Pam never thought in her entire life that this would happen to her. Sitting in the waiting room, she sat there, legs together and ankles crossed. Dressed in a wool skirt and sweater. Nervously digging her nails into the leather of her purse her eyes looked up and round the room.
Their appointment had been made for eight-thirty in the morning. Pam had decided to call out sick for the rest of the week. Ryan had her covered and told Michael and Dwight that he would investigate on her and check up at her apartment. Both were happy enough to give the work to him, as he knew when he came in later this afternoon after claiming his school called needing him to come in for the morning to collect his records and files now that he gradated. Michael didn't give him a hard time at all for planning on missing the morning. He asked little questions and seemed happy enough that he would come in after lunch and work until six. Ryan knew missing this morning would cost him. Michael most likely would have him clean out his car tomorrow morning as a special "favor". But none of that really seemed to matter in his mind. Instead he sat beside Pam with his long black pea coat on. Pam's jacket was laid across her lap along with her purse as they waited. Ryan sat there completely blank. He stared ahead at what Pam was looking at.
There was a middle aged woman sitting across from them reading a paperback book. Across from her was a collage aged girl dressed in sweats. Her eyes looked as if she had been crying. For a brief second Pam's gaze caught hers as she felt embarrassed and looked down at the carpet.
Ryan swallowed hard and just sat there. These past five minutes seemed to be lasting forever. He knew they had come early. Looking over at her, he saw how pale her face was. Her eyes looked completely terrified as she stared down at the carpet.
Ryan sat there, really letting reality set in. He was scared to death and knew for a million reasons why this was the right thing to do. But his heart felt different. There was an empty weight deep in his stomach as he sat there. He was twenty-seven years old. He was finished with school and was awaiting any day now for that promotion in New York. Things had suddenly began to change so fast he felt with a cold hearted truth that he was in fact growing up.
Now here he was.
Looking at Pam, he felt terrible.
This wasn't what he wanted.
Slowly his hand slipped into hers, he brought it over to his leg and placed it there. He held her hand tight before she looked over at him. His eyes met hers and he so badly wanted to tell her to just go.
But before he could…
The nurse called her name.
"Pamela Beesly?"
Pam nearly jumped as Ryan's grip on her hand tightened. For a brief moment she looked down at their two hands laced together. She remembered seeing this before but she couldn't remember when. Their hands were so different, his hand seemed to swallow hers up. The shocking terror of what was really happening seemed to be dumped at her like cold buckets of water. She sat there for a moment, not knowing if she was able to move.
Then, she gathered her things and took her hand out of his. She stood up and walked towards the open door that the nurse had opened. Ryan sat there for another moment before following her. The nurse seemed to glance at him for a moment, her eyes filled with fake pity.
They began walking down the hallway before the nurse lead them into a small room. There was a table with stirrups and different machines. Charts covered the walls, the window had the shade down blocking out any winter sun. Somehow the room felt ten degrees colder. The nurse held out the paper gown and told Pam to undress and to sit on the table. Pam slightly nodded before the nurse told her now to lay on the table before telling her the doctor would be in shortly. Pam softly thanked her before the door was closed.
They stood there alone.
Ryan had his hands in his coat pockets, he felt on the verge of a complete panic attack. Pam clutched onto her purse and jacket before walking over to an empty plastic chair and putting her things down. Her eyes wouldn't meet him before he got the hint and turned around. Facing the door he took deep breaths listening to her undress. A few moments later he heard her getting on the table. Turning he saw her in the paper hospital gown.
Pam looked a little shaken as she sat on the table and tried to sit forward. Her legs so tightly together she looked as if she was on the edge of passing out. Ryan watched her as she nervously pushed some of her fallen hair back into her ponytail.
Ryan moved closer, clearing his throat.
"Pam…"
His voice is broken, she sees tears in his eyes.
"Don't. We both know this is the only thing to do."
"But…"
Pam shakes her head.
"We couldn't…"
Before Ryan could say another word the door opened and the doctor along side with a nurse walked in. Right away Pam and Ryan locked eyes. Ryan looked as if he was breaking down. Stepping aside the doctor moved forward introducing himself.
Fifteen minutes later everything was prepped. They had asked Ryan if he wanted to wait outside. That's when Pam reached out grabbing his hand. Her terrified eyes looked up at him and said what he knew.
"Don't leave me"
He stood to the side as the doctor helped Pam slide nearly all the way on the edge of the table. Wheeling over with a stool, the doctor was dressed in scrubs and fixed his light on. The nurse wheeled over a machine and gave it to the doctor before walking over to Pam and clicking something on her finger. Right away a heartbeat filled the room. Pam laid there, trying to control her breathing. Ryan stood there squeezing her hand before the nurse got the oxygen ready.
The doctor went between her two spread legs at the end of the table.
"All right…"
The doctor produced a long rubber tube and was in the process of trying to begin when Pam stiffened and held onto Ryan's arm so tight he saw her nails digging into his wrist. The doctor froze looking up before the nurse gave a comforting smile trying to place the oxygen mask on her.
"Don't worry honey, it will be easy…"
"No!"
Pam cried before suddenly sitting up. The doctor sat back suspired before Pam slid herself off the table and backed up against the wall. She quickly shook her head, almost crying.
"No, no…I changed my mind."
The doctor and nurse eyed each other as Ryan simply stood there, in shock.
"We'll give you a minute…"
They quickly left the room closing the door behind them. Silence washed over the room before Pam covered her mouth with her hand and began to cry. Ryan quickly went to her.
"I'm sorry!"
She cried shaking her head. Right away Ryan put his hands on each side of her face and brought her in for a kiss. Pam was suspired and caught off guard as Ryan gently opened and closed his mouth of hers. Slowly Pam opened her eyes before looking at him, his eyes serious.
"Don't do this…"
Pam stared at him.
"Are you sure?"
Ryan right away grabbed her clothes which were folded neatly on top of her jacket.
A few minutes later Pam walked beside Ryan as they left the office. The doctor had tried talking to them but they left as quickly as possible. The nurse didn't seem that stunned, Pam thought maybe there were a few times women did in fact do this.
It was freezing out and the early morning sky looked overcast and gray. It looked as if it was about to snow. Ryan lead her out to his car and quickly unlocked the doors. Both got in as he started the engine and began driving back to his place.
For nearly ten minutes straight they didn't talk. There wasn't much traffic other then the early morning Christmas shoppers. Pam sat in the passenger seat sunken in her coat. A million worries and thoughts crossed her mind as she stared out the window and remembered when Christmas time used to be fun. Glancing over at Ryan she watched his drive, his face serious and tried looking.
They reached his place a little after nine. Both walked together into his condo. Pam had only been here twice before. Going up the stairs he got his keys out and lead her in. Walking inside, Pam looked around and saw how empty it was. There was a black leather sofa, a pretty nice TV with all the equipment, a coffee table, then near the window a few gym bags and sports equipment. His kitchen was just as bare. Ryan was a simple guy with simple tastes. Pam then saw there were no decorations, no Christmas tree.
She took her coat off and sat on his couch. He hung his coat up and asked if she wanted anything. She shook her head. Finally he sat down beside her as she curled herself up into a ball and began biting at her nails. Finally he cleared his throat and looked over at her.
"I'm sorry…"
Pam just looked at him.
"Sorry for what?"
Ryan seemed to have a hard time saying this.
"For…all of this."
Pam shook her head.
"This wasn't you're fault Ryan…"
"Yeah I know…it takes two people, but still…I'm the reason…well…you know…"
"For the condom breaking?"
Ryan looked up, his eyes seemed embarrassed.
Pam sat there before sighing.
"Ryan…what's done is done. Now we really have to come out with the truth."
"What truth?"
"About what we're going to do. It's pretty much clear we don't want to get an abortion…that least what's for me."
Ryan slowly nodded.
"No, you're right…when it finally came down to us in that room and me watching you lay on that table…I knew I couldn't live with myself for you to go though that."
Pam nodded before looking away for a second. Dark circles were under each eye. The last few years had been tough. Now everything was crashing down around her.
"So…I'm going ahead with this pregnancy?"
Ryan simply stared at her before she slowly rubbed her face and deeply sighed. She felt on the verge of completely breaking down. Ryan simply sat there not saying a word. Finally she looked up at him.
"You know…I never thought this would happen to me. I mean a one night stand…just once and bang? I'm thirty…and I'm still working at the office, I've been scared out of flowing any dreams of mine. Everything with Roy and Jim…I just don't know…it's such a mistake."
Ryan stared down at the coffee table. His voice flat.
"Yeah…I really screwed up. But hey then again that's me right?"
Pam looked at him, she felt bad.
"Listen, it was both our faults…we did something stupid and now we're paying for it."
Ryan looked at her, his deep blue eyes focused on her, almost in pain.
"Yeah but did you ever expect it to happen this way? I mean don't you still feel so young…I mean this sounds like something that would happen to somebody else. I mean it's just hitting me but here it is…you're pregnant. I got you pregnant…I understand you've had a tough couple of years, most of all with Roy and then Jim leaving. You're smart Pam…I've always liked you. You don't belong in this stupid town. I don't want to be the reason you become trapped."
Pam swallowed hard.
"I was…well thinking about putting it up for adoption."
Ryan just looked at her, almost hurt. Pam brushed some of her bags away. Her hands were shaking again. She suddenly remembered last week, how after feeling non-stop nausea each morning, and the fact she was late made her finally go to the store to buy a pregnancy test. Calling in sick, she told Michael she had the flu and hoped he wouldn't send anyone down to spy on her. Right now she needed time to collect herself and think. She remembered going into the bathroom after she called in and began to use all five tests she had bought. Reading how to do each one and waited, checking her watch and pacing.
She then thought of her dream.
After becoming a famous artist in New York, she wanted to marry her sole mate and start a family by the time she was thirty-five, Two boys and a girl. She dreamed of living in a big house and feeling content and worry free.
Now all of that was gone.
She remembered checking three of the five tests and feeling her stomach drop. All tests were positive. Quickly grabbing the boxes, she read them over before looking over all three plastic sticks. She was in shock. She then looked up at her reflection.
Right away a sudden terror hit her that she nearly fell to the floor.
She thought…and knew right away.
Ryan…the Halloween party.
She had been drunk, after getting a call from Jim. Things were now over between the two of them and he had left. Pam was going through a deep depression when Ryan came back from the city for another internship for the season. He had changed looks wise and seemed more handsome then ever.
She remembered Kelly and him getting into a huge fight, and then seeing him in the parking-lot as everyone got drunk upstairs at the party. Michael was singing loudly and a few people were making out on the couch. Pam felt disgusted and decided to leave. Earlier she had gotten the call from Jim. They had fought and he hung up on her. Pam cried in the bathroom shortly before work ended and everyone started getting up for the party. She mostly kept to herself, drinking before eyeing Ryan fighting with Kelly in the kitchen. She stormed out, grabbing her coat and leaving.
He left a few minutes later.
Pam decided to leave, and saw him in the parking-lot. A full moon was out. Ryan stood watching Kelly's car speed out of the parking-lot. He sighed and seemed just as depressed. Pam started walking to her car when he turned and spotted her.
She tried to smile before he walked over.
He asked her if she wanted to leave, maybe go to a bar together…talk.
Pam was usually kind of standoffish to Ryan, mostly right before he left. But she did remember seeing him as the young cute temp who had started at their work what seemed like a century ago. So many things had changed.
They went to a bar together, it was nearly midnight but they kept to themselves and sat in one of the back booths talking and drinking. Both decided to finally be open with each other and talk about how much the past year sucked. Ryan confessed he really wasn't happening being away and finally told Kelly the truth. He would never get back together with her again. He felt depressed that he came back here…almost like he was staring back at square one. Pam told him about how she was still bothered by what happened between Roy and Jim. How she felt stuck…almost trapped under ice.
They kept drinking…
More, and more, and more.
The rest of that night of a blur, Pam was sure that would come back to her. She remembered tiny details, such as stumbling back to his condo in the dark. It was nearly three in the morning. They nearly fell down and started cracking up before going to his place.
Then she remembered the lights going out. She remember sitting with him, and how both told each other straight out how unhappy they were. That's when he kissed her…
She remembered feeling good for once.
She remembered being in his bed, looking up at his ceiling.
She remembered being so drunk, the room seemed to spin. She remembered certain flashes, of his face and them undressing. Then sharp movement, his eyes…then…
The rest was blank.
Other then that sound and the look of his face. How she stared up at him, dizzy and drunker then she had ever been. She remembered finally stopping for what seemed like forever and a look of panic of his face.
Then she felt something and thought something was wrong.
She felt him come.
When they finished she saw him snap off his condom, she saw that it had broke. He mumbled and swore underneath his breath before throwing it in the wastepaper basket. Then them laying together before she drifted to sleep.
She woke at six in the morning. She almost screamed when she woke up and saw where she was. Silently she pulled herself from under him and dressed quickly before slipping out. She saw him that Monday and felt knots in her stomach. He smiled and tried to get her alone to say something but she kept avoiding him.
He had asked her what was wrong and she snapped at him, not meaning to. She told him she was busy. He just looked at her, almost hurt before nodding.
"Oh…right. I understand."
He walked away. She felt terrible and noticed Kelly watching them.
They barely talked the rest of the month. She avoided him, he ad voided her. She sat as far away as possible during meeting and tried to race out at the end of the day without bumping into her. She noticed a few time him looking at her.
That's when she started feeling sick, and saw she was late.
Now here she was standing in her bathroom on a Thursday morning.
"Shit…"
She said, scared out of her mind. She blinked and looked at the tests. It couldn't be…
Just then there was a knock. Pam jumped before walking down her hallway and to the door, unaware the three tests were in her hands.
"Hello?"
She froze.
It was Ryan.
"Ryan?"
She stared at the door.
"Yeah…I wanted to talk to you, are you okay?"
Pam shoved the three tests into her pocket of her sweat pants and walked over. With shaken hands she answered the door. He stood there in his coat and a can of soup in one hand.
"Hey…"
She gave a nervous smile, standing in her doorway.
"Michael send me over to spy…see if you were really sick, so I decided to bring you something."
Pam let him in.
"That's sweet of you…"
She had no idea what to do.
Ryan then turned towards her, playing with the can between his two hands. He looked at her, struggling for the right words.
"Also…I wanted to talk. Listen…Halloween…the way you left the next morning, I mean…did I do something wrong?"
Pam crossed her arms before looking at him.
"No…"
"Then what is it? Just a fling…something to make you forget about Jim?"
"Ryan no…"
"I know you don't like me, you've turned me down before. Now you're trying to forget about what happened…I mean…we were drunk…"
"Ryan…right now isn't the best time…"
Without thinking she nervously tried to shove her hands in his pockets before two of the plastic tests wiggled out and fell to the hard wooden floor. Right away Pam stood there in slow motion and watched Ryan's eyes drift down to the floor.
Quickly she tried to bend down but he shot down faster and snatched one out of her hand before looking at it. His eyes fixed on the positive sign.
Pam just kneeled there, scared by him not saying anything. Finally his intense eyes looked over at her. She felt ashamed and scared by what he was going to say. She choked on her words.
"Ryan…I'm not sure…"
Ryan then picked up the other test and looked at her, his bangs had fallen into his eyes.
"Is it…well, is it…me?"
Pam dropped her eyes before he deeply sighed, he looked somewhat stunned.
"How…how many of these did you buy?"
"Five…I made a doctor's appointment tomorrow to confirm this. They work like 99 percent."
"Did you…well just take them?"
She nods.
"How long did you know?"
"Couple of days…been feeling sick and I'm never late."
Ryan looked embarrassed before Pam sniffled in. Ryan stared across at her.
"Why are you crying?"
Pam looked at him as tears began to blur her vision.
"Why not?!"
He then put his arms around her as she began to cry.
A half an hour later she remembered her taking the final test and him standing behind her. His jacket off and his tie loosened. Ryan walked up behind her and looked at the test. Pam shut her eyes wanting to cry.
"You…you better go back to work before Michael sends Dwight over…"
"Pam…I…"
"I'll call you tomorrow…"
"Pam…"
"I'll call you on my cell, it's after work."
"Maybe I should go with you…"
Pam turned towards him.
"No…I need to be by myself, I'll call you tomorrow night and then we'll talk."
Ryan just stared at her.
"Go…please don't say anything."
Ryan felt his jaw almost drop before Pam held onto her stomach and looked sick.
"Go Ryan please…"
Ryan felt in shock as he left her apartment. He nearly got into three accidents driving back to work. He covered for the two of them back at the office, but was unable to get any work done that entire day.
He was also unable to sleep that night, tossing and turning thinking of what Pam had said.
The next night, Ryan waited by the phone. The entire day he couldn't get his mind off it. Sitting there behind his desk he remembered when he first got the job here a few years ago. He remembered when she wouldn't even of looked at him.
Halloween night was also in a blur, he remembered he hadn't drank so much since his first year of collage. All he remembered was bringing Pam back to his condo. Both had been talking about how depressed they had been and somehow along with the liquor, it just seemed right. He remembered laying on top of her in his bed, he remembered the condom breaking, and he remembered how fast he had fallen asleep…his arms around her.
That night, somehow was the only thing that stood out to him in all this panic. He remembered how hurt he had been after she hadn't of called or attempted to talk to him. Just when he thought he was trying to change after Kelly…
She called and told him about her going to the doctor's. They had ran tests and she was in fact pregnant. She told Ryan over the phone in a flat voice that he's the only guy she's slept with in the last six months."
Ryan just sat there completely stunned.
She told him about needing to talk. Her voice seemed shaken. Ryan slowly got his mind into gear and told her to come over. Within a half an hour she was there. Nervous and pacing. Finally they sat down, awkward and strange. She kept her distance on the couch. She blamed herself…mostly for not being on the pill. Ryan meanwhile just sat there.
Finally she looked up before clearing her throat.
"So…I guess you'll have to pay for half of the abortion then."
Ryan looked up suddenly.
"Wait…what?"
"Well…I'm pregnant and will all know that can't happen…"
"Have you had one before?"
Pam just stared ahead before slowly shaking her head. Ryan seemed stunned.
"It's the only thing we can do Ryan."
Ryan just stared off to the side before nodding.
"Yeah…you're right."
"So…I'll make an appointment next week. If you wanna come I'll call you're cell phone…and we just…well won't talk about it."
"That's all."
Pam looked nervous before slightly nodding.
"What else is there?"
Ryan rubbed his neck which stubble was starting to grow. He felt suddenly sick and exhausted. He deeply sighed before rubbing his temples.
"Okay…Okay…I'll pay for the entire thing…"
"Ryan you don't…"
"No…I got you into this mess…"
Both just sat there in silence for awhile before she stood up..
"It's getting late…I better get going…"
He tried to talk to her but she quickly left. Seconds later he watched her car pull away from the window. Feeling his chest ache, he tried the next few days to talk to her. But there were too many people around. She acted normal, but pretended he wasn't there. Kelly still acted as if she could bother him, while Michael did his usual thing fooling around the office. Ryan's desk was too far away, he couldn't see her.
Finally he got the call that she was going that morning.
And now here they were.
Now here they were that morning, sitting across from each other.
"Adoption?"
"Well…since we're not aborting it, then yes."
"So…you wanna give it up?'
Pam looked uncomfortable.
"Listen Ryan, I didn't plan this. I'm in no way…nor do I want to be in this position. I was finally getting over the last couple of years and thinking about going back to school…"
"So why didn't you?"
She just stared at him, nervous.
"Do you remember one of the first times we ever talked to each other was you're first or second day working in the office?"
Ryan didn't seem to remember clearly, yet simply nodded. Pam laced her hands together, talking slowly and with care.
"Well we were sitting together in the lunch room eating and we were talking about how we never wanted this to be our career. How depressing it would be and we started talking about all the things we wanted to do. Well Ryan…I still want to do all those things?"
"Then why haven't you yet?"
Pam struggled with her words.
"Ryan…I'm too young…"
Ryan rolled his eyes and let out what sounded like a humorless laugh as she went on.
"I'm not ready to be a mother…I mean do you have any idea how much a baby changes people's life's. One night stand shouldn't ruin the rest of our life's and crumple any further we wanted."
"What together?"
Pam looked stunned by this.
"No…moving on with our life's. We would just regret each other and the baby…I believe we shouldn't take it out on it…we should do the right thing and make sure it goes to a family. People who would do anything to have one of their own. It deserves people who will love it."
"An you're saying we're not?"
Pam sighed, she felt like crying.
"I heard you myself. You've worked too hard to get trapped like this!"
"Yeah…but you heard what they were saying, I might get that promotion by the end of the year, I would be transferred to the city again…we're talking six to seven figures if I get in the right place…"
Pam shook her head.
"But you're still a young guy. You're single…you should enjoy you're and not have anyone to worry about. Anyways…I'm happy here."
"What?"
Pam slowly nodded.
"I do plan on leaving soon to go back to school, but I'm comfortable here…"
"So you're going to go through a whole nine to eight month pregnancy and have everyone know in there what you're planning on doing?"
Pam looked at him and sapped.
"I don't care what they think! Their not me and their nowhere near perfect. I don't care!"
But the truth was…she did.
Ryan took a deep breath before reaching over and taking one of her hands.
"Listen…we've known each other for a while now…I would like to think we're friends right?"
Pam slowly nodded.
"And…well after that party…well…what I'm trying to say is I've always liked you Pam. I don't know if you feel the same way…most of all after everything with Jim and Roy. But I really mean it…maybe, well…maybe this was meant to be."
Pam rolled her eyes taking her hand out of his.
"A condom breaking isn't fate, it's just bad luck. I'm trying to think this out…we can't be stupid, you know that Ryan."
"Then why not?"
"Because it's a mistake. We really don't connect or ever will. It was a one time thing which just happened to lead to this. Listen…I wish it didn't happen. I mean this is my body…do you have any idea what my parents are going to say? My family…I've always been the normal one, and after I called off the wedding things had started falling apart. My life is a complete mess now and then I have to go through all these months, being uncomfortable and in pain to just wake up every day and remember that this was a mistake. That after I give birth I'll have to give it away like it meant nothing. Having my co-workers talk and gossip before I just have to run away…"
She was taking a mile in minute, Ryan just silently listened.
Pam then put her hands to her face before shaking her head.
"I can't have a baby…I mean…there's no way."
"Why?"
Pam shot a look at him.
"Um, not being in a stable relationship. Second the money…"
Ryan shook his head.
"Hey, there's a million reasons why you shouldn't But I saw that look in you're eyes today at the doctor's…I don't think you'll be able to give it up."
"Well you're not me Ryan…"
"No, you're right…I'm not. But I still know that's we're on a pretty bad mess, and as much as we should do the right thing…maybe it happened for a reason."
Pam shook her head.
"It would never work…I mean our careers will be ruined. But then again you're lucky…nobody has to know you're the father."
"Yeah…everyone will probably think it's Jim's."
Pam looked at him.
"Take it back."
Her voice was flat and her eyes on the verge of tears. Ryan looked up nervously before slowly nodding.
"Sorry…"
Pam shook her head.
"It was both our faults…"
"When are you going to let people know?"
Pam shrugged.
"I would like to hold off with that for awhile…maybe in a couple of weeks I can talk with my parents, then I'll find someplace good…maybe start the adoption process and start looking at couples…"
"Then work?"
"I really don't know yet. I mean…I have a lot of thinking to do."
Ryan stared at the coffee table before sighing.
"I never thought this would happen to me…"
"Yeah, you're not kidding."
Ryan then glanced over at her.
"Really…why didn't you go through with it?"
Pam looked down at her hands.
"Because…it isn't the baby's fault we screwed up…what about you. I saw you wanted to get out of there quicker then me…"
"Nervous I guess…scared for you."
"Yeah…"
"So…"
Their silence was awkward before Pam looked at him.
"So we just won't say anything…maybe it's best if we keep things normal back at work, keep a distance."
Ryan didn't say anything was Pam went on.
"After I talk with my parents we'll talk, okay?"
Ryan nodded before Pam laid back
Shutting her eyes for a moment, she knew she would have to call a taxi and just spend the rest of the afternoon thinking. Opening her eyes, she glanced over at Ryan who laid back as well. He looked tried…more then ever in fact.
She laid there beside him before he looked over.
"You…you can stay here the rest of the afternoon. Dwight won't be looking for you here…"
"I thought you were supposed to be my spy?"
"Well, you know how those guys are."
Pam weakly smiled before nodding. She did want to be alone in fact, and maybe running into Dwight would finally make this day on the breaking point. She decided to would stay here, Ryan wouldn't get out of work until six. She would have the entire day to think…then take a taxi ride home.
That's what she needed…time.
The terrible thought of her almost getting an abortion now struck her. If she had in fact went ahead with it she would have been in this exact spot, but recovering.
She couldn't even think of what that would be like. Looking at Ryan she sighed. He seemed so much younger then her…even those there was only a small age difference between them. Ryan was cute, in fact his eyes were gorgeous. Pam had liked him, yet had a certain feeling on unease whenever she was around. She knew he was a good guy who just happened to get caught up in all the office drama.
Now here they were…and pregnant.
"Mind if I stay?"
"I can leave me car…or when I get back I can take you home…maybe you might want to talk some more?"
Pam shook her head.
"I'll just stay here for awhile…I'll take a cab later."
"You sure?"
Pam nodded.
"Just got some thinking to do…"
"Yeah…we'll talk right?"
Pam nodded.
"Before I even talk to my parents…okay?"
Ryan nodded before looking at the clock. It was still early.
Pam yawned under hand as Ryan looked at her.
"You want to take a nap?"
Pam felt guilty, but she knew she was exhausted. She really hadn't slept much this entire week. Now it was over…or was it? She knew she had a lot of hard choices and decisions coming up with her. She was keeping the baby…but adoption? She felt chills, she knew she would have to be more open with Ryan about this. He seemed very sweet, and just as scared as she was.
But she knew he was right.
She was in fact terrified that she would get out.
What if somehow it went back to Roy…or Jim?
Her stomach tossed before she nodded. Around four she planned on taking a cab back to her place and just sleeping away the weekend, her cell phone off.
Yet she felt such a strange comfort with Ryan, almost relaxing now.
"Come on…"
He took her hand and got her to stand. Leaving her coat behind she followed him down the hallway and into his bedroom. Right away a few memories came flooding back at once. The smell...cologne, his. The same faint scent she smelled whenever he was around her at work. It was a clean cut smell. The carpet also had a very clean soap like smell towards it as she walked in behind him.
His bedroom was small. Two mattresses with dark navy blue and black bedding. He had a small night stand with his clock radio on it and Ipod. His desk was across his room with his laptop and stacks upon stacks of books.
He lead her over to the bed, the sun slowly drifted in from the window. Pam glanced out.
"Looks like snow…"
Ryan fixed the pillows before letting her sit down. At first she sat on the edge, holding her purse and looking around. The bed was soft, and somehow so familiar. She remembered having sex on his bed…but everything was so blurred. Ryan then walked over to her, a sport's jersey in his hands.
"Here…so you can sleep in it."
Pam slowly took it and saw that it was some New England sport's jersey from where he had grown up. She read the team's name in her head before feeling the net like fabric of it. Ryan stood there, hands in his pockets.
"It's big on me…so…I thought you might want to be comfortable."
Pam blushed before thanking him.
Ryan then went to the door.
"Well I got a few hours before heading back, I'm going to catch a few on the couch…if you need anything…"
"Why don't you stay here?"
Ryan just looked at her before nervously clearing his throat.
"Huh?"
"You can sleep here to…just set you're alarm."
Ryan looked down at the carpet, he was having a hard time.
"You…sure?"
Pam nodded before standing up and walking past him. She went to the bathroom to change. Moments later she returned with the jersey all the way down to her knees. Her clothes were folded with her purse on his desk. She never felt so tried before in her entire life. Going to the bed, she saw Ryan sitting on the other side looking nervous. He was in the middle of taking his shoes off.
Pam threw back the covers and snuggled down underneath them. She remembered laying in this bed…
Her thoughts were cut off as Ryan took his tie off and started to unbutton his shirt. Seconds later she saw a simple white T-shirt underneath. He put his clothes so they wouldn't wrinkle down on a chair of his and slipped be beside her.
Right away they felt uncomfortable and seemed a mile apart from each other in a small double bed. Pam thought of putting her back to him. Turning, she heard him set the alarm before there was silence.
She heard him breathing.
Thinking she wouldn't be able to sleep…she somehow began to slowly drift off. He nodded off shortly after.
A few hours past and they simple slept side by side. A deep worried sleep.
Then the alarm went off. It was almost twelve-thirty. Pam snapped awake by the beeping noise before blinking away the sleep and letting herself focus on where she was. She was in Ryan's bedroom…again. A tiny prick of panic went through her before she remembered this morning, turning slightly she still felt tried. Her eyelids were like tiny weights. She saw him laying beside her, he reached out with his left hand and stopped the alarm.
She then noticed how close he was. His right arm was wrapped around her tightly. Right away the two noticed and Ryan pulled away. Both stared at each other for a brief second before Pam tried to look away. She smiles, his hair was sticking up.
Sitting there for a second, Ryan yawned before looking out the window and softly smiling.
"Hey Pam…"
He gently shook her arm before she rolled over and looked at him, half awake.
"Yeah?"
"It's snowing…"
Pam opened her eyes and looked out. He was right, it was in fact snowing. Pam suddenly felt such an overwhelming feeling of comfort. She watched as Ryan silently dress and even whistle in amazement looking out the window at the falling snow.
"Man…it's really coming down."
"Be careful…"
Pam said without even thinking, a terrible image of Ryan crashed on the side of the road as snow fell filled her mind. Trying to push it away, she didn't know why she was having these thoughts. Ryan simply smiled before putting his message bag over him and got his coat.
He stood there for a second looking at her as she laid there.
"You okay?"
She slowly nodded before he walked over, he stared down at her.
"Everything is going to be okay…you know that right?"
Pam tried to smile, but couldn't.
"I know…"
Before she could even do anything he leaned down and gently kissed her cheek, brushing away some of her hair. Then…he was gone.
She heard the door close and just laid there.
Then…she began to softly cry.
Walking outside to the parking-lot, Ryan couldn't believe how hard it was snowing outside. Pushing against the hard wind he finally reached his car and got in. It was freezing. Putting the head on as he sat parked for a few minutes, he glanced up at the building and thought of Pam. For no reason at all, he felt tears begin to build his eyes.
With that he sniffled them away and began driving back to work.