A Typical Wednesday Morning
Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven and characters are the property of MGM Television, The Mirsch Corporation, Trilogy Entertainment Group and CBS. No profit has been made off of this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chris Larabee, infamous gunslinger, peacekeeper, sat at his favorite table in his favorite saloon watching the morning unfold. An early riser, he usually stopped in the saloon for breakfast, since Inez started preparing meals before the restaurant opened for business. Here he sat with a hot mug of coffee and a plate laden with home fries, bacon and eggs. The gunslinger was more than ready to fill his empty belly that had been complaining loudly about its need for sustenance.
A shadow passed by the front window, temporarily blocking the sunlight, before materializing at the batwing doors and entering the saloon. Giving the interior a cursory glance he ambled over to Chris Larabee's table, pulled out a chair and sat down; without so much as a "By your leave." The man now occupying the chair, slapped at the dust coating his jacket, which caused little plumes to decorate the air before settling on the table before them.
Watching as some of that dust settled on his plate and in his mug, the gunslinger shot a warning glance at his tablemate, "You got some nerve, sitting at my table and getting your dirt all over my breakfast."
"It's not dirt; it's dust. And everything here is covered in dust, the saying goes 'Everyone has to eat a peck of dirt before he dies,' at least that's how I heard it." Vin Tanner aimed a toothy smile at Chris Larabee and gave Inez his order. "I got a crick in my back this morning that's giving me a fit," Vin frowned as he rubbed at a sore spot on his lower back.
What seemed like moments later, Inez was setting Vin's breakfast down in front of him, "Here you are Senor Tanner, eggs, bacon and home fries. Just let me know if you need anything else," smiling she turned back to attend the empty bar.
The gunslinger pondered the two plates sitting on the table before deciding that it was only fair to take Vin's breakfast, if the tracker was okay with eating dirt than so be it. He reached forward before Vin could dig in.
Vin sulked as Chris switched plates; grinning the gunslinger took a sip of his coffee, "Hey! You said it was just dust, eat up and enjoy." The gunslinger grinned and dug into his breakfast. Pointing his fork at Vin and swallowing, "You know if you got an actual room instead of sleeping in your wagon, your back wouldn't bother you as much."
"I like my wagon, it's homey," Vin explained. "And it doesn't cost me anything. I don't like to be closed in, besides all my worldly possessions are in it."
"Fine I won't argue with you, if you want to live in a wagon, live in a wagon." Chris worked at cleaning his plate, "I'm going to take a walk around town after this, you're welcome to come along if you like."
Vin replied around a mouthful of eggs, "I may take you up on that offer, I don't have anything else to do right now."
"I think Buck's been sparking with one of the Saloon girls over at Digger Dan's, she's already got a man though, some hombre named Trevor Martinez. Have to keep an eye out for trouble." Chris took a sip of coffee as he stared at the empty street in front of the saloon, wonder where Buck is right now? He thought as he saw Trevor Martinez ride into town. "Better hurry with your breakfast, Vin. We may have a problem brewing."
Vin looked over his shoulder, and out through the window behind him, "Martinez, well now if that don't beat all. Hope Buck's in his bed right now and not Katie Sue's."
"We can only hope," Chris put his mug down and stood up out of his chair, "I'll meet you outside; I want to keep an eye on Martinez."
~o~
"Have I ever told you that you have the prettiest brown eyes?" Buck cooed as he stroked a finger down Katie Sue's cheek. They were still cooling down from their last bout of love making and he was trying to fill those uncomfortable silences, as they lay side by side in her bed.
With a high pitched giggle she pulled the sheet up to her nose and nodded, "Tell me more Buck. I love it when you get all sugary sweet on me."
Buck snuggled a little closer and laughed low, "Your skin is like a ripe juicy peach, you taste so sweet; I could be refreshed by kissing your skin alone.
"Trevor never speaks so sweetly to me," she pouted prettily lowering the sheet just enough to expose a good portion of her cleavage, "All he wants to do is climb on top of me and do his business. Only thinks of getting himself off, not like you, Buck."
Buck smiled uneasily, sparing a glance at the nearby window, clearing his throat, "Well Katie Sue, some men just don't know how to treat their women right." He frowned when he thought he saw a movement to the right of the window. "When's Martinez coming home?"
Reaching up and pulling Buck down for a languid kiss, she whispered, "Wednesday morning, but you have nothing to worry about; it's only Tuesday."
Buck's brain ground to a halt as Katie Sue did things with her tongue that he wished she do to other parts of his anatomy. As she was practically sucking his tonsils from his throat his brain kicked in. Pulling his lips from hers and putting some space between them he squawked, "Wednesday morning? Katie Sue, today is Wednesday, remember I took you to that little play over at the hotel on Tuesday night."
As she lazily drew designs with her finger on his chest, she stated rather contritely, "Well I guess he'll be home anytime then. It's a pity really; I was actually enjoying myself this morning."
A dark form suddenly blocked the window and Buck leaped from the bed with a shout. Snagging up his gun belt, he pulled his weapon free, aiming it at whoever was making such an unorthodox entrance.
"Whoa! Put the gun down Buck. It's me!" Chris hissed as he had one leg in the window and was cringing back from the business end of Buck's gun. Chris was suddenly having flashes of how he'd be found lying on the floor bleeding from a gunshot wound, with a naked Buck and Katie Sue looking on. Not a happy tale by a long shot.
Lowering his weapon, Buck's entire body slumped in relief against the bedroom wall, "Want to tell me why you're sneaking into Katie Sue's bedroom, Stud."
Quickly glancing out the window at the ground below, the gunslinger slipped the rest of the way into the room, all the while throwing Buck a vexed expression, "Saving your mangy ungrateful hide, before Martinez shoots you full of holes." Moving away from the window, Chris scooped up Buck's trousers and threw them at him, "Get dressed, he's just outside, Vin is distracting him while we get out of here."
"What? What do you mean he is just outside?" Buck stood frozen in place his trousers hanging from lax fingers. "It's too early."
Chris walked lightly over to the bedroom door, pulled it open just enough to peer out. He could hear Vin's muffled laughter below, sliding a look back into the room he saw that though Buck had managed to pull on his trousers and boots, he'd been distracted by the buxom Katie Sue's charms that were currently on view for everyone in the room. Chris was not going to be caught in this woman's bedroom by her man, in her current state if dishabille. "Put it away Buck, we need to get out of here. I can hear Vin speaking with him right outside the front door."
Buck pulled away sharply from Katie Sue at Chris's gruff tone, and gave his friend a bleary look, "Martinez is out front? Well, why didn't you say so, Stud?" Buck pulled on his shirt, slung his gun belt over his shoulder, and plopped his hat on his head, "Put a wiggle in it, Chris." Slapping the gunslinger on the shoulder, he gave a final wave to Katie Sue and slid out the door behind his friend.
Chris was moving as quickly and quietly down the hallway as humanly possible, and watching the front door for any sign that Martinez was coming in. Buck was close enough that Chris could feel his breath on his neck. The gunslinger figured if he was to stop suddenly that Buck would just bowl him over.
They had managed to get halfway down the stairs when they could hear the front door lock disengaging. Chris stopped dead, he knew he probably resembled a scared rabbit right at that moment, but he wanted to avoid bloodshed this morning at all costs, especially his blood. Buck slammed into Chris's back and the gunslinger lost his grip on the banister. Reaching blindly he inadvertently grabbed Buck and they ended up in an untidy heap at the bottom of the stairs.
At the commotion the front door flew open and bounced off the inside wall, Chris prayed that the change from the bright exterior to the dark interior of the house would effect Martinez sight log enough for them to scramble outside. Chris's boots slid on the waxed floorboards and set his spurs to jangling, looking up he saw Buck slinking for the back door and Chris followed as best he could in his wake, cursing the ladies man under his breath the whole way.
When Trevor Martinez burst through the door he simultaneously saw two forms trying to run for the back door and Katie Sue standing on the stairs trying to cover her nakedness with a robe. She gave him a subtle smile and ran back up the stairs. Martinez knew exactly what had been going on and he was infuriated, how dare some man come into his home and make time with his woman.
With Martinez's slight hesitation Chris had just been able to reach the door when a shot rang out; the slug splintering the wood less than an inch from his head. Chris yelled and dove out the door and down the back stairs.
"Get back here you filthy mongrels, when I catch you I'm going to string you up!" Martinez screamed and ran through the house toward the back door.
As Chris struggled to get his feet under him, someone grabbed him up by his collar and pulled him toward and into the outhouse. Looking up, he watched as Buck secured the door, before clamping his hand over Chris's mouth. "Sssh!" Buck hissed into Chris's ear as he struggled to get free.
Yanking Buck's hand off his mouth, "I'm not getting killed in an outhouse because you couldn't keep your prod in your trousers! And-," Buck clapped his hand over Chris's mouth again as he heard movement nearby.
Chris heard the footsteps outside the outhouse; slowly he reached for his revolver and pulled it free of the holster.
Sensing what Chris was considering Buck clamped his hand over Chris's and shook his head. Chris sent a glare Buck's way and pulled his hand free; raising his gun he cocked it as quietly as he could. As the moments ticked by Chris scowled, waiting for the door to burst open; he'd wanted to get out of this situation without bloodshed; that might not be possible now. A muffled bang was heard coming from the direction of the house followed by Katie Sue's high pitched voice.
"Trevor! Trevor where are you?" Katie Sue cried as she ran out the back door, "Come on, Sweetie, I've got some sweet cherry pie for you, your favorite."
Trevor Martinez's voice rang too close for comfort, "Woman, get back inside, I'll deal with you later. Those miscreants are still out here somewhere and I aim to find them!"
Chris could feel the sweat tracking down the sides of his face and into his collar, the cloying odor from the outhouse permeating his senses. They needed to get out of the little box soon or he was going to be violently ill. As if sensing the gunslinger's distress Buck patted him on the shoulder in sympathy.
With trepidation, he and Buck watched as the latch on the outhouse door started to move. Buck silently prayed for an intervention, just like Chris, he had no desire to be gunned down in an outhouse. People always remembered those kinds of tidbits; he could see the Clarion's headlines now. "Chris Larabee and Buck Wilmington Shot Dead in Privy." They'd be the laughingstocks of Four Corners and Chris would haunt him forever.
Something slammed against the door, causing Chris and Buck to jump in surprise, "Come on, Sweetie. I'm all hot and bothered for you; I'll make it worth your while." Katie Sue must have been pressed against the door because she sounded as if she were in the little box with them.
"I think you already got yours for today, Woman. Now move so I can check the outhouse." Martinez reached for the latch again, but she wrapped her arms around him desperately.
"Please, Sweetie. I'm needin' you now, I just can't wait. Those boys are long gone; they were headed out of town when you came in. Don't worry with it and come back inside." Katie Sue wheedled Martinez and he finally relented.
"If I find you sportin' with any more men, I will lock you away every time I have to go out of town." Martinez reluctantly followed Katie Sue back into the house.
Chris and Buck waited a few more moments hoping that they were really gone. As Buck reached for the latch to open the door, it seemed to spring open on its own. Chris dove out to the side his gun at the ready.
"Whoa! Don't shoot!" Vin yelled, "Just making sure you were still alive." Chris flopped down in the dirt in relief.
"You okay there, Pard?" Buck stepped from the outhouse and finished buttoning up his shirt, tucking it into his trousers, he squinted at Vin, "Where you been? Could have used some back up."
"I was right around the corner, I had your backs. Just thought I'd make you sweat it a little, need to stay out of them unavailable ladies' beds. Not healthy." Vin held out his hand to the gunslinger and pulled him to his feet. "Dang, you all smell like an overripe privy, better stay downwind or you'll offend the womenfolk's delicate noses." Vin pinched his nose shut and moved several feet away.
"I need a drink, Buck you're buying." Chris re-holstered his gun and stalked off too the saloon.
"Well, now Chris, that ain't fair, I was in as much danger as you!" Buck trotted up behind Chris and tapped him on the shoulder, "I'll split the drinks with you. I'll buy yours, you buy mine."
The gunslinger stopped and whirled on the ladiesman, "I got shot at saving your mangy hide, if I hadn't shown up you would've still been in bed. Then you'd be toe up in someone's flowerbed."
Buck gave Chris a wicked grin, "You know me, Pard. I'm just like a cat; I always land on my feet."
Chris just huffed and walked off toward the saloon with Buck and Vin trailing behind. "You really scared him, Buck." Vin explained, "You need to think of leaving the married ladies and the like alone. You'll live longer that way. We're not always going to be around to pull your bits and pieces from the fire."
Buck just slapped Vin on the back, "No one got hurt, everything is fine." Buck stopped in front of the Saloon and slipped in through the batwing doors. "Good morning, Inez. Beautiful as always," Buck gave Inez his most dashing smile and a little wave. Following the tracker over to the table they always shared, he dropped down by Chris.
Inez came over to the table with three mugs of beer, stopping a few feet from the table and wrinkling her nose in distaste, "Senores, I'm sorry but you smell like pigs, you'll chase my customers away." Quickly setting the mugs before the three she continued on, "You may have one drink, and then you must go and have a bath if you wish to return."
Buck watched as the tops of Chris's ears turned red and grimaced, "Sorry, Stud. I wasn't thinking when I pulled you in there. You go and get another set of clothes and I'll pay for the baths. Is that fair?"
"It's fair, just think, Cowboy. A bath that you don't have to pay for, I say you make him spring for clean water while he's at it.' Vin grinned as Buck squirmed in his seat while under Chris's close scrutiny
"He's paying for all the extras all right, a nice hot bath in a tub big enough to stretch out in. I can't wait." Chris grinned at Buck while taking a sip of his beer, "That'll teach you to be careful whose bed you leave your boots under next time."
I don't know about that, Cowboy. Buck will always be Buck, and he'll always be chasing the ladies."
Buck just glared at them both and drank down his beer.
The End.