The Dream Saga: Let Me Go

By: Hitokiri Musei

Rated: T

Summary: Can Kaoru learn to let go, or will she hold on to save her love? KenKao, tragedy fic.

Warnings/Disclaimer: This is probably going to give you a Matrix flashback, because that's what inspired it. I don't own The Matrix, nor do I own Rurouni Kenshin. Enjoy, and please review. Do realize, I'm writing this on a spur of the moment at three in the morning. It's not going to be my best…

"That was good koishii, you're getting so much better!"

I smiled. "Arigatou Kenshin, I appreciate the help you've been giving me with my cooking. But I really wasn't that bad to begin with, was I?" I asked, giving him a puppy eye.

He hesitated, and I smiled inwardly. "Well… You could have used a little work Kaoru-koishii, but you're a lot better now, you've improved so much in the month that I've been teaching you, I'm really impressed!"

I knew that he was trying to flatter me over with a lot of compliments, and I wouldn't let it through, not even for my redheaded husband. "Well now, you can just sleep in your old room then."

He blanched. "N-Nani! What did I do Kaoru?"

I folded my arms. "You insulted my cooking. You've just lost the living with privileges at my house for a week."

He blinked slowly. "Living with…privileges… Oh come on Kaoru, don't do that!"

I raised a brow. "You're telling me that you can't live without sex for even a week?"

He shifted his feet nervously. "Well…yes?"

I laughed long and hard and loud. I couldn't help it, I had never seen Kenshin in this sort of a situation before, never in the four years he had lived with me, two of them being my husband.

He glared at me. "Kaoru!"

I laughed harder. "It's only a week Kenshin, and you can't last that long! That's pathetic!"

He glared harder. "I went almost 15 years without sex, pity me!"

I laughed even more, tears starting to roll down my cheeks in my hilarity. Kenshin glared at me, his arms crossed over his chest. "It's not funny!"

"Oh, but it is!" I squealed, wrapping my arms around my stomach as I struggled to breathe. An instant later two strong arms laced around my body and warm lips were against my ear.

"It's not funny…" a voice growled, low and husky.

I felt my body shiver in response to the tone, and I let my eyelids fall to half-mast. "Why don't you make me stop laughing, hmm?"
His chuckle was somehow still low and husky. "Whatever happened to depriving me of 'privileges?'"

I grinned. "What? I was going to deny you privileges? Where ever did you get that idea?"

He growled again, all the invitation he needed have been given to him. He swept me into his arms, running for our bedroom. Once inside he fell on top of me on the futon, burying his face in my neck and running his lips and tongue over my skin. I purred in my throat, happy and content.

I yawned, stretching and then settling back into the blankets. The warm arms around my waist tightened comfortably, and I smiled, starting to stroke my fingers through the softer than silk substance they were tangled in. There was a happy sigh in response, and a warm hand trailed over my hip.

I finally opened my eyes, staring into the peaceful sleeping face of my husband. His lips were parted, eyebrows relaxed. He usually wore a troubled expression when he slept, but he was still now. His head was resting on my arm, his arms around my waist. I continued to stroke his hair, playing with the crimson strands.

He shifted slightly, snuggling against me. I closed my eyes, resting my cheek against the top of his head. We didn't often sleep in this position, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.

I could feel sleep creeping up on me again, and I allowed myself to drift back into rest.

I woke to the smell of smoke and Kenshin's cries echoing in my ears. I sat up, looking around. I could smell the smoke all around me, and the room was filled with thick smog. I started coughing heavily, covering my mouth and closing my eyes.

I heard Kenshin again, calling my name. I tried to call back to him, but I inhaled pure smoke and coughed. I opened my eyes, getting to my feet and sliding open the shoji. Fire blazed from the kitchen, eating away at the wood. Behind me, farther down the hall, flames had already consumed the dojo, wood falling to the floor.

I spotted Kenshin, eyes bloodshot, hair tucked into his yukata, covered in soot, trying to put out the fire. He didn't speak anymore; the smoke must have gotten to him. He gestured to me, and I ran to him, my eyes burning with the smog.

Once I reached him he began to push me towards the door. I went obediently, but when he stopped coming I turned back to him. He was throwing water on the fire, trying to put out the roaring flames. I went to help him, running forward.

Before I did he whirled, pushing me again. "GO!" he screamed, breaking into hacking coughs and instant later.

I shook my head, managing to speak. "NOT WITHOUT YOU!" I coughed right after that too, covering my mouth.

I was met with burning golden eyes. I glared right back at him, but my intensity died. There was a huge cracking sound, and both Kenshin and I looked up. The dojo's supports were failing, the building was falling.

In the next instant Kenshin's body slammed into mine, knocking me out of the dojo's door. The last thing I heard was the dojo falling amidst the sound of roaring fire and then my head hit the ground and everything went black.

I woke to darkness. Afraid and confused, I rubbed at my eyes, receiving nothing. I crawled to my feet, hesitating. "K-Kenshin?"

There was no response. I whimpered despite myself. "Kenshin?"

"I'm here Kaoru…"

His voice was so faint I could barely hear him, but I zeroed in on his location, crawling towards him on my hands and knees. My hand found his, and we grabbed for each other.

I frowned. His skin was cold, his hand trembling. "Kenshin, what happened?"

"I'm not sure…" he murmured. "I woke when I smelled the smoke." His hand squeezed mine. "Are you okay?"

"I can't see." I said sadly.

"Knock to the head," he said reassuringly. "Sight should return to you soon, don't worry."

"Come on Kenshin, we need to get out of here." I said, tugging on his hand.

I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry Kaoru, you'll have to go alone."

I blinked. "What? Why?"

"I can't go with you."

I was starting to grow panicked. "Tell me why Kenshin!"

He still didn't speak, and I reached out blindly. My fingers met wood, and I felt down it. "No…" I choked out. "No!"

Even though I couldn't see it, I knew what had happened. Kenshin, in his frenzy to get me out of the dojo, hadn't gotten out himself. A piece of the dojo supports had run him through, impaling him through the stomach and nailing him securely to the ground. He was bleeding profusely; I could feel the warm sticky liquid against my hands.

Tears began to flow down my cheeks. "No… Please no…"

"I'm sorry Kaoru…" he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

I kissed his hand, sobbing with it held against my cheek. "Don't die on me, please; I can't live without you Kenshin!"

There was a pause, and then he spoke. "Do you remember, after the battle with Shishio, when you welcomed me home? That was the first time that I really felt welcome. I didn't really know that I could ever have a home, and you gave me that koishii. You gave me what I wanted."

I choked. "Don't… Don't speak like this…"

"You gave me a home, a place where I could be accepted, even though my hands are forever blood-stained, forever full of sin. And yet, you welcomed me into your home, into your heart. You loved me, you pledged yourself to me, even after my past," he murmured, squeezing my hand again.

"Please…" My voice was a whisper, a plea for him to stop.

"I love you Kaoru, with all that I am. I could never feel any more than I do for you, and that will never change. I've taught you everything I can, how to cook, how to care for your home, patience, and the ways of love." I felt his lips against my hand. "All I have left to teach you…" He was cut off by a cough, and I felt blood splatter across my skin. "Is how to let go…"

"No!" I cried. "I won't let you die! I'll go get Megumi, we'll get you out of here, and you'll be okay!"

He sighed, breath puffing against my hand. "I will die Kaoru, before you get back. I'm not going to live much longer. So please, let me go. You can't hold onto me, just let me go, and live your life for me."

I cried, sobbing against his hand. He tried to sooth me, but was taken by more coughing and choking. I knew that he was bleeding to death, and the blood from hisstomach was traveling slowly up his esophagus. It would suffocate him, whether before or after he bled to death only time would tell. "I don't want to lose you…" I whispered. "I can't live without you Kenshin…"

I heard his pain-filled gasp. "Kaoru… I'm sorry…" He kissed my hand, and I felt tears dampening his own face. "Please, just do this one last thing for me."

I sniffled. "Whatever you want Kenshin."

"Kiss me…"

Tears still trailing paths down my cheeks, I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. My sight cleared in time to see his eyes grow dull and darken, and then his head fell from mine, his eyes staring sightlessly into the sky as his cold hand went limp. I sobbed, placing my head on his chest, grabbing onto his gi, wailing my grief.

The man that had completed my soul, the one I loved, was dead.

I shot up straight in the bed, breathing heavily and tears falling down my cheeks. I had had dreams of Kenshin dying before, but never like that one. I had never had one so emotional, nor one so powerful as to cause me to cry in my sleep.

My sharp movements awoke Kenshin, who stirred and then sat up, rubbing his eyes in a childish way. "Kaoru? What's wrong?"

I leaned against him, putting my face in his neck. "Just hold me Kenshin."

"I'm here Kaoru…"

I shivered at those words, those same words that he had said in my dream, just before I had found him, dying on the floor. I snuggled closer to him, and he held me silently, his nose in my hair. I pulled in a shuddering breath. "I'm okay now Kenshin."

He tilted his head. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Hai. Just a bad dream, I can get over it."

He smiled, and then his eyes fell to half-mast. "Kiss me…"

The sight of Kenshin's beautiful eyes in front of me changed to those same eyes, only dull and dark in death. I pushed the thought away, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. As I pushed the dream from my mind, I willed myself to forget, and if that ever happened, to drag him out with me by the ear if I had to. Or, if it happened, I would stay with him, no matter what.

Because I didn't know if I could let him go. I didn't know if I would be able to let him die, knowing that I could do nothing. But, if he asked me to, I would try. Because I love him, and because I would give anything for him.

Once again, keep in mind that I wrote this at 3 in the morning. I'm not completely happy with it, but I thought I'd post it. Please review!