an exchange of voices in repetition

by callmesandy

Pepper hadn't really thought about the difficulties of planning a wedding around all the rest of her life.

Title and opening quote from Thick Rib of the Lamentation Animal by Corey Zeller. not mine, no profit garnered. thanks to A for beta help, all mistakes mine. Pepper sings a snippet of I Got You by Split Enz.

---

Marriage is an exchange of voices in repetition, in echoes, in tonal dependence. Widowing is the gospel of I mourning itself. Death of I gives a quiet voice back to the multitudes. Lamentation burrows in the mouth of its widow.
There is nothing beyond what the thick rib says.
I is never.
I is born below its own avalanche.

Pepper hadn't really thought about the difficulties of planning a wedding around all the rest of her life. Tony's contributions had been that he wanted her in a beautiful dress that she picked and the food should be great. He would definitely wear an expensive bespoke suit.

But there was more to it than that. There was a venue, an officiant, a time and date, people to invite or not invite at all.

"As long as we do it soon," Tony said. "I'm not saying I'm worried you'll change your mind."

"I won't change my mind," Pepper said.

She periodically opened her private tablet and started skimming. She wanted privacy. She just needed to pick a place and then she was convinced she could let the rest happen. "These things do happen," she said.

"Phantom of the Opera," Tony said. "Let me guess, you were obsessed?"

"A little. I was a teenager," Pepper said.

She closed her eyes and swept her fingers over the map on the screen. "Foula Island, that's where we're getting married," she said.

"In the UK?" Tony smiled. "So your plan for the wedding is we fly everyone in on a Starkjet and set it all up on the fly with generators and I don't even know what - what happened to my great food?"

"First, we get permits and make sure we're doing environmental remediation. Leave no traces. Then we fly our small number of guests in and the officiant, then we have your robots to set everything up and to clean everything up, I think it can work," Pepper said. "Probably."

"Hey, fun fact, did I ever tell you my mother was an illegal immigrant?" Tony sprung up from the bed and went over to the floor to ceiling window, tapping on it.

"People aren't illegal," Pepper said. "She was undocumented."

"People can be illegal," Tony said. "If they're clones."

"Clones are people, though," Pepper said. "I mean, that's not something you're working on, right?"

"Of course not," Tony said. She believed him.

She still said, "You promise? No cloning. I don't care how much you enjoy Orphan Black."

"The science on that show was completely unrealistic," Tony said. "I mean, of course, we could make it work -"

"No," Pepper said. "Does it matter if your mother was illegal?"

"Nope," Tony said. "She married Dad, I found some records that he papered over everything. She was legal enough by the time I was born. I was just thinking about it. I think about a lot of things."

"I know," Pepper said. "Start thinking about Foula. It's an engineering problem. Engineer."

"Got it," Tony said. He got back in bed and cuddled up to her side while he waited for her to finish on her tablet.

She loved him. She loved him completely. She couldn't sustain taking a break from him because he was hers and she loved him. He was everything to her and she knew she was his everything, too. So it was all good. They would get married on a tiny island and then, basically, everything would be exactly the same since they were practically married anyway.

There would be a difference. She put her tablet away and turned on her side so she could see him sleeping. He slept so much better than he used to. She had something to do with that. But mostly it was Tony. Mostly Tony because he didn't want to die anymore. Not even subconsciously. Not a lot subconsciously.

Three days later they were in London and she was sitting on the balcony of their penthouse on the Thames. Tony flew in his silent suit. He said, "Foula looks good. It looks great. When do you want to do this? Because there are times of year when the weather is not going to cooperate. It was be distinctly unpleasant. Even if we convince Thor to come, there's only so much he can do."

"Are we inviting Thor?"

"Theoretically? Can we reach him? We are inviting the kid. The spider kid and Harley."

"You're flying a 15 year old to a tiny island to see our wedding. His aunt will love that," Pepper said. "By the way, she's not invited."

"Surely you're not jealous," Tony said.

"I know, I know, you just flirt, it's meaningless. I'm allowed to not like it. I was there before you were in love with only me, so I'm allowed to not love your flirting," Pepper said.

"You are indeed allowed," Tony said. "I wasn't going to invite her. But I do think Peter should have a plus one."

"Great, 15 year old plus his random girlfriend at out wedding," Pepper said. "No plus one for Peter."

Pepper woke up and looked around at their curated, luxurious room. Tony had left three tablets stacked on top of each other right next to the mod lamp. Pepper could see one of her hairpins on the rug. She breathed in and smelled Tony, herself, the same coffee smell from that spill last week, the smell was still there. She sighed. She turned on her side, facing Tony. She poked his collarbone. "Wake up."

"I'm up," Tony said. She liked his eyes. She could look into his eyes for a long time, for forever. So good thing they were getting married.

"I don't want to get married in Foula," Pepper said. "Why are we making this so elaborate? Let's do it in your Dad's mansion in Montana. I love that place. Remember when we went there?"

"With Obie?"

"Sure, but we went there after. Remember? After Sokovia, we went there and you tried to convince me that I might actually want to live on a farm and give up my CEO job?"

"I'd had a head injury," Tony said. "Lingering effects."

"Oh, I know. You work with her all you want, I know who I blame for all of that," Pepper said.

"You're so adorably fierce. It's not hard to see Wanda's perspective," Tony said.

"I see my perspective, my guy," Pepper said. "Anyway, not important. And also, Tony you see her perspective because you will always agree when someone tells you bad things are your fault."

"Not all of the time," Tony said. "I sold the place in Montana."

"No," Pepper said. "Because I loved it?"

"No, because a, there was a thing. I gave it to the Crow nation, because it was theirs all along," Tony said. "That sounds more noble than I am. Their representative made a very persuasive argument."

"Was she pretty?"

"I slept with one person while we were broken up. One. You know who," Tony said. "Pick another place I own."

"Okay," Pepper said.

Pepper hadn't even realized Tony had sold the Montana place. It was Stark property versus Stark Industries property. She did a full inventory. Tony owned 17 residences, all over the world. Pepper hated the place in Tokyo so that was right out. She checked the address and saw that Tony had sold the awful Tokyo place and bought another one. She circled the Tokyo one and decided to check it out.

Tony had inherited 6 of the his current 17 residencies. The place in Edinburgh, the one in Miami, one in Montauk, one in DC, 2 in California. The Los Angeles place had been remodeled a few times, but Pepper checked, Tony still hadn't done anything to the place since 1988. She didn't want to get married in the mansion mausoleum dedicated to Tony's mother. But once they were married, Pepper would definitely make Tony go there, at least once.

"Okay," she said to Tony at dinner. "Let's get married in Montauk. You have good memories there and I have good memories there. Let's get married there. We clean up the mansion, clear out a few rooms and hold a party. And fine, you can invite that kid's aunt."

"We don't have to," Tony said. "When do you want to do this?"

"Two weeks," Pepper said.

"Can we take a little longer? I don't plan to ever do this again," Tony said. "One and done. So let's make that one a nice extravaganza."

"You don't think I can plan an extravaganza in two weeks?" She almost hung up on him.

"True, but what about my parts of the event?"

"Which are your parts?"

"Food and my tailored suit," Tony said.

"I don't know if I trust you on the food," Pepper said.

"I'll run it by you," Tony said.

She decided on three weeks which Tony agreed to. Pepper sent out the specially coded invitations, the save the dates. She went to the Montauk mansion and supervised the cleaning. She settled into the big bed and missed Tony. He was being Iron Man off somewhere. She was sure it was important. The not Jarvis AI told her Tony was fine. Mostly fine. She had decided not to press for details. She ordered rings and continued her intensive search for the specific watch that would make Tony happy. It would be a combination of expensive, well made, and historical or sentimental value.

Maria Stark had been undocumented, Pepper thought. Maybe she could investigate that. She searched through the records until she found what Tony was talking about. Maria Stark nee Birnbaum had come into the US through Mexico, her parents were German Jews who fled in 1938, but couldn't get into the US. So they snuck in.

It was a shitty world, she thought.

All Tony had said was that he wanted her in a beautiful dress. She texted him if he wanted a white dress or a specific color. Or just "beautiful."

She didn't hear back for a few hours. Then Tony called her. She saw him in the phone, he had cuts and bruises all over his face. He said, "Maybe not white, how about beige?"

"Beige isn't my color," Pepper said. "White is. Please tell me you're okay. I can tell you're in a hospital bed."

"I'm just resting here," Tony said. He was clearly lying.

"I'm not going to freak out if you're injured," Pepper said.

"What if I hypothetically had my foot cut off and I'm waiting for Dr. Cho to fly in to help regenerate it?"

Pepper didn't drop her phone but it was close. "What are you talking about?"

"It's just a foot, and the ankle, little bit of the calf," Tony said. She realized he was very doped up. "I wish I'd gotten a bad tattoo i could now be happy to say goodbye to."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course," Tony said. Vision showed up by the bed. "Right?"

"Vision, did Tony actually have his foot cut off? What the hell is going on?" Pepper was breathing too fast. She was already standing up and she needed to get to where Tony was.

"While he was in the suit, it was sheared off, yes," Vision said. "I do believe he will recover. Dr. Cho says she's very close to being able to regenerate a limb."

"Very close? Tell me where you are, right now."

She was there in three hours. It looked like a special effect, the end of Tony's leg wrapped in bandages. She poked at the space where his foot should have been just to be sure. Tony half opened his eyes and said, "It's really gone. Pepper, it'll be fine. I've been working on prosthetic limbs for a few years, now I just need to really focus, assuming Dr. Cho can't just grow it back."

"Won't you miss your foot? I miss your foot," Pepper said.

"Thanks to some help from Vision, I wasn't actually cut in half which is what I'm thinking about, I'm being glass half full here. Really 3/4s full. I only lost a foot. Not my hands or my penis or my head," Tony said quietly.

"So I should just calm down?" Pepper was holding back tears.

"No, no, someone should be freaking out," Tony said. "You do it now and I'll do it later."

"Good division of labor," Pepper said. She sat down next to him and held his hand. "Tony, are you really going to be okay?"

"Of course," Tony said. "I got you."

Pepper started singing the song, "that's all I want..."

Tony fell asleep again while she was still singing.

Vision came in with a cup of coffee. "He really should recover, Miss Potts."

"Completely recover? Make a snazzy new foot?"

"We shall see. But Mr. Stark is remarkably enduring," Vision said.

It was grotesque watching the screens of Tony's leg in Dr. Cho's cradle. Helen looked incredibly upset and nervous. "So we've only been successful with fingers," Helen said. "One finger."

Pepper breathed in, breathed out. The cradle was building bones. It was doing it slowly. The shearing part had essentially cauterized the end of Tony's limb so part of the whole grotesquery had been opening the leg up again. Tony was thankfully out like a light. Only Pepper got to be awake for it. She'd cancelled all of the wedding plans, moved out of the Montauk house. She felt like an idiot for not pressing Tony to do this sooner. She could have already been his wife. Then she'd be the wife of the man whose bones were slowly extending out.

Vision said, "Ms. Potts, there's no need for you to watch all of this. It will go on for hours."

"What else do you suggest I do? I'm definitely in the right mindset to do business and I'm certainly not hysterical."

"You're not hysterical," she heard. Pepper turned and saw Natasha.

"You show up when Tony gets his foot sheared off?" Pepper thought about slapping Natasha, but she really didn't have a great reason.

"Yes," Natasha said. "But I came to see you." Natasha touched Pepper's arm. "Let's drink coffee somewhere besides here."

"I'm not leaving the facility," Pepper said.

"Of course not," Natasha said.

They were sitting somewhere in the Seoul facility that Pepper hadn't been to. It had a view and someone manning a bar with coffee and tea. "Where did this come from?" Pepper sat down with her latte. The chairs were comfortable.

"It's part of the place, I think Helen hides it from patients. There's a nice lounge for them, too, and their families," Natasha said.

Pepper gripped her cup. "Helen doesn't think this will work."

"Maybe it won't," Natasha said. "Tony's got Rhodey walking again, he can do the same for himself," Natasha said. Her voice was even and soothing. Pepper felt like she was being handled.

"He's going to be so -" Pepper drank more of her latte. "You people all think he's, he's had a lot of bad things happen to him and he gets up and keeps working like he's fine. He had that reactor in his chest, pushing at his bones and lungs and heart and now he'll have this foot. I read an article that trauma can be stored in your DNA. I should have had babies with him before he got cut off foot into his sperm."

"That sounds like an oversimplification of complex science," Natasha said. "I'm sure Tony's sperm is fine."

"I'm not going to apologize for being upset about this," Pepper said.

"Kinda sounds like you think you should," Natasha said. "I'm not judging you. I just wanted to help you make it through the next 8 hours."

"Oh, you came for me," Pepper said.

Natasha shrugged. "Tony's sedated. I don't think he'd care if I were here."

"I know you slept with him," Pepper said. "He keeps telling me you're the only one, during our break."

"That's true," Natasha said. "Wanna compare notes? I was honestly surprised that it was that good."

"I know," Pepper said. "I figured he wouldn't be any good either. But he was. He is. That first time he was. It was two days after the Expo. I was so busy with a million CEO things and somehow, in between, he would show up and kiss me. I was going to hold out, or wait. But he dragged me to this hotel and took away my phone and tablet. I asked for champagne and he said I should be sober. Sober as a judge."

"We were both drunk," Natasha said. "The first time."

"Were there a lot of times? I didn't ask, obviously," Pepper said.

"Do you want to?"

"No," Pepper said. She'd finished her coffee. She got up and got another one. "Should I ask?"

Natasha shrugged. "Thank you for helping me and the others not be war criminals. I would have been okay on my own, but I know you were helpful."

"Tony, contrary to many people's opinion, is not an asshole," Pepper said.

"He is, sort of," Natasha said. "But not that kind of asshole."

Pepper smiled. "I'm feeling defensive, I know."

"I understand," Natasha said.

They sat in surprisingly companionable silence for a while. Pepper said, "I can't believe you just show up."

"I always just show up," Natasha said.

Helen tried three times. She woke up Tony each time after so they could compare notes. Pepper said, "You're a doctor now?"

Tony said, "I have an opinion. I learn quickly."

Pepper slept in the lounge Natasha had shown her. Nat would wake her up whenever Tony was awake. In between, Pepper drank coffee and checked her email without accomplishing anything and pushed Tony's hair off his face like it mattered.

After the third time, Helen gave up. "We tried. I don't think we're going to get anything more done." She looked near tears.

"S'okay," Tony said. "I know robotics. We'll make it work." He was still sedated.

"Are you going to freak out?" Pepper rubbed his shoulder. "I'm freaking out."

"A little," Tony said. "But we're not lizards. We don't regenerate. Not yet. I can make it work."

Pepper went back to work, she tried to. Naturally, rumors had already started that Tony was dead and the stock was in trouble. She went to Tony's hospital room and smiled at him. "You need to take some calls. And record something for your Facebook. People think you're dead."

"Nope," Tony said. "Did I see Natasha?"

"Yes," Pepper said. "She claims she's here for me."

"I believe her," Tony said. "Let's make some calls."

Since the spider kid had left ten messages for Tony, she called him first. "Hey, I'm alive, stop calling," Tony said.

"Oh, wow, good, I'm so sorry I bothered you, Mr. Stark. Are you okay? You don't look okay," the kid said.

"I'm not fine," Tony said. "But you know, getting there. Working on it."

Suddenly another teenager was leaning into the screen. "Mr. Stark, hi, I'm Ned," Ned said. "Do you need any help with your suit or recovering or anything. Peter and I could do that."

"I'll be fine," Tony said. "Are you in the cafeteria?"

"Um, yeah, but don't worry," Peter said.

Pepper rolled her eyes as someone in the background yelled "Penis Parker is on the phone with Tony Stark!"

Tony said, "Well, that's going well. Make sure all your little friends know I'm alive. I'll be fine. Not dying. No life threatening injury. Okay? Hanging up now." Tony looked at Pepper with a small smile. "They call him Penis Parker, that's hilarious."

"Let's do this one for Facebook," Pepper said.

Tony sat up in the hospital bed. Pepper recorded as Tony said, "Hey. Hi, it's me, Tony Stark. I am not dead. I do not have a life threatening injury. I'm taking a little recovery time. And this is not some doctored message which I am going to demonstrate by now telling you what happened on the Bachelorette last night." Which he did. "I don't watch the Bachelorette, I didn't see the episode, but my friend Happy does and he told me in excruciating detail this morning."

Pepper uploaded it. She said, "Okay, I talked to Natasha, and she's right. I'm getting you a therapist, I got you a therapist. You can talk to him about your trauma. There's a lot of studies about reducing PTSD and it helps to immediately talk about it, according to the studies. Don't worry, I'm seeing one, too."

"That's not overreacting," Tony said.

"Shut up," Pepper said. "Shut up. I'm not doing this again, Tony. I'm not seeing you in that much pain and I can't take it myself. So you will talk to the therapist or I'll come in here every day and cry."

"Please don't," Tony said. "Okay, okay. Is he a nice therapist?"

"I don't know, Nat picked him," Pepper said.

Rhodey came to visit. He was in with Tony while Tony worked on his new cyborg foot and then he came out to talk to Pepper. "He seems okay, Pepper."

"Sure," Pepper said. "He's not. I'm not. First you and now Tony, I know it's par for the course or whatever you say, but I don't think I'm built for it."

Rhodey smiled as he sat down. He squeaked a little. He said, "Clearly you are since you're sitting here and you're not back in New York City."

"Sure," Pepper said. "Sure."

"I like this therapist guy you have me seeing," Tony said. It was two days after Rhodey's visit. Tony insisted his cyborg foot was done. Pepper looked at it once and then stopped looking. Helen had only been able to regrow some of the ankle and foot bones and joints and it was grotesque. It was gruesome to Pepper. She only told Tony that once.

Tony was still eager to get married, more than Pepper. She wondered if she was giving him a bad impression, like she required Tony to be whole. She did not. She dissected it endlessly to no avail with her psychiatrist. After a month, she decided it was time to be decisive. Pepper Potts was decisive. She was decisive and in love with Tony Stark and fully intending to marry him.

"Montauk is too cold, let's do Sedona. I love our place in Sedona," Pepper said. She'd gone down to the lab where Tony was working. It smelled horrible in a new and different way. She didn't want to ask. Then she told herself she should. "Are you doing something to your foot because it smells like the world's most disgusting barbecue in here."

"Not to Jeff Dahmer," Tony said. "I was doing something. I am not now, because you are home. I swear, I've only been to the Sedona place twice."

"Four times," Pepper said. "We went there right after we got back together."

"I only cared about the company, I guess," Tony said, smiling at her. He was wearing one sock. He always wore one sock at least so she didn't have to see his cyborg foot.

She nudged his foot. "Does it bother you? That I don't want to see it?"

"I know you'd try if I asked," Tony said. "SO we're good. And let's move on. Sedona, you say? Not too cold."

"We should get married," Pepper said. "Sedona has great food."

"That it does. Alright, give me a date, and I will arrange fantastic food. And get you the addresses for my invitees," Tony said. "The kid gets a plus one."

"Which kid?"

"All of them. Everyone under 18 gets a plus one, everyone over can't bring anyone," Tony said. "We'll order extra hot dogs and pokemousse, whatever the kids eat these days."

"They eat food," Pepper said. "There's no such thing as pokemousse as you well know. You just say these things because you think they're funny."

"They are funny," Tony said. "I saw you smile."

"Fine, you're funny," Pepper said. "Sedona, I'll tell you the date."

She didn't drag her feet or hesitate. Pepper Potts gets things done. She made calls, she made a lot of calls. She found the right location, the right date. She made reservations. She gave Tony the date and invited the people he wanted to invite. Her invites went out. She got nervous three days. She thought that was an accomplishment, that she only panicked right before.

"Barring any earthshaking disasters, I will stay here," Tony said. He was in their house in Sedona. They were in the house.

"How are you more together than me? I hate that," Pepper said, laughing.

"Well, it's completely understandable," Tony said.

"If you say something understanding and wise, I will hurt you," Pepper said. She got up and went into the kitchen. She stood looking at the liquor and the chlorophyll juices. She wished, suddenly, for a soda. Something carbonated with a super sweet flavor that stuck to your teeth and coated your tongue.

Tony came up behind her. He said, "Martini?"

"Dr. Pepper," Pepper said.

"Your weird wish is my command," Tony said. "But I know you'll be unhappy if I leave, which is my nice way of saying you'll pull a Tony and freak out."

"So together we drive somewhere to get me a Dr. Pepper," Pepper said.

"Of course," Tony said. "Because I'm amazing and understanding and -"

"Smug, you are being smug that you're not the one with issues," Pepper said. She got in the passenger side and put on her seat belt.

"I'm trying not to be too smug," Tony said. "Though smug is one of my defining personality traits, frankly."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it," Pepper said. "In fact, I don't."

"I think you do a little," Tony said.

They drove by another picturesque sunset and Tony took her hand. "We both know this isn't going to last," Tony said. "I'm fundamentally flawed, bad foundation, lots of trauma. Before you know it, I'll be the one on the edge, begging for you to get me a, I'm not sure what my Dr. Pepper equivalent is."

"I can't remember the last time I had a soda," Pepper said.

"I assume you always liked Dr. Pepper," Tony said.

"Oh, the name? That's a clever conclusion for you to make. No, I liked Coke. But I had a boyfriend in college, he would always get me Dr. Pepper."

"What a literal minded small man," Tony said.

Pepper said, "Great in bed. My very first orgasm."

"What about in your alone time?"

"Believe it or not, not really."

Tony said, "Well, bless Dr. Pepper."

Pepper paid for the one can of soda and a pack of gum. She said, "Are you sure you don't want something?"

"I'm positive," Tony said. "So very positive. I'm staying on my high horse over here."

She chewed gum on the drive home, even blew a bubble.

They made it to the wedding. She walked down the aisle and met Tony at the end. There was love and peace and the veil dug into her head. She didn't even mind.

Tony had his great food, and they even danced.

The sun set and somehow Pepper was sitting on the dance floor, her bare feet tucked under her while she talked to the Spider kid and his plus one, who was unbelievably gorgeous and apparently named MJ. Rhodey brought her another Dr. Pepper, Happy danced with her gracefully. At the end it was just Pepper and Tony in a huge house with windows that reached the ceiling and only showed red mountains.

He kissed her and started taking off her dress. "I really like this dress. You gonna wear it again?"

"Probably not," Pepper said. "I like the idea that it's special. That's stupid and sentimental."

"I think it's a great idea," Tony said. She kicked off her shoes and he removed his. "Thank you for marrying me even though I'm now a cyborg."

Pepper smiled and took off her bra. She said, "Are you really a cyborg? You're not even 10% machine. You're about a step up from a pacemaker in terms of machinery."

"I'm 6 or 7 per cent machine, still I know you liked me when I was 0%," Tony said.

"Liked you better?" Pepper smiled at him as she slipped off her underwear. All she had on now was a La Perla garter belt holding up her stockings. She knew Tony well enough to leave it on. "I love you no matter what. The machinery doesn't affect my affection for you."

"And it's so real like," Tony said. He lifted the cyborg foot and made circles with his foot.

"I do love you," Pepper said.

"But we'll both leave our stockings on," Tony said.

They did, for the first time. Then there was sweat and arousal and Pepper refused to keep the stockings on. She showered and then came back out to the bed. "This the part where one of our phones ring and everything goes wrong," Tony said.

Pepper nearly slapped him. "Well, now that you said it, it will."

"I don't want it to happen," Tony said.

"Me neither," Pepper said.

They waited for five minutes in silence. Tony even grabbed his tablet and checked out the international news and US news. Nothing that Tony would deal with.

Pepper was afraid to speak. They waited another 5 minutes. Tony said, "I think we can risk another round of glorious sex."

"We can," Pepper said.

They made it a day with no disasters and then another day. Pepper would take it, every day they could get.