The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters has been taken away by Bubblehead. Okay Elton Grindle is mine but everyone else isn't. Just some mad fun out of my mad mind.
The Memory Bird Whisperer
"Are you sure about this Hartford? Bringing in civilian help to upgrade the security systems of BETA and all our space station systems?" Commander Walsh asked. Doc, Zach and Shane were in the room as well.
"Commander something has to be done," Zach spoke up. "The Queen of the Crown has already attacked three of our furthermost outposts in order to get humans for her psychocrypt. It's only by a miracle that we stopped her from getting any."
"She did a lot of damage and killed a few people in her raids before we chased that witch back to Tortuna empty handed," Shane growled.
"It sounds to me like we need more manpower patrolling the frontier that's close to the Crown Empire border," Walsh grunted.
"We also need new security upgrades with all our systems both in BETA and in our space stations. It's too much of a job for me to do alone," Doc said. "And the only man who comes even close to the Doctor's skill is Grinny."
"That's Elton Grindle! Doctor Elton Grindle to you!" The black Englishman stormed into the room. He was wearing his customary grey suit and elegantly groomed mustache.
"There is only one doctor here," Doc growled at him.
"Calm down you two," Zach stopped it before it could escalate. "I know you two have been rivals since childhood but we are in a situation here."
"Doh de doh de do!" Bubblehead warbled as he flew into the room. "The drain pipe's connected to the main valve! The main valve's connected to the root beer!"
"Speaking of situations…" Walsh winced. "Gooseman! That stupid memory bird has gotten loose again!"
"Memory bird?" Grindle was surprised. "That's a memory bird?"
"It's an older model and its got a few screws loose but yeah," Shane admitted.
"Hello Joe! What do you know?" Bubblehead landed on Walsh's desk. "Seriously, I don't have a clue of what's going on here!"
"You were supposed to stay in your cage in the apartment!" Shane snapped.
"I was?" Bubblehead blinked. "I don't remember."
"A memory bird that forgets everything except how to cause trouble," Zach sighed. "Goose you have some weird tastes in pets!"
"I didn't choose him! He chose me!" Shane snapped. "Or more precisely Doc and Commander Walsh chose him for me!"
"We had no choice! If we kept him in the lab the computer techs would have gone on strike due to his singing!" Doc said.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance?" Grindle smirked.
"You? What can you do with Bubblehead?" Doc scoffed. "Besides turn him into a dust buster?"
"Vroom!" Bubblehead squawked.
"One of my many hobbies is techno pet therapy," Grindle smirked. "In fact I have just written a best selling book on it." He pulled out a book from his briefcase and showed them.
"Just Because I Have Four Legs And Chips Doesn't Mean I Can't Cry," Doc read the cover. "You gotta be kidding me!"
"Hartford, you of all people know there is more to electronic life forms than their programming," Grindle petted Bubblehead. "These dear creatures have emotional issues just like flesh and blood counterparts."
"Bubblehead's got issues all right," Shane groaned. "As many of his victims can testify."
"Bubblehead isn't a techno pet, he's a memory bird," Doc said. "Correction, he used to be the Queen of the Crown's memory bird!"
"No wonder I have issues," Bubblehead chirped. "So what do you say Grinny? Can you get my noodle all unknotted?"
"I have to admit it's worth a try," Shane said. "But I gotta warn you, Bubblehead's a tough nut to crack."
"Emphasis on the nut part," Walsh groaned. "I've seen him reduce grown men to tears! Including me!"
"It is a challenge I am more than happy to take on," Grindle said smugly. "Especially seeing as your so called computer genius can't quite cut the mustard."
"Mustard? I want ketchup and cheese on my hot dog!" Bubblehead chirped.
"Hey! You think it's so easy to fix Bubblehead why don't you try it?" Doc snapped.
"I believe I will! All I need is the bird's background file and any schematics of it's databanks you have obtained and presto! Once again I will succeed where you failed!" Grindle yelled.
"Please! The only thing you ever beat me on was the number of detentions you got in school!" Doc barked. He took out his CDU and downloaded a file to Grindle's computer pad. "Here's everything you need to know about Bubblehead! Good luck because you are going to need it!"
"Luck nothing! It's skill that separates the computer jockeys from the professionals," Grindle bristled.
"Do I get a say in this?" Bubblehead blinked.
"No," Shane, Zach, Doc and Grindle shouted.
"Just checking," Bubblehead blinked. Grindle picked him up. "Hey where are we going? Are we going someplace?"
"We are going to a nice quiet place my little feathered friend," Grindle smiled. "Where we can be alone and explore your personal issues."
"Can we explore Disneyworld instead?" Bubblehead chirped. "I love Epcot! Blast off!"
"This was a mistake wasn't it?" Shane asked.
"Think about it Gooseman," Doc grinned. "If Grindle can fix that bubble brained bird we'll all get some peace and quiet around here."
"And if he can't?" Walsh asked.
"Then I get to rub his face in it," Doc grinned. "It's a win/win situation."
"Why do I have the feeling with Bubblehead involved it's going to be a lose/lose situation?" Walsh groaned.
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"All right my little feathered friend," Grindle found himself a quiet office room. "Now let us see what makes you tick."
"Tick? Am I gonna explode? Oh I knew I shouldn't have had those chili peppers for lunch," Bubblehead blinked as he was put on the table. "Oh wait I didn't have the chili peppers. I put them in someone else's food. I think."
"HOTCHIE MOTCHIE THAT'S HOT!" Q-Ball could be heard screaming down the hallway. "FIRE! FIRE IN MY MOUTH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"
"Nah must have been my imagination," Bubblehead shrugged.
"Let's read your file here on your personal history," Grindle looked at the file on his computer pad. "Oh my…"
"Wow, that's not exactly light reading," Bubblehead blinked at the screen. "Oh come on! I couldn't have attacked that many people! Or could I?"
"You have had quite an interesting history," Grindle blinked. "Origins possibly the Po Empire. The Queen of the Crown, Jackie Subtract's mob, Daisy O'Mega, The Black Hole Gang, Kidd the space pirate…What's this about you being in a music video?"
"Beats me," Bubblehead scratched his head with his wing. "I have no clue how that happened either. Then again my circuits have been scrambled so many times with so many owners I'm lucky I know who I am. Who are you again?"
"Oh you poor little thing," Grindle petted him. "You've been through so many traumatic experiences. No wonder you're such a mess."
"I'm a child of a broken home," Bubblehead sniffed. "I know because I broke it myself."
"Why don't we take a look at your circuitry?" Grindle used a CDU of his own design to check out Bubblehead circuits. "HOLY COW! WHAT IS IN THERE?"
"I'm not really sure," Bubblehead told him. "But I know one of my great aunts was a cuckoo clock. I have her sense of timing."
"Hmmm, this might be more of a challenge than I anticipated," Grindle scratched his head. "No wonder Hartford couldn't do anything with you. I have never seen circuitry like this."
"Boy are you in for a treat! I may not look it but I am a highly advanced memory machine. In fact I know the secret of the universe!" Bubblehead chirped.
"Really? What is it?" Grindle asked.
"Can't tell you it's a secret!" Bubblehead chirped.
"Of course it is," Grindle sighed.
"Doc fell for that one too," Bubblehead grinned.
"All right little bird," Grindle sighed. "Let's start with your early memories. Tell me about the first thing you can remember."
"Uh…Okay," Bubblehead blinked. "Who are you again and where are we?"
"Memory loss of course…" Grindle sighed. "All right let's start with a basic trust and bonding technique. You are a good bird, Bubblehead. A very good bird," Grindle started to pet him.
"Wait a minute, are you the guy Doc says likes to prance around in women's underwear?" Bubblehead asked.
"A very good but confused bird," Grindle clenched his teeth.
"And didn't you have a lot of pimples when you were a kid?" Bubblehead went on. "And you wet the bed a few times?"
"That you remember?" Grindle yelled. "The lies Hartford told you?"
"Who told me what?" Bubblehead blinked. "Who are you again?"
"Okay…" Grindle let out a deep breath.
"Hey! You know something! I like to sing!" Bubblehead chirped.
"Really?" Grindle asked.
"You wanna hear a song?" Bubblehead asked.
"Why not?" Grindle sighed. "Lay it on me."
"Okay," Bubblehead smiled. He then let out a high pierced screech that shorted out every bit of machinery in the room and even made the lights dim for a second.
"AAAHHH!" Grindle yelled. "My personal CDU! You shorted out my personal computer! What happened to the data in it? My data is erased! You erased my data!"
"Oh that always happened when I sing my song," Bubblehead blinked. "That's also why Goose throws things at my head when I sing it."
"Imagine that…"
"You wanna hear it again?"
"NO! I see basic techniques are not going to work. So I'll just move right on to my more advanced techniques," Grindle snapped as he looked through his briefcase. "Now where did I put those miniature electric cables and that screwdriver?"
"Uh oh," Bubblehead blinked. "This sounds painful."
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Not long after that Doc, Shane and Walsh were walking down the hallway. "I wonder how Grindle is doing with Bubblehead?" Shane wondered.
"AAHHHHHHH!" A loud scream was heard.
"Please let that not be the answer to your question," Walsh groaned.
"YOU ARE THE ANTICHRIST!" Grindle chased Bubblehead down the hallway. Grindle looked like he had been electrocuted. "GO BACK TO WHAT UNHOLY PIT SPAWNED YOU!"
"Awwwk! He's mad! He's mad!" Bubblehead landed on Shane's shoulder.
"Problem Grinny?" Doc said innocently.
"That…That thing is…It's a bad…Bad, bad thing!" Grindle pointed at Bubblehead. "Bad! Very bad! You…You knew it would do this to me!"
"Who me?" Doc grinned.
"Grindle perhaps you should just cool off a little?" Walsh sighed.
"EVIL! EVIL BIRD!" Grindle screamed as he ran down the hallway. "SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE MY BUTT!"
"Doc I think your friend has just flipped out," Shane blinked.
"Gee I wonder why?" Walsh glared at Bubblehead. "Don't look so innocent with me! What did you do with him?"
"What did I do to who?" Bubblehead blinked.
"It's hopeless…" Walsh groaned. "Completely hopeless! This stupid memory bird is beyond repair!"
"Aw that's a shame," Bubblehead chirped. "What memory bird are we talking about again? Do I know him?"
"It's funny," Doc remarked. "For over twenty years I've been trying to think up ways to drive Grindle bananas. And that bird did it in a little over twenty minutes. I think we've just come up with the ultimate weapon in psychological warfare."