Wash Away the Red
"You'll never stop being Sakura to me." And her heart skipped a beat at his words. But there were stains that would never wash out.
The happiness that filled her the moment she found them bleeding out in the valley of the end was gone along with his pulse. She, Konoha's best medic, the Hokage's apprentice, wasn't able to do a thing for him. After everything she'd gone through to prove her worth she couldn't even save one friend.
Long after his pulse died out, without an ounce of chakra left, she was still trying. She attempted to breathe life into him, she willed her body for more chakra, just enough for a miracle. But most of all she cried and begged over his dead body that became increasingly cold by the second.
This couldn't be happening, she remembered thinking as her bottom lip trembled and she cried some more.
She placed her hand on his cheek and in a breathless whisper she begged. "Please Naruto don't die." She felt Kakashi and Sasuke's eyes on her, she must have looked pathetic, but she didn't care. When Naruto didn't respond she threw herself over him and cried over his chest.
She felt a strong hand grip her shoulder and in a faraway voice Kakashi whispered, "Stop this." Her tears stopped but she continued to hold on to him, her ear against his chest waiting for a heartbeat that never came. Instead the next sound she heard was Kakashi's voice again beckoning her. "Sakura, let him go, there's nothing you can do." He took her by the shoulders and pulled her off from the blonde.
Pain and anger ripped her chest in equal amounts, she raised her gaze and she could see Sasuke. His eyes were filled with pain and his still existing arm gripped the remains of the other one. "This is all your fault!" She screeched. "If you hadn't insisted in your ridiculous revolution none of this would have happened. Naruto would be here." Her voice broke at the end.
She could see him wince out of pain, he was barely conscious. "Sakura you need to do something about Sasuke's condition, he might not make it to the village." Against everything in her that told her to let him rot, there was a small part that couldn't stand by and watch him die.
She wanted to think it was purely 'medic' instinct but she knew it was that part in her that inexplicably loved him, even then. She moved quickly and made her way towards him. She tore the remaining sleeve she had.
She reached for his arm but he shied away. When she tried again he stopped her gripping her hand tightly. "Just let me die." He told her, as the words left his lips she saw in his eyes everything she never wanted to see.
"I can't…" She spoke, oh how she wished she could. For a moment his eyes softened but before she could delve on it he lost consciousness.
Almost a month had passed and the remaining survivor of the fight was in a coma. Sometimes she would toy with a notion in her head in where she would disconnect him and be done with him. It would serve more good than harm, the hospital was immensely under staffed, there was a shortage on rooms and beds and he was just taking up space.
She shook her head as she eyed over his file, nothing changed. The only reason she was still there watching over him was because of Naruto. If Sasuke died Naruto's death would have been in vain.
As Sakura looked him over she had to admit one would not think him responsible of all his crimes, he looked peaceful, like he didn't carry thousands of demons on his back, like blood didn't stain every inch of his body.
The monitor stayed the same when all she wanted was for it to change; let him die or let him live, just take this burden off of her.
Placing back the file where it belonged she left, with a last look at his face she hurried back out the door.
.
.
.
Lately she didn't leave the hospital, she couldn't even remember the last time she slept in her bed or the last time she had a proper meal. She was needed. Her days passed with her going from room to room, from patient to patient, she either gave life or she didn't. Her days passed in a blur.
That day was no different.
There were plenty of scheduled surgeries, plenty of which she either had to supervise or do herself. Tsunade was preparing Kakashi for the title of Hokage and Shizune was busy doing most of Tsunade's work.
At the end of the day no patient had died.
She was exhausted, she longed to throw herself on the chair of her desk and sleep if only for a few hours, but there was one last patient to check.
She made her way to the room, taking a deep breath she opened the door. The room was as silent as ever, with only the beating of the monitor. She sighed. Making her way out the door she closed it behind her.
Two weeks later she steps into the hospital, being one of those rare occasions in where she does go home if only for a few hours. It does surprise her when she sees the nurses running up and down and she quickly feels guilty for having left. Night is normally not as busy.
The walk up to her office is interrupted when a nurse approaches her with a fear stricken face. "Haruno-san the patient in room 207 woke up from the coma over an hour ago. He hasn't let anyone approach him."
She's not sure if the surprise showed on her face so she averted her gaze and nodded. The nurse quickly scurried off.
Quickening her pace she makes her way over to his room not even bothering to pass by her office. As she arrives she sees a few nurses outside along with a medic ninja. "Haruno-san!" He exclaimed his tone hushed.
The distress on his expression told her that he hadn't had any luck as well as the nurses around him. She stepped forward and before she could think twice about it and walk back down the hallway she opened the door.
"Leave." He spoke his gaze fixed on his lap as he gripped the sheets with his fist. She didn't speak and instead closed the door behind her and took a few steps forward until she was just in front of his bed. She couldn't see his face, his bangs had grown long enough that they hid him from view as he looked down.
She reached for the file and it was then that he raised his gaze to hers, probably wondering why the intruder hadn't left yet. His expression changed momentarily to surprise before it was blank again. Not much new was written on the file.
"What are you doing here?" He was the first to speak, his voice guarded and hoarse
"Checking up on a patient." Leaving things clear enough, she looked back at the file and wrote. This wasn't a teammate visiting another teammate, she wouldn't be there if she didn't have to, but she wasn't sure he cared.
"Does anything hurt?" She asked, but he just stared at her.
"How long…?" He trailed off, but he didn't have to finish.
She closed the file and placed it back where it belonged. Looking him over she almost pitied him, there was no one there to give him the time of day. "It's been fourty two days, Sasuke…" She had to keep herself from adding the suffix at the end. When was the last time she uttered his name?
"What will happen now?" The question was more abstract than she would have liked. Was he referring to the remnants of Team 7? Was he referring to himself? She decided to go with the latter because why would he care about anything else.
"While you were in a coma your situation was discussed, you're pardoned for your crimes because you're an asset to this village and Konoha can't affort to lose the sharingan." She hoped he could read the rest between the lines, it's not because you deserve it Sasuke-kun. He nodded in understanding.
There was a moment of silence where neither of them spoke. She never imagined it'd be like this, in her mind this scenario went a little different. Naruto would be there with them annoying Sasuke and enticing unwanted conversation with the Uchiha and she would wipe tears of joy and smile over at him.
"I'll send a medic nin to do some necessary tests and procedures, don't get in the way of their work." Don't make this any harder than it needs to be. He frowned at her words but she decided to take his silence as a form of agreement.
He was finally home and it's not what she dreamed of.
Another week had passed before Sasuke was released from the hospital, he was due to the Hokage's office immediately and so was she. She stepped into the room not even bothering to knock. She was expected and she was late, there was no reason for her to be there. As she thought the only ones in the room where Tsunade and Sasuke.
"Nice of you to show up Sakura." Tsunade spoke sarcastically.
Sakura spared Sasuke a glance as he sat in a seat directly in front of the Hokage's desk. His hand was awkwardly placed on his lap gripping the fabric of his clothes. He probably wishes he could cross his arms.
She had barely seen him since he woke up from the coma, doing her best to avoid him, she had left him to the other medic nins only stopping by when necessary. Half the time he'd been admitted she thought about assigning his case to someone else, but didn't.
He might have been pardoned, but he was not forgiven.
"I assume I'm here to inform you of my patient's status?" She asked, she visibly ignored Sasuke as she spoke. There was a pain in her chest that was hurt at her own cold behavior.
Tsunade sighed and her gaze met with the pinkette, she wished she didn't understand her expression as well as she did. "That, and because that patient is your teammate." Her expression was one that told her, implored her, not to throw everything away. Hold on to whatever you have left, it told her, it was the voice of experience talking to her.
She ignored her words.
"He's in good condition, but he needs to rest and take things easy for a while. I recommend no training for at least another week or two." She handed Tsunade the file she held in her hands. "Anything you might need to know is in there."
There was a frown on Tsunade's lips as she took the file from Sakura's hands and placed it in her desk.
"Is that all?" She wanted out, she wanted to be as far away as she could.
"No. What I'm going to say concerns you as well." Sakura doubted but remained in place. "Uchiha Sasuke, you were pardoned for your crimes and the only reason you're not rotting in a cell is because you didn't kill Naruto," He might not have killed him with his hand but he might as well have, he was the reason Naruto bled to death in her arms. "after losing so many ninja in the war, losing Naruto, we can't afford to lose the sharingan." From the corner of her eyes Sakura could see as Sasuke stared forward shoulders squared, as if it all didn't phase him and she wanted to punch him.
"You will serve the village. We are at a time of political tension, every Kage wants your head on a platter and you will properly thank us for not handing it over to them."
She didn't see him again for a few weeks confining herself in the hospital, working herself to death. The only reason she walked out of her apartment that afternoon toward the market was because Tsunade scolded her. She had worked thirty six hours almost nonstop and so her mentor sent her home and prohibited her from coming back for two days.
The first thing she did as she arrived at her house was sleep not waking up until one in the afternoon the next day. Upon opening the fridge she found all her food rotten and passed its expiration date and so after throwing it all away and cleaning the fridge she headed out to buy the necessities.
She spotted him in the distance buying a bag of tomatoes from an old woman in a stand. His empty sleeve fell at his side and he was having trouble holding the bag and paying at the same time.
The villagers shied away from him, cautious and afraid. Most avoided him like the plague, ignored him altogether or made note not to meet his gaze. Others glared at him, like the rotten scum he was, he didn't seem to mind or care. But against everything in her she couldn't help as her heart broke at the sight, what a lonely world he must live in.
She made her way toward another stand and bought everything she needed, as she paid for the fruits and vegetables she focused on him. He caught sight of her as he turned around his back facing the stand.
Their eyes didn't meet for long before he turned his gaze to the ground and walked away. She watched his back, eyes never straying.
There was a time when he looked down to the world…but now the world looked down on him. She wanted to cry, for him, and she wasn't sure how to feel about that.
His prosthetic arm was done the following month. Sakura couldn't see why the rush. "He can make do without an arm." She had argued as she eyed the pale thing in front of her. "Give him a while to get used to and he'll probably be a match for most anbu's." He could probably be even better than any of them, she didn't doubt it.
"You're right, maybe he doesn't need it…sure as hell doesn't deserve it but we do; the reason we're keeping him here is so he can be an asset to the village not a burden." Her words were harsh as if he was just a tool.
Sakura was about to object to her teacher's tasteless comment but stopped herself when she realized she would end up defending Sasuke. Instead she spoke, "He doesn't deserve it." No lie there.
"Sakura…" Tsunade started and her tone of voice told the pinkette she was going to start to lecture her. "I won't be around forever neither will Kakashi, the Uchiha is the only teammate you have left. A ninja's life is too short to hold grudges." It was like Tsunade forgot who had been responsible for Naruto's death, like she forgot whose life it costs to obtain the sharingan.
She didn't voice her thoughts out loud and opted to remain quiet. But Tsunade knew her, she knew a few words wouldn't convince her of letting go of her resentment, it was probably crystal clear on her eyes. She didn't do much to hide it.
"Sasuke is your patient and you will be in charge of this procedure and of him from now on, after all I don't want unknown hands playing with my creation." Her eyes fell on the prosthetic arm, Sakura wanted nothing to do with it. It was like giving an award to a murderer. "Oh, and if it's not clear enough I'm not giving you a choice in the matter, this is an order."
Sakura wanted to object, to yell at her, to beg. She didn't want to be close to him, Team 7 ceased to exist the moment Naruto died Sakura wanted to yell at the blonde…but she knows it would be no use. Tsunade was holding on to her own past, she was trying to correct her mistakes through Sakura.
There were bonds you just couldn't mend, but she didn't want to understand.
The procedure had gone smoothly but she had made him stay the night at the hospital just for precaution. If he, for some reason, had an unknown reaction she wanted to be close. She wouldn't risk being called incompetent or anything of the sort. He moved his arm around slowly as if testing it out.
She just observed and took notes, occasionally asking him a question. She watched the way his muscles reacted in every movement, the way his expressions changed. It seemed to hurt, but that was just because it was a stranger to his body, he would have to get used to it.
"You have to do these exercises twice a day." She informed, her eyes still on the clipboard in her hand. "And I'll give you some pills, if you're in pain take them." She reached in her coat for a small bottle and took a few steps forward placing it on the nightstand beside the bed.
With the 'thud' as she placed the pills followed a silence. It was a silence she refused to break, there was nothing to say between them, or so she tried to convince herself. In reality there was a lot to say, many things stayed unspoken in the past and many things were still unspoken in the present.
She cleared her throat and prepared to leave, she had done her work and if the patient didn't need anything that was the conclusion of her business there.
"Sakura." He spoke before she could take a single step toward the door. Familiarity dripped in his voice in a way that made her miss the detached sound of 'Haruno-san' over and over. In a place where everyone was like a stranger he was familiar and she detested it.
She turned her eyes to him but said nothing, waiting for him to speak. "I didn't…" He trailed off and her hands balled up into fists immediately, if he tried excusing himself for Naruto's death, for everything he did she was going to lose it. "I didn't want this arm." He spoke his voice laced with well-established guilt. It took her by surprise.
"Why?" She managed to say.
"I don't deserve it." Nothing could have prepared her to hear the truth from his lips, to hear that he was as aware as she was, as everyone else was that he didn't deserve that arm. He didn't deserve the second chance, not even the air he was breathing. The expression on his face spoke of defeat, he knew it all well enough.
"And you never will." The bitter tone in her voice wasn't entirely directed at him, but at the circumstances. It could all have been so different.
"Aa."
She didn't say anymore and instead turned around to leave, tears threatened to spill as she hurried over to her office to lock herself the rest of the morning. Sitting on her desk chair she threw her head back and covering her face she cried.
Mourning the 'could have been'.
Kakashi becomes Hokage and it's an era of mourning he says, she can't help but agree. They mourn Naruto as a hero, they point at Sasuke like a criminal, they look toward Kakashi with hope, and she does all of the above.
Her days are divided between the hospital and helping the new Hokage. Work is never ending, but she lives for it. She makes a point to avoid Sasuke, working in the hospital by day and with Kakashi by nights, she hasn't seen him in a year and a half.
Stretching out her limbs she turns to another pile of paperwork and proceeds to go over it, watching for any mistakes the gray haired Hokage might have ignored. He jokes she does his work for him and she just smiles because every day there's more truth in that statement.
Looking over the mission assignations a name pops up and she couldn't help but look. Uchiha Sasuke on a solo A rank mission, she tried to shake off the feeling of worry that surfaces. It's none of her business, but before she can go back to her uncaring façade Kakashi turned to her.
"It's nothing he can't handle." He spoke, seeing through her every deception, she nodded in response and continued working.
Kakashi doesn't speak again for the longest time and instead turned to his work as she did the same. Kakashi had always been the one to never push her on the subject, he understood her like the rest of the world didn't and it is why she took refuge on him.
"It's been a year since you've become Hokage, would you say you've made a change in Konoha?" She asks suddenly, looking at him from the corner of her eyes as she continues working.
"No, I can't change anything, I'm just here to keep everything from falling apart until someone with the ability to change things steps up." There's a half smile hiding underneath his mask, she knows by the way his expression changes.
The honesty in his statement saddens her, she doesn't think there's anyone who can bring a change to Konoha.
She is sent to Suna two weeks later to request, or more appropriately plead, an alliance between the two villages. There are guards all around her as they lead her to the Kazekage tower. The distrust between the villages is strong and she's surprised she was led through the gates as easily as she did.
"You're the only one in Konoha he'll listen to and even then it may not be enough."
Kakashi was hopeful for an alliance, but everything in his posture as he sent her to Suna screamed doubt. As she was brought to the Kazekage's presence Gaara shooed away the guards who although reluctant left them alone in the room.
She bowed respectfully and slowly reached toward her pouch to retrieve the scroll she had been given by Kakashi handing it over to him. He read it in silence and after he was done he turned to her.
"You know well enough that my only tie to Konoha was Naruto, who is now dead." He spoke and she only nodded in response.
It was then that Kankuro and Temari stepped through the door and made their way to Gaara's side. Only Temari offered her a word of welcome.
"You give me the head of Uchiha Sasuke and we have a deal." His request rang clear enough in her ears. It would be so easy to say 'yes', Kakashi had given her permission to do whatever she thought necessary, that he would respect whatever decision she made.
"I will not give you his head." She surprised herself as she spoke. "Naruto died in my arms, if you want someone's head you can have mine." She spoke, holding her head high as she saw the Kazekage shake his head.
"Forever protecting that Uchiha scum, huh?" Kankuro commented his expression filled with disgust.
Temari remained quiet, biting her lips, her eyes on Sakura. Out of the three sand siblings the only one who wanted the alliance with the leaf was her for reasons Sakura was well aware of.
"I will not let my ninja die in a petty war like this. He is a criminal, yes, but he is also a Konoha shinobi and my village will decide his punishment not you. Death will only bring more death and of that we've had enough." She was out of line, stepping out of boundaries and disrespecting a Kage, something that could cost her life.
There was a slight smile in Gaara's lips. "Only when Naruto's dreams reach the Hokage seat will I accept an alliance with the leaf.
She felt distraught after arriving at the leaf with no alliance, but Kakashi had praised her for her decisions. After the trip to Suna she spent more than half her time on the Hokage tower aiding Kakashi in his work. Every day it seemed she had more responsibilities.
Sometimes Kakashi would ask her what would she do in his place, then he would ask her what should he do. Asking her for her advice or opinions suddenly became an often thing. Then suddenly he would sign anything she'd give him to sign.
At the moment she hadn't given much thought to it, it had been a gradual thing and to her it only became natural.
That day she had been doing her usual work while Kakashi was in a meeting. The door to the office opened and she immediately turned waiting to see Kakashi but finding Sasuke instead. He looked tired and beat down, he seemed to be arriving from a mission but instead it was like he was coming back from war.
It was the first time in years she's been in a room alone with him. She saw him often nowadays but Kakashi was always there to act as a wall between them.
"Where's Kakashi?" Is the first thing he said.
"In a meeting with the elders." She speaks as she extends her hands to retrieve the mission scroll, she sits in Kakashi's desk which she finds completely natural but for the way Sasuke raises his eyebrow she starts to think it may not be.
He hands her the mission scroll without a word of protest. Opening the scroll she sees why he's so beat up, an S rank mission with a ten percent probability of making it back alive.
"Take it easy for the next couple of days and bring the mission report as soon as you're able." The medic side takes over momentarily, but she can't help it. She marks it as complete and places the scroll with the rest of the documents Kakashi has to sign.
"You know he's grooming you to be the next Hokage, right?" He suddenly speaks and Sakura raises her gaze to meet his confusion evident on her eyes. It's the first time in such a long time that she's face to face with him. She hates what his eyes do to her and the way her heart leaps at the sound of his voice.
Suddenly she remembers a distant memory of Naruto begging Tsunade to let him sit on her desk "Just to know how it feels like, please!" He begged and Tsunade shook her head for the thousand time. "You'll know how it feels like once you're Hokage."
Making decisions, controlling what Kakashi's signature does and does not do. She might as well be wearing his hat.
"I don't know what he's thinking." Sasuke shook his head, the moment the words were out of his lips Sakura turned defensive.
"What do you mean?" He was looking down on her again, how dare he.
"You don't have the heart for it." He simply says and there's a sad expression in his face as he gives her one last glance before walking out of the office and closing the heart behind it.
She figured he's right, she doesn't have the heart for the version of a Hokage he deems fit, but it doesn't matter 'cause she doesn't want the seat anyway.
Weeks later, she worked up the courage to confront Kakashi, Sasuke's words wouldn't stop going 'round and 'round her head.
"You know he's grooming you to be the next Hokage."
From the expression on Kakashi's face she knew it was true. "I have no intention of being Hokage." She spoke through gritted teeth, her hands balled up into fists as she tried to remain calm.
"Sakura, I thought-" He started but she gave him no room to talk and cut him off.
"Then you thought wrong, I can't be Hokage." She shook her head, she was trembling. The thought of being Hokage made her sick, it was like stabbing Naruto in the back, like taking every bit of his dream away from him.
"Naruto's dead, Sakura." Kakashi spoke as if reading her mind. "He would have wanted his dream to live on. I'm part of a generation that's beyond saving and Sasuke is too damaged, you're the only one who can bring a change to newer generations."
"I can't do this Kakashi." She shook her head again, this time more violently.
"You can make a change, but no one's going to force you. I've talked with the elders and Tsunade, they all agree you would be perfectly suited for the role, you have most of the needed preparations… just think about it." She feels as the burden falls on her shoulders, on one hand it feels like stealing Naruto's dream but on the other it feels like honoring everything he stood for.
She runs out the room not once looking back, she doesn't say 'yes' or 'no', she just leaves it hanging in the air. She runs until she's so far away she doesn't hear a single voice. It's so fitting she arrives at the training grounds, where so many years ago she took the bell test.
The moon shines above in the sky and the night breeze rustles the trees and makes her feel chilly, it's the kind of night she hates with the full moon staring her down making her remember all her failures. How many of her failures had the moon seen?
She thinks it's a fair share of them.
How can Kakashi even think she'd make a good Hokage?
Before she can dwell much on her question she hears steps and she turns alarmed to the sound, so immersed in her thoughts she didn't feel his presence. He blends well enough with the night with his dark features and the way the moonlight illuminates on his skin in a way that makes him glow, she'd mistake him for an angel if she didn't know any better.
He looks down on her, expression blank, but he doesn't say anything. For a moment neither does she, she just looks at him pretending the darkness of the night can hide the way her eyes trail over his body.
His left arm is wrapped around in bandages, his hair is longer the bangs covering almost half of his face, his clothes torn, and the black from his shirt doesn't match the black from his pants. She bets that if he turned around she would see the Uchiha symbol on the back of his shirt.
He looks tired, but she can barely remember a time where that wasn't the case.
"You were right." She says suddenly and she doesn't have to say any more for him to understand. "I didn't mean what I said back then, I don't want the Hokage seat."
"Then refuse." He tells her simply.
It wasn't that easy and he knew that. "If I have the chance to make a change why shouldn't I…it'd be selfish to turn my back to the village."
"You don't have the heart for it." He repeats the words he said before and then adds. "You wouldn't be able to make the necessary sacrifices if need be. To annihilate whole clans, whole nations, to declare war and stomp over anyone who opposes you."
"You're right…but then again that, in itself, it's already a change." She smiles, sadly as she looks up at him. She wouldn't be able to give an order like the one that was given to annihilate his clan. "I would first sacrifice myself than the village." She would first sacrifice herself than sacrifice him, she'd done so already.
"Sounds like you already made up your mind."
"I guess I did." She chuckles.
"It's strange to think that someday I'll see your portrait sculpted in stone every time I enter the village, that someday I'll call you Hokage, but maybe you're the kind of change this village needs." His voice was barely above a whisper, but yet it was reassuring.
The next day she's back by Kakashi's side. Not a word is spoken between them, instead she works in silence. There seemed to be more work than usual, she could only guess it was because she had left early the day before. When she had everything organized and checked she turned to him, handing him over the documents that needed his signature.
He took the files in her hands with a sigh. She knows he doesn't like his work, but still there he is in that seat, for the sake of the village.
"I've decided." She told him, feeling defeated as she spoke the words.
His eyes turn to her then and although he already knew the answer, she thinks he always did know, he asks anyway. "What did you decide?"
"As a citizen of the hidden leaf it's my duty to serve the village, whether it be as a kunoichi, a medic, or a Hokage…" She gulped visibly as she trailed off, there was no taking back her words.
"It's a lot of responsibility on your shoulders." He warned her, giving her one last chance to walk away, no questions asked.
"I know…" She wasn't sure she could handle the responsibility, but if she had the chance to make a difference she would try her hardest.
Kakashi smiled then, it spread widely enough that it was visible even with the mask on. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like with her on that side of the desk. He had her on his side, but would she have anyone?
Official training for Hokage wasn't as demanding as she expected it to be, more or less what she did with Kakashi and meeting with the elders. The elders were enamored with her progress and her antecedents, student of both the fifth and sixth Hokage could leave an impression, best medic after Tsunade, responsibilities of the hospital on her shoulders, jounin. With them it was all titles.
In their eyes she was the perfect face for Konoha.
She was just getting out of a meeting with the elders as Tsunade pulled her aside. They walked side by side and for the expression on her face Sakura could see Tsunade was both proud and worried.
"Once the role is passed on to you Kakashi and I will no longer be a part of this, it'll be all you." Sakura nodded at Tsunade's words, she was well aware of that and all it entitled. "They'll try to control you, they'll try to mold you, and if they find they can't they'll get you out of the way." She knew how it worked, she's seen it working with Tsunade and Kakashi, and she's heard the stories behind the Uchiha massacre.
They continued their walk in silence until Tsunade eventually turned the opposite side. She walked the streets of Konoha her head filled with everything the future would bring.
"You look tired." A voice suddenly remarked beside her and she had to hold the urge to jump at the sound.
"Yeah." She responded to his obvious comment, Hokage training and managing most of the hospital would do that to you.
They encountered each other often nowadays, they were chance encounters with meaningless conversations. She would find shelter in the way that for him, and only him she had no titles. She was just Sakura. She reveled in it while it lasted, the day would come in where even he will refer to her as Hokage.
That day she'll stop being Sakura.
"Don't overwork yourself to death." He commented and if she didn't know any better she would say he cared.
"Don't worry, I'll wait to do that until I reach the seat." She pouted and then with a humorless chuckled added. "Or maybe I'll just slack off then, after all I learned from the best."
From the corner of her eyes she could see him smirk and she held back the urge to smile as she often did.
"I'm afraid of being alone in that big office." She spoke, things she didn't even dare tell Kakashi she confided in a stranger with the mask of a loved one. He didn't say anything and so she continued. "I'm afraid of having no one by my side."
He didn't reassure her, he didn't say anything, he just listened and for that she was glad. She just needed someone to hear.
The next time she encountered him she had been drinking in a small establishment. She wasn't drunk, okay maybe she was, but she wasn't that drunk. He raised an eyebrow as he spotted her and walked toward her.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, it sounded like he was scolding her. She didn't deem it worth to respond and just raised the bottle. "You're drunk."
"I am not." Lie, but the way he said it made it sound like a bad thing. "Have a drink with me and loosen up."
He did drink and she continued to do so as well. She was way past drunk, a little voice in her head told her to stop drinking but a much louder voice told her to enjoy it while it lasts. After a while of silence Sasuke turned to her.
"Why are you here?" His eyes bore into hers in a way they hadn't in years, it made her weak in the knees. His gaze was intense and as mesmerizing as it had always been.
She laughed lightly. "I have only two weeks left before I stop being Sakura." Only two more weeks of freedom.
Sasuke frowned.
"With all the titles, I think I'll forget my own name."
He stopped drinking then and set the bottle down. She had to look at him as he turned to face her, he looked so tired. Since the war ended he always looked tired. There was a frown on his lips, she wished he would smile, she wished she could smile. "You'll never stop being Sakura to me." And her heart skipped a beat at his words.
The way he pronounced her name made him seem less of a stranger, her name on his lips was something she knew. And as always her reaction, "Sasuke-kun…" it rolled off her tongue sweetly, in a way it hadn't in years.
For a moment it was like going back to a time where things could be saved, where everything was not yet lost.
They stared at each other for what seemed to be a long time, but in reality was no more than a moment and out of the blue she spoke words that she thought she would never speak again. It was the alcohol talking and it was also her talking, the Sakura she tried to destroy the moment when they took a path they could never come back from.
"I love you." Her words seemed foreign even to herself, his eyes widened and lips parted. She just stood there drinking the memory in. It was the first time she saw his eyes when telling him. "I love you so much it hurts, I've ever only wanted your happiness." A happiness he never found, it broke her to know that.
"Sakura…" Her name on her lips would be her undoing, when he opened his mouth to speak again she reached forward and placed a hand over his.
"Please don't…" She knew that followed and she didn't want to hear it, she wanted no thank you's to think about during the night.
He took his hand away and in a slow motion placed his own hand over hers drawing closer and closer until they were just inches apart. He brought a hand to brush pink strands of her out of her face. His hand brushed her cheek and dipped his head so that their lips were just a breath apart.
He was the one to press his lips to hers and she responded almost instantly. Their lips moved together in a messy fashion, desperately like it was the first and last time. It was a goodbye, it was a taste of what they could never give, it was a 'what if', a plead. She wanted to drown in him and she wanted it to last forever, to forget that it was too late.
She pressed herself closer to him and she felt his hand snake around her waist. He deepened the kiss and it was too much. She broke away but remained close.
"We don't know what we're doing." She spoke. In his eyes she could see he knew well enough what he was doing and she hadn't been more lucid in years. But they were drinking and it was so easy to blame it on the alcohol.
"Sakura, I'm not drunk." He got closer again.
"But I am. And this was a mistake." It was, but it felt so right. He didn't move away but she saw him tense the moment the words were out of her lips. "We have blood on our hands we'll never be able to clean out, we can't just build a bridge over his body and get over it." At the mention of the lost teammate he flinched. "I may not be able to stop myself from loving you but I can keep myself from giving in."
He didn't move and so she pushed at his chest and stood up. Without a second thought, without another look, she ran and ran not stopping until she reached the confines of her home. That night she cried herself to sleep on the floor of her front door.
Two weeks passed in the blink of an eye, she barely had time to mourn her freedom as it slipped through her fingers. The Hokage robes weighed on her shoulders, as of that day the role was hers. She barely remembers the ceremony, the elders speaking or even the cheer of the village.
She was being passed down from arms to arms of what remained of the Konoha twelve. Ino was the one to snap her out of her thoughts. "Congratulations!" She beamed, a wide grin on her lips. "By the way that sculpture looks nothing like you, the forehead is way too small." She had to smile at her best friend's antics.
Ino hugged her again and she had to hug her back, the embrace of a friend. It was a familiar place she thought she had lost.
As she was passed to another set of arms she was lost in her thoughts again, everyone congratulated her but no one said her name.
Hokage-sama, Hokage-sama, Hokage-sama.
As she turned to escape she bumped into Kakashi who seemed to be relaxed and carefree. He smiled at her from behind his mask. "The robes look much better on you than they did on me." He placed a hand on her shoulder and it's like he's passing the torch to his student. She doesn't reply and instead smiled, it's only half-heartedly but if he noticed he didn't say anything.
She breathed in a sigh of relief when she was alone at last.
Looking up to the Hokage sculptures she saw herself, it tried to portray a fierce yet kind ruler. She remembered the hours she spent posing for the artist. The sculpture looked beautiful, it wasn't her. The only thing he was able to capture was the tired gaze she wore. But even that she thinks was intentional, it spoke of experience, of maturity and of a life spent in the field.
The Hokage that will bring a change, the elders had spoken.
She was afraid to disappoint.
She was afraid to fail.
In the mountain her portrait didn't belong, it looked out of place. A pretender among the great. It should have been Naruto, she thought for the thousand time that day. She shook her head.
She turned as she heard approaching footsteps, managing a fake smile on her lips. It fell the moment she spotted Sasuke making his way towards her. It was the only set of arms that hadn't embraced her, the only one that didn't congratulate her.
His eyes were on hers, they didn't speak of congratulations, and instead they spoke of understanding. He knew what it was like to have big responsibilities on the shoulders.
Their last encounter hadn't ended in a pretty note. She could still remember the feel of his lips against hers, she could still recall the harshness in her words and the honesty in them. From the look in his eyes she could see he still remembered. They hadn't been drunk enough to forget. He took a few steps forward until he was just in front of her, she didn't move and instead watched as the moonlight illuminated his features.
He was, as always, heartbreakingly beautiful.
"Sakura…" He spoke, every syllable falling of his lips in sync with her heartbeats. The familiar words of a stranger she knew so well.
"We have blood on our hands we'll never be able to clean out."
She could hear a part of her whisper in the back of her mind. She could almost see the red, crimson blood staining everything around them.
To him, she was Sakura and she wanted so badly to remain being just Sakura. But giving in would mean to forget the blood.
Red, red, red.
Suddenly the heartbreaking beautiful man standing in front of her was covered in vermillion and from the corner of her eyes she could see her reflection in the window. The sickly red color covered her too.
She wanted to wash away their sins, she wanted to give in, but most of all she wanted forever. But forever was too late.
We don't deserve this.
Her eyes screamed to him and she wondered if he understood. He stood in silence, his expression unreadable. She couldn't speak. It was like they lost their chance before it even began. He took another step forward and before she gave in, the words blurted out of her mouth. "Is there something you need, Uchiha-san?" She couldn't take them back.
His shoulders tensed visibly and he narrowed his eyes.
And maybe, we never will.
"Just wanted to congratulate you," He spoke as he turned his gaze back to hers, his eyes were cold and distant and his words broke her before they were even out of his lips. "Hokage-sama."
With just a single look her way he turned and walked away. She made no move to stop him and instead turned away. Looking back through the window she could see the moon glaring down.
And this might have been the only success the moon's been witness to. She didn't give in. Her resolve remained unbreakable, but her heart was another story entirely.
She turned to walk back to her reception, head high, shoulders squared. The weight on her shoulders would not drag her down she decided and her broken heart she would cover with the robes.
She would make sure not to fail, she would make sure not to disappoint.
a/n:
This will be a series of one-shots where most will be unrelated and just some few related. Drabbles are short and sweet but sometimes I want to write a little more without writing a full blown story.
This was a little something for Sakura Week for the prompt resolve. I think she would make a great Hokage and of course some SasuSaku thrown in 'cause I can't help myself. I'm not sure how to feel about this on one hand I really like it but on the other it feels like it's just half finished. It's left in the air, no real conclusion.
Might make a sequel to this one-shot, but that only depends on if it's wanted or not.
I know it seems fleeting, too much time passes in so little story, but I really wanted the distance to be seen and that's exactly why I think I should make a second part.
Thanks so much for reading and please do leave some feedback in the box below, you would make my day!