This is probably the closest thing to fluff you'll ever get from me...
WARNING: There are no spoilers to be found here, but be warned this fic may contain some bizarrely unsanitary behavior. But all in the name of good, smutty fun.
"Booth, you told me to be ready at nine a.m. to go to the airport. It's not even seven yet."
"I know, but can't you hurry it up a bit? I was hoping to stop for coffee on the way," he complained loudly from my couch.
"It doesn't take that long to get coffee. Besides, we could get coffee at the airport." I reminded him, shaking my head as I walked into the kitchen
"Maybe I was really just hoping to get a peak at you in your jammies..."
Shaking my head, I set my cereal bowl down in the sink before reaching up into the cupboard next to the refrigerator to pull out the bag of coffee there. Walking back out into the living room, I found him reclining on my couch, his socked feet propped up on the arm and his arms crossed behind his head. "Here," I snapped, dropping the bag of coffee directly onto his stomach. "Make some coffee. I need to get ready."
I didn't give him a chance to respond, just continued walking back to my bedroom.
I had been fast asleep when he'd arrived nearly forty five minutes ago. For the first twenty minutes, I tried to ignore his presence at my door. The pounding had grown in intensity and I heard him threatening to break down the door and forced myself out of bed. I'd packed my bag the night before, hoping to be able to sleep in a bit since I didn't need to report to the lab before our flight to Missouri, but his early arrival had not permitted me such a luxury. While there was something decidedly disconcerting about seeing him before dawn, I still couldn't quite figure out why he was here. He'd tried to rush me right out the door and when that failed, he'd tried to rush my breakfast. Now, he was trying to rush my morning showering and dressing patterns. Despite this, he still looked like a groggy little boy, even with his suit, hair rumpled and eyes still swollen from sleep.
I could only hope that having some coffee would sooth his anxious antics.
I gathered my robe and the clothes I intended on wearing for the day and went into the bathroom. Turning on the water, I pulled off my top and was about to unfasten my bra when I realized I'd forgotten to grab the coffee grinds I used to exfoliate my face from the kitchen.
Peaking my head out from the bathroom door, I called to Booth in the kitchen, "Booth, I forgot that blue bucket that's in my refrigerator, could you bring it to me? I'm in the bathroom."
"Coming, dear," he teased. There was moment of silence and then I heard him cry out, "Awww... Bones! Disgusting! What the hell--" I heard his feet moving heavily through my apartment, pushing their way through the bathroom door before I could stop him. He burst in, bucket held out in front of him at arms length. His glare danced between me and and bucket several times before settling on me.
"Booth, it's just coffee grinds," I informed him, crossing my arms over my exposed chest.
"Coffee grinds?"
"Organic. I use them on my skin," I replied, trying to understand the expression of disgust on his face.
"Aren't they going to... I don't know, rot? Or grow some kind of nasty mold?"
He grimaced, lips curling in disgust as I dipped a few fingers into the mixture and lifted the dab towards him. "C'mere. Let me show you."
Quickly, he ducked me, dropping the bucket on the bathroom counter before backing himself into a corner. "Don't come near me with those things, Bones." Suddenly he froze, his eyes fixed on me. "You know you're not wearing a shirt, right?"
Rolling my eyes, I took the dab and rubbed it onto my cheek, inhaling the rich scent. "I was about to take a shower. And see, no damage done, Booth. Coffee grinds make an excellent natural exfoliant. The caffiene is good for your skin and the aroma of the coffee is excellent for eliminating the smell of decomposing bodies. Not to mention, studies have shown that the antioxidants in coffee are also good for your skin and they're one hundred percent biodegradeable."
He shook his head at me. "Now you just look dirty," his voice teasing me as his eyes traced the edges of my bra.
Dipping my fingers into the bucket again, I lunged towards him, seeing my opportunity for revenge. I managed to smear it down the side of his neck, most of it ending up on his collar. He immediately began swiping it off his neck with a vague scowl on his face. Then I felt the cool goop hit my bare chest with a slap. The grinds began sliding down under my bra. Grinning in amusement, I turned and grabbed a bigger handful of the grinds, flinging it at him. This time I made my target, much of the dark mixture landing on his face.
The scowl deepened, turning into pure bottled rage. I spun on my heel and made a dash for my bedroom, but he caught me before I could get the bathroom door open, spinning me around to pin me against the door. At first, he attempted to use one hand to scoop the grinds from his face, but found that he couldn't quite contain my squirming with just one arm. He adjusted his grip, his hands firmly holding mine against the door above my head before dropping his head down until his cheek pressed to mine. It felt for all the world like he was trying to nuzzle me. I could feel the coffee grinds roughly scrubbing between our skin as his face slid upward, wiping his face in my hair. Twisting, I attempted to free myself and found his body shifted to press against mine, leaving not an inch between us. The breath caught in my throat as I realized that while he was successfully coating me in grinds, a great deal was already sliding down under the collar of his shirt, leaving a dark stain there. My mouth was inches from the dark trail the coffee had left behind and I was tempted to reach my tongue out to lick it.
Satisfied that he had thoroughly paid me back for my wickedness, he pulled back slightly, trying to catch his breath and his weight shifted, bringing his hips more firmly against my own, forcing a moan from my lips. His eyes snapped down to mine, evidently unaware of just how much his little stunt had affected me.
"No way." He said, dropping my hands as though I had burned him. "Not with this stuff on me. Anything but... coffee grinds."
"What are you talking about Booth?" I asked, struggling not to laugh at the brown stains that now graced half of his face and much of his neck.
"Please don't tell me that this... mess aroused you."
"I told you, I used it every day. It makes my skin feel smooth and refreshed." I felt something take hold inside of me and I moved towards the counter, blocking his path to the door. I dipped my fingers into the bucket and turned towards him, feeling his eyes on me as I began rubbing the mixture into my hands, then moving up. I smoothed it over my forearms, then up over my shoulders as he watched, agog. He was shifting back and forth as he watched and the bulge in his pants was becoming more and more evident and I moved to exfoliate the skin on my chest and collarbone. Normally, I would do this in the shower, but the effect that this was having on him was intoxicating.
When I moved towards him, he flinched slightly, but then released his breath with a sigh when I turned and asked him to unclasp my bra. I could tell his fingers were shaking and it took him several minutes to successfully unhook it. Peeling it down my arms, I discarded it, but didn't turn around. "Your turn, Booth. Get my back for me."
"Me?" He fairly squeaked.
"Come on, I can't reach it. And since you so rudely woke me up this morning, I think the least you can do is help me out."
I didn't quite know where the words were coming from, but evidently I had convinced him because soon he was gingerly dipping his fingers into the bucket before tentatively massaging the mixture onto my back. I leaned back into his touch, feeling my nipples rising in excitement as his hands traveled lower. My eyes had fallen shut when he suddenly cleared his throat before saying, "Uh... you might want to ah-- take of your pants. The grinds are..."
He was barely coherent, but I managed to understand what he was trying to tell me and reached down and unfastened my jeans, letting them fall to the floor. Without any further prompting, I bent and pulled my underwear down from my hips and stepped out of both, kicking them aside.
His hands were getting increasingly bold, venturing around to scrub my stomach and my ribs, his fingers just brushing the undersides of my breasts when I warned that he shouldn't scrub the more sensitive areas. My entire body was flushed with heat and arousal and I longed to be able to touch him.
But it was when he suddenly removed his hands from my skin and I could hear his breath coming in rapid bursts, I didn't turn, but I could hear him removing his own clothes and when his touch returned, it was his hands on my shoulders, spinning me around to face him. "Bones, I think we need to get you in the shower now," licking his lips as he pushed me back towards my shower. "Because I really would like to touch those more.. sensitive areas you were speaking of."
I groaned at his horrible humor, but let him guide me to the shower anyway, He reached in and turned on the water, adjusting it for a moment before leading me inside and practically pushing me under the water. A moment later he joined me and I could feel various parts of his body bumping against me as he struggled to wash the grinds from his body. My eyes were still closed when his mouth collided with mine, drawing my lower lip into his mouth as I moaned. His hands streamed over my body, sloughing off the lingering grinds and stains, landing finally at my waist and pulling me urgently against him. When he finally allowed his lips to leave mine, he muttered "You drive me absolutely nuts sometimes, you know that?" before pushing me gently until my back was flush with the tile wall of the shower. I gasped at the cold contrast of it, trembling as his mouth moved to my throat. "You still taste like coffee. Do you always taste like this?"
I gulped, bringing my arms around him for support, allowing my hands to explore the lean muscles of his back. I shook my head as he brought his lips back to mine once more, his hands coming down to take hold of my buttocks and lifting me. My head fully fell back at this point, a long moan escaping my lips as I felt him pressing at my center. Somehow, I managed to wrap my legs around his waist without causing him to fall and brought my arms around his neck to keep from sliding. Once he had me secure, he entered me in one smooth stroke, stretching me with the abrupt force. I was shaking in his arms, trembling with each thrust he made into me. I leaned in and brought my lips to his throat and managed to elicit a deep-throated groan from his neck as I sucked earnestly there at the spot I had been longing to taste early.
The water was still flowing over us and I could hear our skin slapping and squeaking as he drove into me again and again, my back beginning to ache as he drove me into the wall. His fingers were digging roughly into my ass in his effort to get deeper inside of me. Then, I felt his cock begging to pulse and tighten inside of me and knew he was close and I renewed my efforts to tease the sensitive skin of his neck. His hands gripped harder, increasing his rhythm until I was climaxing on a wave of heat, clutching him tight, terrified that I was falling endlessly as he came inside of me. His climax filled me and I savored the feeling.
He continued to hold me for a moment, but eventually I could feel his arms beginning to weaken and he sat me gently down on my feet before pulling me under the stream of water with him and holding me tightly against his chest. After a moment, I began to laugh softly, realizing that if he hadn't come so early, we would probably be missing our flight.
"What are you laughing about?" He asked, his hands combing through my hair, picking out bits of coffee grinds that he was apparently still finding there.
"I think I'm glad you came early today."
End Notes:
I'm sorry. I am so so sorry.
This is an indulgence of my own making, all offended persons are welcome to flame me. Both myself and my beta manage coffee shops and this idea was cooked up on a particularly disastrously hot, humid afternoon when an expresso grinder decided to clog due to the exceedingly high humidity. It was not nearly as fun.
I would like to note that all of the claims about using coffee as a cleanser here are actual claims. I do not whether studies back this up, but shops that sell organic beauty products promote the use of coffee grinds regularly. Just make sure you refrigerate them and don't leave the filters in there. Espresso grinds work best. winks