Charpter 1: The one dead, the many lives and a new born

He doesn't break like the last time. He doesn't drown in alcohol. He keep functional, help Joker and Alenko and Tali bring the Normandy back, he should be proud of himself except all he felt is numb and surreal. When they back to the earth，and accept the medal from Admiral Hackett beside the Normandy, his eyes unfocused, but he hold his head high.

He doesn't want to attend her memorial like the last time. He is not a very good turian after all. But Tali try to persuade him.

"She deserves that much. " She says softly, rubbing her hands, eyes searching the ground.

"They still didn't find her yet. " His voice's tight but gentle, subvocal suppressed, his back straight.

But there is Javik's gaze pinning him, the four tiny eyes so very dazzling under the gray sky of London. He hold them still, and the Prothean snort. He knew what he's saying. "you're weak, " he should say, "she deserves honor, but you don't deserve her."

But he didn't flinch. The Prothean snort again, nostrils flared, disconnect his eye sights and walk away.

Maybe he's right, He think, I left her alone, again. But there's only a empty space now left for his staring.

In the end he still attend the memorial. Humans give him worried look, salarians watch him with curiosity, the asaris' eyes soften with pity. But he's a turian and turians don't give a shit. Still it's too formal and dull and depress and affected like everything he expected, like everything plays a loop from the last time. It's maddening. So he left early.

There're still so many duty calls. The Reapers left but the Primarch need everyone he can get. So he's working, working hard, barely eating and sleeping, it's fit for him anyway.

The repair progress of the Relays goes unexpected smoothly, the Quarian fleet is the first to set off, most of the Geth are leaving with them.

"Be kind to yourself, Garrus." Tali told him when she comes to him to say goodbye.

"Okay. Thanks Tali, safe travel. " He says.

The quarian stare him behind the helmet, rubbing her hands with a She burst: "No, it's not okay your bosh'tet, you're suicide with your job, she will kick your ass."

"But she can't, she's dead. " He outburst.

Tali stared him, her hands freeze. And he vaguely aware it was the first time he'd said it out loud. They stare each other for a long while, and finally he lower his head with irrational, rubbing his fringe, exhale long and uneven.

"I've been an ass. " He said.

"Yes you are."

"I…" He raise his head again, but not dare to look into her helmet, "I…thank you Tali. " He murmurs, "for everything."

It felt like the quarian wants to say something, but in the end she just throws her arms around her friend, hugging him tight, sobbing and choking. And Garrus was holding her back, eyes closing, head bowing, subvocal glowing.

"It's been an honor. " When they finally parted, Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy said, her voice is still quivering. "You know how to contact me and the Geth. " She added, "and stop being a bosh'tet."

"Alright. " He nodded, " safe travel."

"Keela se'lai."

And Tali's gone, the flotilla left that afternoon.

The turian fleet decided to leave next, with the Relays back online and the ships were patched, there's no reason for them to linger in the levo-world anymore.

The Primarch asked him to lead the second fleet. He refused.

"Most galaxy force is still around the Earth. The Citadel is still here too. The earth will be the center of the Galaxy for a while. The Hierarchy need to keep presenting, and I've found a good working relationship with them." He's been smooth. He'd prepared for this.

But Victus knows him. The Primarch crosses his arms on his keel, "Never know you'd be the diplomatic one."

"Learned from the best." And he has every bit of right to be proud of it.

Victus unfold his arms, pacing a little circle.

"It was a war." He says, stopped, look into his eyes. "A war we fought against our final doom, fight for Galasxy's final hold." He paused," Everyone lost someone."

"I understand."

"No, no you don't. You think you lost the most important one. But everyone we lost is the most important."

But yes she is, he think. You'll not stand there talking if she was not there fighting. All of us whould not.

But at last they are all bad at been good turians. "your father will bitch me about this. " the Primarc finanlly sighs. "Alright Vakarian, you stay here dealing with the krogans and humans. And once the council back to function, you will get your ass back to Palaven immediately. Are we clear? "

"Yes sir. "He snapped a salute.

"Or I will make you to be the new councilor. " The Primarch sneered.

"Now that could be called horror, but I get it. "

"Palaven still needs you. " Victus told him, "We paid our blood for the victory, don't let it be wasted."

So now he is the plenipotentiary of the Hierarchy, oddly fit for him too. As the member of the Interim Council, the reports of the retrieving program of the Citadel is put on his desk every week. The salarians are obsessed with the station, which fine by him as long as they report every little tiny cue that may lead to the Commander. And he think he has indeed found a good working relationship with those STG guys too, they also obsessed with Shepard in some ways. And some of the remaining Geth joined in, but most times they just kept silent.

Then the krogans left, most of the salarians left too. But Citadel still remains above Earth, and the Interim Council keep running. No one knows exactly when the Rachni left.

And one day Liara comes to him too.

"Guess you are here to say goodbye." He says mandibles flares. "Heard you are left for Tressia."

"Yes, "she says, her eyes are far too big and watery. Full of waves,just like the far seas. Why he never found it before? "but it is not all of them."

"Okay," he tried to make the conversation light, "How did I earn the favor of talking to the can't-be-mentioned-one? "

"You may need to sit down." Her face remains stern.

"Now I don't like where this going. Is Palaven on fire again? Or the Krogan decided they should start the second rebel? Or the Geth enslaved the Quarian? "

"Sit, Garrus."

So he sit down, carefully, slowly.

"I'm pregnant. "Liara announced.

He stared her like an idiot, and half a minute later he rememberes to snap his mouth close.

"So…you…and Javik? Congratulations? " He said carefully.

"The father is not Javik."

"And…not me either, I guess? "

"It's Shepard." She says.

He totally lost his words, just sit there, staring her, not fully access what she just saying.

"I melting with shepard just before the final assaulting. " She lower her head, "Just…just melting, not sexually. She was not cheating on you."

"Is, not." He snapped, staring her. "And of course."

"I just… I just want to give her something, peace I think, eternity maybe. Just…just she was so…It's like the final."

"She never seeks for a final. "He says.

"Yes, yes I know, never the final. She always looks into the future." She pauses, take a deep breath. "But she was so…" she shakes her head, " All the beacon brought her is torture, from the start of everything. But there were some other things, something the Prothean record them there too. Something grandeur, beautiful, about every love and beautiful they lost and missed, about the start and the end of everything they ever found and didn't awared, about lives. Javik helps me find them, or I help him find them, doesn't matter. But she…but she never knew. Garrus, she never knew." She looked at him, eyes bright and sad and desperate, "It is always there but she never finds them, All she could see are nightmares. It's…It's just unfair, for her. I wanted to…change that, she deserves that much, so I showed her."

"So you gave something to Shepard," he says slowly, "and keep a piece of her to yourself."

She hold his gaze,"It's not the plan. But yes, I will never regret it. "

"Did she know it? "

"No."

"Guess now she doesn't get a saying on this. Do I have? "

"Not really. " She says.

"Alright."

Suddenly he feels so very exhausting, like the tide finally crush on the beach, like his bones couldn't hold him together anymore. "Aright. So why are you telling me this."

"I think you have the right to know it," she said" That there is still a piece of her in this galaxy."

There's a long silent."I think we all hold a piece of her. " He finally managed.

"Yes," Liara said, too soft, "We all are."

When the sari reached the door, he struggle to stand. "So are you still leaving? "

"Yes I am." She answered, a spark of weary cross her eyes.

"Just…Tressia is destroyed. Liara, are you sure? "

"We still have other planets, and still the asaris are the best to take care of their new born."

"Of course. Sorry." He stroke his fringe nervously, "I mean, I just worried.."

"You can come to see her. If you want. "

"Oh? " He chokes,"May I?"

"Of course. " Her eyes softened, almost warm and motherly. There is a tiny smile on her lips: "she's my child, and Shepard's. She's yours too. Shepard will love you both."

"Yes, she will…I…thank you, Liara, " he mutters, sits down slowly. He doesn't think his knees could hold him up any longer. "Thank you for this. For keeping her, for telling me."

"You are welcome." She smiled, "You will always be my friends."

Then she left too.