A/N: Oh this is a little different than some of the things I've written here before (and since taken down-sorry!) This is for fans of the Turkish drama Erkenci Kus (Early Bird). If you've found your way here and have not seen this show yet then youtube is your friend, I'm your pusher, and it will be your next obsession!

I'm going to try to write some short scenes that will fit into the canon to the tv series. I don't want to alter the story as we know it, just enrich it with some scenes that might be considered 'off camera' and such, however they can be fit in. I should be starting at episode 1, but it's episode 8 that gnawed at me. Why would Can just let her walk away? What reason held him back from saying more to her in that moment? Might be good to re-watch the scene before you read this!

I'm writing Mr. Can as "Jan-bey" because that's what we are used to hearing in our minds. I want the depiction of the characters and your experience with seeing the characters to meet in the middle. Sometimes I might throw in an "Evet" or "Taman" again for familiarity.

Disclaimer: I own no rights. Just a fan of the series.

Erkenci Kus (Early Bird)

Episode 8

Twelve Last Steps

Set Up: After working at his house, Sanem goes to leave, and Can walks her to the door. Both expect they are parting ways in this moment.

~x~

Sanem was about to sail right by Can and out of his life like a warm breeze on a spring day. Meanwhile, they had entered each other's lives like a bolt of lightning, a mistaken kiss that neither had intended nor their minds would ever let them dare to forget.

Without any shame, in front of Polen, Can had looked for his mystery girl that night as the anniversary party was ending without even knowing whom he was looking for. Just a softness to her lips, a sweetness to her mouth, the silkiness of her skin. And her scent, of course, the wonderful scent that infused him, overwhelming every part of him. The scent he was so filled with that he couldn't forget yet so desperately needed more of to remember.

After she worked at his house that afternoon, the torment grew inside him of how he could stand by and watch her walk away one final time. Not just away but out of his life forever. The fact that she had even come to him today was another gift on a long list of gifts he had never wished for because he never knew he had needed them in his life. Only twelve more steps then, poof, she would vanish from him forever.

She held out her hand to him, and he pulled her into a secure hug, breathing in her perfume, wondering how long it could last him and his heart. A day? A week of long nights? Whatever it was, this small fix of her wouldn't be enough. How could he never breathe her or feel her or argue with her or feel like his soul had been freed to openly dance with her vivacious spirit - how could he give all that up and never feel it again?

He didn't want to let her go. In that moment, both hearts split apart, leaving four fractured pieces, even as they held each other so tightly.

Sanem basked in the feel of his warm skin against hers. Whenever they had touched, his skin was always warmer than hers. This wasn't the first time she found herself in his arms. Nor was it the first time she had experienced feeling cherished and cared for in his embrace as he buried his chin deep into her shoulder. It was comforting to her as she pressed her eyes closed, wishing to stay like this forever, wondering how she could spend tomorrow and the next days without seeing him. Just when she thought she couldn't feel any more secure being so close to him, he stroked her hair, weakening her frame and leaving her to mold her body closer into his.

Before he completely released her, his hand slid smoothly down her bare arm, stopping briefly to caress the skin at the curve of her elbow. He had always found touching a woman's elbow to be both an invitation and a soft sign of possession, yet could be done with such subtlety in public. He held his other hand still at the small of her back while he spoke, wanting to continue the contact and conversation with her, despite what he was about to say to her.

"As I said, you will not see me again," he told her, desperately waiting for some reaction from her and completely unaware that his arms around her had nearly undone her.

Why was his goodbye so confusing to her body? Can's words had not reached Sanem's ears, and she lightly shook her head to focus on what he was saying.

"You don't have to quit your job," he told her.

In response to him, she continued her words according to plan, relaying she no longer wished to work for the company, but even then she felt her body still leaning in toward him so as not to lose the invisible connection they shared in the embrace. That would have to last her a lifetime as her only balm to the regret she felt for how she treated him. The lies. The deception. The evasive nature she was forced to maintain because of how trusting she was of Emre.

While he stated he still couldn't understand what the circumstances were that led her to her decision, he continued to hope that last embrace might finally make her realize it was him, that it had been him the entire time. He was the one she was looking for. He was her Albatross.

If she only knew that he was already hers.

As she turned away from him, his voice faltered. All of his accomplishments while being on his own traveling the world, all of this survival skills, all of his physical attributes - all of that failed him in this moment. None of them made any sense or could be used to get her to stay. Whether that meant to stay with him or without him but to at least remain in his life. And he hated who he was in this moment. The so-called great Can Divit, weak and worthless. Essentially being left on his mountain alone.

He stood there painfully counting each step she took further and further out of his life. 1...2...3...4...5...6...

It was twelve terrifying steps to the door before Sanem chanced a look back at Can, seeing the agony in his eyes, his stance tense, his face defeated. She wished she could tell him everything and that it would be okay, that it wouldn't make him hate her or cause a greater rift with his brother. Walking away was the only way she told herself. The company had been nothing but bitter conflict and torment to her soul, the cause of strange fluctuations to her heart. Her life wasn't that. It was simple. Working at the grocery store during the day where she wished the customers well. She knew what to expect when a neighbor from the district walked in looking for groceries. She knew she could go home to the welcome arms of her parents and have time to discover new books on love and romance where things always worked out in the end. The choices their characters in love made in books were out of her control. The choices were easy because she just followed along. Working in the agency, dealing with people, lying for Emre, having feelings for the Albatross and for Can all meant making choices she didn't know how to make but was constantly being pushed toward doing. And now she had to suffer the severe consequences of those choices.

Sanem yanked on the door's handle, taking one final departure step through it, tears stinging her eyes.

"Sanem ...wait," Can begged calling out to her, sprinting down the path to catch up with her. Upon reaching her, Can saw the tears in her eyes, though she quickly tried to wipe them away with her hand.

Here he stood before her again, just like yesterday on the rocks. With no understanding of the problem, how could he do anything but fail at the solution? He thought he had already offered the right solutions - breaking up with Polen, trying to get her to talk to him in the lounge, thanking her for her help in front of the entire company, trying to make her feel valued to him. He only had one card left to play - the Albatross. This wasn't the way he wanted to do it. He had always hoped she would figure it out on her own. God knows it felt like he had given her enough reasons to come to the conclusion it was him. If there was still some way that she could figure it out, surely she'd change her mind and not leave him, right? She told him she didn't want him but would that remain unchanged if she knew the truth?

He needed to know.

"Aren't . . . aren't you worried about your Albatross?" he asked with little hope. It was the second time in this afternoon he had said something to her sounding like he was admitting defeat, having earlier begged her not to go, to stay and work.

She turned back toward him. "What do you mean by worried?" she asked.

"I mean…" he stumbled putting his head down and his hand out. "How will you figure out who he is if you're no longer at the company. That is, he must be someone connected to the company seeing as you met him the night of the company's anniversary party."

"Jan-bey," she addressed him as she approached him. "Why would you worry about that?"

Can made a frown as if to say he had reasons. "Why?" his hands went to his head, not because he was exasperated but because he was stalling. "Well . . . you see . . . because from early on after having met you, I knew you were in search of this Albatross. And since you haven't found him yet . . ."

Sanem cut him off.

"Who says I haven't found him? I may have and not informed you. Just because you're the boss of the company Albatross may or may not work for doesn't give you the right to be part of my personal affairs." Sanem's tears were gone, and her feisty spirit clearly geared up again.

"I'm saying you haven't found him yet," Can responded firmly and with a knowing smile that all-too easily irritated Sanem.

"How would you know?" she countered with more hostility.

He knew all too well.

"Sanem, what if he were to come looking for you, and you're no longer at the company?" Can asked with a smile, enjoying the feeling and familiarity of this back-and-forth banter with Sanem. It wasn't the pleasant conversation they had had twice over meals, that gave him plenty of insight as to who she was through stories she told of her growing up that made him laugh, learning about how passionate she was about her books, and her fierce love of animals. No, this was the other part of her. The fire that easily stirred within her. The burning flames he'd never deny he was but a moth to.

All thoughts of the Albatross were like a dream Sanem had had. If the Albatross was somehow connected to the company, would knowing who he was be just as complicated for her as working there had been?

Can closed the space between them, standing close to her again, invading her space.

"Jan-bey, if anyone comes looking for me...uh...how would you even know? You won't be there," Sanem tempered a bit.

"Ahh, true. True." In the absence of his stones, he made a continuous circling gesture with his hand as he thought, wanting to keep the conversation going. "This is true, but what if it's before I leave?" he countered.

"Okay yes then it would be fine if you called to tell me," she said thoughtfully.

"Call? I can call you. As in, I have your permission. Is this what you're saying, Sanem?" he asked with a look of surprise on his face as if he hadn't thought of that himself.

"Yes. Goodbye, now. I really need to leave," she told him quietly, exasperated, as memories of the Albatross replayed quickly in her mind.

"Wait here. Please, wait here for just a second." He walked out the wooden property gate door closing it behind him.

Sanem wondered what he was doing. The thought of the Albatross shook her slightly. She hadn't considered the idea of never finding him if she left work for good. What did it matter? If the Albatross was connected with the company, he might only bring her more pain and heartache. How could she even begin to sort out her feelings between Can and the Albatross, she told herself. A person cannot simply split herself in two, though that's exactly how she had felt both loving Can and deceiving him. Or would it be easier to walk away from Can if she knew one day soon she'd find herself in the arms of the Albatross?

"Just give me a moment," he said pulling out his phone to show her and placing his hands up to surrender. "I have to make a phone call." The door closed between them.

Sanem's phone rang, and she answered it quickly hoping for a distraction from the memories in her head and confusing thoughts. Hoping it was Ayhan needing her help or her perhaps her mom beckoning her to come home right away, supplying her with an excuse to leave.

"Hello, it's Can. Don't hang up, please," he said calmly. Sanem looked at her phone perplexed then over at the closed wooden door she had nearly escaped through a few moments ago.

"Hello Jan-bey, why are you calling?" she answered confused.

"I've found your Albatross. Will you let us in?"

"Uhh, hello?" The phone had disconnected. Just then there was a slight knocking on the door.

Sanem opened the door not knowing who to expect had shown up so quickly.

Can smiled at her, as she looked from side to side around him, seeking out another party. He took the folders from her hands, easily sliding them out as Sanem stood there waiting.

"Sanem," he started then cleared his throat. "Sanem, maybe you didn't find your Albatross . . . maybe, instead, he found you."

"Who?" She continued to peek around him not seeing anyone else by the gate or down the road.

"Who?... Who?... Who?! You keep asking! Are you listening to me? It's me, the only one standing before you," he answered impatiently with his voice raised, stirred by the emotions he felt.

Sanem stared up at him. He took her hand in his with a smile, lifting it up to his face, making her feel his beard with a light up and down stroking as he looked deep into her eyes with hope that this would both end and begin everything between them.

Sanem looked up at him in a trance for a few seconds as she remembered the day she wore the bandana over her eyes and, out of embarrassment, refused to admit she knew it was Can whom she was touching. She snapped out of it, embarrassed again.

"So you're the Albatross?" she countered with skepticism. She felt regret for the games she had played with him that Emre put her up to, but even those corporate games seemed like nothing compared to the game he was playing now with her heart.

"The other night by the pool . . . Sanem, I was pushing for you to confess something, when I realized I was the one who needed to confess this to you." He moved closer to her, close enough to smell her perfume once again, the scent he told himself she wore to remember the Albatross. The koku he claimed for himself with her never knowing how easily it always lured him back to her.

"You're the Albatross?" Sanem said again in disbelief. Her memory did not fail her that night of the anniversary party. She surely saw Can in hiking boots and dressed in his usual nonconformist apparel while the Albatross was formally dressed up and wearing shiny black dress shoes with a bit of a pattern to them. She pulled her hand back and scowled up at him.

"You're unbelievable! You'd reduce yourself to saying this to me?" she yelled at him. "To admitting to nonsense all just to get me to stay working at a company that I can no longer work for? I'm sorry I ever told you about the Albatross! You've done nothing but laugh at me and insult my situation. Such rudeness! Get out of my way!"

Anger flared in Sanem, as the red rose to her cheeks all too easily. She snatched the files from Can's hands and forced her way around him, grumbling quickly out loud about how she should have left sooner and never stayed there to work to begin with that afternoon, speaking loudly into the air, telling her inner voice that she was wrong. The idea was wrong. Everything once again turned out wrong, as she stumbled away.

~x~

~x~

Can snapped back out of the fantasy he had just watched play out in his head. Standing just outside the door to his house, he watched Sanem walk those twelve steps to the gate wanting to run after her. He wanted to stop her and tell her that he was the Albatross, but having just played out that scenario, he decided that wasn't the way to do it. That it would end badly, and it would hurt even more if she wasn't willing to accept the truth.

Maybe she would never know, and he would be left to carry the burden of the secret for now. It would remain the albatross around his neck.

Maybe one day, a couple years down the road, their story would continue like the way they had explained it over dinner to their client. They'd run into each other at a theater and react favorably to seeing each other, believing it was meant to be. There were stories and myths of fate and being reunited with your beloved. He would have to believe that the clandestine kiss in the balcony so entered him into one of those stories, and some day the rest of the tale would be told. Until then, they would remain constellations in the sky at night. Constants who co-existed but whose love stores were on hold, waiting for their story to pick up again.

He held himself back from running after her, watching the strands of her dark hair sway gently in the breeze that would carry her out of his life for now. His eyes following every bit of the blue of her shirt and the white of her pants until she disappeared through the gate's door. His ego bruised, his heart hurting, his head filled with rejection, he would retreat to his travels and solitude, plan his leave, walk away from the one person he'd ever wanted or loved in his entire life.

~x~

~x~

A/N: So I have to believe the reason he didn't stop her here in episode 8, was because he didn't think she'd believe him and he couldn't handle another day of rejection from her. It wasn't until after he stayed that I think he decided he needed a grand gesture to tell her he was the Albatross, should he ever get the chance. *wink,wink*

Oh I know what you're asking now-what about kissing? Yeah I think we can fit that in! Leave a review then come back to see! #CanEm :-)