Crossroads
The feeling of burden, more often than not, becomes a millstone about one's neck.
She felt like she was going to be sick. The weight of the day, the weeks, the months, was crashing down yet again. Nothing had changed, everything was the same, the scenery was the only difference. And maybe that made it worse.
Nothing belonged, nothing fit, nothing felt right. The help didn't help. The politeness, the niceness, only served to make it worse even though it was necessary to one day reach the end.
No matter what she did, where she went, she felt like she had overstayed her welcome and it was just politeness and sympathy for a stagnant situation that kept anyone from commenting.
She never felt like she belonged where she was, never felt like her family fit her or she fit her family. Always felt that she disappointed them, never did enough, never was enough. Always felt like a burden, never an accomplishment. Wasted effort at school, failed marriage, restlessness in working.
She had talent that was essentially useless in her life. Another time, another place, another life, perhaps, but not here and now. Good at many things, but no drive to commit to them, no niche to fit in. No focus. The things she enjoyed weren't good enough, weren't what she should be doing. Nothing would ever come of them was all she ever heard. Unacceptable and not normal enough, not routine or scheduled enough.
She was tired. Tired of always holding it together, tired of trying to make everyone happy, of doing what everyone thought was right. Tired of crying. Tired of fighting. Tired of the place she was stuck in. Not moving forward, not even stuck in neutral—just stalled. It felt like she was trapped in quicksand, only she was neither sinking nor climbing out. She was tired of feeling like a burden to those around her. Of relying on those around her. But every time she tried to move forward, move away, to rely on herself, something always derailed her.
Too bad escaping, running away and starting over, never solved anything in the long run.
And so here she stands. Stuck at a crossroads and both bridges are out.