osaka turned her head from Chiyo and glanced back to the desk.
The hotdog was sitting on the table, almost vulnerable and delicious. Osaka picked it up and licked the ketchup and relish off the hotdog.
"Hmm… I didn't know King Ketchup and Rear Admiral Relish tasted so good… Darn, I should have killed them a long time ago."
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"Hey! Sakaki, can I copy notes?" Sakaki nodded as she passed her notebook to Kagura who accept it gratefully.
'Let's see… I was supposed to ask Sakaki something…' Kagura thought as she glanced at the hotdog sitting on Sakaki's desk. "Oh, I remember now! Sakaki, did you know that Tadakichi blew up and we didn't know what to use his remains for so we used his flesh and put it in this hotdog!" Kagura said as she grinned.
Sakaki's eyes widened as she looked at the hotdog. "Tadakichi-san was made into a hotdog?"
"Uhh… yeah, that's why you can't eat it! So if you don't mind, I'll be taking that to make sure you don't eat it." Kagura said as she reached for the hotdog. She almost had it in her grasp when a hand slapped Kagura's hand. Kagura stopped for a moment and looked into Sakaki's orbs of threat.
"You will not harm Tadakichi-san."
Kagura backed away slowly. "Uhh… Well, you're not going to eat that are you?" Sakaki shook her head. "Okay, that's all I uhh… wanted to know…. See ya later!" Kagura said as she ran out of the classroom, officially freaked.
Sakaki sighed and then glanced at the hotdog. Hopefully petting "Tadakichi-san" would make her day better.
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Yukari ran as fast as she could and knocked down the door of the staff room in the process. Her eyes shifted and found Kurosawa Minamo sitting at her desk.
"Drop the hotdog and put your hands up!" She screamed in Kurosawa's ear.
Kurosawa turned her head to see Yukari wearing a towel around her neck and saucepan on her head. Most people would wonder what the English teacher was up to and that's exactly what Kurosawa did.
"What the hell? Yukari, there isn't a cultural festival today…" Nyamo laughed. "I remember last time when you thought it was cultural festival and you dressed up as a firefighter and you nearly flooded the entire school because you thought that the steam coming from the shower in the men's locker room was smoke. That was hilarious-"
"Silence fool! You have the right to remain silent! Hand over the hotdog!" Yukari demanded.
The gym teacher gave her a strange look. "What ever could you mean?"
Yukari grabbed Nyamo's collar and pulled the teacher towards her. "Stop acting all innocent to me, little missy. I know you have the hotdog so hand it over!"
"Hotdog? Yukari, I already ate it." Nyamo said as she pointed to the wrapper than contained crumbs from the crust of the bun.
"What?! Murder!" The English teacher screamed.
"What the hell!?" Before Kurosawa knew it, she saw her best friend running out of the staff room screaming bloody murder. Literally.
Nyamo signed and continued her marking. As she came across the third question, the intercom suddenly screeched.
Kurosawa Minamo, please come down to the office-
A loud crash was heard and suddenly followed by a female voice.
No! Not like that! You need to put the school on lockdown mode! She's a killer! I tell you! Killer! Murderer! Lockdown! Lockdown! Lockdown-
The voice was way too familiar for Kurosawa to take many guesses on. The intercom had turned off after the third word of lockdown was heard.
"What the hell is Yukari doing this time?" Minamo muttered to herself.
Suddenly the door was kicked in again and there stood a couple of men in a navy blue uniform. "Kurosawa Minamo! Please come out with your hands up!"
"What the fuck?" was all Minamo could say before they dragged her away for explanations.
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"There is something definitely weird about those two." Chiyo said as Yomi adjusted her glasses.
Chiyo and Yomi had been sitting in the classroom for a while now, trying to think of the reason that drove Tomo and Osaka insane about a hotdog. So far, no results.
"You can say that again."
"There is something definitely weird about those two." The child prodigy repeated.
"I knew that Osaka and Tomo were strange, except I didn't think that they would do something that drastic concerning a hotdog. I wonder if Kagura or Sakaki was affected with it in any way." Yomi interpreted.
Chiyo put a finger to her chin, indicating she was thinking. "Maybe they're possessed or something. I mean, Yukari wouldn't be running around with a pot on her head and screaming bloody murder if it wasn't important. Something or someone must have driven them to think this way."
"Good observation Watson [9]. It sounds reasonable enough. "
Both heads were turned to the door as Kurosawa walked in muttering a faint I-told-them-so-but-nooo-they-didn't-listen to herself.
"Good afternoon Kurosawa-Sensei, you look stress. What's the matter?" Chiyo asked in a concerned voice.
The teacher sat at a desk beside them and rested her head on the table. "Geez, Yukari's insane today. She called the cops and said I murdered a hotdog or something because I ate it."
"Hotdogs again?" Chiyo asked.
"Hotdogs?" The gym instructor gave them a puzzled look.
"So I've heard." Yomi commented. "Tomo, Osaka and Yukari is acting really strange today. Do you think they haven't been acting like themselves because of Hotdog Day?"
"Sounds about right." Minamo said as she lifted her head from the table. "We should investigate. Are you two going to help me?"
Yomi nodded. "Hell ya, I'm in. Are you coming too Chiyo-chan?"
"I certainly will because I don't want Osaka to be acting so strange. So I guess I'll come along too…" Chiyo smiled cutely.
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"Ohohohohoho!" The homeroom teacher of class 3 laughed. "We've done it! We've stopped everyone from eating hotdogs today. Except Nyamo, but I managed to deal with her with my brains this time!"
Tomo slapped her teacher on the back. "You have no brains Yukari-chan, but awesome work! Now that we've saved those wiener dogs, we've got nothing to worry about it! We basically saved the planet!"
"I feel like we've missed someone…" Osaka wondered. "I mean, if we don't stop them, they might bring hotdog day back and all our work will go to waste." Kagura nodded in agreement.
Tomo laughed. "Daijoubu! [10] Kaorin's left but don't worry, she'll be easy to handle." She noticed Kaorin walking past her and into a classroom. "Look, there she goes. Just leave this one to me!"
Tomo strolled over to classroom 4 and looked inside. It was only Kaorin that was sitting at her desk. Everyone else had gone outside to get away from the class before lunch was over. Tomo walked over to her and greeted. "Yo!"
Kaorin turned her head and smiled. "Hello Tomo, can I help you with something?"
"Well, yeah because I've got this pro-" Tomo stopped dead in her tracks to see the object on her desk.
"Problem?" Kaorin asked.
Tomo's face turned pale as she muttered faint words to herself.
Yukari slapped her forehead as she stood from the door of Kimura's classroom, watching the scene. "Stupid Tomo. For goodness sake, do something!"
Osaka blinked. "Can I handle this mission?"
Yukari nodded firmly and watched the younger girl walk into the classroom. When Osaka walked up beside Tomo, she had the exact shocked expression on her face as the other girl.
Kagura sweatdropped. "I'll help them. It can't be that hard." She said as she imitated the other two and gasped at the same scene.
"Must I do everything myself?" Yukari muttered as she walked inside the classroom.
It was a hotdog. It was no ordinary hotdog she has seen all day. It was already bitten.
Yukari sweatdropped. "THIS is what everyone happened to freak out about?" Yukari said as she tried to pick up the hotdog. Unfortunately, Kaorin's reaction was quicker and swiped it.
"Well, well. The rumors were true." From the back of the class, Nyamo, Yomi and Chiyo stood up from behind the student's desks. "You guys were after the hotdogs weren't you?"
The English teacher frowned. "What are you doing here Nyamo? I thought I got rid of you for good!"
"You've got to be kidding. There is no law in which one can eat hotdogs and go to jail for it." Nyamo argued.
"Well, there should be!" Yukari countered.
Chiyo looked innocent. "Why did you guys do this?"
"That is confidential information in which we will not tell you."
Nyamo signaled Kaorin, who took a bite out of the hotdog.
The bonkurazu screamed as they felt weakened by how badly the hotdog was getting treated. By the looks of it, it seemed like they were suffering from a hotdog torture.
"Now, what did you say again?" Nyamo asked.
"I will not tell you!" Yukari yelled.
The gang screamed again, twitched and fell over in front of their mortal enemies as Kaorin bit the hotdog.
"WE'LL NEVER TELL YOU!" Tomo screamed as she lunged for the girl who was abusing the hotdog.
Kaorin dodged Tomo's attack and stuffed the rest of the hotdog in her mouth. The gang suffered one last time before giving in to their enemies' plan.
Yukari slowly pulled herself from the ground. "Like I said before, there is no way we would tell the likes of you! You've run out of weapons!"
The gym teacher smirked as she snapped her fingers. Chiyo pulled out a tray full of hotdogs and place it on the desk in front of the group. "And you were saying?"
"Damn you!" Yukari said as she frowned and stood up.
"Well, tell us why you're doing all of this!" Yomi asked getting a little annoyed.
Yukari snorted. "Even if I do tell you, you won't listen. You're already possessed! Everyone! You've all been tricked because you ate wiener dogs which were tortured and made into hotdogs for those American meals!"
Chiyo gave her a puzzled look. "What?"
"Like I said before! You're all possessed! You don't even realize it! Those wiener dogs were innocent and did no harm until you guys came along and ate those hotdogs that contained dogs! You all are murderers and fell into the American's scheme!" Yukari muttered. "Stupid people."
"Yukari-sensei, hotdogs aren't made out of real dogs. They're really chicken meat grounded up and packaged into a sausage." Chiyo said as she took out a book on hotdogs and showed it to her teacher.
Yukari curiously picked up the book and skimmed through it. After a few minutes, she closed the book and snorted. "I knew that."
Osaka stood up. "Then what about General Mustard King Ketchup and Rear Admiral Relish?"
The other two bonkurazu stood up as well, both with their arms over each other, trying to support themselves from the torture that happened moments ago. "That's right. What happened to them?" Tomo asked.
The Osakan blinked. "Oh wait, I remember. I buried them in my backyard to see if they could still breathe or not. I dig them up again to see if they were still alive or if they managed to run away. I do that to all my pets every year. I find that somewhat amusing."
Everyone stared at Osaka and gaped. No wonder they all ran away from her.
"Well, now that this argument is settled. Let's demolish this plate of hotdogs!" Tomo cheered as she grabbed two hotdogs and tried to eat it as quick as she could. Everyone stared at her strangely as she ate. Unfortunately, before her forth bite, she chocked until fell over. Once she stopped, she stood back up and glanced at everyone. "Whoops, almost forgot… Itadakimasu [11]!"
Everyone laughed and ate until the tray of hotdogs was gone. Kagura took two bites out of the hotdog before realizing something really important that she missed. "Hey, where's Sakaki?"
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Sakaki sat on a bench that was outside the school but was still on school property. She was still petting 'Tadakichi-san'.
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A week after the incident, the lunch bell rang again as the gang was dismissed from English class.
"Hey, Osaka! Guess what day it is today?" Tomo asked.
"Thursday?"
"No! It's Tofu day! We get tofu and rice today!" Tomo shouted.
Osaka gave the other girl a puzzled look. "Why is tofu called tofu? It sounds like "Toe food" in English."
There was an awkward silence between the three of them before Yomi spoke up. "Here we go again…"
The End
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Author Notes: (Yes, after obtaining my copies of the Azumanga Daioh manga from 1-4, I realized those Translator Notes are VERY useful, hence my using of notes in the fanfic as well.)
[1] Chaunen – Similar to a 'nope' in an Osakan dialect. In the English manga, the translator uses "Fuhgeddaboudit" which is a little awkward at times.
[2] Doggu – Hotdogs in Japan are called 'hotto doggu'. It is written in Katakana because it is a foreign word.
[3] Kuro – I've heard that it was the name of Tomo's dog. In the English manga, I've heard it was called Spot, but Kuro sounds a lot more sophisticated than Spot, so I'm using Kuro.
[4] Koora – Cola in Japan are called Koora. It is written in Katakana and Koora is the Romanji form of it.
[5] Americans – I am not making fun of Americans with the joke of this fanfic. Just because I'm a Chinese Canadian doesn't mean that I'm making fun of any of you American fans. I'm just writing this from a possible Japanese point of view but that doesn't mean that all Japanese think this way. Some people might think of it that way and some people may not. So don't kill me or anyone else because of this comment.
[6] Sensei – This word comes up in a lot of anime and manga. It means teacher. When referring to teachers, you attach the name of the teacher and add the suffix 'sensei' into it so we understand that it is a teacher. In English, we use the term Mr. or Mrs. to communicate a person of an older age that we respect such as your next door neighbor or a teacher. It is different in Japanese because we add 'sensei' to the end and that is only used for teachers, instructors or professors. For example – Yukari-sensei
[7] Chan – No, I was not referring to a last name. This is another suffix like sensei. We use chan to indicate someone we respect which is the same age or younger than us. It is also used to show closeness within a friendship. For example – Tomo calls Yukari, Yukari-chan and Osaka calls Chiyo, Chiyo-chan.
[8] Yamettekudasai – It means stop in Japanese. 'Yamette' would mean stop and the 'kudasai' would be added to show politeness. Since Chiyo is very polite, she often uses 'kudasai', 'gozaimasu' and other polite endings to her speech.
[9] Watson – As you all know and have heard, it is referred Sherlock Homes' sidekick, if you don't know about this famous mystery hunting figure, I suggest you go look up about him.
[10] Daijoubu – It means it's fine/alright. It is a useful term because you can ask if someone is alright or fine if you say "Daijoubu?" and they would answer "Daijoubu." if they were to reply that they are fine or alright.
[11] Itadakimasu – It is a phrase used before eating. Tomo was so excited, she had forgotten to say it which made everyone stare at her.
I appreciate comments about this fic; shower me with praises, flames or just comments that don't make sense. I will be glad to hear from all of you! Thanks for reading!