A/N: So I like to write vulnerable, snuggly Lena Luthor with softest girlfriend TM Kara Danvers and overprotective big sisters Maggie and Alex… fight me.
(Actually, please don't. All I have to offer is emotional fanfiction.)
warning: this is so fluffy I disgust myself, I'm just so in love with everyone in this fic okay
Anyway, let me know what you think!
It's a Thursday.
It's a Thursday when the NCPD and DEO team up on a mission. When it goes wrong. When Maggie and Alex get trapped in a collapsing evacuated building, with an alien prowling outside.
The conflict lasts just barely forty minutes.
Lena feels every second.
Feels it tighten in her chest, claw at her lungs and hurtle from her throat in thready gasping breaths.
Feels it in hands that first shake, then curl so tightly around the pen in her grasps that it snaps, spills ink across the ruffled mountain of calculations across her desk. She can't tear her eyes away from the TV where the scene plays out, doesn't even flick them toward where the liquid pools.
The news coverage depicts Supergirl swooping around the scene, above the heads of the agents surrounding the building, through squad cars and SUVs. Supergirl looks calm and steady.
Lena looks like she might be sick with the ice cold water plunging and sloshing in her stomach, the frigid numbness of terror she knows too well.
Her breath stutters, stutters, stutters. Her diaphragm leaping, leaping, leaping. Her tears don't slip, nor does her focus on the TV, but everything else does and suddenly she can't breathe.
Suddenly everything is crashing down, her heart staccatos in her chest as the scene play out before her, each beat cracking away at her insides; there's sludge in her throat and sirens outside and Maggie and Alex are lost somewhere in the mess of rubble on her TV and there's nothing she can do.
There's nothing else she can feel except panic.
Panic closing in, panic rising, panic expanding.
Panic.
She doesn't know love without loss, but this is too soon. She just got them—just got two women in her life that are the big sisters she needed as a kid, just got the family she's longed for since she was four years old.
There's a crackle on the TV, a lift in the newscaster's voice and Lena fights her eyes to focus as the camera shifts and zooms and Alex and Maggie emerge, covered in dust and soot but smiling—honest to god, smiling at each and laughing as Supergirl hugs them and whispers something before disappearing out of the frame.
Lena's heart lurches, the grasps of panic loosen around her core, pulsate outwards instead and she shakes, lets out a breath from her silently screaming lungs. Her fingers quiver against the desk and she looks down, sees half the pen and the ink that's burst forward, drying across her skin.
Her brows furrow, stomach tightening again.
Her phone rings.
It's Kara's name flashing across the screen. She and Maggie and Alex want to have a movie night with Lena, to 'chill out and relax' after their day. They've had closer calls, Kara tells Lena.
It was more miscommunication than anything. Alex and Maggie hadn't even known there was such a big commotion outside, until they'd come out of the building. They were joking and teasing and unshaken. They've already been cleared by the med team.
They're okay.
Kara promises it.
Lena struggles to find her voice.
It's a Thursday when she falls apart.
/
The sound of laughter carries through the apartment door and Lena's hand pauses, she drops it from the loose fist raised to knock and looks down at the floor.
A teardrop darkens the hallway, splatters at her feet, and Lena turns away, dark hair swishing over her shoulder and across her back when the door swings open.
She shouldn't be here. Not right now, when she's on the verge of crumbling.
"Lena! I thought I saw you," Kara says and the ring of laughter from the living room lifts her voice. "Come in, we're just about to eat and put on a movie."
She puts a hand on Lena's shoulder and the CEO turns around into the touch, lifts her head to meet Kara's gaze, and sees the detective and agent in the background. Something inside her snaps.
The smile on the blonde's face falls.
"Lena, what's wrong?"
Tears pool up in Lena's eyes and suddenly a silent sob has her body in control, has her voice lost. Kara pulls Lena into a hug, and she buries her face into the warmth of Kara's neck.
"Do you want to come in?"
Lena nods, nose brushing softly against Kara's skin, quickly wetting with tears.
"All right, come on."
Kara keeps Lena held against her, one hand tangled in hair, arm falling across Lena's back, as the other closes the door.
"Hey, Little Luthor!" Maggie calls from the living room at the sound of the closing door, she's sprawled beside Alex, a leg thrown over the agent's as they watch TV.
"Lena, hurry up!" Alex teases without looking back. "We've been waiting forever. Have some respect after our near death experience."
It's a joke and Lena knows it, has gotten better at picking up on these things after her time spent with the other women. Her knowledge does nothing to dispel the tension curling inside her, she only tightens her hold around Kara, squeezing her back.
The beat of silence prompts the pair to finally turn around, playful grins slipping at the sight of Kara shaking her head quickly to dissuade any further comments. Alex squints in the light of the TV, drops her gaze from Kara's face to see Lena cradled against the blonde, as Kara rocks them slightly.
Alex tilts her head, her own crinkle forming as she gestures toward Kara, moves her hand, and mouths "what's wrong?"
Kara gives a minute shrug, tears beginning to brim in her own eyes. At the small movement shifting around her, Lena nestles closer and another watery cry bubbles from her lips.
Kara snaps her head back down, so her lips brush the top of Lena's ear. "You're okay, Lena," she soothes, begins swaying them gently again. "You're okay." Then she freezes. "Wait… you are okay, Lena, right? You're not hurt?"
Lena shakes her head and though her sobs have slowed to tears, her shoulders still quiver as Kara untangles herself and looks Lena over.
"What's wrong, Lena?" Kara asks softly and Lena just shakes her head again, curling back against Kara's chest with embarrassment beginning to flush across her cheeks.
Maggie steps closer, runs a soothing hand over Lena's shoulder and squeezes gently. Alex is beside her and they both peer at the CEO with concern, but whose tears seem to strengthen again when she feels them close.
"We can go," Alex whispers softly.
She takes a step away and as she does, Lena's hand jerks away from the tight grip (so tight, Kara thinks it would hurt if she weren't alien) she has twisted around her girlfriend, bumps with another hand in an effort to stop them from leaving.
Lena isn't sure whose fingers she catches until they curl back around hers and give a gentle squeeze, and they're small enough that it has to be Maggie. Lena's palm presses against Maggie's and she notes the callouses, confirms it's the detective—like Alex's but more localized.
Lena knows Kara's touch best, but she's learning others', building a collection in her head so that if they leave, she can remember them, can remember that they were real; that she was loved, no matter how brief it may have been.
She repeats these things in her head as she falls asleep at night—the short list that's long enough for her, longer than she ever expected. She holds it close and safe and guarded in her memory.
"No, stay," Lena says, voice cracking and muffled by Kara's sweater. "Please, please stay."
Maggie squeezes Lena's hand where it hangs between them. "Sure, of course. Whatever you need."
"I can't lose you, any of you," Lena says, her words still catching in the fabric of Kara's shirt. "I almost lost you all today."
"We were okay, Lena," Alex says. "It looked worse from the outside and Kara was safe the whole time."
"B-but that doesn't change the fact that you were on my TV and that it looked… it looked like you were going to die and if you…" A gasp for breath takes over her words. "If all of you died I'd have n-nothing, you'd be gone. You would—you… you'd…"
"Hey, breathe, sweetie," Alex says and that voice is back, the one that's for Kara—the one that's starting to come out around Lena more and more.
Lena peeks a glance at Alex, sees her features pulled softly in concern.
"Luthor, come 'ere," Maggie murmurs, opens her arms. Kara presses a kiss to Lena's head and untangles her arms so Lena can step toward Maggie.
As she moves, Kara looks over at Alex, tears pooling in the blonde's eyes. "Hey, she's all right," Alex says, tugs her sister into a side hug. Kara dips her head onto Alex's shoulder.
"Let's go sit on the couch," Alex says and Kara furrows her brows.
"But-" she looks over at Lena.
"We'll give them some space, Kar, but we'll literally be not even twenty feet away."
Kara relents, lets Alex guide her to the couch and curls against her sister's side.
In the open space near the door, Maggie pulls the younger woman toward her and another sob lurches forward, her shoulders start shaking again—heaving and breath speeding up.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey… Little Luthor…Lena, look at me, okay?" Maggie says and she waits for Lena to look up at her, tears cloud the green that's usually so sharp, always searching, always taking in as much as they can. Her lips pull downward, face blotchy and wet and quivering with tears, and she looks all of the little kid she was when she lost her family for the first time.
"We aren't going anywhere, I promise you that." Maggie holds Lena's gaze and runs a hand over her upper arm.
"You can't," she murmurs miserably and lets her forehead fall against Maggie's shoulder.
"We'll do everything we can to stay right here with you guys."
"What if it's not enough?" Lena whispers.
"Then we hold onto moments like this, where we're all together and safe."
Lena nods. "Okay," she lets out in a watery murmur. "Okay," she repeats again, some tension eases from her shoulders and Maggie rubs her back, knows what it's like to lose family, to be shoved away by the people closest to you. And she knows what it's like to be taken in by the Danvers, knows the fear of thinking you could lose them, too.
"I don't know how to love someone without them leaving. I don't know what that's like," Lena says, so quietly it's almost swallowed by the hum of traffic beyond the apartment and the crackle of the TV.
"I didn't either," Maggie says, pulls back again so she can look Lena in the eyes. "Not until Alex… 'til Kara and all their family and friends. They'll show you, and I will, too. We've got you Lena Luthor, and we aren't letting you go, okay?"
"Okay." Lena nods, wipes at her tears and offers Maggie a small smile that curves across her pink lips, standing out against her pale cheeks. "Thank you."
Maggie just ruffles Lena's hair and squeezes her one last time before letting go. "Of course. I'm here, you know, if you need someone to talk to. I know how it feels to be swept up by a Danvers."
Lena smiles at her again, bigger this time as the tears on her face dry.
"Come on," Maggie says, grinning and bumping Lena's shoulder with her own. "Let's go watch a movie with our girls."
Lena smiles and follows, thinking the whole time about how nice it is to have people that are hers.
Kara turns around as soon as they approach, blonde head popping up over the coach, eyes trailing Lena as she gets closer. And Kara's wearing this shy, soft smile that makes Lena want to cry for a different reason, a kind of aching happiness, a disbelief that this is her life. That things got better after so many years.
Alex gets up and lets Lena take her place, before dropping beside the younger woman so Lena's in between both Danvers sisters and Maggie's beside Alex and the future doesn't feel so desolate or lonely anymore, not so overwhelming.
Kara doesn't say anything, just sweeps Lena towards her, knows that when Lena's feeling bad she needs close contact, needs a tangible reminder that there are people here—people who love her and care about her.
Some of the weight inside Lena loosens as she snuggles into Kara's side, knees curled upward and head resting on her shoulder. Kara puts an arm around Lena, hugs her small frame and Lena can feel breaths expanding in Kara's chest, slow and steady beneath the younger woman.
Lena denies the offers to let her pick the movie, is more than content to stay close to Kara, with Alex gently brushing her fingers through the CEO's dark hair as Maggie takes the remote and flicks through Netflix.
When they settle on something Lena's eyes are drooping half closed and she murmurs some sleepy form of agreement. The movie starts and Alex squeezes Lena's shoulder before the agent dips back, snuggles with Maggie on the other side of the couch.
"You okay?" Kara whispers into Lena's hair, studies her features in the blue TV light as the intro to the movie plays.
Lena nods, cuddled into Kara's side, with Alex and Maggie here and all three of them safe. "I just got frightened, I—seeing them on TV in danger, when there was nothing I could do…" She shrugs against Kara, looks up to meet her eyes. "And I know you were there and logically you wouldn't let anything happen, but it was—"
"It was scary," Kara finishes and gently kisses Lena's forehead.
She nods. "It's scary to have people to lose."
Kara pulls Lena impossibly closer, circles both arms around her body. She wants to hold her like that, with their hearts beating in time and Lena nuzzled against Kara, her head tucked under the blonde's chin, for as long as possible. Because it's true. It's scary to have people to lose and Kara's known that since she was thirteen years old and Lena's maybe even known it longer, in this world especially.
"I know," Kara says. "But it's worth it, isn't it?"
Lena considers the question, knows the answer even before she spares a glance around the room, sees Maggie and Alex curled into each other half asleep, before settling her gaze on Kara's face, on soft lips and blue eyes under dark lashes.
Lena finds Kara's heartbeat and settles back into her side. The answer courses inside Lena, in gentle touches and soft words and humming hearts. "It is."