Nightmares and Nightmares
I was falling. I couldn't see how far away the ground was, and I was falling. The fierce winds that pushed me down blew my hair everywhere, and not for the first time in my life, I felt completely helpless. As I cried out, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jerked awake.
"Toph!" I instantly recognized the raspy voice of Zuko. Putting my palm on the ground to make sure I wasn't still dreaming, I was relieved when I saw Zuko crouched beside me. "Are you ok?" he asked. "You were shouting."
I turned my head to face the wall beside me, embarrassed that he'd heard my cry. "I'm fine," I muttered, and I could feel my cheeks warming.
He shrugged, standing up. "Well, at least you're awake now. Breakfast is in a few minutes." Dusting off his hands, he turned and left my room. I could still feel his footsteps in the hallway as he made his way to the Fire Lord's chair at the breakfast table.
Once I was sure Zuko was gone, I let out a sigh and pushed a random strand of hair out of my eyes. My hair usually doesn't bother me there. Why should it?
As I stood up I sensed Katara entering the room. Zuko must have told her I was awake.
While she helped me into my day clothes, I felt a wave of concern fly from her.
"Toph?" she finally said, hesitantly, as she brushed my hair.
"What?"
Working to undo a tangle, she replied, "Zuko, uh... Zuko said he heard you scream in your sleep."
The snitch! I felt my back tense as I hotly answered, "It was nothing! Just a dream."
She sensed my hostility and instantly fell silent. Again I felt my cheeks burn because I already knew what she was thinking: just a dream, or another nightmare?
-
We walked to the breakfast table in silence. When we arrived, everyone was already there: Zuko at the head, Mai at his left, Aang on his right. Katara took her place between Aang and Ty Lee, so I made my way to the opposite side of the table to sit beside Sokka.
"Oh, good, you're here," Sokka said brightly. "Now we can eat!"
"Sokka!" Suki giggled from Sokka's other side as Sokka reached for a pitcher. "Be polite."
Breakfast went on as usual. I didn't want them to know I'd had another nightmare, so I tried to seem like my usual sarcastic self, though I could sense Zuko and Katara shooting me anxious glances. They've been worried about me lately. I've been having a lot of nightmares.
After breakfast Katara cornered me in the hallway. I couldn't escape. Stupid wood floor.
She said quietly, "Was it the nightmare about falling again?"
I sighed, trapped and defeated. "Yeah," I whispered back.
"Your dreams are worrying me," Katara murmured. "I wonder why you're having them so frequently."
I inwardly rolled my eyes and was grateful she didn't have a fake beard to offer me therapy in.
"Um, can I go now?" I asked, trying to duck under her outstretched arm.
She let her arm drop to her side and I dashed away through the long halls and arrived at a door that led outside. I pushed it open and sighed happily as my foot hit rock. I skirted a white jade bush and sat down beside one of the palace's many garden ponds.
I picked up a pebble and turned it over in my hand, getting to know each surface. Then I thought about my nightmares and hurled the smooth piece of earth into the pond.
Zuko became Fire Lord a year ago. That's how long I've been living here – a year. The nightmares only started a few weeks ago. I made the mistake of telling Katara about them; usually I can take care of myself, but I was becoming scared after my fourth nightmare in a row. So I told Katara. Zuko knows, too. But they're the only ones who know how frequently I have them.
The dream about falling, the one I had last night, is the scariest. I feel completely useless in it. Sometimes, it ends when I fall into the ocean and wake up in a cold sweat, but usually I'm just falling. Forever.
A rustle in the branches of the tree above me interrupted my thoughts. I heard a voice say "Ow!" and then a hard thud beside me.
I put my hand on the ground. "Suki?"
"Hey Toph!" Suki rolled over and sat up, dusting off her skirt.
I raised an eyebrow and said, "So... climbing a tree?"
"Practicing the art of stealth," she replied. "You had no idea I was up there until that bug crawled up my skirt."
When I said nothing, she continued. "The other Kyoshi warriors and I are playing a mass game of hide-and-seek. Mind helping me back into the tree?"
I stood up and stomped a rock out of the ground. Suki jumped on the flat surface and I lifted her up to the tree.
"You'd better hurry," I warned her as she pulled herself onto a branch. "Ty Lee is coming."
Suki crawled further up the tree and whispered, "Thanks."
I nodded and, abandoning the peace of the garden, headed back into the palace.
I had almost reached the kitchen when I felt the light, almost Airbender-like steps of Ty Lee.
"Toph!" she squealed when she spotted me, running over.
I inwardly groaned at the girl's pep. "Hey, Ty Lee." Four other Kyoshi warriors were right behind her.
"The girls and I are playing hide-and-seek, but we can't find Suki anywhere!" gushed Ty Lee, and the four girls behind her nodded. "Have you seen her?"
"Yep," I replied, itching to get to the kitchen, where the Fire Flakes were.
"So," Ty Lee said, "where is she?"
"Can't remember." I shrugged and turned around to walk into the kitchen. I could feel Ty Lee's frown burn into my back, but I didn't care.
I grabbed the box of Fire Flakes from the counter and sat down on the cold floor. I think I know why I'm having the nightmares. Everyone's always asking me what it's like to be blind when I'm asking them what it's like to see. My nightmares hold the message that I've always known is true: no matter how hard I try to be like everyone else, I'll always be different. Always be blind. Sure, Earthbending has allowed me to see to some extent. But I want to see colors and expressions. Sometimes, being blind just sucks.