Title: Chaos
Summary: a one shot showing Harry's thoughts after he kills Voldemort. A wizard war is still going on and muggles have become involved
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
The world had fallen into chaos. Or rather the world had always been chaotic and it was just now that all of the inhabitants of earth noticed it. Either way it was obvious that the 'light side' would not win this battle. A battle that would end up destroying billions. No longer would the earth crumble to only kill thousands at a time. Now humanity would truly understand what it means to be insignificant, to be an ant in a sea of death and pain. There would be no one to save them, to hide their innocent ways from the chaos of the universe. Harry was done with being their savior.
It had begun a long time ago. Before his current state of mind when he existed for the acceptance of others rather then the acceptance of his self. Before the hat had screeched out Gryffindor at the top of its lungs, really it had begun the day he received his scar. His life conditioned his for it. To be the leader, the brave knight who would wrestle the dragon and save the princess and most importantly be loved by all. He wanted that love more than anything. It was more important to him then anything else including himself. Maybe if he had not been raised by the Dursleys, maybe if he had been raised in a situation that did not leave him feeling so dependent on others love then it would be different. He would have reached a sense of peace earlier and wouldn't have held on to his friends long after there death but it wasn't so.
His life set him up for it. His murder was planned long ago by others. His emotions and beliefs manipulated and his abilities, crushed. The day of sorting was just the final knot creating a sort of slow noose for him. Draining him and slowly strangling him. It was the day his mask was firmly locked into place.
Surprisingly it was Snape who made him realize it was a mask. The brutal treatment and the witty remarks reminded him of reality beyond the white stallions of Dumbledore's fantasy. It reminded him he was a normal boy, not a hero, and most importantly, a hated boy. A hated boy just like the Dursleys reality of him reminding him that the fantasies he had as a child of love and loyalty were just that, fantasies.
Through this Harry discovered the manipulations of the 'light side'. It was slow work, rummaging through his thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. Lining these up with facts in a form of meditation. It increased his abilities and organized his mind but it left something cruelly clear. He was not the golden Gryffindor they all saw him as.
The true Harry Potter was a cold child. One with logic and understanding of a sixty year old war veteran. How he had become so cold was not clear. Even in his earliest memories he had a sense of logic inappropriate for his age or even his situation. He should feel hurt but loved. Harry felt nothing. Not truly, at least. He discovered his emotions cause and was disappointed to find society as the cause. The society he was involved with demanded emotional response so he created emotional response. Harry Potter was not real. He was created in order to blend in. He was created out of a desire to feel, to feel anything, out of desperation.
Once he accepted this, things became much simpler. Power became easier to obtain and he had no conflicted using the dark arts. His friends did shy away from him but they died early in the battle. There minds were more focused on emotion and morals then wining. Emotion had once again slaughtered its victims.
Voldemort was killed. Harry killed him in a muggle method but it didn't stop the battles. Really nothing would stop the battles. Harry understood that and accepted that. He could look around the world and see the wars both in the present and in the past. He saw the damage they cause and the price they required. Wars are fought long past the reasons are remembered. The wizard war would never end.
He watched them as muggles grew involved, as nukes were dropped, and as pain and misery became a dominate factor equalizing all humans. As he saw them destroy themselves he could help to think Voldemort was right. There is no evil there is no good only power and those willing to seek it. And the only thing power is used for is destruction.