From the Beginning
A/N: This is my first chapter of my first fanfic, so if you could please, be nice. Reviews and critiques are always welcome but please explain why something may seem off so that I can do better in the future. I don't like private messages so don't expect a reply. I hope you enjoy this chapter just keep in mind that this is only part of the story build-up. I'm not going to make Karin a Mary Sue (at least I don't intend to) or too OP. Hopefully no one is too OOC. Have a good read!
WARNING: POSSIBLE PLOT SPOILERS TO THE ORIGINAL WORK. THIS STORY WILL DEVIATE FROM THE ORIGINAL PLOT BUT WILL STILL DELVE INTO SOME OF THE ORIGINAL MATERIAL. IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY SPOILERS, THIS IS NOT THE FANFIC FOR YOU.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite and any affiliated individuals/companies through the political spectrum and jargon. In other words, whomever owns the legal rights to it, owns the legal rights to it. I can only claim to own the creation process of this fanfic and any possible future OCs. Thank you.
Synopsis: What if Kurosaki Karin was aware of the world around her from the very beginning? Knew of shinigami before her brother but decided to keep quiet about it? Karin has been able to understand things for a long time and has been waiting. Waiting for the day that things would finally be set in motion. What will happen when she finally meets with our favorite chibi-taichou? (HitsuKarin)
Chapter 1
I knew that I wasn't normal, even in my already abnormal family. I could tell there was something unique to each of us. The most obvious was Ichii-nii. If I had to put it in words, then I would say he reminded me of those floating fires you hear about in fairytales. He was like a will-o'-the-wisp. Bright and constantly burning as if by sheer willpower.
Yuzu was more of a sanctuary to me. She was my twin, my other half. Being around her was like being home. Your worries forgotten because you were safe and cared for. She was that comfort that you couldn't really find anywhere else. She took after mom that way. She wasn't weak or fragile like other people might believe. Yuzu simply was the type of person that supported you despite having to see you fight your battles and would be the salve that aided your healing. She could see spirits however blurry or just a tingle in your spine. It's just that they never really needed her so neither focused on the other too much. Since she was a haven, a place to nurse your injuries and recover your faith, spirits who needed someone to lead them to the afterlife weren't looking to stay more than necessary.
Goat-chin was very interesting indeed. As much as he goofs around to the point of embarrassment, I'd seen his serious expressions when he thought everyone was distracted. Sometimes when I caught him in these moments I saw the shadow of a cloak and a sword. When next to my mom I could follow those imprints and see the connections between them. Somehow my dad was always protecting my mom and my mom made sure to be there to soothe his worries. When I saw those moments, I knew there was a story there that could change my view of the world. I wasn't afraid though. Not when my parents loved each other so devotedly.
My mom... my mom was beautiful. I don't mean that in just the physical way, she had lovely features but like Ichii-nii she always glowed and made you feel cared for like Yuzu did. Mom had insight. I guess I share that with her. She could tell that I saw more than others and she helped me understand myself. She would do her best to alleviate my confusion despite acknowledging that my awareness heavily surpassed hers. The thing that made her so special, beside her stubborn nosiness (believe it or not) was that her insight and sense of self combined made her able to look at you and see you. She SAW you. Not the whispers of the people around you or the dark thoughts you gave yourself. Mom would take in who you were and accept it. Because to her, it was fact. You were you, there was no debate about it or bias that kept her from giving your existence worth. My mom was amazing and I loved her... so very much. But I couldn't save her, not even with all I knew.
...
It's...hard, to describe how I am. I understand things about people. Normally, you'd look at a person and take in their clothes and expressions. I take in their emotions, their characters, and at times their memories. The older I got the more my body could handle and the more I could witness. I didn't do it with the intent to invade their privacy. Mom used to say that I was too in-tune to the world and as a result it wasn't so much that I had "an ability" but that I had all the senses. There's been stories about sixth senses or an ultimate sense, be it extreme balance or perception. Unlike an ability, it was something that happened because it was a product of nature. I didn't force it, there was no trigger to it. Your eyes let you see, your ears let you hear, and I... I KNEW.
Imagine walking down the street and passing by the park, there you spot a woman with her baby and your brain supplies you with information. You know her name and the name of her baby. You know she likes oranges and dislikes the smell of medicine. She is a first-time mom and wanted to show her son the beauty of sunlight through the tree leaves. There is a lot of information you have now on the woman simply by having taken that glance. When something like that happens I've learned to admit what happened and let it lie. I had no business in that woman's life and the world didn't need me to announce her life to the public. Being aware of the life around you doesn't give you the right to disrupt it. You don't have to get involved. Barging in to someone's life and easily bypass the barriers they've made around themselves without even having to lift a finger. The act itself is a violation. You'd strip them of their defenses, make them feel weak, and destroy their peace of mind. Certain individuals think they can stroll in and mess with lives as if they were toys. Most do so because they've felt the loss of control, the loss of safety that came from being the product of such deeds. They become what they hate in order to find a way back to their previous stability.
Funny how that could happen if I decided to drag you into my world just by telling you things you would think impossible. Being forced to have that revelation is cruel. That's why I keep to myself and don't get involved in things like gossip or feining apathy. I keep to myself but that doesn't mean I don't care. I do so because I do. If I see a kid get bullied, I won't pretend to be okay with it. I won't be cruel to the bully either.
Aside from the brief glimpses of information, any other is stored in the very back of my mind. If I don't need to immediately know, there's no need to keep things at the front of my mind. People can say that having "superpowers" is awesome and granted, sometimes it can be. In reality, it's an equivalent exchange. Sure, I can know things and that puts me at an advantage. On the other hand, carelessly flaunting them can draw unwanted attention or hurt someone you care about. It's the same as showing someone an open cabinet filled with guns. Certain details are best left unknown because they make a wave of change appear and it becomes too chaotic. Too much goes on that nothing guarantees that you'll get a happy ending. Change isn't bad but you can't always say the same about chaos.
Besides knowing about what is in the past and present, in time, I came to know about the future. It started the same way most things do, with nightmares. I'm the kind of person with high spiritual energy that feels pain wherever it is high enough. I could get visions of a person's past or experience their intents and purposes even as I slept. When you sleep, you drop your shields and let yourself wander in the realm of dreams. Turns out, you can stumble upon a string of events that haven't happened yet. It wasn't magic or anything of the sort. It was similar to a calculator. Your brain has information fed to you by the world and it follows the threads of the spider web. I saw a man with brown hair upon a throne surrounded by individuals with holes in their chests. I saw my mom holding a bow of energy and fighting a creature with a mask and horns. It was a domino effect. A man would awaken from his slumber and my mom would be gone. Men and women in black and white clothes would learn to survive by controlling their masks. And my brother would try to carry the world on his shoulders.
Every night my mom would hold as I cried, which made Yuzu cry. My brother would come and say that everything would be okay because he'd protect me. He'd then tussle my hair and Yuzu's. Dad would be doing a weird dance and stupid faces to make me laugh. I'd just wore a WTF face. Yes, even at that age I was weirded out, but having Goat-chin as a father did that to you.
I loved those moments despite being the result of nightmares. I felt loved. I felt I wasn't alone. They never asked for descriptions or details. They would sit down and keep me company until I fell asleep.
...
After mom died, Ichii-nii hurt. He also felt the effects of being different and mom loved him all the same. To him, that unconditional love was his saving grace. I could tell he felt guilty, yet there was so much more to it than that. I felt the pain of her impact when I saw what remained behind. Dad was sad and left with a longing that could only be left behind by the loss of a lover. Mom gave him happiness and family but now she wouldn't be there with him. Yuzu knew we needed some sort of stability. As I said, she was like our mother, kind and caring. She wasn't one to react with violence. Instead, she tried to show us that mom wasn't completely gone. Yuzu had often spent time watching mom do the cooking and organizing the house. She told me she adored how mom could make anything warm and inviting by the simplest things. To Yuzu it was art and a symbol of the comfort mom gave. She'd cook and clean, doing what she could to help out in the best way she knew and enjoyed.
I respected our father's resolve to keep moving forward with us. I had so much gratitude for Yuzu and her efforts to keep mom's memory warm. Ichii-nii and I found it the hardest to cope, not because our pain was greater rather it was due to not having found a focus. We were lost. We relied on mom to guide us through her experience of being special in this world. Since she was gone, we had to find out how to deal with who we were and what we could do. Ichii-nii came to the conclusion that he had to be strong to prevent anyone he loved from getting hurt. He fashioned himself into a sword and shield and sought to protect everyone even if it ended up destroying him in the process. I had far more restrictions. If I was to give them a fighting chance, I had to be alone. I knew what could happen and would most likely happen. So if I wanted to be ready, I had to play dumb. Pretend, in order to keep worse things from coming to pass and to make sure I could stay in control.
I would no longer cry. No matter what I couldn't let myself shed a single tear because this was my punishment. My form of penitence for my sins. You see, I was there that day at the river... and I let her die...