Seth was having the dream again. Well, it was not a dream exactly, since he
wasn't really asleep. It was like a movie that had been running through his
head at night, as he was drifting off to sleep. He'd had it at least a half
dozen times since he set Ryan up on that date with Marissa. It had started
with Seth simply hoping the date would go well, and that Ryan would end up
getting some action with Marissa. Then Seth started thinking about what
exactly that action would be, how Ryan might lean in and kiss Marissa
softly at first, then with more pressing urgency. How he might pull her
against him, so she could feel the hard lines of his arms around her, his
chest and thighs against her. Tonight, Seth was taking it a bit farther,
adding in Marissa's hand sliding up Ryan's tank top to feel his hot skin,
and then Ryan pressing his hard cock against Seth's hips, while Seth arched
int-
Seth jolted up in bed, immediately shaken out of his dreamy half-sleep. Oh god, did he just think that? Did he just put himself in Marissa's place in the dream? Seth was suddenly desperately aware of his dry mouth, his accelerated breathing, and his throbbing erection. He had to face it. It was not a dream. It was a fantasy. A fantasy about Ryan Atwood, his best friend, his "brother."
Fuck, Seth thought. What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?
***
What I'm going to do about this, Seth thinks as he eyes Ryan over a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, is nothing. Ryan can't know that I'm attracted to him - he would surely laugh, or -worse - back away, distance himself from Seth. And Seth can't have that - he's never had a best friend before, not like this. He's not going to lose it. So he will just stop thinking about Ryan that way. In fact, maybe he should stop thinking about Ryan so much in general - not think about whether he's making new friends, or what he's doing at his job, or - especially - how things are going with him and Marissa. Maybe spend less time with Ryan too.
Seth spends all day repeating this plan to himself (which, he realizes, is not exactly fulfilling the goal of not thinking about Ryan). Nevertheless, when Ryan comes home from work and asks Seth if he wants to hang out in the pool house, Seth says yes, and it comes out sounding a lot more eager than he'd like.
Seth lays down on Ryan's bed, trying to read a comic, but half his brain is focused on Ryan and where he is in the room, how he's breathing, the slow, steady movement of his jaws as he eats popcorn, piece by piece, while staring idly at the TV. The other half of Seth's brain is going over the plan. It doesn't leave much brain to concentrate on the pages in front of him, so he closes his eyes and leans his head back. Fuck. This isn't going away like Seth had hoped. Like he had planned. I should get up and leave and go back to my room, Seth thinks. But just sitting here in Ryan's presence is so. . . invigorating, Seth can't tear himself away. Did I just refer to something as 'invigorating,' Seth wonders, rolling his eyes at himself under his closed eyelids.
A ticklish scattering across his chest causes Seth's eyes to pop open. He looks down at the handful of popcorn splayed on his t-shirt and the bed, and then over to Ryan, who is sitting in the chair next to the bed, laughing lightly at Seth, playfully yelling "I said, wake up Seth!"
Seth grabs the pillow out from behind his head and throws it at Ryan, who ducks out of the way while leaping at the bed. His body flies missile-like at Seth, his shoulders checking Seth in the chest. Seth makes an exaggerated "guh" sound while laughing loudly, getting into the spirit of the impromptu fight. He twists around to try and grab another pillow to hit Ryan with. Seth thinks, why do I instinctively resort to the wussiest option - a pillow fight? The thought makes him laugh harder, making it easier for Ryan to knock the pillow out of Seth's hands; he's laughing wildly too. Ryan grabs Seth's arms in a playful mock wrestling move and throws his leg over Seth's body, pulling himself up over Seth to pin him.
Suddenly Seth becomes aware of his cock. Very aware, because it is very hard, and Ryan is very close to finding that out during this fun little wrestling match. Oh god, this is not in the plan, he thinks. I have to get away from Ryan before he figures it out. Seth's not laughing anymore. He tries to squirm out of Ryan's hold, but Ryan takes it as more play wrestling, and tightens his grip on Seth's arms. He's now straddling Seth, his legs on either side of Seth's hips, his hands holding Seth's shoulders down, his body hovering inches above Seth's. Seth panics, bucks wildly to the side, trying desperately to get away from Ryan, and manages to twist onto his side. Ryan lets go of Seth's shoulders but presses his legs together, so that one thigh is pressed against Seth's ass and the other is pressed firmly against Seth's raging hard-on. Seth freezes. He closes his eyes, he feels the blood rushing to his face, hot tears of embarrassment behind his eyelids. He goes to his first line of defense: talking, lots of it, and very fast.
"I'm-I'm sorry, man, I don't know why-it doesn't mean anything, I, Can I, Can you--" Seth stammers, eyes still closed, face turned as far away as he can without pressing directly into the bed and suffocating himself. Although, frankly, suffocating to death seems like a pretty good option at the moment.
"Seth, it's OK," Ryan said, moving a hand back onto Seth's shoulder, using light pressure to try to turn his shoulders. He doesn't move his legs. Seth barely registers the words.
"Please, just, let me go, I'll just leave, we can forget-"
"Seth. Seth. Seth! It's OK!" Ryan shifts his legs a little, and as Seth tries to roll away and off the bed, Ryan pushes him back gently so Seth is lying flat on his back again, with Ryan still straddling him. Ryan lowers his body down against Seth, and there it is - the thing Seth has dreamed about all those nights: Ryan's very hard cock pressed against Seth's hips.
Finally, Seth stops talking.
"Seth. It's OK." Ryan repeats. He starts to lower his torso down, bringing his face towards Seth's, all the while maintaining eye contact. Seth glances at Ryan's mouth, which is slightly open, and takes in his breathing, which is a little heavy. He stares into Ryan's eyes, which are hopeful, a little frightened, a little questioning.
Ryan brings his face to Seth's, tantalizingly close, but not touching. Then he brushes his lips against Seth's, and moves away, and then brushes lightly again before pressing a light kiss onto Seth's upper lip.
"Ryan, wha- what are you do- what are we- what's happening here?" Seth says, his voice quieter than usual, and audibly shaky.
Ryan stops, his face an inch from Seth's.
"I'm kissing my best friend," he says. He pulls back a little and looks full into Seth's eyes again.
"Do you want me to stop?" Ryan's voice is even and steady, but Seth can hear a note of uncertainty there, the sound of hope that Seth will answer the right way.
Seth officially throws his plan out the window.
"No," he answers.
Ryan leans back towards Seth, a tiny smile flickering across his lips on the way, and kisses him for real this time, pressing his mouth onto Seth's, sliding his tongue into Seth's mouth, dropping the weight of his body more fully against Seth's. Seth slides his hand behind Ryan's neck and pulls at him urgently, deepening the kiss, shifting his hips so his cock comes into contact with Ryan's. Ryan gasp-moans at the touch, and a wave of euphoria washes through Seth. I made Ryan Atwood moan, thinks Seth. The boys rock their hips against each other as they kiss, building up to a frantic rhythm, until Seth can think of nothing but getting all those jeans and underpants out of the way (heh, underpants).
Seth slides his hand down Ryan's back, meeting with bare skin halfway down. Ryan's tank top has become bunched up during all the frantic body rubbing. Seth has just slipped his hand hungrily under the tank top and begun drinking in Ryan's soft, warm skin when Ryan rolls off of Seth, breaking off the kiss. Seth's hand moves to Ryan's chest and begins exploring the few soft hairs there when Ryan puts his hand over Seth's wrist, stilling him.
All of Seth's fears come rushing back in an instant. Oh god, this was a mistake he thinks. Ryan just got caught up in the moment, he's not really into me, and now he wants to stop. I'm the freak who is in love with my best friend. He is about to start stammering another apology when Ryan starts moving Seth's hand around again, this time very lightly. Ryan clears his throat.
"I, uh. Maybe we should slow down for a second," he says. Seth looks into Ryan's eyes and sees unobstructed affection, but also that bit of fear he saw earlier. That bit of fear that is almost always in Ryan's eyes, that Seth wants more than anything to eradicate. Implulsively, Seth leans in and kisses each eyelid, and then moves down, kissing all the way, enjoying the contrast of Ryan's muscled neck and chest to his soft, vulnerable earlobe, which Seth tugs lightly with his teeth. He could spend all day exploring Ryan's body, but for now he wants more of Ryan's mouth, so he returns for a slow, leisurely, loving kiss. When they finally break apart, Seth looks at Ryan and - he can't help it - laughs. Laughs with happiness, relief, released tension, wonder, and most of all, pure joy.
It's Ryan's turn to tense a little.
"What?" he asks.
"Nothing - it's just. You have to admit, this is a little weird -- I mean, we're almost brothers," Seth says, still laughing a little.
But Ryan's not laughing. He looks worried, but then he laughs it off, and picks up the forgotten pillow and throws it at Seth, thoroughly enjoying the wussy pillow fight with the best friend he's ever had.
Seth jolted up in bed, immediately shaken out of his dreamy half-sleep. Oh god, did he just think that? Did he just put himself in Marissa's place in the dream? Seth was suddenly desperately aware of his dry mouth, his accelerated breathing, and his throbbing erection. He had to face it. It was not a dream. It was a fantasy. A fantasy about Ryan Atwood, his best friend, his "brother."
Fuck, Seth thought. What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?
***
What I'm going to do about this, Seth thinks as he eyes Ryan over a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, is nothing. Ryan can't know that I'm attracted to him - he would surely laugh, or -worse - back away, distance himself from Seth. And Seth can't have that - he's never had a best friend before, not like this. He's not going to lose it. So he will just stop thinking about Ryan that way. In fact, maybe he should stop thinking about Ryan so much in general - not think about whether he's making new friends, or what he's doing at his job, or - especially - how things are going with him and Marissa. Maybe spend less time with Ryan too.
Seth spends all day repeating this plan to himself (which, he realizes, is not exactly fulfilling the goal of not thinking about Ryan). Nevertheless, when Ryan comes home from work and asks Seth if he wants to hang out in the pool house, Seth says yes, and it comes out sounding a lot more eager than he'd like.
Seth lays down on Ryan's bed, trying to read a comic, but half his brain is focused on Ryan and where he is in the room, how he's breathing, the slow, steady movement of his jaws as he eats popcorn, piece by piece, while staring idly at the TV. The other half of Seth's brain is going over the plan. It doesn't leave much brain to concentrate on the pages in front of him, so he closes his eyes and leans his head back. Fuck. This isn't going away like Seth had hoped. Like he had planned. I should get up and leave and go back to my room, Seth thinks. But just sitting here in Ryan's presence is so. . . invigorating, Seth can't tear himself away. Did I just refer to something as 'invigorating,' Seth wonders, rolling his eyes at himself under his closed eyelids.
A ticklish scattering across his chest causes Seth's eyes to pop open. He looks down at the handful of popcorn splayed on his t-shirt and the bed, and then over to Ryan, who is sitting in the chair next to the bed, laughing lightly at Seth, playfully yelling "I said, wake up Seth!"
Seth grabs the pillow out from behind his head and throws it at Ryan, who ducks out of the way while leaping at the bed. His body flies missile-like at Seth, his shoulders checking Seth in the chest. Seth makes an exaggerated "guh" sound while laughing loudly, getting into the spirit of the impromptu fight. He twists around to try and grab another pillow to hit Ryan with. Seth thinks, why do I instinctively resort to the wussiest option - a pillow fight? The thought makes him laugh harder, making it easier for Ryan to knock the pillow out of Seth's hands; he's laughing wildly too. Ryan grabs Seth's arms in a playful mock wrestling move and throws his leg over Seth's body, pulling himself up over Seth to pin him.
Suddenly Seth becomes aware of his cock. Very aware, because it is very hard, and Ryan is very close to finding that out during this fun little wrestling match. Oh god, this is not in the plan, he thinks. I have to get away from Ryan before he figures it out. Seth's not laughing anymore. He tries to squirm out of Ryan's hold, but Ryan takes it as more play wrestling, and tightens his grip on Seth's arms. He's now straddling Seth, his legs on either side of Seth's hips, his hands holding Seth's shoulders down, his body hovering inches above Seth's. Seth panics, bucks wildly to the side, trying desperately to get away from Ryan, and manages to twist onto his side. Ryan lets go of Seth's shoulders but presses his legs together, so that one thigh is pressed against Seth's ass and the other is pressed firmly against Seth's raging hard-on. Seth freezes. He closes his eyes, he feels the blood rushing to his face, hot tears of embarrassment behind his eyelids. He goes to his first line of defense: talking, lots of it, and very fast.
"I'm-I'm sorry, man, I don't know why-it doesn't mean anything, I, Can I, Can you--" Seth stammers, eyes still closed, face turned as far away as he can without pressing directly into the bed and suffocating himself. Although, frankly, suffocating to death seems like a pretty good option at the moment.
"Seth, it's OK," Ryan said, moving a hand back onto Seth's shoulder, using light pressure to try to turn his shoulders. He doesn't move his legs. Seth barely registers the words.
"Please, just, let me go, I'll just leave, we can forget-"
"Seth. Seth. Seth! It's OK!" Ryan shifts his legs a little, and as Seth tries to roll away and off the bed, Ryan pushes him back gently so Seth is lying flat on his back again, with Ryan still straddling him. Ryan lowers his body down against Seth, and there it is - the thing Seth has dreamed about all those nights: Ryan's very hard cock pressed against Seth's hips.
Finally, Seth stops talking.
"Seth. It's OK." Ryan repeats. He starts to lower his torso down, bringing his face towards Seth's, all the while maintaining eye contact. Seth glances at Ryan's mouth, which is slightly open, and takes in his breathing, which is a little heavy. He stares into Ryan's eyes, which are hopeful, a little frightened, a little questioning.
Ryan brings his face to Seth's, tantalizingly close, but not touching. Then he brushes his lips against Seth's, and moves away, and then brushes lightly again before pressing a light kiss onto Seth's upper lip.
"Ryan, wha- what are you do- what are we- what's happening here?" Seth says, his voice quieter than usual, and audibly shaky.
Ryan stops, his face an inch from Seth's.
"I'm kissing my best friend," he says. He pulls back a little and looks full into Seth's eyes again.
"Do you want me to stop?" Ryan's voice is even and steady, but Seth can hear a note of uncertainty there, the sound of hope that Seth will answer the right way.
Seth officially throws his plan out the window.
"No," he answers.
Ryan leans back towards Seth, a tiny smile flickering across his lips on the way, and kisses him for real this time, pressing his mouth onto Seth's, sliding his tongue into Seth's mouth, dropping the weight of his body more fully against Seth's. Seth slides his hand behind Ryan's neck and pulls at him urgently, deepening the kiss, shifting his hips so his cock comes into contact with Ryan's. Ryan gasp-moans at the touch, and a wave of euphoria washes through Seth. I made Ryan Atwood moan, thinks Seth. The boys rock their hips against each other as they kiss, building up to a frantic rhythm, until Seth can think of nothing but getting all those jeans and underpants out of the way (heh, underpants).
Seth slides his hand down Ryan's back, meeting with bare skin halfway down. Ryan's tank top has become bunched up during all the frantic body rubbing. Seth has just slipped his hand hungrily under the tank top and begun drinking in Ryan's soft, warm skin when Ryan rolls off of Seth, breaking off the kiss. Seth's hand moves to Ryan's chest and begins exploring the few soft hairs there when Ryan puts his hand over Seth's wrist, stilling him.
All of Seth's fears come rushing back in an instant. Oh god, this was a mistake he thinks. Ryan just got caught up in the moment, he's not really into me, and now he wants to stop. I'm the freak who is in love with my best friend. He is about to start stammering another apology when Ryan starts moving Seth's hand around again, this time very lightly. Ryan clears his throat.
"I, uh. Maybe we should slow down for a second," he says. Seth looks into Ryan's eyes and sees unobstructed affection, but also that bit of fear he saw earlier. That bit of fear that is almost always in Ryan's eyes, that Seth wants more than anything to eradicate. Implulsively, Seth leans in and kisses each eyelid, and then moves down, kissing all the way, enjoying the contrast of Ryan's muscled neck and chest to his soft, vulnerable earlobe, which Seth tugs lightly with his teeth. He could spend all day exploring Ryan's body, but for now he wants more of Ryan's mouth, so he returns for a slow, leisurely, loving kiss. When they finally break apart, Seth looks at Ryan and - he can't help it - laughs. Laughs with happiness, relief, released tension, wonder, and most of all, pure joy.
It's Ryan's turn to tense a little.
"What?" he asks.
"Nothing - it's just. You have to admit, this is a little weird -- I mean, we're almost brothers," Seth says, still laughing a little.
But Ryan's not laughing. He looks worried, but then he laughs it off, and picks up the forgotten pillow and throws it at Seth, thoroughly enjoying the wussy pillow fight with the best friend he's ever had.