The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters has taken a nap somewhere. This is a crazy idea that kept running through my mind and wouldn't shut up until I wrote it down.
Heavy Is The Head That Runs BETA
"I am not going to get angry Buzzwang," Commander Walsh seriously tried to reign in his temper. "I just want to know why all our vending machines are on strike? Or better yet, how are they able to strike in the first place?"
"Well you know those experimental personality chips I was working on?" Buzzwang told Commander Walsh.
"Don't tell me! Let me guess!" Walsh held up his hand. "You put them in all the vending machines and somehow they all got organized and decided to form a union?"
"Wow Sir that's uncanny," Buzzwang said.
"Not exactly the word I would use to describe it but close enough," Walsh sighed.
"The vending machines have put together a list of demands for negotiation," Buzzwang indicated the small vending machine next to him. "This is Vinny. He's a pop tart vending machine and the union representative. I think they are quite reasonable."
Buzzwang handed Walsh a list which Walsh read aloud. "Sundays off. An increase in pastry products for consumption. Non liability in accidents involving hot liquids. The banning of all Anne Murray easy listening music songs in the lobby…"
"Apparently it's too mellow for their systems," Buzzwang explained. "They'd prefer something a little more upbeat. Something by Twisted Sister and Van Halen."
"What is this one?" Walsh read. "Gender equality and equal opportunity hiring practices for non masculine electronic life forms?"
"They want more vending machines with female personalities," Buzzwang explained.
"BOOP! BOOP! BOOP!" Vinny made several sounds.
"Uh make that some short female vending machines," Buzzwang said. "Preferably painted either pink or light green."
"Buzzwang one more thing…" Walsh growled. "Please tell me you did not spend nine million dollars on these stupid personality chips like you did the last time you ran a project of this magnitude!"
"Of course not Commander! I only spent three million dollars," Buzzwang said.
"Buzzwang…"
"Yes, Commander Walsh?"
"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I MELT YOU AND THAT STUPID VENDING MACHINE DOWN FOR SCRAP METAL AND MAKE MAILBOXES OUT OF YOU!" Walsh roared.
At this, Vinny responded by shooting out several pop tarts right at Walsh. "OW! OW! GET OUT OF HERE! GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!" Walsh roared.
"Oh dear! Vinny I think you should have tried a more diplomatic negotiation tactic," Buzzwang gulped as he wheeled Vinny out of the office.
"BOOP! BEEP! BEEP! BOOP! BOOP!"
"No, Vinny we are not going to hot wire his car!" Buzzwang snapped.
"Q-BALL!" Walsh roared as he pressed his intercom button. "GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE ON THE DOUBLE!"
"You bellowed Sir?" Q-Ball ran in within a minute.
"Q-Ball I want you to go to every vending machine we have on this base and dismantle their personality programming," Walsh snapped. "And if they resist blow them up! Starting with that pop tart machine!"
"Sir! We can't do that! Those are electronic life forms!" Q-Ball protested.
"They took three million dollars out of your department's budget," Walsh gave him a look. "Three million nonrefundable dollars out of your budget."
"Then again that soda machine near my lab has been acting quite uppity lately," Q-Ball amended. "Ooh pop tarts! May I?"
"Help yourself! I swear to god if it wasn't for all the blackmail I do among the Board of Leaders for all the stupid things they've done BETA would have been in the poorhouse years ago!" Walsh snapped. "I wonder how Wheiner would react if he ever found out that he pays for nearly every ship Gooseman crashes?"
"Uh speaking of which…" Q-Ball gulped. "You know how the Series Five implants needs a mandatory tune up and going over once a year? I was kind of working on Ranger Gooseman's and there was a slight…hiccup."
"Define…Hiccup," Walsh growled. "And it better not mean what I think it means!"
"Rarrrrr!" Shane roamed into the office in his large wolverine like beast man form.
"Didn't we go through this last week?" Walsh roared. "No Goose! I don't want to play with you!"
"Rarrr?" Shane looked at him. His normally green eyes had been replaced by completely blue ones. Then without warning he pounced on Walsh, giving him a big hug.
"Uh did I forget to mention he just ate a couple of Lingling berries right after he transformed?" Q-Ball gulped.
"AAGGHHH! GOOSE! I CAN'T BREATHE!" Walsh gasped as he struggled to get out of Shane's grasp.
"Here Goose! Go get the pop tart!" Q-Ball grabbed a pop tart and threw it. Shane chased it. "Don't worry Commander, Goose will be back to normal when Doc gets back from his mission in an hour or two."
"I swear one of these days…" Walsh moaned. "One of these days I am going to run off and disappear on some tropical planet! Far away from androids and machines and Supertroopers and insane mad scientists!"