Push and Pull
In and out….in and out…in and out…
That's what I told myself so I could control the counts of my breaths, shaky and unsteady. My nerves jumbled every time I glanced at my watch and to divert my attention I would take another deep breath as I looked up at the sky where snowflakes danced down. It was already winter again, almost Christmas, and I couldn't believe how quickly time has sprinted by because even though today marks officially one year one , it still felt like last week to me; it felt as if everything, our lives, didn't change that long ago, when in fact it did. Drastically.
It was almost eight and the sky was no longer a smooth gold but a burnt orange and I could already see the stars starting to show themselves, scattered across in the mix of orange and midnight blue. I looked back down at my watch again, five past eight, and I began to start to feel uneasy.
"Maybe she wont come?...."
The pulse of my heart began to slow down in disappointment and I leaned the back of my head against the cold cement wall to look back up at the sky where the flakes circled and floated their way down to cover the lens of my glasses and my nose. My skin felt hot against the cold air and I took long deep exhales so I could watch the frost cover the air I breathed. Popping up the collar of my coat, I stuffed my hands in the deep pockets of my tan trench coat and ran my fingers around the corner of a small picture of a frozen and dusted memory that was taken, now, eight years ago which I kept with me everywhere I went. Especially for today.
I closed my eyes, trying to rebuild the thought of her face that crumbled with tears, the screams thrown back and forth, when she slipped out of my grasp and left without a trace one year ago. More than that, I imagined her face, her eyes shining whenever she looked at me, and her smile that was so contagious.
"I wanted her to come…just one more chance…maybe I co-"
I stopped in my thoughts when I heard nearby fervent clicking on pavement coming towards my way; someone was running. Leaning forward I saw a young woman holding a brown umbrella down that hid her face as she jogged her way in my direction and then stop abruptly in front of me.
Slowly lifting the umbrella up back over her head, I sucked in a gulp of cold air that burnt my lungs when I saw who the young woman was. I knew that red vibrant hair from anywhere, now long enough to hang to the middle of her back, and those rich light indigo eyes that always caught my attention.
"Kaorou…" I whispered to myself in relief, my heart now hitting the back of my throat as it pulsed wildly. I could no longer feel the cold now, my mind was too focused on seeing this girl again…after three hundred and sixty days and some rare, short visits, she was back.
"Sorry!" She bowed her head in embarrassment and then looking back at me, her face red from running. "I am so sorry if I made you wait Minamoto. Was it a long time?"
"Not at all." I smiled watching her slowly walk up towards me to press her palm, warm and soft, against my cheek. I think the only thing I waited more than anything was to see her like this again.
"I think you may be getting sick….your face is so hot even in this cold weather." , she frowned, upset with guilt thinking that it was her fault that I may be sick. Even though it was not that at all, my body was naturally warm right now, especially from the sight of her.
"Let's go home and get you better." Kaorou smiled softly, her indigo eyes sparkling as she gazed into me. I nodded my head in agreement returning the smile as she wrapped her arm around me to hold the umbrella up for the two of us.
"Let's go home indeed." I smiled, walking with her through the crowded sidewalks of the decorated shopping strip in the city.
I sighed as I peeled my potato to watch a knife, on its own, cut an onion into small quarters. Narrowing my eyes I looked over my shoulder behind me where Kaorou stood grinning holding my arm tightly to her chest.
"Why don't you just use your hands like everyone else Kaorou?"
Karou immediately shook her head, her red hair swaying side to side, her smile growing bigger as her cheeks glowed.
"My hands are little preoccupied right now." She indicated by squeezing my arm a little tighter against her that made me gulp, feeling a little awkward from the constant touch.
"Your so spoiled…." I muttered going back to peeling the potato for the dinner we were cooking tonight. "You know, you're no longer a child Kaorou so you can't be relying on your powers so heavily anymore."
"Oh, I know.." Kaorou replied quietly, her face turning into a sad smile as she down casted her eyes and slowly released my arm to slip behind my back and press her two hands gently against my spine.
"You know, its days like these that I wish I was a little kid again. It was so much easier back then…with everything. Funny, I should have enjoyed the time back then as a kid when I tried so desperately to grow up fast. I had no idea know time would pass this fast….it feels like of all this has happened in only a matter of weeks."
"I know what you mean…" I thought quietly as I waited for her to continue after she stopped talking.
When I felt her head press against my back, I turned around and grabbed a hold of shoulders gently so I could see her eyes that were covered by her bangs, her head hanging low.
"I'm sorry Minamoto, but it may be soon that I have to leave again." Kaoru whispered sadly which immediately sent me into a panic.
"No!" I half shouted shaking her shoulders, watching her head bob back and forth slightly.
I knew what was going to happen, but this time I was going to make sure I was to stop it. Everything was about to begin, and I have been aware of it since the day she left. I knew it was coming but I didn't think it would be so soon. I didn't think she would be gone again this soon….
"I know everything, Kaoru! I know that the war is about to begin and you have been chosen to help lead it but I swear I will follow you. I will still come after you even if it kills me! I am not giving up that easy!" I snapped, my grip on her shoulders tightening. I vowed to myself I wouldn't let her go this time, even if it changes the future more than it already has.
Tears dripped down to the wooden floorboards from Kaoru's cheeks as her body quivered under my grasp. Gently, I lifted her chin up to where I could see her eyes, brimmed with tears, as she hiccupped a sob.
"Don't leave again, please!" I whispered, pleading with her.
"But! You don't understand, Minamoto. I have to go." She cried out, more tears streaming down her cheeks.
"No, I do understand! More than you know. And no you don't- not tonight Kaoru. You don't have to leave tonight! Plus…" I smiled, thumbing away her tear stricken cheeks.
"…today is your eighteenth birthday. Your not going to walk out when I have things prepared for you already, are you?"
I smiled more when Kaoru's eyes brightened up through her tears, her mouth opening and then closing like a fish, shocked that I even brought this up.
'Y-you remembered?" she asked overwhelmed.
I chuckled lightly as I grabbed her hand and led her to the living room, sitting her on the couch as I went to go grab the green bag I had brought in with me.
"When have I forgotten all these years I've known you?" I grinned, holding a small pink wrapped cube sized package behind my back walking towards her.
"Never…" she smiled, her cheeks turning rosy as she watched me with curious eyes take a seat next to her still holding the package behind my back.
"Okay, I am going to need you to close your eyes." I laughed covering my hand over her eyes making her giggle as she grabbed a hold of my arm.
"Okay, okay! I will, you can trust me, I won't peek!" she replied, dropping her grasp on my arm and folding her hands patiently in her lap.
"I'm ready when you are." Kaoru smiled, her cheeks red with excitement that made me suddenly get flustered all over again. My eyes focused in on her lips and I shook my head to get rid of my ridiculous thoughts because I knew if I did I what I was thinking there was a fifty- fifty chance of me having a broken nose tonight.
Opening her hands, I placed the package in both her palms that immediately snapped open her eyes from feeling the weight of it.
"What is it?", Kaorou asked in curious delight, self examining the little package and shaking it slightly to hear for noise.
"Go ahead and find out!", I grinned as Kaoru nodded at me, eyes lit with excitement, and began carefully pulling the bow loose, taking great care to open the package without tearing it up too badly. I remember years ago when she would demolish presents when she was in fervor to open them but it made me smile how calm she has grown to be. She has grown so much, and so fast. They weren't lying when they said the future was just around the corner.
When I heard her gasp I knew I chose the right gift for her.
"Minamoto! Their beautiful!", Kaoru exclaimed holding up in each hand a long rectangular shaped gold earring.
"Here" I beckoned her towards me taking the earrings from her. "Let me put them in for you."
"Okay", she shyly responded leaning her face dangerously close to mine, closing her eyes, and I at first gulped and looked away to calm myself before looking back at her face. She had such beauty now, her long lashes, her red cheeks, and rosy lips so close to my face where warm air escaped her lips and hit my face softly. I mentally kicked myself as I continued listing the details because I knew better than focusing on them even though it was beginning to get hard not too.
I took another deep breath and gently pushed the locks of her hair behind one ear and unsnapped the small gold latch to the earring and inserted it gingerly into the small opening of her lobe. I did the same to the other ear, her hair pushed back behind her ears where the gold earrings dangled in beauty, just like the rest of her- they really did suit her.
My hands lingered on her face, holding her head up with my fingers behind her ears and my thumbs tracing the outline of her jawbone. I didn't let go, didn't want to, and stayed there silently studying every outline of her face like it would be the last time I would ever see it. My thumbs continued to gently rub over her skin in circles as I released a shaky sigh feeling her lean in my touch.
"How do they look?" she asked, her eyes fluttering open as a smile stretched on her lips.
I didn't answer right away, I was too sucked in outlining her every detail in my head, my hands still hesitating to let go. Her indigo eyes had me lost within them, and I softly massaged the back of her ears that made her slightly quiver.
"Beautiful…. perfect….breathtaking." I replied without thought and I don't think I was talking about the earrings any more.
Kaoru's eyes widened slightly in surprise and then gently closed in satisfaction. Her smile grew more as the warmth on her face increased. Not long after, I felt her arms snake around my neck and my head was being slowly brought down towards hers.
My hands moved from the back of her ears to me tracing her facial features, her eyebrows, her cheeks, the corners of her eyes, and her lips that made her respond with a shaky breath hitting my face and her body now pushing against my body.
Our foreheads now met and my hands were stuck to the sides of her face as I continued looking at her face, taking mental pictures of every small feature of her. The way her breathing now became unsteady, her arms tightening around my neck, her cheeks fevered, the way her lips were slightly parted from when I traced the outline of it with my thumb.
I finally surrendered to my emotions and gently pressed my lips on her forehead like saying good night, then her nose, then her temple, then her cheek bone and pulled back to see her eyes flap open in shock, pleasant shock, of what I was doing.
"I need you to know…" I smiled pushing the bangs of her away with my hands and letting them travel down to the side of her face where I could cup her head in my hands again. "….no matter what, I am going to be the one to break your fall- I am going to be there to catch you."
And before she could even respond, I dipped my head down to catch her lips with mine, her lips soft, warm, and oddly sweet. I felt her body at first stiffen from surprise and then give in, hear arms bringing me closer to her and my hands still tenderly holding her face up to mine.
Good gosh, I loved her….and I don't think I can take her leaving me again for who knows how long again.
Gently, I pulled apart to take a breath of air, looking into her eyes that slowly opened as if she was waking up. Her eyes danced with emotions as I'm sure mine did as well, and I crushed her body into mine.
"Kaoru." I choked out, holding her tightly to me hoping she would never be able to leave, never go away.
The hands that were wrapped now soothingly ran through my hair and neck as I fought to hold in my tears that were seeping their way out.
"Sssh.." she whispered as I clung to her , my body shaking with sobs.
"Dammint, Kaoru! Don't do this…" I strangled out as my voice began to falter in defeat.
I felt Kaoru kiss my ear as she continued to run her hands through my hair to soothe me.
"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, not now.", Kaoru smiled looking at me as tears began to wash over my eyes. Lifting a finger, Kaoru levitated the glasses off my face and onto the coffee table and wrapped her arms back around my neck to hug me to her chest as she rocked me back and forth, her hands rubbing my back up and down.
"Like I want to leave you Minamoto…I never do. I would stay with you forever…"
I grabbed her shoulders as I brought my head up to look at her. "Why not Kaoru? Your always welcome….always."
But when I saw her head shake side to side I could have sworn I felt my heart shatter in two. "That's not an option for me anymore….maybe back then, but not now."
I felt my face break, my eyebrows burrowing together as the tears streamed down my face. " Why Kaoru?..." I trailed off as my body began to shake again with sobs. "Why do yo-" and before I could finish her lips were pressed against mine.
No more questions…lets just enjoy this moment now.
And I fell into her kiss and for the rest of the night, slept in her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair. One more moment, one more chance, I kept telling myself as I pushed myself to get through this. I knew what was going to have to happen next after this. I was going to have to track down the Queen of Catastrophe, right now known as Kaoru, when the war between the ESPs and Normals was to be initiated and try to stop it by confronting Kaoru in a way I didn't want to. I knew by morning she would be gone that would officially start the battle and the chase, but right now, tonight, I was going to enjoy my final peaceful moments with her.
I was going to keep pulling till she pushed me away.
-Fin
Augghhh!! Had to write this no matter how depressing it made me feel towards the end. I am pretty darn satisfied, though! Hope you enjoyed, and I told you I am on a writing spree for Zettai Karen Children, especially Minamoto and Karen-I love them * sparkles in delight*
-Detecivegirl2005