WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE
"You want all of these?!" the store clerk asked incredulously, as Meredy piled six more packages of marshmallow birds onto the already-giant heap of packages.
"Yep!" the pinkette exclaimed cheerfully, heaving another three onto the conveyor belt. They nearly toppled as she placed them on top of the others, and it was only thanks to the girl's quick reflexes that all thirty-nine boxes of multicolored marshmallows didn't collapse to the ground. The other customers in the store were giving extremely strange looks to the navy-cloaked, cheerful pink-haired girl who had literally just bought the store's entire supply of Peeps. Literally the entire supply. She had taken all sixty-four boxes and was now in the process of paying for them.
"Do you have a way to transport this?" the cashier asked her, giving another awed look to her purchases as he rang her up.
"Well, obviously. Why would I come buy all these Peeps just to leave them here?" Meredy asked rhetorically, gesturing the blue-haired woman dressed all in blue, who had a bubble of water hanging in the air next to her.
"Um...okay then." he answered, casting another look at the woman and the marshmallows. "That'll be 673 jewels." She handed him the jewels and sang out a thanks as the water bubble floating next to the other woman enveloped the boxes of Peeps and followed the two out of the store.
The store clerk sighed as he watched customers glance at the empty Peeps section. Picking up the phone and dialing his boss, he spoke into the phone as he helped the next customer... "Yeah, funny- no, Jerry left the cereal alone this time...yeah, some pink-haired girl and her friend walked in and bought all the Peeps...no, literally, I know we just got restocked...yes, all sixty-four boxes..."
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"Thanks, Juvia!" Meredy called to her friend as the water mage walked, waving. She had helped Meredy get all sixty-four boxes of Peeps into the kitchen through use of her water bubbles and they were now piled high on the countertop, waiting for Meredy to unwrap them.
The girl glanced at the clock. 3:00. Perfect. Sting usually didn't get back from the guild hall until six or seven on a Saturday, so she had two or three hours.
Dragging the silver trash can over and arming herself with scissors and willpower, she engaged in the process of ripping apart the sticky plastic wrapping that covered the Peeps and attempting to throw it away (I say attempting because Meredy liked pretending she was good at basketball, and therefore spent at least twenty full minutes trying to shoot baskets with balls made of saran wrap. She failed expertly.) The plastic wrap was extremely stubborn and adamantly refused to cooperate, and the resulting Maguilty Sense blades reminded Meredy on why it had been such a good idea to buy sixty-four boxes. Disintegrated marshmallows smelled surprisingly good.
The extricated birds were carelessly flung into a giant red bowl that Meredy had bought a while ago for no particular reason, though it was now coming in handy. She popped one into her mouth as she cut and poked, the melt-in-your-mouth sugar and marshmallow dissolving as she licked her lips. Peeps really were the best thing.
It took about an hour and her dress being covered in sugar particles (she had discarded the cloak into her room a while ago, she didn't really need to wear it in public anymore, but it was a habit and one she didn't really care about getting rid of), but eventually she had seven hundred and sixty-eight Peeps all piled up in the giant red bowl. It took another twelve minutes to carry all the cardboard from the boxes to the recycling bin and another twenty-two to finally clean up all the saran wrap (that was her own fault for sucking at basketball), but she was finally ready.
Grinning madly, the Crime Sorciere mage managed to pick up the bowl and carry it over to the countertop next to the microwave. It was a relatively large microwave and Meredy kept eating the sugar-coated birds, so she was pretty sure she'd have enough room to fit them all. Yanking the door open as wide as it could go, she began carefully lining up the Peeps inside. It was organized for a while, but eventually Meredy got impatient and worried for time, so she simply started snatching handfuls from the bowl and stuffing them in the microwave, creating a pastel-covered mash of sugar, marshmallows, and little black candy eyes. Chewing the four she had dropped in her mouth, Meredy shoved the last armful in the microwave and managed to push the door shut with great effort, and stepped back to survey her work.
She nodded, pleased. Turning on her heel, she quickly washed out the red bowl and put it back in its cabinet, taking a moment to glance at the clock as she did. 6:23. He'd be home any minute.
Another mad grin spread across Meredy's face and she turned the timer on the microwave to five minutes, one hand manipulating the microwave while the other held the piece of paper on how fast Peeps exploded in microwaves she had printed off the internet. Turning it on, she watched as the Peeps began to grow and the microwave seemed to begin to bulge.
Wait, wait, wait...at the last second, she dived forward and slammed a finger on the cancel button with much more force then necessary, effectively placing one second between the kitchen and exploding-marshmallow-bird-induced destruction.
Now all that was left was to wait some more. She settled back with the last of the Peeps not a moment away from death, smiling wickedly.
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For some reason, Sting was struck by a feeling of impending doom as he locked his office door after finally signing the last damage claim and walked out of the Sabertooth guild hall. As he briskly strode down the path, Lector bouncing along behind him, he reviewed what he could have done to tick Minerva/Angel/Rogue/Kagura/some other dangerous entity off.
"Let's see...it couldn't have been Kagura, she wasn't visiting today...I did put that Barbie CD in Rogue's music lacrima, but he was talking with Rufus about books when I left and that conversation wouldn't have ended yet...uh, is Minerva on a job, Lector?"
"No, she and Angel said they went to meet Lucy and Max for ice cream, remember?" the red-furred Exceed said, tapping his chin thoughtfully as he caught up to Sting.
"Really? She went with Angel? Funny, I saw Lucy and Angel walking together along the river and giggling about something with no Minerva or Max in sight...well, that rules out both of them, anyway." Sting was stumped, giving a helpless look to his cat. "I don't know who else it could be."
Lector shrugged. "Did you tick Meredy off? We can never count out Ultear's ghost."
Sting shuddered. "Much as I don't like to think about that, no, we can't. But I bought Meredy a pair of shoes in her favorite color yesterday, so there's no way she's mad at me."
The two continued to be deep in thought as they turned down the street towards the apartment Sting and Meredy shared. Finally, the White Dragonslayer just yawned and decided, "Eh, someone probably made Minerva mad and she's just broadcasting evil vibes. She does a lot."
"I guess, but that doesn't ever happen when she and Angel go on those ice cream outings..." Lector told him skeptically.
"She wasn't with Angel anymore when I saw her." Sting reminded him, climbing the white stairs to the door of the apartment. Lector tossed him the key and Sting managed to pull open the door, carelessly flicking his shoes off to the side as he did so.
The lights in the foyer were off. That was weird. Meredy usually hated the dark, and Sting wasn't too fond of it either.
"Hey, Mer! Why're the lights off?"
She didn't answer, and Sting's sense of foreboding grew stronger. Adopting a careful stance, he silently walked over to the hallway and spotted a light in the kitchen on, though it was totally quiet.
"That's weird, Meredy's not usually quiet and all. She is home, right?" Lector whispered, giving his partner a concerned look.
"That's what she said..." Sting muttered, hesitantly turning into the kitchen doorway.
"Mer- oh, there you are!"
She was standing by the microwave and giving him a huge grin. That was slightly unnerving, as she was usually happy, but that was creep...the microwave was one second away from being done and it was full of...
Sting didn't even have time to utter the violent swears already on the tip of his tongue before his pink-haired girlfriend clicked the "start" button.
The microwave let out a long, loud beep and then the microwave door literally flew off its hinges as the giant, fluffy, sugary, pastel-colored mass of melted marshmallow birds exploded all over the kitchen and, most importantly, directly into Sting, knocking him clean over. Lector ran away shrieking.
When he finally cleared the marshmallow out of his eyes, he was met with a pastel kitchen, a trembling cat, and a marshmallow-covered and hysterically laughing girlfriend. "Hahahahah! OH, your face was BRILLIANT!" she cackled, clicking a few buttons on her phone, probably posting a vine of the whole thing or something equally embarrassing.
"You're posting a vine, aren't you."
"This needs to be shared with the world." she snickered, laying the phone on the counter and skipping over to Sting, who had managed to pull most of the marshmallow off his jacket.
"C'mon, Mer, this jacket has fur. This is gonna be a nightmare to get off." She didn't look anything near remorseful, which Sting supposed he should have expected, considering this was the same girl who had glued brightly-colored sparkles to every inch of their basement walls, claiming this improved the fun factor of the house, and Sting hadn't had the heart to tell her otherwise. It still elicited a laugh from Rogue every time Sting's best friend went down there.
"I know, I probably totally ruined my dress." she told him cheerfully, pulling at the sticky lace that lined the top of the red minidress. Sting couldn't resist.
"Might as well just take it off, you know." he said, giving her a suggestive smirk.
"You think you're funny." she deadpanned, flicking him on the arm, and walking over to the counter where her phone lay, presumably to pick it up.
"You just covered the kitchen and the two of us in marshmallow birds. You owe me." her boyfriend complained, following her over to the counter.
He could sense her grin. "Oh yeah?" Faster then he could process, the pinkette flipped around and stuffed a handful of blue fluff in his mouth. "Mmmph!"
"Enjoy!" she called over her shoulder, already dashing out of the kitchen. Sting immediately followed, chasing her laughter down the hallway towards their bedroom. She was predictably already lying on the top shelf of her closet, far out of Sting's reach or how high he could probably jump. That girl's athletic abilities scared him sometimes (then again, she was a member of Crime Sorciere, and that guild was scary in general.)
"That's not fair." Sting pouted, giving her the most sad-puppy eyes he could muster. Meredy just snickered at his futile attempts.
"Face it, I have the best puppy-dog eyes in the universe. That pitiful look won't work on me." she told him smugly, poking him in the nose with a purse from her shelf perch.
Unfortunately for her victory, Meredy didn't notice the shelf (which she had admittedly spent way too much time on) slowly cracking from the wall, eventually culminating in a loud crash! and Meredy letting out a high-pitched shriek and falling, shelf and all.
Luckily, Sting's reflexes were fast enough to grab her around the waist before she fell, and he gave her a wicked smile as he dashed out of her closet and whipping open the shower door, tossed her in, clothes and all. "Payback time!" he shouted, flipping the switch and drenching her in freezing cold water.
"EEEEEEEEE!" Meredy writhed as the cold water soaked her clothes and her hair, screaming loud enough that Sting and Lector covered their ears. She managed to clear the hair out of her eyes and sit up, water still pouring over her head and shoulders and dripping down her body. Grinning maliciously, the girl raised her right arm, which had already begun glowing with magic power. Sting's eyes widened as he remembered Meredy's magic, and, more, importantly, exactly what it was capable of doing.
"Oh, fu-" He wasn't able to finish the sentence as a glowing, pink heart bracelet of magic power flickered into existence on his wrist, a similar one appearing on Meredy's. The effects of the Sensory Link were instantly apparent as Sting shivered, the feeling of freezing cold water so real that Sting expected to touch his arm and feel wetness.
She was outright laughing at his expression now as the White Dragonslayer stalked over and flipped off the water switch, granting some relief from the coldness as Meredy hopped out of the shower.
"Fine. I admit defeat on all counts. Happy?" Sting asked, tossing her the navy cloak she always wore. Meredy wrapped herself in it, and he could feel the warmth it was giving her apparent around him, too. It was still cold, however, as Meredy skipped back to their living room, probably to wrap herself in every blanket they owned.
Sting followed. "You can dispel the link now, you know." he pointed out. Meredy just smirked.
"If I'm going to be cold, you are too. Especially when it's your fault."
"I'm not the one who covered the kitchen in marshmallow fluff!" Sting protested, just causing Meredy to laugh more.
"Oh well!" she sang, hiding under a mass of blankets. "It's not like you can do anything about it, anyway." she said, her voice muffled from the pillow over her face.
Sting sighed. She was right. Meredy could probably take Sting down without even breaking a sweat, especially when the two were already linked and she knew where he was ticklish.
"Why are you so infuriating?"
"You know you love me!" her voice sang again, ringing out from under the covers.
"Stop being right."
Meredy retreated further under her blankets, only peeking her face out to ensure he could see her evil grin. "Never! I'm always right. Right, Lector?"
Sting's partner poked his head out from under the blankets. "Yep!"
"C'mon, cat, you're supposed to take my side!" Sting grumbled, giving the two a half-hearted glare (it was hard to glare when they were both so adorable). Meredy just laughed again, flopping over so her mostly-covered head was resting on Sting's lap. "I always win."
Her laugh was so adorable. "I know." He glanced back towards the kitchen. "What are we going to do about the marshmallows?"
Meredy groaned, remembering. "I may or may not be regretting my decision to do that. We should just buy a new kitchen." she mumbled, burying her head in his chest.
"You're ridiculous."
"It's my specialty. Blame Ultear."
Sting shuddered. "I swear that woman is a ghost and is haunting me. I'm not about to say anything that might upset her. Who knows what she's capable of?"
"Erik ended up tied to a tree with ruby necklaces and covered in pink cupcake frosting the last time he said she must have been insane to have come up with me. That should give you an idea." the pinkette told him cheerfully. "Now be a good pillow and shut up."
"Alright, alright." Sting said good-naturedly, and it didn't take long for all three to fall asleep.
(Meredy had still forgotten to dispel the Sensory Link. Sting swore afterward that whatever kind of sugar high she was getting on in those dreams of hers was not something he ever wanted to experience again.)
and today on the darkone show, we have our usual "darkone writes stupid tumblr-inspired crackshippy nonsense and somehow finds it worthy of publishing. She really hopes you review. Really really really hopes." now I have to go finally finish the rest of my updates because I suck at updating things ugh. I'm thinking about continuing this with more oneshots about various ships putting Peeps in microwaves, what do you guys think of that? Do tell.