Stop Feeding Me Socks!
Summary: Kate's been posting cute animal videos on youtube and Henry is less than amused. Light, somewhat cracky Kate/Henry fluff.
Author's Notes: Okay, so I totally think that Henry has a full-on wolf form in addition to the hairy CGI monstrosity we saw on the show. I also think that wolf-form is extremely fond of Kate (who, in my head-canon, totally rejoined the rest of the team after the season finale). PS, if you've never seen the "I'm a Dog and I Love Socks" music video, stop reading and go to Youtube right this instant. Kate and Henry will still be here when you get back.
Stop Feeding Me Socks!
Kate was lounging in her living room, messing around on her laptop, when Henry appeared. Her door was propped open, since it was a nice day out, so he knocked on the door frame instead.
"Hey, come in," she said, gesturing for him to join her. "There's beer in the fridge."
He hesitated for a moment, then went to grab one. "Need one?"
"Nah, I'm good. Got like half a bottle left."
"Okay." He returned to the living room and dropped onto the unoccupied half of the sofa. "Watcha doin?"
"Just messing around online."
"Ah. Youtube?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "Always a good way to kill a few hours."
"Yeah, they have some good stuff on there," he agreed quietly. "Ever heard a song called I'm a Dog and I Like Socks?"
She jumped a little, eyes widening and stomach twisting. "Uh... no. No, doesn't sound familiar..."
"Really?" he asked, giving her a Look. "You sure about that, Kate?"
She bit her lip. She'd kind of walked into this, using such a popular song. "Not getting out of this, am I?"
"Let's start with: what were you thinking?" he suggested, shaking his head.
"Look, it was only one video!" she protested.
"I know how to use Youtube. Your channel has literally dozens of videos. Of my wolf..."
She made a nervous noise, clearing her throat and squirming uneasily. "I asked if I could record him. He... he nodded and everything!"
"So you took advantage of his trust in you to make him do ridiculous things so you could turn around and post them on Youtube?"
"Hey! He acts silly without any help from me!"
"Not exactly helping your case here, Kate! You put my wolf on Youtube without permission. That means you put me on Youtube without permission."
"Uh... want a cut of the ad revenue?"
"I think you're kind of missing the point, Kate. He's a killer wolf the size of a pony!"
"An adorable killer wolf the size of a pony," she amended helpfully.
Unsurprisingly, that comment only made him look more flustered and annoyed. "He has literally ripped the heads off of things that have threatened him, Kate. He eats faces!"
"Socks and faces..."
"And, while we're on the subject, could you stop feeding me socks when I'm not controlling the body?" he snapped. "I thought he was doing it on his own! Do you know much it sucks to throw up cotton? Anything he eats ends up in my stomach when I come back!"
Her eyes widened at that revelation. "Wait, so that time I watched him eat half a gazelle..."
"Don't remind me," he answered quietly, shuddering and taking a long pull of his beer.
She cleared her throat, suddenly less amused. "So, I guess I should probably apologize for all the raw steaks I've been feeding him... pretty much every time he comes to visit?"
Henry's head shot up and his expression turned wryly amused. "That explains so much about my intestines lately."
"He'll be miserable if I stop, but..."
"It's fine, Kate. It's not the most inconvenient thing about being a badass HAP. Not by a long-shot."
"Dare I ask?"
"Ask away, but I won't tell you."
"Fair enough. A boy needs his secrets."
"He does. Which is why he doesn't want his other half posted all over the internet."
"So you want me to take down the Pinterest account, too?"
Henry choked on his beer, staring at her with wide eyes. "Seriously, Kate?"
"Henry, he's a big, lovable doof. People eat that shit up. His fans are always asking for more content."
"His... Wait, he has fans? Like... actual fans?"
She scoffed, pulling her account page up on her laptop. "Check out these numbers, Hank."
Biting his lip, he leaned, jaw dropping. "That many people watch your videos?"
She nodded. "He's huge. For awhile, he was the number two Google image result for 'most adorable apex predator.'"
He spent a little while sputtering at that, but all Kate got clearly was, "I... but... how..."
"People love big goofy animals."
"But he's not goofy!" Henry protested, staring at her in such obvious confusion that her urge to mock him was replaced by genuine sympathy.
"So... you haven't actually watched any of the videos?" she asked gently.
He shook his head slowly, looking wary. "How bad is it?"
"Well, probably half of every comment section is essentially, ohmgawd, you shouldn't keep wolves as pets, but he's so cute and/or gentle and I want one now, too! The other half are mostly thanking us for making a bad day better."
"Jesus, Kate," he sighed, shaking his head.
She bit her lip. "You really didn't know he could be a huge sweetheart?"
"I don't really have many solid memories of what happens when he's out. Just, you know, flashes and stuff."
She bit her lip, resting a hand on his arm. "So... you thought it was all hulking out and murdering innocent animals?"
"Starting to feel like it really isn't..."
"Sorry, man. Your other half is about as badass as you are when you start bitching about continuity on Doctor Who."
He ignored the gentle jab, shaking his head. "I... didn't know."
"I'll be honest, I didn't, either, until he decided he could trust me. I was a little scared the first time he tackled me to the ground, until I realized all he wanted was to cuddle and have his belly scratched."
"His..." Henry turned red and, for just a second, she thought he was going to start sputtering again. "You... cuddle? And scratch his tummy?"
"Yeah, and his ears and his neck and-"
"Kate, that's my stomach, too. You can't just..."
"Jealous I'm not giving you lovies, too?" she teased, trying to lighten the mood since he looked so uncomfortable again. "Aww, Hank, I love you, too! Come here!" she exclaimed, tangling a hand in his hair and gently scratching his scalp. "You're a good boy, too! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"
He laughed at that, swatting at her hand and giving her a gentle shove. "Cut it out, Freelander!"
Laughing, she withdrew her hand. "Here, let's get to know your other half a little better, huh?" she offered, gesturing to her laptop.
He hesitated for a minute, biting his lip, then slowly nodded. "We really get that many hits?"
"Oh, yeah. Woofie has a lot of fans, and he keeps getting more. I was even thinking of maybe seeing about some merch. You know, t-shirts, or coffee mugs?" she told him, scrolling through the list of videos to find a good one to kind of ease him in. In some, the wolf was so undignified that it might just break him if he watched them unprepared.
"You can't be plastering his face all over merchandise, Kate. You shouldn't even be putting him online at all. Magnus would flip."
"Yeah, no." She shook her head and told him, "Magnus was one of our first subscribers."
Henry choked again at that, rubbing his face with both hands. "Jesus..."
"Hey, it beats having your embarrassing baby pictures all over the web."
"Well, that's true," he agreed, so quickly that Kate was convinced that Magnus must have some real doozies tucked away somewhere. She'd have to dig.
"Here, check this one out."
"Doggy Diva?" he read the title, raising an eyebrow and giving her a Look.
"He likes to sing," she explained.
"Oh, God, this should be interesting," he groaned, laughing and shaking his head. "Well, all right. Bring it on."
Smiling, she clicked on the video, which started with the wolf staring quizzically at her speakers and quickly devolved into Woofie howling along to the tunes at the top of his doggy lungs in a surprisingly rhythmic way as she gave him encouragement and praise.
"Oh, God," Henry laughed, shaking his head in good-natured bemusement. "Seriously?"
"Wait, it gets better!" Kate told him. "Check out this next part."
"All right," he answered, biting his lip and watching a little uneasily.
"Woofie?" she asked on the video. "Woofie, do you know who let the dogs out? I'll bet you do. I'll bet you do..."
The wolf's ears perked up and it's tail started thrashing so hard that a table-lamp went flying. A few seconds later, she was singing Who Let the Wolves Out? punctuated by his deep, booming 'woofs' in all the right places.
"Oh, my God," Henry laughed, burying his face in both hands. "You two could get a stand-up special on Netflix with material like that!"
She grinned and smacked him on the arm. "Right?"
"And Magnus is seriously okay with this?" he asked, still chuckling. "I mean, an abnormal all over Youtube?"
"She says, even if anyone recognizes him for what he is, it's just... like low-key representation, you know? People see this big, scary HAP, acting like a friendly mutt, and it makes you less scary to them. Besides, no one's ever going to be able to crack your VPN and figure out where the posts originated from, so it's all good."
He bit his lip, considering for a moment, then shrugging. "Okay, and... you said something about ad revenue?"
"Yeah. Guess it's only fair you get a cut since you do half the work."
"Oh, you don't have to do that. It's probably only a couple dollars a month anyway."
"Add a few zeroes," she suggested, grinning.
His eyes widened. A lot. "Really?"
"Yeah, and we just broke 10,000 subscribers, so it's only going to go up. You in?"
He stared at her with wide eyes for a second, then laughed, shaking his head and grinning from ear to ear. "God, Kate, even all these years later, you're still playing every angle, aren't you?"
"Hey, there's not a thing wrong with having a hobby that pays decent. I was even thinking about setting up a ." She grinned, shrugging.
"Fido's a hobby?"
"Well, you know, Woofie and I hang out a lot. It's kind of what I do with a lot of my free time."
"I actually had no idea," he admitted, clearing his throat and looking a little sheepish.
"Will think he likes my badass, alpha, provider shtick."
"Guess that makes sense." He shrugged, then bit his lip and smiled almost shyly. "So... I guess I've got like a a hundred videos to catch up on?"
"Yeah," she told him, grinning. "You do. Want to start with him trying to catch bubbles?"
He snorted. "I shouldn't be as okay with this as I am."
"Self-knowledge and all that good shit. Just go with it, Hank," she advised, queuing up the next video.
The End