Ron Burgundy: AVENGERS
By Tom Kristal
Standard Disclaimer:All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s) and are in no way connected with Marvel, Apatow Productions or Ron Burgundy. The author of the following FanFiction does not in any way profit from the story and it is written solely for entertainment purposes only. Associated names, characters, places, items, and descriptions used in the following FanFiction are the copyrights and/or trademarks of the rightful owners. Rights to characters and their settings is neither claimed nor implied.
Rating: (K)
Ron Burgundy: AVENGERS
APRIL 26th 2012, 1600hrs / DOWNTOWN NEW YORK
Deep in the heart of downtown New York, chaos ensued. In the aftermath of the attempted invasion of the alien race: Chitauri, the heart of New York had become a ruinous wreck. From all sides, the city had become a wasteland full of fire, broken debris and the remains of aliens not of this world.
Many of the population were hiding or were simply in shock. Ironically, many more were not fazed, and were already busy at work trying to clear the debris. However, despite the robust nature of its people, the city that never sleeps was at a complete standstill.
...well except for one little Shawarma restaurant down 3rd Ave A, New York.
Let's face it. Who would refuse service to the people whom probably just saved the world... and more importantly... their livelihood.
Earth Mightiest Heroes: THE AVENGERS.
Inside, Captain America stood resolutely among his peers in the resturant. Sitting around looking battered, were some of the most dangerous people on the planet.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: A Super soldier from World War 2; IRON MAN: Super genius billionaire with a flying suit of armour; THOR: The Norse God of Thunder; THE HULK: A scientist with some startling anger management issues; BLACK WIDOW: Super assassin; and HAWKEYE: A master marksman with a... bow and arrow?
Together they had fought bravely to Avenge the impossible. They had saved the world. Defeated beasts and alien monsters. Changed the way humans perceived their place in the universe. Saved humanity from disaster and tyrannical rulership. And now they were all eating Shawarma.
"Boy" Steve shrugged, looking at his team "That escalated quickly".
The rest of the group shrugged back in tired acknowledgment, too busy eating their meal.
"I mean, that really got out of hand fast".
"It jumped up a notch" agreed the Black Widow, subconsciously attempting to brush grey dust out of her red hair.
"It did, didn't it?"
"Yeah, I flew a nuke through a wormhole in space!" gleefully replied Stark.
"I saw that. Stark flew a nuke" Steve said in respectful admiration.
"Did you really fly a nuke, Dr. Strangelove?" queried Clint derisively between mouthfuls.
"Yeah. There were giant flying snakes and buildings on fire and I flew a nuke through a wormhole" Tony enthusiastically replied, looking for all the world that nothing was wrong with his statement.
"I've been meaning to talk to you about that", Steve interjected, trying to find a delicate way to break the news. "Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by", Steve stated extra slowly. "Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for treason or some other international law". Instead of looking shocked, Tony just shrugs nonchalantly.
"Nah, I don't think so. More like chewed out. I've been chewed out before".
Not willing to raise the issue, Steve diplomatically let it go. "I'm proud of you fellas... and lady" looking at the Black Widow. "You kept your head on a swivel. That's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cockfight".
"Harrumph!"
In the corner of the room sat a tall mischievous looking man in green attire strapped head to toe in uncomfortable looking restraints and a mask firmly muffling his voice. He was looking longingly as the assortment of food the Avengers were devouring.
They all looked at the stone-faced immigrant chef with a thick Stalin-esque moustache.
"He tried to destroy my business!" he shouted, "He not welcome! NO SOUP FOR HIM!"
The Earths Mightiest Heroes shrugged in acknowledgment, not willing to challenge the proprietor's demands in fear of loosing their delicious meal.
"You heard the man".
"Matsveinn… I like this food! BRING ME ANOTHER!"
SMASH!
AVENGERS DISASSEMBLE.