AN: Sorry this is late, but like I said, I was gone over the weekend. In general, I really did like the episode, despite the lack of Jack. This tag is a response to that and the fact that I still hate James with a burning passion. If you want to read my full thoughts on the ep and the way the situation was terribly handled with James, then you can find it on my tumblr: bands-space-and-monsters-oh-my, under the tag "anti james macgyver". I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!
Jack was waiting out in the hall when he got the phone call. Explaining stuff like this to DC was never fun, but this had been particularly difficult. As always, Jack arrived at the various meetings fifteen minutes early, giving himself plenty of time to further prepare exactly what he was about to say. Normally, Jack wouldn't even look at his phone at a time like this, but he'd been feeling anxious ever since Matty sent his kids off on a mission without him, once again. Of course, Jack knew Riley and Mac were both highly trained field agents, and could more than handle themselves, but still. They were his kids, and Jack would never feel comfortable with them running off straight into danger without him there to watch their backs. He knew they would look out for each other - that's what siblings did - but Jack was still supposed to be there to protect them anyway. Their own fathers had done piss poor jobs of it throughout their short lives, and Jack was determined to make that up for them.
But then his phone rang the moment he walked into the building, and Jack couldn't help but look. He knew he was supposed to be getting ready for the meeting, and shouldn't be indulging in any distractions, but what if it was one of his kids in danger? He would never forgive himself.
It was Mac. There was no way Jack wasn't going to answer.
"Hey, bud," he answered. "What's up?" He hoped the answer will be that everything is fine, so then he could just call him back after the meeting, but Jack had never been that lucky. He heard the labored breathing as soon as he stopped talking. "Mac, what's going on?"
"Jack, I- I can't-" he broke off, and it sounded to Jack like he was beginning to hyperventilate.
"Breathe, bud, just breathe," he said, trying to take his own advice. His heartbeat and breathing both skyrocketed the moment he heard the terribly familiar sound of Mac falling into a panic attack. Hopefully he could stave off this one. "In and out, just keep breathing." Normally, he would take Mac's hand and hold it to his own heart, a calm and steady beat for him to focus on. But he was on the other side of the world, so Jack was left with only his voice to calm the kid down.
After a minute, Jack could tell that he had succeeded, and Mac had mostly calmed down.
"What's goin' on, kid? Are you safe?" It was pointless to ask if he was okay, because clearly he wasn't, but Jack needed to make sure that he wasn't in immediate danger.
"Yeah, I- everything's fine," Mac stuttered in reply. "I'm okay."
"You sure about that, bud? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have called while hyperventilating if everything was fine."
Mac was quiet for a moment before answering in a small voice, so small that Jack had to strain to hear it, "when are you coming home?"
Jack's heart broke. Something was most definitely not okay. "Aww, kid, it'll be a couple more days. If I could drop everything and come back to you right now I would, but I just can't, I'm so sorry. I've gotta explain stealing Russian weapons to all of these fancy DC people, and then I'll be back, I promise you. I wish I could be there now." It took all of Jack's restraint not to leave the building immediately and hop the next flight to wherever Mac was. There was still no guarantee that he wouldn't after this conversation was over. "What happened on the mission? Did it go okay?"
Mac sighed, and Jack knew that the kid would be shaking himself out, trying to regain the composure that he had lost. "It was fine, it just... brought up some memories I would rather forget," he said, in a voice barely louder than a whisper.
Now it was Jack's turn to sigh. This happened to the kid all too often, and it wasn't fair. He had been through so much hell and it just wasn't fair that he should have traumatic memories brought up all the time. It was part and parcel with the job, and Jack knew the kid wouldn't trade saving lives for anything, but still. That was the good thing about Nigeria. Mac didn't have to worry about people trying to kill him and crazy terrorists bringing back memories and throwing him into panic attacks while he was there.
"They're just memories, bud. I know they suck, but they're over, and they can't hurt you," he responded. Jack would've given anything to be able to be there, right next to his kid, to hold him and make sure that he knew, one hundred percent, that he was okay and safe and that Jack wasn't going to let anything happen to him.
"I couldn't breathe, Jack," Mac said, his voice breaking. "I couldn't breathe and it was Mexico all over again, and the pressure on my chest was just too much and I could barely walk and I thought I was gonna die, Jack. I thought I was gonna die and I wasn't gonna be able to say goodbye to you, to tell you everything I need to-"
"Hey, hey, hey, slow down, bud, it's okay." As much as Jack was internally panicking at the thought of his kid almost dying and Jack not being there to keep him safe, he knew that was a conversation with Matty for another time. Right now, he needed to remain calm if he was going to keep his kid calm. "You're alive, and you're safe, and Mexico was a long time ago. You're okay."
"It's been two years, Jack," Mac muttered. "It's been two years and I still have nightmares about it."
"And that's nothing to be ashamed of," Jack tried to assure him. "Some things just never leave ya, and I know it sucks, but it's not real anymore. I got you out of Mexico and that bastard went back to prison where he will never touch you again, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I know," he replied, sounding only slightly more convinced. Jack knew there was more to it than that. There was something else that Mac wasn't telling him.
"What else is goin' on?" he asked. He would have loved to continue to assure Mac that he really was okay, that he was safe and that El Noche really was gone, but from over the phone, this was about all he could do, as much as it pained him.
"My dad," Mac muttered with a sigh. That set Jack's blood boiling.
"What did he do?" he almost growled, with barely concealed fury. That bastard just couldn't stop ruining his son's life.
"Nothing," Mac quickly responded, only slightly calming Jack's mind and taking away all the thoughts of the terrible things he would never put past James doing to the kid. "It's just things that Riley's been saying, and the mission." He sighed. "A father who would do literally anything for his son. That's not something I ever had, well, not until..." he trailed off, but Jack knew what he wasn't saying, and it brought a smile to his face. Damn, he loved that kid. "But Riley really thinks that I should actually meet my dad like he wants, and I really don't want to, but maybe I should anyway. Maybe it's the right thing to do, even if it's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to forgive him, I don't want to have small talk and lunch with him, I don't want anything to do with him," Mac said, his voice slowly growing louder until he was nearly shouting by the end. "Besides, it's not like I need a deadbeat father in my life when I already have a good one," he continued, his voice dropping back to a mutter.
Jack could've cried at the love he had for that kid, that kid who deserved the whole sun and freaking stars, but always got stuck with crap instead. "You are not obligated to do anything you don't want to, are you hearin' me?" he said. He needed to make sure that Mac wasn't feeling guilt tripped into doing anything that he didn't want to. Mac had no reason to feel guilty. His feelings were completely valid, and there was no reason that he should just let his father back into his life like nothing had happened. Mac was right. Small talk at lunch was not the way to start a relationship with him. James needed to actually be a man and recognize the hell he put his son through for so many years. He needed to apologize to the boy and start acting like he really was sorry for everything he did, and everything he said. James was a bastard and until he did those things, Jack's opinion of him would not change - although it probably wouldn't change anyway, because even if Mac did one day forgive him, Jack doubted that he himself ever would, not for what that poor excuse for a man had done and continued to do to that kid.
"I know, Jack, I really do, but what if something happens and he dies and I regret not even trying?" he asked. Jack thought that the fact that when Mac thought he was dying he thought of Jack and not his father was a pretty good indication that he wouldn't truly be heartbroken with regret if something did happen to James, but he wasn't about to say that. "Maybe this is just another one of those 'man up' moments where I at least try and pretend to like it, even if I don't want to," he said with a sigh.
"If that's really what you want, then I'll support you, but Mac, you don't have to decide right now. And even if you do, please wait until I get back to LA to meet with him," Jack said. He may not have control over the missions the kid got sent on while he was in DC, and thus wasn't able to save him from the dangers there, but he would be damned if he wasn't there to keep him safe from James if he decided that he wanted to reach out.
"Okay, I'll wait, I promise. And Jack?"
"Yeah, what is it, kid?"
"Well, I...I know I don't say it enough, or at all, really, but, thank you for everything you do for me. I love you. I can't be in another situation where I might die without making sure you know that, so now you know, and you probably have to go so I should really hang up-"
"I love you too," Jack replied with a smile, cutting him off. He hated the very thought of Mac being in such a life threatening situation without him by his side, but if he could alleviate this little bit of stress for the kid, he would.
"Thanks, Jack," the kid replied, and Jack could practically see him blushing and ducking his head away from any prying eyes. "Have fun in your meetings," he continued, bringing back their usual dynamic and tone. Once again, Jack could see the blond's eyes sparkling with mischief and the smile that would be on his face. Damn, he missed that boy.
"Yeah, fun is all I'm here for," he replied with a roll of his eyes, even though he knew Mac wouldn't see it. The kid would know it was there. That's just how there relationship worked, and Jack would never change a thing about it. Jack could hear Mac chuckling on the other end of the line. Yeah, he would never change anything.