Fellowship of the Cosplayers
Explanation: We have mountains of snow here (yay!), so of course what is the first thing me and my friends think of to do to pass the time?
...Reenact the Pass of Caradhras scene!
So we prepared ourselves. Unfortunately, we were a few cosplayers short. ccgaylord was Boromir; Phillip Callaway was Gimli; MOSObsessed was Pippin; OneSizeFitsAll was Legolas; and I was Frodo. :) (I was the lucky one because I was the only one with a One Ring replica.)
This is a story of our adventure, and serves to show all that when the Fellowship of the Ring was doing their thing, it probably looked more like this than how it looked in the publicly released copies of the story. ;)
FYI, this is BASED on true events and fictional events. I elaborated a bit on some things. But more of this is actually how it went than you would think. Written by me with some help and memory-jogging by OSFA and ccgaylord.
'My Elven boots are leaking,' said Legolas.
It was a bright, sunny day, and at the base of the tall Mountain of Caradhras stood the Fellowship. Well, most of it.
'My Elven boots are leaking,' Legolas repeated urgently.
'Why did you bring Elven boots?' Gimli asked bluntly. 'Of course they leak.' He began muttering under his breath about how incompetent Elves were.
'No, don't change them!' said Boromir. 'They look really cool.'
'You try wearing leaking Elven boots,' said Legolas, fabulously changing his boots while the rest of the Fellowship waited impatiently, 'and then tell me not to change them.'
'We're running out of time,' said Frodo, quickly switching into Merry for the moment. Legolas stood up.
'These ones leak, too!' he said loudly.
Everyone moaned.
'Let's go,' said Boromir commandingly. He was getting cold.
'Let the Ring-bearer decide,' said someone (who wasn't Gandalf).
'That line doesn't come yet!' yelled someone else.
'Boromir,' said Frodo, 'go put on some gloves. You're the only one who is allowed to have gloves.'
Strider emerged from the forest, where he'd been completing his outfit.
Everyone screamed.
'Dude, what happened to your face?' said Frodo, horrified. On Aragorn's face there were strange brown marker marks that hadn't been there before.
'I had to get into the part,' said Aragorn, shrugging.
'Let's go!' said Boromir, tying his shield on his back.
'Which way is Caradhras?' asked someone...or several someones.
'This way!' said Legolas, pointing helpfully and leading the way.
The Fellowship eagerly made their way up the side of Mount Caradhras.
'My boot has a hole in it!' yelled Frodo suddenly. No one heard him. Typical…
'You need to drop the Ring,' Pippin reminded him helpfully.
'It's not the right place yet,' Legolas argued. Aragorn meanwhile slowed everyone down by taking pictures on his iPhone.
'Blackmail material is being created,' someone said nervously.
'My boot has a hole in it,' said Frodo.
'Legolas, do the Leggy dance,' Aragorn ordered, trying to get a video of it. Legolas obligingly did. (Note: the Leggy Dance is how Aragorn refers to Legolas' 'Elven walk'; the way he steps lightly and quickly over the snow. Our Legolas exaggerated it a bit, and the outcome was rather… unique. And hilarious. And fun. The whole time he was thinking "I'm fabulous". Only his legs were sore all the next day.)
'Your cloak is falling off,' Frodo warned him. No one payed attention to him. As usual. Except for Pippin.
'Your cloak is falling off,' said Pippin.
'Ah!' screamed Legolas, fabulously, in the middle of his leggy-dance, simultaneously tripping on his cloak and a rut in the trail, and trying to pull it back on.
'When are you going to fall down, Frodo?' said Pippin.
'And my AXE,' said Gimli randomly.
'And my...where is my bow?' asked Legolas urgently. 'It must have fallen into the snow...'
'You're supposed to have everything together, Elf,' said Boromir, as Legolas feverishly groveled in the snow.
'Hey, Aragorn,' said Frodo. Aragorn was enjoying the delights of having a camera in his grasp while others were in awkward situations. 'We need to do that shot where all of the Fellowship walk by looking epic. Ok, we need to find a peak. They all walked up a peak-'
'Ok, Frodo,' said someone (I think it was Strider), 'time to drop the Ring.'
Frodo liked this part, so he did, dramatically. Pulling the chain over his neck (it wouldn't come off by itself), throwing it in the air in the general direction of Boromir, and rolling in the snow completed his performance for the moment.
'Yay!' said Gimli, snatching the camera from Aragorn and running to where Boromir was. That personage lifted the Ring and-
'No, no, no,' said Gimli. 'You have to pick it up by the chain!'
'Oh,' said Boromir apologetically. He quickly dropped it and tried again.
'Gimli, get a picture of it,' said Legolas. 'I want to make a pin that goes: This is how the One Ring would have really looked if it fell in the snow; all filled and encrusted with snowflakes, not nice and clean.'
Gimli accordingly snapped pictures, meanwhile ordering Boromir to make the speech. Unfortunately, Boromir dropped the ring again, and all the snow fell off before Gimli had time to get a good picture. 'My Precioussss pin...you will never be…' said Legolas angstily.
'So much fear and doubt over so small a thing-' began Boromir, picking it up again.
'Wait!' said Gimli, peering at Boromir through the camera. 'You have to have your hand closer to the ring...almost touching it.'
'Like this?' asked Boromir, obligingly raising his hand.
'No...closer...that's right. Keep it right there.'
'So much fear and doubt over so small a thing-' resumed Boromir.
'No! You've got it wrong!' said Gimli.
'Doubt and fear,' said Boromir.
'No!' said Gimli.
'I don't remember!' said Boromir. 'All I can remember is "so small a thing".'
Meanwhile, Aragorn was making Frodo kneel in front of him and look unhappily at Boromir with the Ring in his hand. Aragorn was dying to say his line, and Frodo was dying because his knees were cold.
'Boromir!' said Aragorn, even though everyone was still talking about things (Legolas: my boots are cooold! My bow is missing! Pippin: I want to be Frodo. Gimli: You've got it wrong. Boromir: Aah! Frodo: ?) 'Give the Ring to Frodo.'
'Wait, let me get a picture of that,' said Gimli. He liked taking pictures even more than Aragorn, if possible.
'My boot has a hole in it,' said Frodo.
'Ah!' cried Legolas. 'That's what happened to my bow. I left it at the rocks, when we were hiding from the birds!'
Nobody heard him...they were all too busy watching Gimli taking pictures of Aragorn and Boromir.
'I'll be right back!' called Legolas over his shoulder, as he set off back down Caradhras, humming the LotR theme at the top of his lungs.
'Frodo, you're too tall,' someone complained. 'Pippin, you be Frodo.'
'Noooo!' said Frodo.
'Frodo, give the Ring to Pippin,' amended Aragorn.
'I don't want him to touch it!' Frodo complained.
Eventually Frodo was coerced into handing over his Ring (and his cloak, for Pippin's was grey, and everyone agreed that Frodo should have a green one).
'Boromir, you take the Ring again, and then Frodo, take it from him while I take a picture,' said Gimli.
'Legolas, stop running off,' said Frodo.
'Does nobody listen to me?' cried Legolas in exasperation as he rejoined the Fellowship, now in possession of his bow (not...actually he didn't cry that until he read this story). 'My bow!'
'Your face,' said Frodo.
'Ok, we're done!' said Gimli.
'Now we have to do the-'
Frodo's canteen fell off. 'It has a will of its own,' he said profoundly.
'There is a fell voice on the air!' cried Legolas fabulously, Leggy-dancing up to a high point on the trail.
'You're not supposed to say that yet!' cried someone...probably Aragorn.
'When am I supposed to say it?' asked Legolas. That was his favourite line, and he was put out that he couldn't say it yet.
'Anytime, now,' said Aragorn, gazing at the camera. He continued to gaze at his camera for a moment or two. 'Why aren't you saying it?' he asked.
'I'm supposed to be in front when I say that, and Pippin won't get out of my way!' cried Legolas. 'Pippin, let me get in front of you!'
'I want to be in the front!' said Pippin.
'I don't care! Get out of my way, fool of a Took!'
Pippin finally did, and Legolas once more leggy-danced to a high point in the trail.
'There is a fell voice on the air!' he delivered fabulously, only to break down in laughter on the last word.
'It's Saruman!' said several people. 'He's trying to bring down the mountain!'
Aragorn accordingly retrieved the iPhone from Gimli and started it playing 'Trololo'*.
'Stop!' said Frodo weakly.
'Where's the avalanche?' asked Legolas, apparently the only one to realize that they weren't under a cliff. 'Where's the avalanche?' Nobody was listening to him.
'This will be the death of the Hobbits,' yelled Boromir.
'You don't say that yet!' cried Legolas, trying to make himself heard over the general chaos. 'We have to have an avalanche first. Where's the avalanche?' Everyone was still ignoring him.
'We still haven't done that shot where we all walk by looking epic,' said Frodo. 'How about we do it here?'
Legolas shook his head in frustration, and suddenly got a brilliant idea. 'Avalanche!' he cried, dropping his bow on the ground, picking up a handful of snow and throwing it at Boromir.
'Ugh!' cried Boromir, receiving a handful of snow directly in his face.
Everyone started throwing snow at each other.
'Gandalf, we must turn back!' said Boromir, happy to remember his lines.
'Where's my bow?' asked Legolas, who had stopped throwing snow to retrieve it, and now could not find it in the deep snow.
'You lost it again?' asked someone...probably Gimli or Boromir.
'I can't find my bow!' wailed Legolas, pacing back and forth, his elf eyes searching the ground.
Everyone else finally started helping him look for it.
'Here it is,' called Gimli. 'And an arrow. And another arrow. And all three arrows.'
Legolas fabulously put his arrows in his quiver as everyone laughed at him.
'Gandalf, we must turn back!' said Boromir again.
'If we cannot go over the mountain, let us go under it! Let us go through the mines of Moria,' said Gimli, feeling smug and majestic because he had remembered the entire, two second long speech.
'We don't have a Gandalf,' said someone.
'I'll switch to my alter ego,' said Frodo. 'Let the Ring-bearer decide.' Then he switched back to himself. Finally people were paying attention to him. 'We will go through the mines,' he said.
'Yay! To the bridge of Khazad-Dum!' yelled Aragorn. Apparently he couldn't wait for Gandalf to die.
'Where is Moria?' asked Legolas. He appeared to be the only person in the fellowship who noticed all these very important technical details.
'My boot has a hooooolllle,' said Frodo wearily. Then he busied himself with trying to get into character; moaning and gasping and saying, 'It's such a burden,' to his imaginary friend (i.e. Sam, who unfortunately we did not have enough people for). He had somehow repossessed the Ring from Pippin, although that Hobbit had been reluctant to let him have it back.
Aragorn switched his music to the Moria theme.
'You shall not pass!' yelled someone every once in a while. No one could decide where exactly the bridge was.
'I vote Moria is under those trees,' said Legolas. This highly sensible idea was immediately vetoed by everyone else.
'We'll get all wet,' said Gimli. Gimli was such a sissy, thought Legolas.
Frodo's canteen fell off. 'It has a will of its own,' he said again. 'I'm going to leave it here. Woops, no more water, guys.'
Legolas finally stepped in again and made himself noticed. 'The road crossing the creek!' he yelled. 'Follow me!'
For once, everyone did. Everyone except for Gimli, who was headed back to Rivendell.
'Gimli!' cried Legolas, upset that someone wasn't following him. 'Where are you going?'
'I broke a rib!' replied Gimli, disappearing into Rivendell. (Note: Gimli always said that he said 'I dislocated my hip', but Legolas is just as adamant that it was 'I broke a rib.')
'Where's he going?' Legolas asked Boromir, who was talking to Frodo, and ignored him. 'Where's he going?' asked Legolas again, this time of Aragorn, and was once more ignored.
Legolas decided to give up the case as lost, and continue to lead the Fellowship.
'The red sun sets!' he cried, as it did. 'Blood has been spilled this night!' This was his other favourite line.
They stopped in the middle of Moria to wait for Gimli, and Legolas used the spare time to shoot several huge, red orcs, that looked rather like pigs. After a much longer time than they should have lingered, which Legolas unfortunately forgot to point out, Gimli arrived with a shawl over his shoulders, provoking snorts of laughter from the elf.
The Fellowship hastily jumped across the divide (the divide was at varying spots, depending on how far each person could jump). Boromir made several unsuccessful attempts to pick up Pippin who didn't want to be picked up, finally managed to do it, and then succeeded in leaping about six inches before hastily setting Pippin down again. Gimli delivered his signature line, then jumped about two inches to the other side of the gap. Then they hastened to the bridge.
The next moments were rather rushed, for the Fellowship didn't have a Gandalf, and therefore found no fun in enacting the part where he was the main figure.
'I'll be Gandalf,' said Gimli, 'and he'll die, so we don't have to have a nonentity in this fellowship anymore.'
Legolas did not quite understand how this was supposed to work. Dwarf logic did not make any sense to his elvish brain.
'Gandaaaallllllfffff!' yelled Frodo at the top of his lungs, happy to have a line to say.
Aragorn dragged him away.
'Give them a moment, for pity's sake!' said Boromir, trying (and failing) to look sad and angsty.
'You lie down like this,' Frodo instructed Pippin, 'and I'll be Merry and try to comfort you. Oh, wait, no, I have to go wander off, don't I?' He therefore did, and was rather annoyed when no one noticed for a long time.
'Legolas!' called Aragorn to said elf, who was gazing off angstily and fabulously into the distance. 'Get them up! On your feet, Sam,' he continued to no visible being.
Legolas kindly pulled Pippin to his feet, since Merry wasn't there to help him, and Pip was getting cold in the snow.
'Frodo,' Aragorn called finally. 'Frodo!'
'Where do we go now?' asked Gimli. 'Lothlorien, isn't it?'
They set out at a run, Legolas leggy-dancing all the way, for Lothlorien. Gimli began to make his speech about the Lady of the Wood, stuttering and repeating himself the entire time, since he couldn't remember how it went, while Legolas spun around several times, trying to draw an arrow from the quiver, which was too short for him. He at last obtained one, but then the shaft kept swinging away from the bow. And it was rather too small for him; so he could not pull the string back as far as he should have. At last his weapon was adjusted and he sneaked off, not very surreptitiously, behind a tree trunk.
Gimli reached the end of his speech and Legolas jumped out in front of him.
'The Dwarf breathes so loud I could have shot him in the dark,' he said, pointing his weapon at Gimli.
'That's Haldir's line!' someone protested.
'I am Haldir,' said Legolas.
Gimli swung his axe dangerously at Haldir, hitting him in the hand. Haldir began to howl and jump around in the snow, holding his injured member.
'Oooh, ooh, ooh,' wailed Haldir/Legolas.
'I wish that had happened in the movie,' said Boromir admiringly.
'Now we have to go see Galadriel,' said Legolas, having switched out of Haldir, and recovered of Haldir's injury. 'No, wait, Strider, you're supposed to talk to Haldir in elvish.'
'I don't want to talk to Haldir,' said Aragorn. 'I'm cold. I'm going home.'
'We have to follow Aragorn,' said someone.
The entire fellowship followed Aragorn out of Lothlorien and back towards Rivendell.
'You're going to take us all the way back to Rivendell, just so you can hang out with your girlfriend,' grumbled Legolas, not without noticing the humour of the situation.
'Nazgul!' Frodo screamed, seeing Aragorn (who was dressed all in black) and reenacting the scene where Frodo runs from the Black Riders.
Legolas obligingly shot the Nazgul/Aragorn.
'You can't shoot a Nazgul,' said the Nazgul/Aragorn.
'I'm cold,' said people.
'We have to do Boromir's death scene,' insisted Frodo.
Boromir didn't like that idea.
A mysterious car mysteriously made its way down the road and honked. 'You shall not pass!' yelled Gimli.
'Go put something warmer on!' said the person in the car. (Was it Elrond?)
'You're missing an arrow,' said Aragorn to Legolas.
Legolas screamed and almost fainted dead away.
'You lost my arrow!' cried Pippin, to whom the bow and arrows actually belonged.
'I must go back and find it,' said Legolas, slightly depressed. He wandered off to go look for it.
'I'm going to Rivendell,' Frodo announced. 'I'm cold. My knees are cold. I have a hole in my boot.'
'You do?' asked Boromir in surprise. 'You should change it.'
'-_-' said Frodo.
'It wants to be found,' said Aragorn, picking up Frodo's canteen.
'This is exactly like mine,' said Frodo, amazed.
'It's because it is yours,' said Bilbo (who Aragorn miraculously turned into for the moment). 'Don't you see? We're going around in circles...'
'It's cold,' said people.
'Did you find it?' asked all, as Legolas came whimpering back.
'No,' he said. Everyone felt very bad, because it was Legolas' favourite set of plunger arrows he'd gotten from Thranduil last Christmas. Pippin was saddest of all because it was really his favourite set of plunger arrows that he'd gotten from Legolas for Christmas.
Legolas went back to Lothlorien while Pippin went back up Caradhras to look for the missing arrow. Boromir and Aragorn eventually felt sorry for both members of the fellowship and went with them to help look. Predictably, Aragorn with his ranger skills retrieved the arrow in the end.
'How did your elf eyes not see that?' Aragorn asked Legolas.
'Um...' said Legolas in embarrassment.
'Let's go,' said Aragorn.
'Where are you taking us?' asked Pippin.
'To Rivendell,' said Aragorn. 'I'm through with this craziness,' he was thinking.
'Yay!' said everyone. 'Let's go watch RotK!'
'Um, one thing, guys,' said Frodo. 'We forgot to destroy the Ring.'
The End
*Trololo: Have you seen the Trololo music video of Saruman singing down the mountain? YOU HAVE TO SEE IT. It's hilarious. Warning: it will scar you for life.
After this, of course we wanted to cosplay while we watched The Return of the King. Some of us did, some of us didn't. Since I didn't look anything like Frodo, I switched to Lindir :) :) (who I actually kind of look like O.o). I think overall, Legolas wins the prize for best cosplay. OSFA looked so much like him (at least from the back) it was funny. Although everyone looked really good...except for Lily/Frodo… . - For the record, that is a line Leggy put in. D:{ And Gimli says Leggy looks like Tauriel.
I am sure I will be horribly ashamed of this story tomorrow and delete it. -_- Oh well.